Chapter Twenty-Five
Axton
I t felt good not to have a care in the world. That was what it was like when I had her in my arms. The wood burning stove was flickering light into the room as she was on my lap. The room was dark except for the Christmas lights.
It was the eve before she was to become my wife. Earlier I told her that I loved dating her, and it was true. It was intense with us, but I liked things the way they were. Not only was I discovering her personality and little quirks, I was learning things about myself, just as she was.
I wasn’t a fool. I knew when people started dating there was a certain honeymoon period where things were exciting and new. What I didn’t know was if it stayed so exciting and fun after the honeymoon period. I also didn’t know how long that lasted because Creed and Irons seemed to grow happier with time.
Things I learned about myself in just two days of officially dating Belle. First of all, I didn’t know someone could make me laugh so hard about the most innocent things. I never knew that coming home from work every day could be the highlight of my day. I was an affectionate person, that one was a shocker. I loved just making out and not rushing off to bed for sex. My life before was just slam, bam, thank you ma’am. I had no clue that a woman could make me feel safe. Not physically, but emotionally. I lost all my trust in women because of Natalie and my mom, but not trusting Belle would have taken work. I learned it didn’t matter where I was or what I was doing, if I was with Belle, I was having the time of my life. Everything from a carriage ride, to shopping, decorating the house and just holding her made me genuinely happy. I could stand back and look at myself and see what was always laying beneath. Yes, I was a protector, a provider, a soldier, and a trustworthy friend, but I was a lot more. It was okay to need someone, to feel desperate for love, and Natalie didn’t ruin me. She may have caused parts of me to retreat, but they were always still with me, deep down inside. It was also okay to have dreams that were outside of Creed’s Lake. That I didn’t have to dedicate my entire life to what we built.
I held her in my arms as I watched the flames inside the window of the stove dance. I was the most relaxed I ever felt as we sat quietly enjoying the warm Christmas feel of the room.
Belle didn’t know it, but I wasn’t going to sleep with her. Nothing about what we were doing was about sex, not even kissing. It was that first kiss that made me a believer. Nothing in the world other than God could have aligned us together. She may not have believed her father’s prophecy, but I did. The man got a hell of a lot of things wrong, but that was because of his upbringing, and that didn’t mean he didn’t get a few things right. We may not have believed in the same God, but I always believed mine existed. I died then came back, fought my entire life to protect his most innocent, and he still brought Belle to me, despite my sins. Nothing ever felt as right as it did while I was basking in the peaceful moment of having her in my arms. I had the mark, and I was chosen to protect Belle. In order to do that, I needed to be free of my own sins. The things that kept me weighed down, and that was protecting Natalie after she committed the greatest sin imaginable. I was protecting her memory, and to do that I was also protecting people that didn’t deserve it. Natalie never deserved the life she was given, but I didn’t deserve the way I punished myself all those years. The people that were hurt because I protected Natalie didn’t deserve the lives they were forced to live either.
“You’re Catholic.” She said.
“Non practicing.” I corrected her.
“What was it like?”
“Like being Christian.” I chuckled.
“That’s not what I mean. It’s a ritualistic religion, what rituals did you do?”
“I was baptized soon after I was born. Then I had to go to classes on Sundays before I could receive my first holy communion. I knew what receiving the holy sacrament of communion meant. I was taught prayers and went to mass on Sundays. There was a lot of sitting, standing, kneeling, and listening to the priest. I liked it, but mom became estranged from her family, and she never took us. I missed my confirmation because of that, but I think my situation made me depend on God a lot to survive. I prayed every night before bed until I was seventeen. I prayed a lot, actually, and made Kayla do the same. I may have lost my way for many years, but lately I think I can feel him again.”
She looked up at me and smiled before she pecked my lips. “I love that for you.”
“Maybe after lockdown I will start attending mass again. I fell into bad ways over the years. I began only turning to him when I was desperate or lost hope. I did it a lot in the war and when on missions.”
She pecked my lips again. “I love that for you too, but I’m not ready to trust religion again.”
“That’s perfectly understandable.” I pecked her lips.
We relaxed that way for another hour and Koty didn’t step out of his room one time. Not even to eat and that concerned me. Like it or not, he was my responsibility now that he lived with me.
She told me goodnight, but I wasn’t fooled. She would wait for me to fall asleep before she would sneak into my bed. I turned everything off, but stopped in front of Koty’s door. It was late but I took a chance and tapped on it.
“It’s open.”
I opened the door and stuck my head inside. “Do you have a minute?”
“Now?” He asked.
“We need to talk and it’s going to be a busy day tomorrow.”
“Fine.”
He followed me downstairs. As I turned on the lights I offered him a beer. “Have you ever had one?”
“Sure, my best friend is a priest, and when I’d visit him at the rectory he always offered me one.”
I had beer on tap, so I got us both one and set them on the bar as he took a seat on a bar stool. “You do have a lot of thinking to do, but how will you find any answers by sitting in your room all day and night?”
He sighed. “I’m praying for them.”
“I believe our God gives us free will. He may have plans for us, and places certain people in our lives for a reason, but he expects you to choose the path he wants for you by the choices you make. My choices have led me to your sister. No answers are going to come to you in that bedroom up there.” I took a drink of my beer.
“I feel him calling to me, but I don’t know what he’s trying to say.” He also took a swig of beer.
“What does your friend the priest say?”
He shrugged. “Pretty much the same thing as you. His calling will be clear when the time is right.”
“So, what do you feel your choices are right now?” I leaned against the bar.
“Well, there’s people who want me dead so that limits my choices. I’ve spent my whole life hoping to save my sister from a very sad existence, and now that she’s safe I don’t know what I want as a man.” He answered.
“I felt that way for many years with Kayla. She’s such an innocent and sweet girl, so leaving her for the military was very hard to do. Honestly, the first choice I ever made that was for myself was when I separated from the Army and took a chance on Creed’s ideas. It’s just been lately that I’ve thought more about the things I wanted when I was a kid. What did you want to be when you grew up?” I asked.
He looked down at the mug he had in his hand. “Free, beyond that I didn’t know much of anything.”
“Something must be on your mind. What is it you’ve been battling over in that bedroom?”
He swallowed hard. “Converting my religion and becoming a priest like Father Gallagher.”
“What holds you back from making that decision?” I really needed him to open up to me.
His eyes met mine and his face turned red. “I’ve never had a woman.” He cleared his throat. “How do I know what I’m sacrificing if I’ve never really been alone with one? I have an attraction to them, and what if I sacrifice that side of me and realize I missed out on having a wife and kids? Then I find myself wondering how I would ever support myself, let alone a family.”
I pondered a few things before I opened my mouth. “Then you’ll experience it. As a community, we have small little pieces of the world inside these gates. We have accountants, engineers, doctors, nurses, first responders, and just about every profession. Let me talk to the Originals tomorrow to see what they think. Maybe we can work out some job shadowing.” I cleared my throat. “We also have an after dark night club, and there’s women to meet there and umm…they can well, if you want you can see some things, if it’s sex you’re curious about.” I scratched my beard. “Have you spoken to Father Gallagher about this?”
He nodded. “He told me that most priests that are heterosexual had sex before they joined the priesthood. I think he said only 2% were virgins and only 50% are celibate after their vows. He was sexually active with women before he took his vows. He made it very clear that it’s a sacrifice that he struggles with on a daily basis.”
I pulled out my cell phone and called Magnus. “Hey, what are you doing right now?”
“Dude, Addie just freaked me the hell out and I rushed over here to Creeds thinking something was wrong. Nope, she just didn’t get her way when Irons wouldn’t let her spend the night, so she called me crying and saying she needed me. That little shit was fine, she just wanted to spend the night at my house because she’s mad at Morgan.”
“What did Morgan do?”
“Nothing. She’s just had it with this gentle parenting bullshit Bolton suggested. Addie is getting away with too much and she disciplined her for not getting a gold star at school today. Morgan took all her toys out of her room and told her she could sit there and think about what she did, and she won’t get her toys back until she earns a gold star, and she will be going to bed an hour earlier every night. She didn’t know Addie sneaked her phone into her room. The only reason Irons didn’t fall for it was because Wrenly called Addie out for her bullshit when she took the phone from him. Of course, Uncle Josh falls for it and Morgan got pissed when I came running into their house. I feel like a fucking idiot.”
I laughed. “Don’t feel bad, I would have done the same thing. Anyway, can you stop by on your way home? I know it’s late, but Koty and I are having a beer downstairs.”
“Yeah, I’ll need one after that fucking mess. The only thing that went right tonight was that Morgan didn’t shit on me, and I haven’t puked all day. That’s not all the Creeds have done to me today, though. I’ll be right over.”
I ended the call and looked at Koty. “Magnus is coming over for a beer. I think maybe you should plan a night out with him. I can’t leave your sister, and that’s another subject I wanted to talk to you about before he gets here.”
“You’re growing closer to her.” He said.
“I like her a lot, Koty, and I will treat her the way I hope the right man for Kayla treats her. I know we are legally married tomorrow, but I want you to know that I will take this marriage seriously. I will take care of your sister, no matter if it works out for us or not. I don’t want to take her freedom, and I won’t sleep with her without the vows made in front of God. Believe it or not, a spiritual marriage would mean something to me. You already know we are dating, but you haven’t given me your blessing as her older brother to start a serious relationship with her.”
“Let me ask you something I haven’t asked yet. Are you going to make her sign a contract before you go to the courthouse?” He took another swig of his beer.
“No, neither one of us are signing a contract. I’ll be inheriting your father’s estate, giving you each a portion before I donate the rest to help the survivors of your dad’s cult and the indigenous women. Yes, I have earned very good money, but even if we don’t work out I will take care of her. She wants to take my name and keep it as well. She doesn’t want the last name Ashford anymore.”
He tilted his head. “You have that much faith in Belle?”
“Without question.” I answered swiftly.
“Then you have my blessing.” He held out his mug to tap mine then we both took a swig.
My phone dinged with a text, so I looked down at it.
Faye: Next month can’t come fast enough. I miss your cock.
Shit…
Me: We need to talk.
Faye: Video call? I could use a little de-stressing tonight.
Me: I will call you in a few days, but I’ll need to cancel the trip.
Faye: You mean reschedule?
Me: No, I’ll call you in a few days when I get some time.
If I couldn’t talk to her in person a phone call would have to work. I heard Magnus coming down the stairs.
Faye: Should I be concerned about you?
Me: Gotta go, talk soon.
Thirty minutes later, Magnus and Koty were gone, and I was finally crawling into my bed. It was going on two in the morning, and I was exhausted. I wasn’t there but five minutes before I heard feet quietly patting around my bed and I felt it dip before a warm body curled into me. “It’s about time.” She whispered.
I chuckled and kissed her forehead before pulling her in tighter and drifting off to sleep.
The next morning, Creed paced the conference room as I sat at the table. We just had our daily Originals meeting, and he asked everyone to leave. He stopped and pointed at the paper on the table in front of me. “Sign that thing.”
“I already told you no, Creed.”
He rested his hands on the table and leaned closer. “Sign that fucking contract. You have shares in Creed’s Lake and you’re not behaving like the man I know.”
“No.” I pushed it away from me. “I’m marrying her to date her and I will not sign a fucking contract that screams that I don’t trust her.”
He slid the other paper at me. “Explain why your name was flagged by our systems in a fucking West Virginia newspaper for a wrongful death suit. Does she know about this? I thought I fucking knew you, we are best friends and business partners. We couldn’t be closer if we were brothers. So, please do explain why I had to hack into a county sheriff database to learn you knocked some girl up that killed herself and your child.”
I crossed my arms. “This is private.”
“Private? For God’s sake, Axton. You’re marrying a woman today that doesn’t know you’ve lost a child to a murder suicide. I’m struggling between grabbing you to choke you or grabbing you to fucking hug you. My God, I can’t imagine what you’ve struggled with all these years. But that doesn’t excuse you knowing they opened the case again and you didn’t tell me or anyone else about a wrongful death lawsuit. We deserve to know about all legal matters that concerns you.”
“What did you learn by hacking into their database?”
He pulled a chair out and took a seat. “That they aren’t investigating you. You were cleared of any wrongdoing years ago. They’re investigating some car salesman and the girl’s family. They saved DNA from the baby and they’re waiting on the results since they didn’t run a paternity test after it happened. Was that baby yours or not? You’re listed as her father on both her birth and death certificates. Fuck, Axton. You named her Hope.” His chin quivered as he fought his tears. “You named her what I think you lost that day.” He sniffled. “I’m a dad, Axton. My twins haven’t been born yet, but if we lost one before I ever got a chance to hold it, I don’t know if I could go on. How the hell did this not come out during your psych exam with Bolton? You have commanded how many missions with not just us but Delta Force with this kind of shit laying on you? After a girl does that to you at such a young age, you’re now willing to jump into a legal marriage with someone that might as well be a stranger without a prenuptial? Make it make sense.”