chapter nine Karma for Not Believing in the Curse
chapter nine
Karma for Not Believing in the Curse
One week and a wine-fuelled night of app-swiping later, Lex has set me up with my first date.
“Are you sure this is a good idea?” I ask Lex over the phone as I step out from my Uber onto the dusty parking lot facing
a giant red stable. I blink in the sunshine and admire the gorgeous rolling green fields, the mountains in the distance, and
the breeze tousling the wide leaves of maple trees.
“This guy is a safe bet,” Lex says, her voice slightly staticky from her hands-free device as she drives. “Based on our criteria,
he scored ‘average’ across the board—from attractiveness, to your interest in him, and his perceived interest in you—so he’ll
be a good baseline.”
“Ooh, I love it when you talk nerdy to me,” I say, putting a rasp in my voice. “Tell me more about statistics and pie charts.”
Lex snorts a laugh.
“But seriously, a group trail ride? With real, live horses?” I’m second-guessing everything about this.
The thought of being atop a huge animal with a mind of its own and a curse looking for any excuse to make my life miserable has me on edge.
Where animals are concerned there are so many things that can go wrong.
“Being in a group makes it less weird if I’m close by.”
“True.” I squint in the light and shield my eyes from the sun as I look across the parking lot to see a man in a cowboy hat
approaching. “Oh, shit. I think that’s him.”
“Okay, I’m five minutes away.” Lex hangs up before I can argue.
I tuck my phone into my crossover bag just as Cowboy Guy approaches—damn it, I totally forgot this guy’s name! I should have had Lex remind me. He’s moderately attractive with an average build, blond hair, blue eyes, and a light beard.
Just as Lex said, he’s a baseline. Even so, I can’t help but be a little excited; I’m sure everyone has a cowboy fantasy.
There’s something about muscles built by the hard work of tilling fields and tossing hay bales and . . . whatever else cowboys
do.
“Aubrey?” he asks as he holds out a hand for me to shake.
“That’s me!” I say, taking his hand and giving it a squeeze. I thought he’d introduce himself, but nope, the curse would never
let anything be too easy. Instead, silence hangs in the air as I search for something, anything, to say. So I just keep smiling
and shaking his hand like a broken automaton.
Finally, he releases his grip with a chuckle. “Come on in. Most everyone is here already.”
Cowboy Guy offers his arm, which I take, and he leads me toward the barn where the rest of the group has gathered.
“So, when’s the last time you’ve been on a horse?” he asks. To my utter disappointment, he doesn’t have a Southern accent.
I don’t know what I expected; we’re in Fort Langley, not Wyoming.
“Honestly? Never.”
“Nervous?”
“A little.” That’s a lie. I’m nervous as fuck.
“Don’t worry, I do this all the time. Most people who come here have never ridden, so we’re used to newbies like you.” He
offers me an encouraging smile, but I don’t think anything will ease my anxiety. I’m sure horses can smell fear.
I blink as we step into the barn. It’s large and airy, smelling of straw and manure, with horses already saddled and tied
down the length of it ready for adventure. Cowboy Guy addresses the group as we enter, introducing himself as well as another
guy who works here and will be helping us all get going. After telling everyone about the history of the property and the
trail we’re about to go through, he gets into his spiel about the horses, how to get on them, steer them, yada yada. I’m not
paying attention. I probably should be, and I feel a little guilty about it, but Lex isn’t here yet. Where the hell is she? I can’t do this without her! With my luck something awkward will happen and she’ll miss it.
I turn around just as Lex walks through the entrance of the barn. She blinks several times as her eyes adjust to the dim lighting,
then her gaze lands upon me and she fits me with her beautiful, dimpled smile. I’m so happy to see her that my heart rises
in my throat, and it takes all my willpower to remain still and not wave at her, giving away our secret pact. She looks amazing
with jeans hugging her wide hips and a plaid button-up shirt left open to reveal a tight tank top. She’s pulled her dark brown
hair into twin French braids, the little tails ending just above her clavicles and accenting the line of her jaw. She should
wear her hair up more often. Why is she trying to hide her beauty behind a shield of baggy clothes and a curtain of flat hair
when she has all this going on?!
I mouth damn, girl! to Lex, who replies with a frown and a subtle head nod to my date, reminding me to pay attention.
Cowboy Guy finishes talking, evidently having relayed all the vital information that we need and I paid attention to exactly none of.
The other trail riders approach him and are each given the name and location of their horse.
I join the queue, Lex behind me, and I’m absolutely itching to turn around and talk to her.
Somehow I manage enough self-restraint to keep my eyes ahead and on Cowboy Guy, who, comparatively, is quite boring to look at.
“Are you ready?” Cowboy Guy asks, placing his hand on the middle of my back and guiding me toward a short brown horse.
“Ready as I’ll ever be,” I say, even more nervous now that I’m face to face with the animal.
“This is Missy,” he introduces. “She’s the gentlest of all our horses. We use her for children’s lessons.”
I’m not sure whether to be thankful or offended. “Hi, Missy!”
“Hold your hand out for her to smell,” he instructs.
I do as I’m told. Missy’s whiskers tickle my palm as she snuffles for a moment, then she turns away dismissively. “Does that
mean she likes me?”
He shrugs. “She’s accepted you, for sure.”
Good enough.
“Hop on just like I told you.” He gestures at parts of the saddle I’m sure he explained in detail while I wasn’t paying attention.
“Sure. Yep.” I’ve seen this a hundred times in movies. How hard can it be? I grab hold of the leather straps, shove my foot
into the stirrup, and pull myself up. Unfortunately, neither Cowboy Guy nor I noticed I had the wrong foot in there and I
mount the horse backward.
I hold on for dear life as Missy sidesteps, deeply confused by my ignorance. Cowboy Guy laughs, and I can’t help but laugh,
too, because I’m looking more like a horse’s ass than the one I’m currently peering over.
“Come here.” Cowboy Guy reaches for me, and with all those muscles honed by manual farm labour, he lifts me off and down without so much as a grunt or strain. Hot. “Okay, now this time, put your right foot in. And by right, I mean correct. It’s your left foot,” he clarifies.
“Gotcha. I’m assuming this sort of thing happens all the time,” I say, putting my opposite foot into the stirrup.
“Uh . . . no. It does not.”
Thanks for the vote of confidence. This time I manage to get on facing the right direction. The moment I’m sitting properly in the saddle, Missy tosses her head
like she’s ready to hit the fields at a full sprint.
“Woah!” I say, my legs clenching around her.
Cowboy Guy chuckles. “Relax, you’ll be fine. Missy here could walk this trail blindfolded. Couldn’t you, old girl?” He pats
the horse’s neck affectionately before grabbing the reins and leading me out. The clip-clop of her hooves on the concrete is oddly mesmerizing, and the movement of her muscles beneath me is both exciting and anxiety-inducing.
If this giant animal realizes how much bigger she is than me, I’m done for. She could kill me with one swift kick to the head.
We step outside and I scan the sea of faces until I find Lex. She gives me a subdued thumbs-up, and I return it with a sly
wave. She looks like a natural on a horse, like she’s been taking lessons since she was a little girl.
Missy halts, jarring us to a stop. Cowboy Guy tugs on the reins, looking back over his shoulder. Missy’s head lowers, her
stance widens, and I look back to watch as the most intense stream of piss ever to be pissed by any animal begins pouring
out of her rear end. The steam rising from her behind, the smell of horse urine, and the sound of it splashing on the pavement
make my entire body cringe.
Cowboy Guy looks from Missy and back to me with an amused smile.
I open my mouth to say something, but Missy interrupts with a long, satisfied grunt and continues pissing.
Looking over to the other riders, they’re all pointing and laughing.
Even Lex hides her smile beneath her hand, like of course it would be my horse going for a world-record piss right now.
I wish a SpongeBob SquarePants ten minutes later sign would pop up to shorten the awkwardness, but alas, this is real life, and I must endure every single moment.
Just when I think it will never end and Missy will expire from dehydration, she gives herself a shake and clip-clops her way through her giant puddle until we’ve rejoined the rest of the riders.
I give Lex a look to say, are you writing all this down?
But I have no doubt her memory is photographic and she’ll have every awkward moment timestamped.
Cowboy Guy passes the reins to me and moves to help a few others with their horses, adjusting their stirrups and correcting
their foot placement. He’s very calm, capable, and patient—all fabulous qualities in a date.
Lex joins me with her black horse, looking so comfortable in her saddle it’s like she belongs in an old Western film. “You
doing okay?”
“I’m sure Missy feels great.”
Lex stifles a grin. “I’ll be behind you the whole time.”
“Are you sure that’s safe?” I grimace.
Lex’s dimples pop. “I’ll be fine.”
A few minutes later Cowboy Guy begins leading us down the trail, bringing me up to the front right behind him since we’re
technically on a date right now. For about ten minutes everything is normal. We talk about the weather. About the mountains.
About the weird cloud overhead that looks like Danny DeVito. What we don’t talk about? Anything of substance. I’m not a small