16. Nash
SIXTEEN
nash
I was much more confident when I’d been in bed with Maggie. But now…now I was sitting in the car with my very intelligent daughter, and I had no idea how to explain what she was about to go home to.
“How was the sleepover?” I asked, avoiding the issue. “Did you do anything fun?”
“We played Mario Party and Aunt Claire made brownies,” she said, clutching Gerald to her chest. “They were tasty.”
“And you brushed your teeth after, right?”
Nell wrinkled her nose. “Of course I did, Dad. It’s gross not to.”
I gripped the steering wheel as I turned onto Main, frowning at the road.
Nell reached over to poke me in the arm.
“You look funny,” she said.
“Do not.”
“Do too.”
“Mm,” I said. “Okay. You’re right—I look funny.”
She held back a laugh.
“Because I have a surprise for you.”
Her eyes widened slightly. “You do?”
“We’re having a guest over for breakfast,” I said. “Miss Laine is making us pancakes today.”
Nell didn’t say anything.
I looked over at her.
She was holding Gerald tight to her chest, eyes enormous now. She blinked over at me, inhaling sharply. “Dad…but I didn’t clean up my toys.”
I almost laughed out loud.
Of all the things I’d imagined she might say—questions about why Miss Laine was at our house, what it meant—she was worried about her toys.
“I’m sure Miss Laine won’t mind,” I said.
“But there’s dinosaurs everywhere,” Nell said, with the gravity of someone reporting a genuine crisis. “And I left Gerald’s friends on the kitchen floor.”
“Gerald’s friends will survive.”
She chewed on that. “Does she know about Gerald?”
“I mentioned him.”
Her brow furrowed. “So Miss Laine is your friend?”
I turned into my parking space behind Rick’s.
“Yeah,” I said. “We’re friends.”
“Does she get to be my friend and not just my teacher?”
I blew out a breath, hoping she wouldn’t catch onto how nervous I was. I desperately wanted this to just…work. For it to be normal and natural, the same way every interaction with Maggie so far had been normal and natural and right.
I looked over at my daughter.
“I want you to make sure to be respectful to Miss Laine,” I said, “but yes, we are friends…and she wants to be your friend, too. That means, though, that we have different rules with Miss Laine at home than we do at school, okay?”
She nodded—very, very serious.
“At home, she can be your friend, but you still need to be respectful at school.”
She shook her head aggressively, eyes wide. “I’m really good at rules at school, I would never be disrespectful—”
I reached over to ruffle her hair. “I know, sweetpea,” I said. “And I think…maybe I’m not saying all this right. How about we talk to Miss Laine about it.”
Nell beamed at me. “Yes, please.”
We got out of the car and I grabbed Nell’s backpack while she raced toward the door with Gerald in tow.
I could smell pancakes as soon as I crossed the threshold—and I heard Maggie talking to Nell a minute later, Nell’s voice going about a mile a minute while Maggie occasionally chimed in with a “mmhm” and “ooh, interesting!”
I had to take a second at the door—standing there, watching them.
Nell was on her stool at the kitchen bar, Gerald on the stool beside her, her feet kicking as she told Maggie every detail about her game of Mario Party last night.
Maggie was at the stove, somehow immaculately dressed in her leggings from last night and one of my shirts—looking like it was all on purpose, her hair tidy and pretty in a loose braid.
She flipped pancakes while simultaneously appearing completely present as she listened to Nell.
“But Yoshi isn’t really a dinosaur,” Nell was saying.
“I mean they couldn’t talk and also he’s more of an alien, at least that’s what my cousin Henry says, do you know Henry?
He’s in the second grade, he thinks everything is an alien actually, he says he saw Bigfoot and that Bigfoot is an alien, do you believe in Bigfoot? ”
“Mm…maybe,” Maggie said, then she glanced over her shoulder at me. “Nash, do you believe in Bigfoot?”
I considered that. “Yes, and I’ve heard he’s friendly.”
Nell wrinkled her nose. “Henry says he’s big and hairy and mean.”
“Only to stinky boys and not to smart girls who know about dinosaurs,” Maggie said.
I moved to the coffee pot and poured myself a cup, then one for Maggie. “How do you take it?” I asked her.
Sugar, I thought.
“Black,” she replied.
Something about it struck me as strange and perfect and surprising…and it made me want to know everything about her.
I passed her the mug, grinning to myself.
“You want anything, sweetpea?” I asked. “OJ? Milk?”
“Why can’t I have coffee like Miss Laine?” Nell said.
“Oh, you wouldn’t like it,” Maggie said over her shoulder. “And hey, Nell—when I’m at your house, you can call me Maggie, okay?”
“Okay, but why wouldn’t I like it?”
“It’s very bitter,” Maggie said. “Like—you know how medicine tastes?”
Nell’s face curdled. “Yeah.”
“Like that.”
“But you like it.”
“I’m a grown-up,” Maggie said. “We like weird things.”
Nell looked at me for confirmation.
“She’s drinking the same thing I drink every morning,” I told her. “And you’ve always said it smells like dirt.”
“It does smell like dirt,” Nell nodded. “Can I have apple juice?”
“You can absolutely have apple juice.”
I got it while Maggie finished plating and we settled at the table—Nell with her juice and her chocolate chip pancakes and Gerald propped against the napkin holder, Maggie with her black coffee, me watching the two of them and wondering what I’d done to deserve this.
We all went quiet while Nell inhaled her pancakes, then she nodded in satisfaction.
Looked at Maggie.
Frowned.
“Why are you wearing my dad’s shirt?” she asked.
Maggie’s eyelashes fluttered as she searched for an answer.
I vaguely remembered yanking her button-up open and buttons flying all over my apartment.
“I spilled something on my shirt while I was making the pancakes,” she said, “so I borrowed one from your dad.”
“Oh, okay.”
As far as I could tell, the conversation was over, the matter settled. I let it lie.
But in that moment, I knew that we couldn’t keep this up for long…that Nell was too smart, and I cared about Maggie too much to be able to hide her away.
We were going to have to figure this out fast—especially because, with any luck, Maggie was already pregnant.