Chapter 17 #2
“I’m glad you finally found your home,” Dwayne said quietly, staring out into the distance, “but damn... I really don't want to let you go.”
“My home will always be here,” I replied softly, resting my head against his shoulder.
“With you.”
A brief silence settled around us.
Just not inside my head.
“What if I don't belong there at all?” I asked, my voice barely above a whisper. “What if I can't come back?”
“I highly doubt Illariana Arden is capable of accepting failure,” Mike said with a smirk. “Whenever you want something badly enough, you always find a way.”
“And honestly,” Gwendolyn added, “how could you not fit in there? I'm pretty sure people will love you the second you stop hiding behind your armor.”
“I don't think I should ever take it off—”
“Remember our Count to Five game?” Dwayne interrupted, making me snort softly.
“I think it's time to bring it back.”
Count to Five had been our invention.
A way of forcing ourselves to take risks.
Back then, Dwayne and I had both been quieter.
More reserved.
More distant.
But our ambitions?
They'd always been enormous.
It didn't take a genius to realize that without courage—or initiative—we'd never even make it to the edge of that iceberg.
So we made a deal.
Five brave actions a day.
Every single day, we had to do five things we normally wouldn't have dared to do.
No exceptions.
Raise your hand first when you know the answer but hate being the center of attention.
Wear the outfit you actually love without caring how much you stand out.
Say yes to an opportunity that terrifies you.
Confess your feelings first without fearing rejection.
We played Count to Five for almost nine months.
For Dwayne, it became part of who he was.
He genuinely started believing in his own fearlessness.
In his own invincibility.
But me...
I was far more stubborn.
Even after all that time, I kept slipping back into my old habits.
Not completely.
I wasn't the same person I'd once been.
But I also hadn't become the person I secretly wanted to be.
“I think it's pointless,” I admitted quietly.
“I don't,” Dwayne replied without hesitation.
“I used to think it was stupid too,” Gwen admitted with a nod. “But it actually works.”
She looked me straight in the eyes.
“Ria... you need this.”
I let out a heavy sigh.
“It was easier back then because I had all of you beside me,” I whispered. “Now… I’ll be alone.”
“You won’t be alone. You’ll have Airis,” Mike pointed out.
He immediately earned the most skeptical look I could manage.
“And why exactly should that change anything?”
“He seems like a genuinely good guy,” Mike said with a shrug. “And I know how to read people.”
Which was true.
But I wasn’t about to admit that so easily.
“I’m still leaning more toward Gwendolyn’s opinion,” I muttered.
“Actually,” Gwen cut in immediately, “I agree that Airis is more than trustworthy.”
My brows shot up in surprise.
“Since when?”
“Didn’t you notice how far out of his comfort zone he stepped during Dwayne’s ridiculous little games?”
“Hey, those games are fun,” Dwayne protested with a frown.
“For middle schoolers,” Gwen shot back before turning back to me.
“I know trusting someone feels like giving away a piece of yourself,” she said softly, “but this is the kind of risk worth taking.”
I bit the inside of my cheek.
“And yeah,” Gwen continued, her voice quieter now, “I agree with Dwayne. I really, really don’t want to let you go either.”
Her eyes shimmered with unshed tears, and suddenly I felt my own emotions clawing their way to the surface.
But I held them back.
My tears wouldn’t make saying goodbye any easier.
Maybe if they didn’t see them, letting me go would hurt a little less.
The thought alone stole the air from my lungs.
I swallowed hard.
“But we also know there’s probably no better place for you,” Mike said gently.
His large hand came to rest on Gwen’s shoulder while his warm gaze remained fixed on mine.
“No matter what happens,” he said, “we’ve always been family.”
A small smile touched his lips.
“And we always will be.”
I nodded silently, feeling the warmth of their presence beside me and the rare stillness of Manchester surrounding us.
Rare.
But unforgettable.
As if the city itself was saying goodbye.
******
I stepped into the room as quietly as possible.
The moment I noticed Airis had already fallen asleep, I let out a quiet sigh of relief.
After changing into my pajamas, I slipped beneath the blanket, a strange, unpleasant feeling twisting deep inside my chest.
I ignored it.
And somehow, that only seemed to make it worse.
I tried to push away the thoughts crowding my mind.
That only made them louder.
Mentally.
Emotionally.
Even physically.
The ache of sadness felt almost tangible.
As though it were trying to pull me apart from the inside.
And eventually...
I gave in.
I broke down crying.
The body next to me tensed instantly.
Only then did I remember I wasn't alone.
How many times had I already cried in front of Airis?
How many times had I shown him my weakest moments?
I could feel it.
He was awake now.
Or maybe he had never really fallen asleep.
“I need to...” I whispered, pushing myself upright as I searched desperately for somewhere to hide where no one would see me like this.
Airis's hand caught my wrist.
Without a word, he gently pulled me back until my back rested against his chest.
“You need to let yourself feel it,” Airis said quietly.
“And you need to stop hiding your weakness from me.”
His fingers slowly traced comforting circles over my wrist.
“Weakness doesn't make someone worth less.
Quite the opposite.”
“You're saying someone would actually value me more after watching me fall apart?” My voice trembled beneath the tears.
“But I can't stop.”
The thought of losing them tightened around my throat like a vise.
“I don’t know about other people,” he said softly, “but to me, you become someone I can’t bear the thought of seeing broken.”
“Well, once we return to Istarus, I can’t guarantee I won’t break.”
“I don’t want to lose my family,” I whispered into the pillow, my voice breaking as I tried to muffle the sound.
And the shame burrowing beneath my skin.
“I’ll do everything I can to make sure they let you visit them.”
“You’re only saying that to make me feel better.”
“I’m saying it because, whether I like it or not, I care.”
Silence followed.
The kind that seemed to give me permission to breathe again.
“Why?” I whispered, slipping one hand free from Airis’s gentle hold to wipe away my tears.
“Although I think I already know the answer,” I continued, unable to stop the bitterness that had long ago become part of me—a poison that tried to protect me from pain before it could truly reach me.
“Heartbroken girls are probably harder to get into bed with. And that’s what you really want, isn’t it? ”
I remembered the words he’d spoken in my adoptive parents’ house.
“We’re already in the same bed,” Airis replied, his tone maddeningly calm.
“You know what I mean,” I muttered with a sniffle.
Airis said nothing.
And honestly, what else had I expected?
For him to confess his feelings after knowing me for only a few days?
That would’ve been ridiculous.
Yet somehow, the ache that settled in my chest after his answer felt just as ridiculous.
“As your mentor, I promise to help carry your pain and protect the things you love,” Airis said after a long pause. “But right now, you need to sleep, Fireling. Today asked too much of you.”
I wanted to argue.
I wanted to stay awake.
But my body had already made the decision for me.
The moment my eyes closed, the noise inside my mind finally faded.
And sleep carried me away.