23 Lindsey
Lindsey
WHAT AM I DOING? has been the question running through my mind since I typed out my unhinged comment on his video, a video that did things to me and made me want the world to know that he’s mine. Even if he’s not technically mine.
You are my submissive, Lindsey. Or have you forgotten?
“Hi, Lindsey.”
The voice that was in my head now rings through the speakers of my laptop, and my pulse pounds in my throat. I nibble on the inside of my cheek as I stare at Dane—my Dom—on the screen.
“Hi, Dane.”
He smiles softly, and I notice there’s firelight dancing in his eyes. I wish I was there with him.
“Are you alone?” he asks, his eyes shifting behind me. I’m not in my bedroom—I’m on the couch in the living room, a different background than what he’s seen before.
“Yes,” I say with a nod. “Kas is at Moira’s—last-minute sleepover.”
“Please address me as Sir, then.”
And there go my nipples. They could seriously cut glass every time he’s around me, especially when he talks like a stern general. “Yes, Sir.”
“Good girl.”
I exhale a breath at his praise and smile at him.
There’s a pause of silence and the sound of a log popping in the background.
The pop breaks the haze I fall into every time he looks at me—let’s be honest, every time he looks at or talks to me—and I realize that whatever is about to happen, it’s real.
“Lindsey.” He says my name as if it’s something precious. “Before you give your consent and I answer your question, I need you to know this will permanently change our dynamic.”
I frown. “I don’t think I understand.”
Dane shifts in the recliner he’s in, his face coming closer to the screen. “Is what you asked me to tell you sexual in nature, or is it not?”
My skin heats, and I lick my lips. “It is, Sir.”
“Did I or did I not say I will not cross into that territory with my submissives?”
“You said you would not, Sir.”
“Do you understand now?”
My brow furrows. “Are you saying that if you answer, our agreement ends?”
“No, that is not what I want. But our dynamic will change, and so will our agreement.” He pauses, his eyes penetrating into mine.
“I’d say that it already has, but I want to make it clear that this conversation we’re having will change it permanently.
This will no longer be what it was when we started. ”
“What will it be, then?”
“We will need to figure that out. But things have already changed between us. You know who I am, I know who you are. We’re attracted to each other, unless this is only on my side?”
Arousal zips through my body, and I shake my head. “No. It’s not one-sided.”
He smiles warmly. “I want to be clear, however, that if you do not want our agreement to change and you do not want to do anything involving sex with me, we can stick to our original agreement, and that is perfectly fine. We can also stop altogether, if that’s what you want, or—”
“No,” I interrupt him. The idea of walking away now, especially after the meal we shared tonight, feels wrong. “No, Sir. That’s not what I want.”
“Don’t interrupt me, baby.”
There it is again. Baby. I stare into his eyes, and within them, I see the question before he voices it. “Is it alright if I call you that?”
I swallow hard and nod. “Yes, Sir. I—” I swallow again, and he smiles knowingly. He already knows what calling me baby does to my body. “I like it.”
He breathes out his satisfied hum. “Can I continue?”
“Yes, Sir.”
“As I was saying.” He clears his throat, though there’s an amused tone to it. “…or we can create a new agreement. Have a dynamic that explores the sexual side of our relationship, which I think we both want.”
“I know, Sir.”
He cocks his head to the side. “You know what?”
I wet my lips. “You said you think. I’m clarifying that I know I want to explore it.” The words that come out of my mouth shock me because where did this Lindsey come from?
Dane laughs, and I wonder if he’s thinking the same thing.
I could say it comes from the fact that I’ve been horny this whole time, that I’ve been attracted to him and been thinking of doing sexual things with him since I watched his videos.
But he’s influenced me so much already, even in the short time we’ve been working together.
I discovered tonight after we got home from dinner that I feel more like the old version of myself than I have in a long time, the one before Jeremy beat me down. And now, I see it even more. Because while it may be a small thing to say I know what I want, it’s big for me.
“You’re a fast learner,” Dane says. “I like that about you, Lindsey. But we have to work on that smart mouth of yours.” His tone is different than it’s been before, darker and more sensual.
It’s the way he sounded in that video I commented on, a video that almost felt like he was talking directly to me. “Would you like to work on that, baby?”
Blood pounds in my ears as I nod. “Yes, Sir. I want to be good for you.”
“Hmm, I think you do.”
“Sir?” I ask.
“Yes?”
“Do you think or do you know?”
He laughs again, the sound making goose bumps fan over my skin. “In this case, I’ll let that smart mouth slide because I should have been clearer with my words.” He gets a bit closer to the camera so I can see his lips clearly as he says, “I know, Lindsey.”
His words settle in my bones, and I want to ask him what about me made him want to do this with me. Maybe it’s because he’s drawn to me like I’m drawn to him, or because I’m here and it’s easy. I wonder if he’s done this with other people before?
I almost open my mouth to ask him but decide against it. That’s his business, and it’s not like we’re going to date. We’re just going to have a different D/s dynamic like he said, a more intimate one. No dating here. I almost laugh because that sounds like a romance novel, Dating My Dom.
“Everything okay?” Dane asks.
I nod, deciding I can and will do this. I want to do this. “Yes, Sir. Everything’s fine.”
He studies me for a moment before nodding.
“The same safe words are intact as we explore this new side of our dynamic together. Because you answered both sections of the questionnaire I sent, I understand your limits and boundaries when it comes to sexual exploration, and you’ve seen mine.
However, we’ll discuss them again when we write up our new agreement.
For tonight, I want to reiterate that I’m here to take care of you.
If something feels bad, if you don’t like something I say or ask you to do, now more than ever, it’s important that you communicate with me.
If you say your safe word, we stop, do you understand? ”
Excited nerves well in my stomach, but I like the feeling. I like that I’m on the precipice of something big and new and completely unknown. I didn’t know that by being bold and commenting on his video tonight, this is where it would lead. But I’m glad it did.
“I understand, Sir.”
“Good girl.” He sits taller in his chair. “I would like to confirm: Do I have your consent to take control tonight and lead you through a scene?”
“Yes, Sir. You have my consent. Do I have yours?”
He pauses, and his smile is warmer somehow. “Yes, baby. You do.”
I smile back at him, watching as he transforms before my eyes. His eyes darken, and his shoulders square. “Now, ask your earlier question again. Refresh my memory.”
There’s a hard edge to his tone, one I don’t think I’ve heard before. A shiver works up my spine, and I shift on the couch. I’m more aroused now. Painfully so.
I wish he was sitting next to me so he could touch me, but this is good for now, safer, easier. The screen is a barrier that allows me to feel more open and honest, which was why it was easy to agree to our arrangement in the first place.
I tuck a strand of hair behind my ear. “In your video on Loopr, you pretended you came home to find your submissive starting without you. You said you were going to punish them.”
He hums, almost a low rumbling purr. “I did, didn’t I?”
I swallow, feeling my panties grow wet. Holy crap, this is actually happening right now. We’re really crossing into new territory, and surprisingly, I’m not afraid to cross into it. “Yes, Sir.”
Dane’s hazel eyes burn into mine through the screen, the fire still flicking in their reflection. “And what was the question you asked me?”
I swallow again, my tongue sticking to the roof of my mouth. “If that were me, Sir, how would you punish me?”
A sly smile lights his features, and he leans back in the chair. “Correct me if I’m wrong, Lindsey. But on your questionnaire, you said you’d be into exploring role-play. Is that correct?”
My nipples tighten almost painfully, and my breasts feel heavy with the need for touch. “I did, Sir.”
“Your breathing picked up. Does that mean my question excited you?”
“Yes, Sir.”
“Do you want to play together a little, or is that too much for you?”
“You want to role-play right now, Sir?”
He chuckles. “Do you have a better time? I can check my schedule.”
“Now is fine,” I say eagerly.
Dane steeples his fingers, a sly smirk on his lips. “Check in with yourself, and then let me know how you feel about it. Green, yellow, or red?”
I inhale a breath and close my eyes. I’ve never role-played before, but it’s always something that’s interested me. I tried to get Jeremy into it once by coming home with a naughty nurse costume, but he made me feel like it was stupid.
I know Dane won’t make me feel stupid. I may not know him well, but he’s only ever made me feel safe from the moment we started talking. I do believe him when he says he’ll take care of me. He’s already been doing that, even when I pushed back out of fear.
I open my eyes back up, breathing more evenly now. “Green, Sir.”
“Remember, you can use your safe words at any time. They’re there for a reason.”
“Thank you, Sir. I trust you.”
“I’m happy to hear that, baby. But even so, remember your safe words.”
God, every time he calls me baby, I think my panties melt again as a rush of arousal courses through me. He sees me shift on the couch, my thighs squeezing together, and he licks his lips.
“Are you wet for me already?” he asks.
I don’t know what I expected to come out of his mouth, but it wasn’t that, and his words hit me right on the clit. My cheeks heat, and I nod.
“What was that?” he asks in a demanding tone.
“I am, Sir.”
Dane rubs his fingers over his beard, and I want to be the one threading my fingers through the coarse strands. “You’ve been a very bad girl, haven’t you?”
The simmer in his eyes along with the cock of one brow tells me the gears have switched. This is the role-play. The nerves I felt ball in my stomach like a rock.
I must look like a scared deer because he leans forward toward the screen a bit, features warmer. “Don’t think, just play,” he says. “There’s nothing to be embarrassed about, alright?”
I nod. “Okay.”
“Good, Lindsey. Now tell me, have you been a bad girl, getting wet without me?”
“I–I have, Sir.”
“Hmm.” He leans back in his chair, putting his laptop on his thighs.
I can see more of him now at this angle.
His torso, the strength of his forearms, and the fire flicking over his skin and bulging veins.
God, he’s hot. I can’t believe he wants to do this with me of all people, but I push that thought away and try to be in the moment.
“I explicitly told you to wait for me until I got home from work. But here you are, touching yourself without my permission.”
I suck in a breath, my heart pounding harder in my chest. “I’m sorry, Sir,” I answer, playing along like he said. “I was impatient. You were gone for a long time.”
“What did I tell you about being sorry?”
“That you’d prefer if apologies came with a way to hold myself accountable so I don’t continue my bad behavior.”
“But you were a bad girl the last time I asked you to wait, too. Were you not?”
“Was I, Sir?”
“You don’t remember?”
I shake my head, falling into the role-play, my breaths still short but not because I’m nervous anymore. It’s because I’m more turned on than I ever have been in my life. “Can you please refresh my memory, Sir?”
“Since you asked so nicely.” He pauses. “I came home and found you touching that sweet pussy of yours without my permission. I put you over my knee and spanked your ass red. You were dripping and begging for my cock by the time it was over.”
My breath hitches as I imagine it in my mind’s eye. “I remember now, Sir.”
“You couldn’t sit for a whole day could you, baby?” I bite my lip and shake my head in answer. “Apparently, that wasn’t a good enough lesson, and I need to do better,” he says.
“I’m sorry, Sir. I’ll accept whatever punishment you have in mind.”
His dark chuckle returns. “So eager to be punished. Maybe you did this on purpose, hoped that I would find you touching what belongs to me.”
I swallow hard and rub my thighs together in need, jostling my laptop in my desire to ease the pulsing between my legs.
Dane tsks, the sound is menacing coming through the speakers. “Did you just rub your thighs together?”
I flush at being caught, even if it wasn’t a completely conscious move. “I did, Sir.”
“Poor thing, so desperate to be touched.”
My chest heaves, and my skin feels hot. I think my clit has developed its own heartbeat, and I swear I might come from the role-play alone. That would be embarrassing.
“Had you waited for me, I’d already have my mouth on your sweet cunt.”
My eyes widen at his dirty words. I’m not used to talking like this. Jeremy would have never called my pussy a cunt—I don’t think he even called it pussy. Honestly, I don’t think I would have liked it if he did. But when Dane says it? I like it. I like it a lot.
He continues. “But that won’t be happening tonight. Why do you think that is?”
“Because I disobeyed you,” I answer, near breathless.
“Yes, yes, you did,” he tsks again. “And Lindsey”—I stare into his mischievous eyes—“bad girls don’t get my mouth. Do you know what they get?”
“What, Sir?”
Dane strokes his long fingers down his well-trimmed beard. My eyes follow the movement with rapt attention. “They get edged by their own hand.”