18 Lindsey #2
“Yes,” I say without hesitation. I don’t want to steer this ship; I’m tired of steering it. Obviously, it has not been working for me.
He doesn’t respond right away. He shifts in his chair and holds his phone so his face is closer to the screen. “Checking in, do I still have your consent?” he asks.
While I’m feeling a lot right now, I don’t want to stop. “Yes.”
“Green or yellow right now?”
I pause to check in with myself and then answer. “Green.”
He hums. “Good, then let’s go back. I know you’re new at this Lindsey, but I expect you to take ownership of your choices. Just as I will take ownership of mine.”
“I thought by apologizing I was,” I answer honestly.
“Apologies are nice, but they lack the awareness and understanding that you went against your word, your agreement with me.”
“I don’t know how to respond otherwise.”
“Then you can ask me for help instead of pushing back and being a brat. I want to help you, Lindsey.”
I ignore how him calling me a brat ignites something low in my belly. “I told you before, it’s hard for me to ask for help.”
“I know, and that’s why you have me. When we speak, you can let go.”
“I wish it were that easy.”
“You’re thinking too hard about this. Let your natural instincts as a submissive guide you.
We would not have gotten this far in our dynamic if that wasn’t there.
Now, take another breath, and let go of your fight.
Remember, you are still strong in choosing to surrender, and you are still in control by choosing to surrender.
Trust me to catch you.” There’s a heavy pause as emotion builds in my throat and the bridge of my nose starts to tingle. “Can you do that for me?”
His voice breaks through the emotion, and I nod.
“Use your words, baby.”
Baby. I suck in a small breath, my eyes seeking his. Does he not realize what he called me? Is that something he calls everyone he works with at some point? I could ask, I could question it, but I liked it too much to want to. Because I want him to do it again.
“I can do that,” I finally say.
“Good girl. Now, would you like me to give you an example of what I expect?”
“Yes, Sir.” The Sir slips out so naturally, but my eyes dart to the door to make sure Kas isn’t there, even though I know she won’t be.
Dane’s warm chuckle sends sparks from the soles of my feet to the top of my head. My eyes focus back on his hazel ones through the screen, and I match his small smile.
“I’ll use myself as an example,” he says. “I want to acknowledge that I wasn’t honest about knowing your identity. In keeping that from you, I broke a key part of what we’ve been building—your trust. And I recognize that trust is the foundation of this dynamic.
“I also acknowledge that I didn’t give you a clear timeframe to respond to my request at the park, which left things uncertain.
That lack of structure was on me, and I understand it made things harder for you.
As your Dom, it’s my responsibility to lead with clarity and integrity, and I take full ownership of where I fell short.
Moving forward, I will be open with you and set clear expectations so there’s no confusion between us.
That starts now. Does that feel right to you, Lindsey? ”
“Yes, Dane. Thank you for saying that.”
His eyes are warm. “I want to be clear that there is a time and place to question me, to push back. If ever you feel you can’t trust me, if I let you down in some way as your Dom, it is your responsibility to be brave and tell me. Can you do that for me?”
“Yes, I think—” He clears his throat, and I laugh a bit. “Yes, Dane. I can.”
“Very good. Now, would you like to try again?”
“Yes, I would.” I adjust on my bed, my arm getting sore from holding my phone. I make a mental note that next time, I need to use my laptop to call him.
My eyes hold his as I do my best to articulate my thoughts in the way he’s requested. Then I take a breath.
“I took advantage of the lack of boundaries you set. I allowed my anger and fear to dictate how I did and did not respond to you. I ignored your messages when I should’ve answered, and instead of being honest and explaining myself, I pushed back with an attitude.
I know that’s not how we should communicate.
I broke trust, and I need to do better.”
“And do you want to do better?”
“Yes, Dane. I want to.”
That warm hum of his resonates between us. “Does that mean your answer to continuing our relationship is a yes?”
I thought I wasn’t sure before, but deep down, I never wanted to stop. Our conversation only shows me how much I need this. Need him.
“Yes,” I say with certainty. “If you do.”
“I never wanted to end it.”
His words ring through the line and warm me from the inside out. “You’re not mad I didn’t tell you that I’m a mom?”
“Not mad, disappointed.”
“That’s worse,” I groan. “Everyone knows that.”
“Then what do you think you could do to ease my disappointment?”
If I thought my mouth was dry before, it is now. Ease his disappointment…What I’m thinking is not what he’s picturing. Because there is no way he’s picturing me on my knees in front of him, reaching for the button of his jeans.