Chapter 38
CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT
Ryder
I can feel it. Her tension. The way she’s not quite herself, the way she’s lying there next to me but not really with me.
Her body’s too still, too stiff, her breathing a little ragged.
Something’s wrong. I don’t know what it is, but I sense she’s hiding something.
I could let it go, leave her to whatever’s eating her up inside. But that’s not who I am, not anymore. So, I shift, pulling myself up on one arm to face her. I study her for a moment. The way she’s staring at the ceiling, her eyes distant. She’s somewhere else.
“Hey,” I murmur. “What’s wrong?”
She doesn’t answer right away. Instead, she shifts slightly, tugging the blanket up around her shoulders as if trying to shield herself from the world. And maybe from me, too.
I wait, my hand still resting on the bed beside her. The uncomfortable silence stretches between us.
“Sunny,” I press. “Talk to me. What’s going on?”
She sighs heavily. And then, finally, she turns to face me, her eyes wide with something I can’t quite read.
“I… I don’t know how to say this.”
I wait, not pushing, but my pulse is already picking up. Something’s coming. I can feel it in my gut.
She swallows hard, glancing away for a second, then back at me. “Ryder, I’m pregnant.”
The words land like a punch, knocking the breath out of me. I blink, stunned.
Pregnant.
The room spins for a second, everything else fading as what she just said sinks in.
“Pregnant?” I repeat, as if trying to convince myself I heard her correctly.
My mind scrambles, trying to make sense of it. I don’t even know how to respond.
She nods slowly, her gaze dropping to her hands, twisting the blanket nervously.
“Twins,” she adds in a whisper, like she’s afraid to say it out loud. “I’m having twins.”
Twins.
The word rings in my ears, but it doesn’t make any sense. I just stare at her, my mind stuttering over the idea of it. I want to say something, anything, but the words won’t come.
The world is suddenly too loud, too bright, and I can’t find my place in it. I can’t wrap my head around it.
Twins.
“Are you sure?” I ask, the words slipping out before I can stop them.
It sounds stupid, even to me. Of course, she’s sure. She wouldn’t say it if she weren’t. But I need something to ground me, something to hold on to.
She nods again, her eyes meeting mine. “I’m sure.”
I don’t know what to do with myself. I want to hold her, to tell her everything’s going to be fine, but I’m frozen. Stunned.
I wasn’t ready for this. Hell, I don’t think anyone could be.
I open my mouth to speak, but nothing comes out. I want to ask if she’s okay. I want to tell her I’m here, that we’ll figure it out together.
But my mind is a mess, and the words are stuck in my throat.
It’s a fucking avalanche of information, and I don’t know how to process it. I mean, how do you go from zero to double the chaos, double the responsibility?
How do you even begin to wrap your mind around the fact that you’re going to be a father… twice? At once?
I reach for her hand, my fingers trembling as I squeeze it. It’s the only thing that can tether me to this moment, to her. I’m here. I’m present.
But my brain’s still catching up to what she’s just dropped on me.
She doesn’t say anything. She doesn’t even move, just keeps staring at me with those wide, vulnerable eyes. But I can see it.
She’s waiting for me to react. She’s waiting for me to process this, to be the one who knows what to do, what to say.
I want to tell her that everything’s going to be okay. That we will be okay. But I can’t. I can’t make promises I’m not sure I can keep.
She pulls her hand away, just a slight shift, but enough that I feel the space between us widen. Her gaze drops, and I see her swallow hard. She’s trying to push the fear back down her throat.
And that’s when it happens.
She pulls the blanket tight around her, sitting up quickly. The bed creaks under the movement, and I’m left lying there, shocked to the very core and utterly useless.
“I need to get dressed,” she mutters tightly.
I reach out again, but she doesn’t let me touch her. She’s already moving, throwing her legs over the side of the bed, her feet hitting the floor with a soft thud. The cold air of the room hits my skin as I watch her.
What the hell is happening? I don’t even know what I’ve done, but she’s shutting me out.
“Sunny…” I start, but the words die on my lips.
She doesn’t look at me. Doesn’t wait for me to finish. She stands up, grabbing her clothes from the chair in the corner. I watch her for a beat too long, too frozen to stop her.
This isn’t happening. It can’t be happening.
She’s putting on her clothes too fast. Too frantic. Her movements are sharp, jerky. She’s trying to outrun something.
I open my mouth again, but there’s no way to fix this. No way to take back the seconds I spent in shock, trying to sort through the flood of thoughts in my head.
“Sunny…” I say again, this time more urgently, as I sit up.
But she doesn’t stop.
She pulls on her jacket, her back to me now. I can see her shoulders tense, her breath shallow. I don’t even know what to do.
My heart is caught in my throat. I want to reach for her, hold her, tell her everything will be okay.
But she’s not letting me.
“I’m… I’m sorry,” she says, the words coming out in a rush, but they don’t sound meant for me. “I didn’t mean to… just… I need to wrap my head around this.”
I can hear the raw edge in her voice, the unspoken hurt beneath it. She’s accusing me of something I didn’t even realize I was guilty of.
But I don’t know how to fix it.
I’m still frozen. Still stunned.
Before I can say anything, she’s gone. Out the door, leaving me alone in the room, the sound of her footsteps echoed down the hallway.
The silence is deafening.
I stay there, staring at the door she just slammed shut behind her, trying to get my bearings. I want to go after her. To tell her that I’m here, that I didn’t mean to… what?
What exactly am I apologizing for? I don’t even know.
But I can’t move. I can’t think.
I rub a hand over my face, frustrated and lost. I never expected this. I never expected her to shut me out, especially when I’ve never needed to say anything more than I need to right now.
I need to tell her that I’m here. That I’m with her. That we’ll figure this out together.
But instead, I’m just sitting here, waiting.
Waiting for her to come back. Waiting for everything to make sense. But it’s not going to.
Truth be told, I never thought I’d want a family. Hell, I never thought I’d like anything more than a life I could control.
A life where I could wake up, go to work, solve problems, and leave the emotional stuff for people who had the luxury to deal with it.
The truth is, I built this life so I wouldn’t have to face the kind of mess I was born into. I wanted order, certainty, a future I could predict.
Kids? A wife? A family? It was never part of the plan.
But with her…
With Sunny…
I don’t know when it changed. I don’t know when I started to look at her differently.
But now, with this news, this news that has me frozen in a place I don’t know how to navigate, I can’t ignore it anymore. I can’t just shut it out as I do with everything else that’s uncomfortable or uncertain.
There’s a part of me, an undeniable part, that wants this. Her. All of it.
I never expected to feel that way, not like this.
I want to be a father now. I want to be there for her, for our kids, for whatever comes next.
But it’s not that simple.
I lean back against the headboard, staring at the door she just stormed through, trying to make sense of it all.
I’ve spent my life keeping people at arm’s length, keeping things clean, neat, and manageable. But with her, everything is messier.
She’s untidy, chaotic in the best possible way. She challenges me, cracks open the walls I’ve built around myself and makes me question everything I thought I wanted.
And that’s terrifying.
I’m used to handling problems. I’m used to being the one with answers. But this—this is the one thing I can’t control. It’s her. It’s us. It’s the unexpected future we’re being thrust into.
And I can’t help but think I’ve already messed it up, just by being frozen in place, unable to react in the way she needs.
I need to talk to someone.
I’m still reeling, trying to process everything that’s just happened. Sunny, her news, the way I failed her. The silence, and the distance.
Everything that just happened unravels faster than I can keep up with. And now she’s gone, leaving me alone with my mess of thoughts.
I can’t stay here.
I push myself off the bed, grabbing my phone from the side table. My mind is jumbled, but one thing cuts through: Nolan—my assistant.
He’s the one person I can count on to help me think clearly when everything else feels too complicated. If I can’t talk to Sunny right now, I need someone who can ground me.
I type out a quick message to him:
Need to talk. Meet me in the office.
It’s not much, but I need the distraction, and I need to get my head straight before I go after her again.
I don’t wait for a reply. I just throw on my jacket and head out of the room, moving fast.
Every step is a march toward something I’m not prepared for, but I can’t let this sit in the air any longer. I need to act.
When I reach my office, Nolan is already there, standing by the coffee machine with a cup in his hand. As usual, he’s dressed in his sharp black suit, looking far too composed for the kind of morning I’ve had.
But that’s why I need him. Nolan doesn’t let anything get to him. He’s calm and steady. I need that right now.
He notices me immediately. His expression flickers with curiosity, but he doesn’t say anything right away, letting me take the lead.
“What’s going on, Ryder?” Nolan asks, a slight edge of concern creeping into his voice. He knows something’s up.
I swallow hard, my thoughts a tangled mess. I know I have to explain, but where do I even start?
“She’s pregnant,” I say, the words coming out rough and unsteady.
He blinks, pausing. “Pregnant?”
“Yeah. Twins.”
Nolan raises an eyebrow but doesn’t say anything at first. Instead, he takes a slow sip from his cup, waiting for me to continue, processing the information on his own.
“I don’t know what to do,” I finally admit. “I’m not ready for this. I don’t think I ever thought I’d want a family, but now… Now I can’t stop thinking about it. With Sunny, it feels right.”
Nolan sets his cup down and leans against the desk, his eyes intense on mine. “It’s a big change. I get that. You’ve spent years building this world around you, and now you’re facing something you never saw coming. But you can’t let this mess with you. You can’t be frozen in fear.”
I know he’s right, but it doesn’t make it any easier.
“I fucked up, Nolan. I stood there like an idiot when she told me. She was looking for reassurance, and I couldn’t give it to her. She needed me, and I froze.”
Nolan tilts his head, considering. “She’s scared too, you know. She probably doesn’t know how to process all of this either. The shock, the fear, the suddenness of it all. It’s not just on you.”
I run a hand through my hair, the frustration building again. “I want to be there for her. I want to be the guy she needs right now, but I don’t know how. And now… now she’s shut me out. She left before I could even get the words out.”
“You can’t blame yourself for her leaving, Ryder. You didn’t push her away on purpose. But you must go after her. Talk to her. Let her know you’re there. Let her see that you’re ready for this, too. She’s not going to figure it out without you.”
I let that sink in for a moment. Nolan’s always had a way of cutting through the noise, getting straight to the heart of the issue.
I’m still scared. Scared of being too late. Terrified of saying the wrong thing.
But I know he’s right.
“I need to fix this,” I say, more to myself than to him. “I need to make her understand that I’m here. I can’t let this slip away.”
Nolan nods, his expression softening a bit. “True, but you can’t do it right now. She and Marjorie went out. Gala supplies, I think. Dex said something about a DJ drama…”
Fuck.
I stop in my tracks. I wasn’t expecting that. I thought maybe she’d have stayed at the hotel, perhaps we could have talked this out, but now I can’t even reach her.
“What kind of DJ drama?” I ask, frustration leaking into my tone.
“Something about a last-minute cancellation or a conflict, I think. Dex didn’t give me all the details. You know how it is when the hotel’s in full chaos mode.” Nolan shrugs, as if the whole thing were a minor inconvenience.
But it’s a damn disaster to me.
“Of course. Nothing’s ever easy,” I mutter, pinching the bridge of my nose. I need to do something, anything, to show I’m not completely losing control.
Nolan watches me carefully. “You could wait for them to get back, but… maybe it’s better to give her space for a little while. You’re not going to fix everything in one conversation. Trust me. I get it. But don’t make things worse by rushing in when she’s already tense.”
I know he’s trying to help, but it doesn’t ease the tight knot in my chest. I need to see her. I need to tell her I’m here for her.
But at the same time, he’s right. If I chase her down right now, I might make things worse. She’s already so overwhelmed.
“I hate this,” I mutter, turning away and pacing. “I hate feeling like I’m not there when she needs me.”
Nolan stands quietly for a few seconds before speaking again.
“Look, sometimes people just need time to process things. You can’t be everything to her all at once.
But when she’s ready… you’ll be there. Just make sure you’re patient.
She doesn’t want pressure. She wants to know you’re not going anywhere. ”
I take a deep breath, trying to find some semblance of calm in his words.
“You’re right,” I say after a pause. “I just… I don’t know how to back off when I feel like I’m losing her.”
“Back off, but don’t disappear,” Nolan advises. “It’s the difference between being patient and being distant. Let her come to you when she’s ready.”
I exhale, a bit of the tension leaving my shoulders, but it’s still there—that gnawing fear.
I don’t enjoy waiting. I don’t deal well with feeling helpless. But maybe it’s what I need to do now.
I turn back toward the door, but before I walk out, I glance at Nolan one last time. “Thanks. I’ll check in with Dex about the DJ. And… I’ll figure this out.”
“Take it one step at a time,” Nolan says with a slight nod of encouragement.
I head toward the hotel lobby, my mind racing again. This time, I try to silence it, focusing on one thing at a time.
One thing at a time.