Chapter 20
Our peace ended just four weeks before Gaelin and Princess Daealla’s wedding. The rift opened on a clearing on top of a hill near the wheat fields. A dozen unknown monsters and beasts came pouring out, terrorizing anything they came across. I was never permitted out of the kingdom limits, so I was unable to see what they looked like firsthand, but from what Levos and Gaelin told me they came in all shapes and sizes.
Some were scaled, while others were full of hair. One of the creatures they recently killed had skin that burned anything that it touched like acid. They were all-powerful creatures, capable of posing a real threat to the alfar. Though the warriors were successful in killing some, many of the creatures escaped into the thick woods.
Their theory about Otar was wrong, and the alfar hated nothing more than being wrong. The king was more tense than usual. Beating and torturing humans for the simplest mishaps. Gaelin made sure that I wasn’t around the king more than was expected, but it didn’t save me from his wrath.
One night at dinner, I spilled a drop of wine on the tablecloth near his goblet. Without warning he stood up and struck me across the face, sending me to the floor. Gaelin shot to his feet, his body tensed, ready to attack. The king looked at him, his own posture begging for a fight.
“Is there something you wish to say, Lord Atros?” The king asked.
“That was uncalled for,” Gaelin replied in a bitter and hasty tone.
“I am the king; she is my property. I can do whatever I wish to her, no matter your opinion.”
“Your Highness, I think the stresses of the rift have been weighing on your judgment lately. Maybe if you would allow me to relieve some of your responsibilities?—”
“How dare you question my judgment!” The king yelled. The room fell silent as every alfar turned their attention to the king and Gaelin. I had never heard Lysanthier raise his voice. He was always so fluid and poised.
“That was not my intention, Your Grace. I just wish to be of service—” Gaelin started to say before the king cut him off again.
“Do not play games with me, Lord Atros. I know what this little outburst is really about, and you are out of line. You will have your time to be king, but it is not now.” The king looked back towards me as I picked up the broken pieces of the pitcher. “Maybe you can be of use to me, Lord Atros. Your mistress seems to bring you great comfort. Maybe she could do the same for me.”
I froze, looking through my hair at the table. Gaelin went stiff.
“She is my concubine, Your Grace. You have your own. You can have whomever else you want in the kingdom,” said Gaelin.
“You’re correct, and I want her,” the king said, sitting.
The queen didn’t even blink. Daealla looked amused as she sipped her wine, watching me through her long eyelashes.
“Your Grace, please,” said Gaelin.
The king slammed his hands on the table. “That is enough from you tonight. Guards, please take Gaelin’s mistress to my chambers. Also, escort Gaelin to his own chambers and make sure he stays there until the morning.”
The guards approached, yanking me up from the floor. I looked at Gaelin, still not being able to process all that had just happened. Gaelin fought the guards, spewing threats at them, but it was no use. I was dragged down the hall to the king's bedchambers and thrown inside.
The room was larger than any other I had seen. It was beautifully decorated with art and instruments as Daealla’s room had been. I stood to my feet, still in disbelief. Gaelin had done what I asked. He had fought for me and yet somehow, it only made things worse. I wrapped my arms around myself, shaking from the thought of the king on top of me. I curled myself into a corner, wishing to disappear.
An hour of torturous waiting passed before the king finally entered. He looked around the room until he found me huddled on the floor. He was tall and lean like most alfar. His golden hair with traces of bronze fell long against his back. His face was thin with prominent cheekbones. His skin was as white as parchment yet flawless.
“Have you eaten?” he asked, snapping his fingers at one of the servants near the door. She disappeared, closing us inside.
“No, Your Grace,” I said hesitantly.
He took off his jacket before sitting in a chair in front of a round table. He gestured to the seat in front of him. “Come, sit with me,” he said softly.
Someone knocked on the door, then in came the servant with a tray of food and wine. I got to my feet and slid my shaking body into the chair. The king filled my plate with fresh fruits and salted meat. He even poured wine for me.
He sat back, watching me from across the table. “Eat,” he demanded.
I took the fork and slowly brought the food to my mouth. He watched intently as I chewed the food. I finished what was on my plate without a word, washing it down with the wine he had poured for me. I sat straight, dreading what came next.
“Gaelin has become quite fond of you. What is your secret?” he asked, studying me slowly.
“I fulfill my duties, Your Grace. Nothing more,” I said nervously.
“Did you have much experience in bed before you came to my court? Is that why he is fond of you? For your natural talents?” he asked.
I swallowed hard, uncomfortable with the conversation topic. “Lord Atros was my first and is my only, Your Grace.”
The king chuckled, leaning in closer to me. “Is that so? Very interesting,” he said, standing from his chair. He walked behind me. I felt his cold finger move my hair from my bare shoulder. I shivered at the contact. He traced his fingers along the neckline of my dress until he got to my breasts. He stopped, gently sliding his finger under the fabric just a bit. I cringed, feeling sick.
He took my arm in his hand, slowly pulling me from the chair. He began to unfasten my dress from the back as streams of tears fell silently down my face. My dress fell to the floor. He remained behind me, his cold fingers tracing my scars on my lower back before he circled around to face me. He then traced his house sigil on my chest.
His hand made its way up to my face, taking my chin, lifting my eyes to his. His eyes were cold and unfeeling. They were more frightening than Erendrial’s had been. He held my gaze as his cold hands cupped my breasts. He watched as the discomfort and fear flickered across my expressions. He smiled, apparently satisfied with my reaction.
Then, my world was turned upside down. It was only flesh, I told myself. I didn’t focus on the pain or the feeling. I focused on the things that made me happy. I focused on Lilian. On Levos. On the beauty of the world outside of this cell. I focused on the kelpie and how radiant the creatures were.
I focused on getting out of here. How I was going to escape. Maybe I would lure a ragamor here and then take off into the sky, leaving this world behind. Or maybe I would just offer myself up to the fairies and let them end my pathetic existence. I thought of how I wanted to drive a ulyrium dagger through the king’s neck. Then his daughter would be next. The thought of stabbing him repeatedly made my lips curl into a cruel, unnatural smile.
Finally, the motion stopped as he pulled away, moving to the bathroom to clean himself. I pushed off the bed, grabbing my dress from the floor and sliding it on my disgusting body. I sat on the edge of the bed waiting for him to return. He strolled out of the bathroom with a smile on his face as he looked at me tauntingly.
“Not the liveliest I’ve had, but not bad. You may go back to Gaelin now, mistress,” he said, moving throughout the room.
I took my leave down the hall. I felt so numb and so disgusting. I couldn’t make a clear thought form in my head. Everything was hazy and clustered. I looked up, realizing I was nowhere Gaelin’s room, but I was near Levos’s.
The halls were quiet as I made my way to his door. Please let him be alone, I thought. I knocked on the door twice, still shaking from the encounter with the king. He came to the door in a pair of night pants and a loose shirt. I peeked around his form to make sure he was alone. The coast was clear. He looked down at me with a saddened expression.
“I didn’t know where else to go,” I said as the tears fell.
He pulled me into the room as I collapsed on the floor. He caught me in his arms on the way down and just held me as I cried out in pain and terror. He rocked me gently, brushing back my hair and making small shushing noises in my ear.
I took a bath, scrubbing my skin until it was red and raw. I couldn’t even look at myself in the mirror. The sight disgusted me. My body didn’t feel like my own. I thought of all the human women out there that had to deal with this daily. My heart broke for them, not knowing how they got up each day and continued on. They were stronger than I was. I dressed in one of Madison’s dresses she kept in Levos’s room.
When I came out of the room, he was waiting for me in a chair. He stood up, not knowing what to say. I looked around his room, taking note of the piles of books and maps that littered his living space. His bed wasn’t as big as Gaelin’s, but it was still nicely adorned.
“Would…would it be okay if I stay here tonight? I can’t go back to Gaelin, not yet,” I confessed.
He stepped towards me, taking my arms in his hands. “Of course, anything you need.” His presence was comforting. I didn’t fear his touch. I trusted him. “Take the bed, I’ll sleep on the floor tonight.”
“Are you sure?”
“Absolutely,” he said, leading me to his bed. He tucked me in before taking a blanket and pillow to the floor. The lights went out in the room, leaving me in complete darkness. I closed my eyes, unable to stop sobbing. It’s just flesh. Get yourself together, Gen. It’s over, you survived, I told myself, but it did little to calm my body’s reaction.
I exhaled slowly, trying to calm myself. Behind my eyes, images of that all-too-familiar black imprint flickered across my mind. I stopped, trying to push the memory away. Once I knew who that mark belonged to, I had refused to let myself go there, but tonight I might. Just one more time. I relaxed, watching the replays of my visions from the past. I followed the lines of the marking. I memorized the patterns, the thickness of the design. Then, my mind flickered to his smile. The way his cheeks fell into dimples on either side of his mouth. I listened as the laugh that I had yet to hear flooded through my body, easing me into an unsettling sleep.
I woke before Levos did. I quietly left his room, unsure of what I was going to say to Gaelin. The court was barely awake at this hour which I was thankful for. I didn’t know if I could bear the looks and whispers of the alfar females.
I got to Gaelin’s door. The guards were no longer stationed at the entrance. I pushed open the door, closing it quietly behind me. The bed was empty, unslept in. I looked around the room and found Gaelin on the balcony, leaning against one of the pillars. He turned his head and saw me. He walked towards me. I kept my arms around myself, unable to make eye contact with him.
He slowly reached for me, pulling my body into him. My head met his chest as the tears began to spill from me again. My whole body shook as he tightened his grip. He placed his head on mine.
“I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry,” he whispered as I cried in his chest.
I gripped the loose fabric of his shirt in anger. This wasn’t his fault. You can’t blame him. He tried to help you, I thought. He pulled away, looking at my face, searching for any bruising or markings. His hand traced my headband that still covered my ears. “Did he–”
“No. He didn’t take too much interest in my face,” I said, wiping my tears with my wrist.
“I’m so sorry. I don’t know what else to say,” he admitted.
“There’s nothing you can say. I just want to sleep if that’s okay?” I asked.
“Of course. Do you want to bathe?”
“I already did. I went to Levos’s room first after he let me go.” I felt Gaelin’s body go stiff “I wasn’t ready to see you, Gaelin. I needed a minute to just be by myself.”
“I’m not mad. I just want to be there for you now. Whatever you need.”
“I just need to sleep,” I said, crawling into the bed. I pulled the covers up to my face, not wanting to talk anymore. I heard him shuffle around the room nervously until he finally left. I watched the balcony as the sun rose into the sky, signaling the start of another day.
The next few days were a haze. I fell in and out of sleep. When I woke, sometimes I would see Gaelin by my bedside. Other times I would see Levos. I ate whenever I could stomach it, but other than that I just slept. When I finally was able to snap myself out of it, three days had passed. I bathed and cleaned the room, thinking back to all the human girls who had to deal with this day in and day out. I wanted to kill the alfar. Every one of them.
I changed the sheets on the bed, then collected the laundry and made my way to the door. I opened it to see Levos standing in front, preparing to knock. His face lit up at the sight of me. He stepped aside and let me pass, then followed as I walked to the laundry room.
“I’m fine, Levos. No need to be weird,” I finally said.
“I’m just glad to see you out of bed. You had us worried there for a moment.”
“I just needed time to process, but I am better now. What’s done is done. There’s no changing it. It happens all the time.”
He pulled my arm back, stopping me along a quiet hall. “Just because it happens a lot around here doesn’t make your situation any less traumatic or wrong. What happened to you wasn’t right. You didn’t deserve that.” He paused, rubbing my face caringly. “Madison offered an ear if you need to talk,” he said with pain in his voice.
I smiled at him. “Thank you, but I am fine. I’d rather just forget all together.” I looked to the floor. “How is he?”
“Pretty torn up about it. He is beating himself up about not being able to protect you. He feels it’s his fault. He thinks it never would have happened if he wouldn’t have reacted the way he did at dinner.” I shrugged, feeling slightly bad for Gaelin.
“It would have happened eventually. I’ll talk to him.” I turned to walk away but stopped. I looked back at Levos, standing defeated in front of the wall. “Thank you for being there for me that night. I don’t know what I would have done without you. You’re a good friend, Levos.”
He smiled at me and nodded before walking away.
No one said a word to me that day, which I was thankful for. I didn’t dare go to dinner. Instead, I volunteered for dish duty which kept me out of the throne room. That night I went to Gaelin’s chambers, expecting him to already be there, but he wasn’t. I got ready for bed and waited for him but ended up falling asleep. Around one in the morning, I was woken by the creak of the couch. I looked up to see Gaelin’s massive body curled onto the small seat.
“What are you doing?” I asked, sitting up from the bed.
His head popped up before he fully sat up to look at me. “I’ve been sleeping here the past few nights. I didn’t think you’d want to share the bed.”
I exhaled, pulling his side of the sheets back. “Come on,” I whispered.
He walked slowly to the bed and crawled in.
I scooted down under the covers, looking him in the eyes. “It wasn’t your fault. You did what you could.”
“Did he…hurt you? More than the act?” he asked.
I furrowed my brow, not wanting to remember a moment of it. “No. It was quick and unfeeling. I’d rather not talk about it though.”
“Of course,” he said. He reached slowly for my hand, tracing my fingers with his. “I’ve thought of so many ways to kill him since that moment.”
I laughed at him, but he looked at me with a serious expression. “Oh, you’re serious. Well, please don’t do that. I’d rather you not go to Valhalla and leave me here to fend for myself. I’d prefer us just to move on. Let’s just both be careful from now on so this doesn’t happen again.”
“I’ll do whatever you ask.”
“But Gaelin… it may be a while before I can be… physical again. If you need to take someone else, I will understand,” I said, feeling sick at the thought of ever being with a male again.
“I understand. And there will be no need for another. I will wait, as long as you need.”
I smiled at him before closing my eyes. I willed the darkness to take my thoughts and dreams from me. I just wanted to sleep tonight. I didn’t want to see or feel anything. All I wanted to do was sleep.