Chapter 33
Anastasia Lang’s POV
I couldn’t move.
Confusion, fear, irritation, anger—everything had seized me at once.
Tarven burst into the room at lightning speed the moment Rosalie called for him.
She looked terrified.
Maybe even genuinely terrified.
The second he spotted me on the floor, he rushed to my side.
“What happened?” he demanded, immediately reaching for my shoulders. But the moment his gaze dropped to my legs, he shifted his attention there instead.
I cried out when his fingers found the exact spot where, only seconds earlier, pain had shot straight through me.
“I—I don’t know. She was just heading for the door, and then she suddenly collapsed.” Rosalie’s words tumbled out in a panicked rush, tears already gathering in her eyes.
Meanwhile, I clenched my teeth so hard my jaw ached as Tarven examined my leg.
“Damn it. It’s a fracture.”
Our eyes met.
A second of silence.
And a room filled with Rosalie’s sobs.
“If it had happened during training, I would’ve noticed,” Tarven said quietly.
Almost as though he were speaking to himself.
He froze.
I, however, kept staring at Rosalie.
She was no longer trying to hold back her tears.
Her face had turned red.
Her hands were shaking.
And suddenly, everything clicked into place.
Her fingers were twisted.
Just like Alicia’s had been.
Just like mine when magic had first torn its way into my life.
“It manifested,” I whispered.
Then a scream tore from my throat.
This time, the pain exploded through my arm.
It felt as though someone had shattered every bone in it—
and then kept stomping on the broken pieces.
“Shit.”
Tarven shot to his feet and hurried toward his sister.
“Ro, calm down,” he ordered.
But Rosalie’s sobs only grew louder.
And with every sob, another wave of agony ripped through me.
I struggled to keep the tears from spilling over.
Struggled to breathe.
Tried not to let the poison called pain become the only thing I could feel.
“Tarven... Tarven, I don’t know how to stop it.”
We were both trembling.
Curled up on the floor, I squeezed my eyes shut.
I heard Gabriella’s voice.
Then Eliot’s.
Someone touched me.
But I couldn’t open my eyes.
People were speaking.
Their voices grew fainter with every passing second.
More distant.
More muffled.
Until I disappeared into it all.
Completely.
Illariana Arden’s POV
Never in my life had I felt more foolish.
It felt as though shame and self-reproach had woven themselves into a blanket and wrapped themselves around me.
I sat on the balcony in my pajamas, a white silk robe draped around my shoulders.
The evening in Magicslan had turned unexpectedly cold.
Under normal circumstances, I would have gone back inside long ago.
But right now, I was ruled by embarrassment.
And regret.
I still couldn't believe that half an hour earlier, I had actually been ready to give myself to Airis.
And he had refused.
Not because he didn't want me.
But because he was protecting walls I hadn't even realized existed.
I had thought that if I let go of everything and walked straight into my fear, everything would become easier.
Clearer.
Lighter.
Instead, after everything that had happened, I felt even more closed off than before.
Another gust of wind brushed across my face.
It felt almost judgmental.
As though it, too, was punishing me for my convictions.
For my courage.
Or maybe it hadn't been courage at all.
Maybe it had only been cowardice disguised as bravery.
After all, I still hadn't admitted that what I felt for Airis had long since become something deeper than physical attraction.
The soft patter of rain made me frown as I pulled the robe tighter around myself.
Damn.
I had actually been planning to spend the night on the comfortable little loveseat just to avoid sharing a bed with Airis.
The temperature dropped just as quickly as the rain intensified.
The balcony didn't even have proper curtains—only a small extension of the roof that barely sheltered the loveseat from the rain.
Maybe I could sneak inside, grab a few warm things, and settle out here for the night?
The click of the balcony door interrupted my thoughts.
Immediately, I straightened my back and pretended to admire the view.
“It's raining,” Airis said.
A wave of warm air drifted out from the room behind him, and suddenly I wanted nothing more than to soak up every bit of it.
“Yes,” I replied. “I noticed.”
“And you're freezing.”
“What makes you think that? I happen to prefer cooler weather.”
“We've shared a room for several days now. I know your ideal temperature is somewhere between a summer heatwave and the surface of the sun.”
“Maybe I overheated, and now my body wants a change.”
I refused to give in.
“Do I need to carry you inside?”
“By your own rules, you shouldn't be touching me until I hand over the rest of myself.”
I swear, if I hadn't said it, I would've choked on my own venom.
“And that's why you've decided to get sick?” he asked dryly. “So this is your strategy? Get sick until I surrender everything?”
I snorted.
Then, after a heavy sigh, I said,
“Just let me be alone.”
“You can be alone in a warm room. I'll stay out here.”
“I've already claimed this spot.”
“Just like I've already claimed the bed. You won't notice much difference.”
I stayed silent.
Not because I was considering his offer.
I was trying to figure out how to get him back inside as quickly as possible.
For some reason—
and most likely out of sheer stupidity—
I was determined to defend my place on this balcony.
Thankfully, the heavens took pity on me.
Airis finally gave up and went back inside.
I was just beginning to feel a wave of relief wash over me—
when he came back.
Carrying an armful of things and closing the balcony door behind him.
Airis dropped his hoodie onto my lap.
“Put it on.”
The command was brief.
And when I ignored him, he added,
“Otherwise, I'll do the changing myself.”
I snorted, but this time I didn't argue.
The cold had already begun working its way into my bones.
If it hadn't reached them already.
After zipping up the hoodie, I tried not to look too pleased that my skin was finally wrapped in the warmth it had been craving.
“Thank you. Now you can go back inside,” I said.
But Airis apparently had other plans.
He lowered himself onto the ridiculously small loveseat beside me.
Close enough for our thighs to touch.
Then he draped a warm blanket over both our legs.
“I believe I said I wanted to be alone.” I shot him a pointed look.
“You can pretend I'm nobody, then,” he replied.
I turned away.
Internally simmering with irritation.
And doing my best to ignore the tiny traitor somewhere deep inside me—the one currently celebrating every single thing Airis was doing.
We fell silent.
Allowing the silence to settle between us like an old friend.
My gaze remained fixed on the sky while my thoughts waged war inside my head.
I didn't know what.
But I needed to say something.
Needed to justify myself somehow.
Though another part of me desperately wanted to pretend nothing had happened.
That my little lapse in judgment wasn't worthy of this much attention.
“Why did you bring it up in the first place?”
Airis's quiet voice pulled me from my thoughts.
“What? Bring up what?” I asked, genuinely confused as I looked at him.
His eyes met mine.
“Your desire to have my body.”
I went silent.
My heart felt as though someone had struck the lowest key on a piano, sending the vibration through my entire chest.
“Why the rush?”
I stayed silent.
The truth felt dangerous enough inside my own head.
Saying it aloud felt impossible.
It already sounded foolish enough to me.
“Trust. Remember?” Airis said softly.
His eyes had softened.
I sighed.
“I do trust you,” I admitted.
“I’m just afraid that if I tell you the truth, I’ll look weak.”
I looked away, focusing on the edge of the blanket covering our legs.
“Weak is the last word I'd use to describe you,” Airis replied.
“Then why did you decide to act on something I said in that house?”
My fingers tightened around the sleeve of his hoodie.
“I just wanted to stop being afraid.”
He said nothing.
The silence itself seemed to ask for more.
For an explanation.
“I wanted to stop carrying around everything Kai left broken.” I swallowed. “I wanted to step over it. To prove to fear that I’m stronger than it is. That I can move forward.”
“What are you afraid of?”
I hesitated.
“Honestly…” I exhaled slowly. “I think I’m afraid of reliving the same story.”
The rain continued falling around us.
Steady.
Patient.
“I’m afraid of opening my heart to someone again. Of forming a connection with them.” A tiny pause followed. “Whether it's physical or emotional. Both require trust. And both have the power to destroy me.”
I lowered my gaze.
“Because then I could lose them again.”
Another pause.
“And once again be left questioning whether any of it had been real in the first place.”
Airis remained silent.
And for once, there was nothing left inside me to say either.
But for some reason, I liked it.
It felt as though I had finally laid down a burden I'd been dragging around for far too long.
“So you decided to start with the easier part,” Airis said at last.
“The physical part.”
I nodded.
“I already felt like the biggest idiot in Magicslan just saying it. If I'd admitted anything more than that, I probably would've burst into flames on the spot.”
Silence followed.
But this time, I refused to let it settle between us.
“Can we just pretend none of that happened?” I asked.
And before he could answer, I continued.
“Maybe I just chose the wrong person to say it to…”
Airis cut me off immediately.
“What do you mean, the wrong person?”
I could feel his gaze burning into the side of my face, but I couldn't bring myself to look at him.
“What else am I supposed to think? Most guys wouldn't turn down a girl who made that kind of offer if they were genuinely interested in her.” I swallowed. “And from the moment we met, you made it pretty clear I wasn't your type.”
“You should think very carefully before saying something like that.”
“I have.”
I lifted a brow, trying to project confidence.
“Then your powers of observation need work.”
“And yours when it comes to showing how you feel,” I shot back.
The conversation that had started so honestly suddenly felt one step away from turning into a full-scale war.
“Yes,” Airis said, turning toward me. “I've never been in love. And I never intended to be.”
“What a ridiculous lie.”
My voice rose before I could stop it.
“You told me you've been in relationships before. That means some part of you wanted love. Otherwise, you would've just slept with them.”
“Those relationships were partnerships. Love was never part of the arrangement.”
I snorted.
The truth was, I had no response to that.
I'd spent my entire life believing love was worth chasing.
Airis's perspective was impossible for me to understand.
We fell silent again.
Listening to the rain.
Tonight, the sky sounded as though it were breaking apart from the inside.
“Do you want to go inside?” he asked eventually.
“No.”
More sharply than I'd meant to.
A heavy sigh escaped him.
“Why am I even asking?”
To my surprise, Airis suddenly leaned toward me.
Before I could react, he simply scooped me into his arms.
Realizing what he was doing, I immediately grabbed the wooden railing with both hands.
“What the hell do you think you're doing?” I shot him an angry glare. “You don't respect me at all.”
“Actually, I respect you more than you'd like to believe.”
His grip didn't loosen.
“But when you're actively trying to hurt yourself, I'm not going to sit here and watch.”
“And how exactly am I hurting myself?”
He raised a brow.
“You, the woman who treats tropical temperatures as room temperature, are sitting half-dressed outside in the cold rain.”
A pause.
“And how long do you think it'll be before you're sick?”
I stayed silent.
Yes, it was incredibly stupid.
But I didn't want to give in.
Neither of us spoke.
We simply looked at each other.
And slowly, the atmosphere began to shift again.
In a different direction.
A more dangerous one.
Only then did I truly become aware of how intimate the situation was.
I was sitting on his lap.
Too close.
Too natural.
Too dangerous.
His hands held me with quiet confidence, yet there was caution in his touch—as though he wasn't entirely convinced he had the right to.
My breathing faltered first.
“Trying to warm me up this way?” I asked.
There was an unexpected softness to my voice.
Rougher.
Unfamiliar.
Airis didn't answer immediately.
His gaze drifted slowly across my face, as though he were committing every detail to memory.
“Do you enjoy messing with me?” His voice dropped lower.
I bit my lip.
Far too aware of the way the air between us was changing.
Thickening.
“Why do you react so easily?” I breathed, not entirely sure what I meant myself.
He tilted his head slightly.
And for a second, I thought he was going to pull away.
Instead—
“To hell with it.”
His mouth found mine.
Sudden.
But not rough.
Like he'd been holding himself back for far too long—
and had finally stopped trying.
The world shrank to a single point.
To his hands.
To his breath.
I tangled my fingers in his hair, not thinking, not analyzing—
simply trying to hold on.
Trying not to lose myself.
One of his hands slid down my back.
Lower.
Pausing at my hip before his grip tightened slightly.
My body responded before my mind had a chance to interfere.
Too honestly.
Too openly.
He felt it.
He pulled back just enough to look into my eyes.
“I don't want this to be the reason you stay,” he said quietly.
But his voice—
his voice betrayed him.
“Then don't stop,” I whispered, barely recognizing myself.
For a moment, he froze.
As though weighing something.
As though fighting a battle only he could see.
Then he drew me close again.
His lips brushed my cheek.
Then lower.
Tracing the line of my neck.
Slowly.
As though he was giving me time to change my mind.
But I didn't.
If anything, I moved closer.
Held on tighter.
My fingers found his shoulders and tightened around them as a wave of warmth swept through me.
Uneven.
Breath-stealing.
“With you, keeping my distance is impossible...” he breathed against my skin.
I closed my eyes.
Because otherwise—
I wouldn't have survived it.
The world began to blur again.
His hands.
His fingers.
His breath.
His closeness.
Too much.
Too fast.
And at that exact moment—
Click.
My eyes flew open.
Another click.
The cold metal disappeared from around my wrists.
The bracelets slid free, striking the wooden railing with a soft metallic chime.
And that sound—
brought us both back to reality.
We froze.