chapter twenty It Led Me to You
chapter twenty
It Led Me to You
After spending far too long dozing and cuddling in bed we’re forced to get up due to the call of nature and exceedingly noisy
rumbles from our stomachs. While Lex is freshening up in the bathroom, I take a moment to pop upstairs to Pat’s to pick up
Winston, dodging questions about my date (how do I even answer those?) while Winston does his excited piddles in a circle
around me. He’s just as excited to see Lex upon our arrival, then is immediately disappointed the funner, smaller human is
not with her. Despite his disdain for the lack of children in our home, Winston happily devours his breakfast, takes his pill
with a bit of cheese, and then joins Lex and me on the couch to eat the breakfast she’d brought with her.
I’ve never felt more comfortable in someone’s arms than I do in Lex’s. I wish I could curl up against her and live there for
the rest of my life, just melt into the couch and wither away like Hozier sings about in one of those sappy love songs I never
really understood until now.
“So, this is what it’s like,” I say, nestled next to her with a latte in one hand and a cinnamon bun resting on a plate on my lap.
“What do you mean?”
I bat my eyelashes at her. “Falling in love.”
Lex hums in agreement. “Welcome to the other side.”
“Do you think the curse is broken?”
Lex raises an eyebrow, pausing as she rips off a piece of cinnamon bun. “Do you think the curse is broken?”
I think for a moment, rewinding through our morning. There was nothing awkward about it. It was, by far, the most perfect
experience I’ve ever had. “Nothing bad has happened,” I muse.
“Nope.”
“So, I suppose your idea worked.”
“Which idea?”
“Sneak in as a friend, trick the curse, then seal the deal with true love’s fuck.” I nudge her and wink.
Lex chuckles. “You’re such a weirdo.”
“Yeah, but now I’m your weirdo.”
She kisses my forehead. “Sure are.”
After taking a few minutes to sip our lattes and eat our pastries, relishing the peace we feel with one another, I take a
breath and admit, “I’m a little nervous.”
Lex tucks a strand of hair behind my ear. “What are you nervous about, baby girl?”
Baby girl? My insides turn to jelly. I tilt my chin toward her and place a kiss on her lips. “You call me that again and I’m going to
lose all my restraint and fuck you right here on this couch.”
She nips my bottom lip. “Promise?” I kiss her again, pulling her close, but Lex ends it. “Nuh-uh, you can’t tell me you’re
nervous about something and then distract me with sex.”
“Why not?” I pout.
“Because I’m not going to let any miscommunications happen. We always speak our truth, we always say what we mean, and if anything ever needs to be said, it’s said right away. Deal?”
I offer her my pinky finger. “Deal.”
With a teasing roll of her eyes, she takes my pinky finger in hers and gives it a weak shake. “So, tell me. What are you nervous
about?”
“I’ve never been in a real relationship,” I say slowly. “The longest I’ve ever dated anyone has been a few weeks, tops. The
curse always fucked everything up. What if I’m a shitty partner?” My stomach sinks. The last thing I want to do is let Lex
down, especially after everything she’s been through recently with her divorce.
“I’m not worried about you being a bad partner.”
“You’re not?”
She shakes her head. “Nope. We’re best friends. We clicked immediately, despite the rough start we had to our relationship.
Every moment with you is the next best moment of my life. And now our friendship continues, just like it was, but with the
added bonus of intimacy—as much or as little as we like.”
My toes curl with excitement. “Like one big slutty sleepover?”
Lex snorts a laugh, dimples on full display. “Yes.”
“I like the sound of that.” I lean over to kiss her again. I’ll never get tired of how soft her lips feel against mine, how
tender her touch is where she strokes my cheek, how much she seems to relish me. Leaning back against the cushions, I take
a moment to admire Lex: the dainty curve of her nose, her long neck, the serious pinch to her brow, her short, tousled brown
hair. I remember when she cut her hair, and how she started dressing more masculine, and in hindsight how she was very obviously
presenting herself as more queer, and yet I didn’t pick up on it.
“It’s kind of funny,” I say, nibbling on my cinnamon bun.
“What is?”
“How I didn’t clock you as gay until I saw you with Lynn.”
Lex nods. “Yeah, I don’t know how I could have made it more obvious.”
“Was that really why you left your husband?” I ask, unsure if it’s appropriate to ask.
Lex pops a bite of pastry into her mouth and chews before answering. “He was a good guy—is a good guy—and I loved him. It wasn’t his fault I wasn’t true to myself. He fell in love with a version of me that wasn’t
real, and that I didn’t want to maintain anymore. It wasn’t fair to either of us. I just got to a point where I realized,
is this really who I want to be? Why am I even alive if I always have to pretend to be someone I’m not? So, I left. I left my seemingly perfect life, with my seemingly perfect partner, and my seemingly perfect family. I decided
being true to myself was more important. I lost everything, but I don’t regret it.”
“No?”
“Not at all.” Lex looks at me. Shakes her head. Smiles. “I knew that if I was finally able to be myself, I’d find someone
who loves me for who I truly am. And I did.”
I lean across the space between us and kiss her again, tasting the sugar on her lips, the spice on her tongue. “I’m so proud
of you,” I whisper. “You’re so brave.”
Lex kisses me again. “You make it all worthwhile.”
“So . . . am I the first woman you’ve been with? Or, was Lynn . . . ?” I ask, pulling tentatively away.
“Lynn and I didn’t get that far.”
I can’t help but exhale in relief. “So, am I your first?”
“No. I’ve been with a few women through the years, but nothing serious,” Lex muses. “My first time having sex was actually
with a girl.”
My brows shoot up. “Really?”
“At the time I didn’t feel like it counted because there was no penetration. You know, the patriarchy and all that.” She whirls
a finger through the air, and I nod knowingly before she continues. “It was just a regular sleepover with a friend of mine.
We were watching an R-rated movie. There was a sex scene, and we both looked at each other and said, ‘tingly!’ It was a joke we’d had going on. But hands under blankets began to explore, and one thing led to another and . . .” Lex
blushes, and I expect to feel some sort of jealousy, but I don’t.
“I’m glad your first time was so nice,” I say, and I mean it. I’m glad she’s had good experiences with other people. She deserves
that.
“Sorry your first time was so terrible.” Lex’s mouth twists.
I shrug. “I had it coming.”
“What do you mean?” Her brow pinches, blue eyes sharpening.
My gut twists. “Because of the curse.”
“I know about the curse and the fallout from it, but you never told me how you got it.”
“It’s not a fun story,” I say, shoving the last bite of cinnamon bun into my mouth to try to avoid the conversation.
“You can trust me,” Lex coaxes. “I promise I won’t judge.”
I rewind through time and space, to where I was in my life for everything to culminate in the curse and my life of loneliness.
“I had a really hard time in high school,” I say slowly. “My mom and I were barely talking to each other by that point. Whenever
I was home we were fighting, or she’d have some new random boyfriend over, or I’d be cleaning up after one of her dumb parties.
So, I always wanted to be out. Except, the problem was, I had like, one friend since elementary and we weren’t really friends
anymore.”
“Why not?”
“Growing up, Courtney and I used to be such weirdos. We didn’t care about what anyone else thought.
We were unabashedly strange.” I smile at the memories, of co-writing cringey Jane Austen vampire fanfiction, staying up late locking Sims in their basements to create an army of ghosts, LARPing in her backyard as various Lord of the Rings characters.
My memories cloud, and I frown. “Then, the summer before grade twelve, everything changed. Being popular became
the priority. Having lots of friends was more important than maintaining the friendship we had for so many years. There were
backhanded compliments, teasing and taunting, and then a gross rumour was spread about blow jobs in the boys’ change room . . .”
I trail off, a sick feeling settling in the base of my belly.
“That’s awful,” Lex tuts.
“I’d been so desperate to fit in. To belong. I’d have done anything to be part of the cool crowd, but it was all so surface
level and fake. Do you remember how I told you when I lost my virginity the door opened and there were a bunch of girls there,
laughing at me?”
Lex nods.
“Those were my so-called ‘friends.’”
She gasps. “What! And then they . . . ?”
“Yup. They spread the ‘Queef Queen’ story all over social media.”
Lex shakes her head in disbelief. “Were they the ones who did the curse?”
I manage to nod past a wave of nausea.
“What about Courtney?” Lex ventures. “Did she do anything, say anything?”
“No,” I say quietly. “I never spoke to her again.”
“I’m so sorry,” Lex says quietly. “Girls can be so cruel.”
“You know it better than most,” I offer, recalling how she’d shared with me her own stories of bullying in school.
“I do. But the good news is, we don’t have to worry about that anymore. We’ve moved past it. We’ve found a true friendship, a true love, just being ourselves.”
“You’re right.” I exhale a relieved sigh. “And the curse is broken, all thanks to you.”
“It’s a new chapter,” she agrees. “You can put it all behind you now.”
Lex pulls me against her chest, hugging me close. As a single tear slips down my cheek, I feel better, even if just a little,
in knowing that she’s heard one of the worst moments of my life and her first instinct is to bring me closer instead of pushing
me away.
Though, I can’t help but wonder whether she would feel the same way if she truly knew everything about what happened all those years ago.