Chapter 15
Levos didn’t leave my side for the rest of the day. He watched me curiously as I completed my chores in silence. Honestly, it was best that I kept my mouth shut. I was afraid of what might slip out if I got started.
I watched the other humans around me clean, cook, and tend to the alfar’s needs. I felt like I had been in a blindfold until this point. I was so focused on finding Lilian and my hopeless relationship with Gaelin that I missed the suffering that passed me in the halls every day. No wonder why they hated me. I was living the high life in comparison to what they had to deal with each day.
A young girl was cleaning the terrace outside one of the dining rooms. I noticed an alfar male watching her from the other side of the room. The girl acted like she didn’t notice his gaze, but I could tell she was fully aware of his intentions based on the straightness of her spine. The male finally approached her casually. He whispered something into her ear briefly before making his exit. The girl’s whole body went stiff. Her eyes dropped to the floor as she placed the duster down and followed him out of the room a few moments later.
In the fields, if the human boys didn’t work hard and fast enough, they would be whipped and beaten for slowing down the harvest. The female alfar took human lovers in their bed, but it wasn’t so excessive like it was with their counterparts. I stood on the edge of a field and watched as the boys labored for what seemed like forever without a single break. They looked tired and hungry. Their skin was tanned and blistered from the sun.
Every other thought in my head evaporated. I must have been standing there for a while because when I looked around for Levos, he was gone. I couldn’t just watch and do nothing, but what could I do to help them? I looked around and found a few pitchers of water and a cup leftover from the alfar’s lunch.
I took the cup and pitcher and made my way into the field. I went to the first young man and filled the glass with water and handed it to him. He looked at me with confusion and terror, then around to see if his overseer was watching.
“Drink, hurry,” I demanded.
He took the glass and threw it back. Streams of water poured from the sides of his mouth. He handed me the glass and considered me for a moment before nodding a thank you. I made my way to the next worker, offering what little reprieve I could. Once the pitcher was empty, I refilled it and went back into the field.
I had filled over twenty glasses of water before an alfar guard finally noticed me. He walked with authority over to where a young boy, no older than fifteen was standing alongside me. He looked at me and then to the boy.
“What is the meaning of this?” The guard said in a deep voice. The boy didn’t move his eyes from the ground.
“I was offering water to the workers,” I said.
“And who told you to do this?” The guard asked.
“No one. I saw how hard the men were working and thought to offer them refreshment.” The guard looked from me to the boy.
“I did not authorize a water break and you did not ask permission. Disobedience of any kind carries a punishment. Three lashes,” said the guard. The boy began to tremble. The guard unraveled his leather whip and took a step back. I began to panic. Without thinking I stepped in front of the boy.
“This was my fault. I will take his punishment,” I yelled, standing firmly in between the boy and the guard. The men in the field stopped working and turned to see what the commotion was about. The guard looked at me with annoyance. I saw a small flicker of a smile flash across his face as his eyes swept up and down my body.
“You will take the three lashes for the boy?” The guard asked.
“Yes.”
The guard smiled, stepping towards me. He forcefully flung me around to face away from him. He undid the teeth of the clasps in the back of my dress to reveal my bare back. I held my arms around my chest to prevent the dress from falling. The guard pushed me to the ground. I sat up on my knees, preparing myself for the sting of the whip.
The first snap came as a surprise. I felt the blood fall from the opened skin. I winced, but I did not yell. I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction. The second one came faster and harder. Then the third. I staggered to my feet, turning to face him so my back was out of his sight. I had to make sure that he didn’t see the wounds already beginning to heal. I held onto the front of my dress with my eyes to the ground.
“May I go?” I asked the guard.
He didn’t even respond, only turned, and walked away. The young boy I had taken the lashings for came up behind me, fastening the latches of my dress closed. I knew it was ruined. The blood was still warm and sticky on my skin. The boy gripped my arm tightly as a few tears escaped my face.
“Why?” He asked. I looked into the young boy’s eyes. They were deep brown with flecks of gold throughout. I smiled softly before taking my leave without another word. I walked through the field back to the path up to the castle. I saw a dark figure looming against one of the arches up ahead. I shielded my eyes from the sun and realized it was Erendrial, watching me intently. I rolled my eyes, hoping he would leave me be, but I wasn’t so lucky.
“If I didn’t know better,” he started, “I would be inclined to believe you enjoy pain. As much as you throw yourself directly into its path, that is.” He kept pace with me.
I tried to ignore him, walking faster through the crowds of humans in the lower halls. They took one look at Erendrial and parted like the Red Sea.
“Oh, come now, the silent treatment, really? That little smart mouth of yours has nothing to snap back at me? Please, say something. I do so enjoy our tiffs,” he said, stepping in front of me. Dipping his eyes down, trying to capture my line of sight. I looked firmly at the doorway behind him.
“What can I do for you, Ambassador Lyklor?” I said, too tired and beaten to argue.
He raised an eyebrow, which I was learning was a normal reaction for him. “What did I tell you about asking an alfar male that question? And my name is Eren. I expect you to call me that from now on. I have a feeling we are going to be fast friends,” he said slowly, reaching out to the collar of my dress that covered my brand.
I stepped back out of his reach.
He laughed, closing the space between us once more.
“Genevieve sweetheart, there you are,” said Levos, walking hastily towards us.
Erendrial didn’t even flinch at his voice. His eyes were locked onto my face, searching for something, but I didn’t know what.
I felt Levos gently take my good arm, pulling me out of the path of the dark alfar. “Lord Atros has been looking for you. Return to his chambers immediately.” Levos stared down Erendrial until he finally took a step away, allowing me to pass.
I walked casually away as if nothing had happened. My back still stung from the lashes. My hand was throbbing, and the damn brand still felt like it was on fire. A few alfar turned and stared at me as I walked down the main hall to Gaelin’s chambers. I got to the room, expecting to see Gaelin, but it was empty.
I went over to the balcony, peering down at the beautiful kingdom that was created and maintained by slavery. The breeze was cooler this high up. I took a deep breath in, savoring the clean air. Footsteps approached behind me. I recognized Levos’s staggered walk.
“Why is the back of your dress covered in blood?” he asked, in a hesitant voice.
“I gave a young boy a glass of water. For that, I was beaten,” I said.
“Gen, you have to stop taking these risks. You already have a target on your back after last night. If you aren’t careful, they will figure out what you are and then that will be the end of you, for good.”
“Would that be such a bad thing?” I asked, turning to look into his eyes. “What purpose does my life have? What value? I get to sit up here and watch as other humans are raped, beaten, starved, sold, and killed, because we don’t follow your stupid, ridiculous laws. How can I ever be happy, knowing that my people suffer while I sit up here doing nothing?” I said firmly.
“We are your people too,” he said slowly.
I laughed. “The humans in my town knew what I was, yet they never made a move to turn me in or kill me for it. Yes, they were cruel in other ways, but I wasn’t just something to be disposed of. The alfar would behead me without question. I didn’t ask for this. I don’t want this, but this is what I am. I am stuck between two races, two sets of rules that will never allow me to live a normal life.”
He turned me to face him. His eyes were stern and his face tense. “Look at me. You have people here who care about you. Who want to see you happy.”
“Is that what you were doing this morning? Making that human girl happy?” I said sharply.
He let go of my arms and ran his hand across his face, then spoke slowly “Her name is Madison,” he stopped, taking in a deep break. Something about him softened at the mention of her name. “She’s been here for over a year. She works in the kitchen. She has two brothers back in her village,” moving to the edge of the bed, he took a seat. I watched as something like pain stretched across his angelic face. “Her mother died when she was young and she was raised by her father.” He paused for a few moments, before continuing. “Her favorite cake flavor is lemon. Her favorite scent is peonies. She likes music. She wanted to be a dancer before she was taken, and she is actually very good at it.”.
“You…you care for her?” I asked.
His eyes finally found mine again. “Very much. I do my best to protect her from the others, but my influence only goes so far and when I fail, I have to find a way to live with myself.”
Crap, now I looked like the emotionless idiot. I took a seat next to him on the bed as everything about Levos began to make sense. His kindness towards me. His loyalty. His protective nature. It was all because of her. Because of Madison.
“That is why… that I why you’ve helped me?” I whispered. “Why you didn’t turn me in. Because you’re in love with a human.”
Levos nodded.
“Levos, I am so sorry for assuming. I just?—”
“You just thought that all alfar are the same? That we aren’t capable of feeling true emotions? Especially towards a human?” He laughed, turning away from me. “Have I not proven myself to you enough by now? Has Gaelin not proven his love for you?”
“Don’t bring him into this. That is a different situation altogether.”
“How? I fail Madison every time another alfar takes her into his bed. Every time someone of high-class spits on her, smacks her, looks down at her; and no matter how much I want to stand in the way of them and the pain they cause her, I can’t. I would be killed for going against my own, as you saw happen today. Gaelin is in the same situation, Gen. We do not agree with the system, but we can’t change it. There are few of us and masses of them. This is the world we live in. We have to learn to adapt and unfortunately, to look the other way.”
I held my head down. Even though I knew some of what he was saying was true, it didn’t change the searing desire inside of me to burn this whole city to the ground.
“I am sorry for the way I treated you,” I said, trying to defuse the situation.
“You don’t have to be sorry. You have every right to feel the way you do, but never forget I am your friend, and I will always be looking out for you, as best as I can.” He took my hand in his. “Now, let’s get you cleaned up. I’d rather not have to explain to my cousin why you got yourself beaten yet again.”
I took a bath, washing the blood from my skin. Levos had a clean gown set out for me when I finished. He rewrapped my hand and changed the bandage on my brand. The lashes on my back were already closed. They would be gone by evening so Gaelin would never know what happened. Levos was gentle with me. He brushed my hair, braiding it into a thick line that trailed down my back. I placed the headband around my ears, covering my secret.
“So, what are we going to do about Erendrial? He clearly has something in mind for you,” said Levos.
I laughed, thinking about how messy my life had become. “He asked me to call him Eren.”
“That seems a bit personal.”
“He also demands that I look at him in his presence. He doesn’t seem to care if we are in public or in private. He is an odd character that is for sure. Oh, and he knows it was me that spoiled his little plan with Filo.”
“He is extremely intelligent. He didn’t rise to where he is by sheer luck. Now that he knows, he will be gunning for you, so you need to be careful. You can’t be alone, not for a moment.” Levos finished my hair, moving to face me.
“I wasn’t alone today. I was in a group of people, yet he didn’t seem to care. I don’t know if he is trying to get me killed or if he just likes taunting me, but he isn’t playing by any limitations or rules that I can tell. I don’t know how to get rid of him.”
“Well, thankfully he will either be dead or on his way back to the dark court in two days. Ideally the former, but here’s to hopeful wishing.” I laughed at Levos and stood to stretch before we headed to dinner.
I kept my head down during the meal, not even looking at the other humans. An older human girl came to stand next to me by the wall, waiting to serve the alfar. I could tell she was trying to get my attention, but I didn’t respond. I was in too much pain to endure any other injuries today.
“Thank you,” she whispered.
I furrowed my brow, trying to figure out what she was talking about.
“The boy you took the beating for today. That was my younger brother, Marty.”
I exhaled, nodding at her.
“My name is Felicity by the way. You’re Genevieve, right?”
I gave her another silent nod.
“Your kindness is unexpected. Especially because of the position you hold.”
“I didn’t choose this, just like you didn’t choose to be here,” I snapped at her.
“You’re right, you didn’t. I will make sure to tell the others about the kindness you showed my brother. Hopefully, that will make them ease up on you a bit. It’s the least I can do. Thank you again,” she said before taking a tray and moving into the crowd.
After the meal concluded, I left the dining hall before anyone could say another word to me. I got ready for bed and crawled under the cool crisp sheets, hoping to avoid an uncomfortable conversation with Gaelin. He came into the room an hour later and pulled a chair up to my side of the bed. I kept my eyes closed as he gently moved the loose curls from my face.
I opened my eyes slowly, looking at his face in the dim light. His white hair glistened in the candlelight. His yellow eyes looked tired and heavy. He pulled his hand away from me, dropping his eyes to the floor. We had left things unfinished the night before, but I didn’t know what to say to him.
“I’ve been thinking about how to make things right with you all day. I can’t seem to come up with a solution that will give you everything you deserve, but I think I have found a way to give you a part of the life you desire,” he said.
I sat up from the bed, looking at him intently. “What are you talking about?” I whispered.
He brought his eyes to mine and exhaled. “When I marry Daealla, I won’t be crowned king right away. In our society, if the female is the rightful heir, she remains in control and holds the majority of power until an heir is conceived. Once an heir is born, her husband is officially crowned king, diverting the power to him. After I give Daealla an heir, I will never touch her again, you have my word.
“I will then lift the law that condemns half-breeds to death. It will take time, but it can be done. I have Levos looking into the details and logistics of it as we speak. Once that is done you will not have to fear being found out. Then, in time if you still wish to have children, we can. They would have no claim to the throne, but they would be ours and we could be together.”
“You would do all of this…for me?” I asked, reeling from the thought of a free and safe life.
“I am limited, but at least I can give you something to live for,” he whispered.
I stared out at the balcony, not yet ready to look at him, trying to sift through everything he was offering. I cared for Gaelin, but I didn’t know if I loved him. Too much had happened. Though what he was offering was better than my current predicament, I would still be his mistress. I would still be a slave. I knew he was trying and for that, I did admire him. He was working with what he had. I knew the other alfar would rally against his proposal to remove the death order on half-breeds, but if he wasn’t certain it could be done, he wouldn’t have brought this to me.
Could I be happy with him? Even a small fraction of happiness was better than my current state. And children? Would they be in danger? Would he love them the way I always dreamed a father should love his children? But I would get the chance to be a mother. I would get a chance to raise a child with the love and nurturing my mother showed me. A small smile escaped at the thought.
“Does this make you happy?” He asked.
I turned to him, feeling a sense of warmth at the sight. “Thank you,” I said.
“I know it doesn’t make up for what happened last night. But it made me realize I never want to feel powerless in a position like that again.”
“I shouldn’t have been so hard on you. I knew what was going to happen and I knew you’d be unable to do anything about it. I don’t know why I expected a different outcome,” I said.
“Because human spouses protect each other. They fight for one another. Am I correct?”
I looked at him and nodded. “I guess I am still getting used to this new life and the way things actually are.”
He reached out, taking my hand in his softly. “I want to be able to protect you. To make you feel safe.”
I knew he meant well, and he may have actually believed what he was saying. He did care about me. At least, however much he was capable or allowed to care about me. I pulled him out of the chair, bringing him closer to the bed.
Whatever protection he could offer, I had to take it. I had to continue to play the game. I had to keep my feelings in check and my head clear. I would find a way out of here, but until then, I had to keep Gaelin happy. I had to make sure he trusted me. I could take small moments of happiness from this arrangement to keep myself going, even if they were all illusions of the life, I wished I could have.
“Thank you, for showing me how much you care,” I whispered, pressing my forehead against his.
He exhaled, letting the stress go from his body. His other hand swept through my hair. “How are your injuries?” he asked.
“Hand is feeling much better. The brand still burns. I can’t even bring myself to look at it,” I admitted.
“What did she whisper to you when she branded you,” he asked uncomfortably.
I pulled away, still able to hear her voice in my head. “She wanted to make sure that every time you looked at me. That every time you touched me, you’d be forced to think of her.”
He pulled me in closer to him until our eyes were locked together. “Not one single time have I thought of her when I’ve been with you. No mark is going to change that. I promise you,” he said with a soft smile.
I smiled back, slowly lifting my lips to his. He kissed me, unsure of if I truly wanted this. I pulled back, brushing my good hand against his face.
“We don’t?—”
“I want to,” I said. “Just be a little gentle with me. Injuries and all,” I smiled up at him.
He moved his lips back onto mine. I had to do this. I had to play the game. It was only flesh, Gen. This doesn’t define who you are. I closed my eyes tight as he eased me back onto the mattress.
He was gentle with me. Taking extra time to make sure that my needs were met. I found it astonishing that even though my brain and heart weren’t in the act, my body still reacted to the sensations of another. After he had finished, he laid next to me without a word. In that moment I had realized he never held me after sex. I found it a bit odd, but I wasn’t about to ask. I never asked for it and he never initiated it.
As I closed my eyes, images of the strange dark figure drifted through my head. I took comfort in the familiar visions. The dark swirls that outlined his shoulder and arm. His entrancing smile. The sound of his laugh that sparked some sense of joy inside of me I had never known before. I fell asleep with the images of one man behind my eyes and the body of another next to me.