Chapter 3 #4
He doesn’t last long. He’s too worked up. Probably as overwhelmed by the sensation as I am. And when he spills down my throat, I feel the strangest sense of relief.
Like it wasn’t just an orgasm but a homecoming.
We lie on the bed afterward, Carlos’s arm around me and my head on his chest. His heartbeat is strong and sure as it slowly returns to normal.
“Not a bad start to the weekend,” he says, his voice lazy and content.
I laugh, but already, I’m kind of dreading him leaving. I just like him so damn much.
“I should warn you, I had some wild and crazy plans I’d hate to cancel. Laundry, grocery shopping… maybe a thrilling trip to the hardware store to fix my fridge. Feeding my sourdough starter.”
Carlos drops a kiss on my nose. “Sounds perfect. I just want to be where you are.”
The sweetness of the words, of the man, fills up all these hollow places inside me I didn’t know were there. “I’m so fucking glad you came.”
He tilts his head to look down at me. “Not bad for an impulse decision, huh?”
“I’m starting to think being impulsive’s not so bad,” I agree. “It’s kind of working out for me.” I trace random patterns across his broad chest.
He brushes the hair off my forehead. “Same. Even my mother commented on how happy I’ve been lately. She, ah, asked who I was texting.”
“Did she?” I lift my head. “And… did you tell her?”
“Not exactly.” Carlos’s shrug dislodges my head from its comfy position on his chest.
“Right.” I try to settle back, but I can’t find the right spot. “I mean, she thinks you’re straight, and coming out might be hard, and I know how much you love your family—”
I’m not sure who I’m trying to convince here. Probably myself.
Carlos’s arm squeezes tighter. “I told her I was texting a guy,” he says softly.
“Oh!” This time, I lift my own head so I can gawk at him. “Wait, seriously?”
“Those ohs of yours kill me. Yes, seriously.” He smiles. “I didn’t mention your name, though.”
I frown. “Okay. But… why?”
“Because I didn’t know how you felt about this? About us?” He takes a deep breath. “I didn’t even know how I felt. I kept telling myself I was misremembering how it was between us in October.”
“And now?” I prompt softly.
“And now I know I wasn’t.” Carlos kisses me, and then he pulls back, laughing a little.
“But shit, now I don’t want to tell her because once I do, the woman’s going to be all up in your business.
She’s gonna friend you on Facebook so she can tag you in memes you don’t understand.
She’s gonna guilt you about coming to Vermont.
She’s gonna want to know your astrological sign, your favorite telenovela, how many children you want, and what your favorite food is so she can make it for you.
” He shakes his head. “Too much pressure, babe. You’re still figuring out your life here in New York.
If you had any sense, you’d run for the door and block my number. ”
It’s almost funny how he’s saying all the things I’d been worrying about myself earlier.
That being together would be a lot of change all at once, for both of us.
My life’s in upheaval. Carlos has never been with a guy before me.
We should take our time. Not rush things. Not jump in.
I clear my throat. “Leo,” I say.
“Huh?”
“Two, possibly three children, but I warn you, she will not convince me to rush into having babies. Roast chicken and potatoes. And Las Chicas del Cable. My Spanish teacher recommended watching telenovelas to really learn the language, and you’d be surprised—”
Carlos yanks me up by the armpits, rolls on top of me, and kisses me again until I’m panting and hot.
“You’re fucking amazing, you know that?” he whispers. His face goes serious. “The next time you’re in Winsome, I’m going to introduce you. Fuck, she’s going to draft you into helping her with Esme’s quinceanera plans. She’s gonna like you better than me.”
The idea makes me laugh out loud. “Is that right? So you’re not gonna tell her I’m just some guy you met at a bar?”
“I’m gonna tell her you’re my guy,” he says firmly, pulling me against him once again.
“Oh.”
He smiles like I’ve done something adorable. “Yeah, baby. Oh. And you better pencil Esme’s quince on your calendar.” He glances down at me. “Okay?”
“Okay,” I whisper, like there aren’t tiny sparklers and miniature Catherine wheels shooting off around my heart.
As I settle back against Carlos’s chest, I think Jason was right.
I have changed.
Back in October, I was miserable and directionless. Now I’m lying in bed with someone who makes me laugh every day, who went out of his way to come see me, who’s introducing me to his mom and invited me to his beloved niece’s fifteenth birthday party. Who knows the real Erick and likes him.
If that’s what change looks like, I’m all for it.
Outside, the city hums with its usual Friday night energy, but here in my tiny apartment, with Carlos’s arms around me and his heartbeat under my ear, I feel like I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be.
Hooray for impulsive fucking decisions.
Now I just need to figure out how to get more of this in my life.
And for maybe the first time ever, my impulsive heart and my logical head are in complete agreement.