36. Chapter 34
Emery
Slinging my backpack onto my shoulder as I step out into the morning sunshine, I tell myself that no one will know I have Blue in my bag. It’s not bulky or unzippable, and there is no bear fluff hanging out. It’s fine.
I just need to stop thinking about it. Besides, so what if people see me with a teddy bear in public? Tiny humans who have only a few syllables available to them shouldn’t have a monopoly on the carrying of stuffies in public.
It’s totally fine.
Maybe not normal, but fine for sure.
The air is cool against my skin, the warmth of the sun barely breaking through. The sensation threatens to ruin the start of my Monday because it means fall is almost here, which means we are one step closer to winter, and I hate winter.
The only places I feel warm in winter are the shower, sitting directly in front of a heater or fire, or snuggled up to another human being.
Since dorm rules state we can’t have a fire or heater in our room, and I highly doubt Oakley will let me snuggle up with her, it looks like I’ll be back to long showers.
Tapping my phone, it shows me the preview of the rideshare app and that the car I booked to take me to my appointment with Dr. Everett is about two minutes away. Picking up my speed, I head along the path to the student parking.
I’m going to blame the fact that I didn’t notice the massive black SUV parked in one of the visitors spots or the man leaning against the hood of the car on the fact that I was swiping socials on my phone.
It’s got nothing to with the fact that I discovered The Monarchs have an Instagram fan account and that while I may not be following it, I have looked at it enough that the algorithm serves me their posts at a higher ratio than most other accounts.
I almost manage to walk right by him and his car but stumble to a stop when I hear my name.
“Emery,” he calls out, the weight of the unspoken command sitting in the air between us.
I wheel around to gape at him, already feeling annoyance dancing around in my stomach. “What are you doing here?”
Derek stares at me for a long, drawn-out moment before straightening and gesturing at his car. “I’m here to take you to your doctor’s appointment.”
“And how, pray tell, do you know I have a doctor’s appointment?” I demand, the words clipped. They match the glare I’m sending his way.
“Because I was the one who made it for you,” he counters, his hazel eyes as nonchalant as I have ever fucking seen them.
His answer takes some of the wind out of my sails.
It doesn’t help that he looks ridiculously good right now, in his work clothes and leaning up against his car, freshly shaven and hair done to perfection.
The only thing missing are his sunglasses, which are on my head, acting like a headband. Hopefully he doesn’t notice them.
I cast about for anything else to make him go away or less smug, either is fine, and I finally land on the truth. “I booked an Uber.”
He shrugs. Derek. Shrugging like some moody-ass teenager. I don’t know whether to laugh or scream. “Cancel it.”
“No,” I clap back.
Derek nods and stands there, his stupid hands shoved in the stupid pockets of his stupid charcoal-gray trousers.
Thankfully, a little blue hatchback pulls into the student parking lot that matches the description of the car picking me up, and I turn back to face the oncoming car, happy with my win, since he didn’t argue back.
As the car pulls up, Derek comes to stand beside me as the driver gets out of the car and glances questioningly between Derek and myself. “Emery?”
“That’s me,” I reply as I step forward, but then Derek has to go and open his big stupid mouth.
“Actually, we aren’t in need of your services today. I apologize for the inconvenience. Here, let me compensate you for your lost time.” Derek pulls out an honest-to-god money clip, peels off a crisp—fuck me, is that a Benjamin?—and offers it to the guy.
“Actually, no. I still want the ride.” I reach for the door handle, but I can literally see the dude doing the math and know I’m going to lose this battle.
My fare is worth one quarter of what Derek is offering him to cancel on me. And then he can grab another job and earn more than double.
The guy shoots me an apologetic smile, takes the cash from Derek, gets back in his car, fiddles with his phone for a moment, and then drives off, which is when I receive a notification from him that I was a no-show but still gave me a five-star review.
What the fuck?
I turn to Derek, eyes wide with…with…fuck, I don’t even know what I feel right now.
Irritated.
Frustrated.
Incredulous—because, did that just really happen?
Angry.
Really fucking angry. Like my insides are volcanic lava seconds away from eruption.
“What the hell is your problem?” I demand, voice grating over the last few words.
Derek smiles, still holding the fucking money clip as he crosses his arms over his chest. “We all voted and decided it was best one of us takes you to your appointment. The others drew the short straws.”
“A vote? About what’s best for me? You don’t get to decide that.
I get to decide that. Me.” I jab my thumb into my chest, the heat starting to pour out of my skin as I try to hold in the bubble of hysterical laughter sitting in the base of my throat.
“This is so fucking typical of you. When are you going to get it? I don’t need you making decisions on my behalf.
I’m fully fucking capable of knowing what the hell I want and need.
I might be only eighteen, but I have more goddamn experience with the consequences of other people’s shit decisions than you ever will. ”
My chest rises and falls with every ragged breath I take, and I have to stop looking at him or I might commit a felony.
So, I unlock my phone and go back into the rideshare app to order another vehicle, happy that I prefer to be chronically early and that I have enough time to deal with this bullshit and still have time in the waiting room.
I get as far as reselecting my destination before he tries talking to me again.
“If you’re ordering another car, I wouldn’t.
I have another nine of those from where the first one came from.
All you’re going to do is tank your rider score and cost me a thousand dollars, and you will definitely miss your appointment.
” The oh-so-fucking casual way he lays it all out there is infuriating, like he is explaining every foregone conclusion that has ever existed.
My thumb hovers over my car options, but my vision goes blurry, kind of like how I would imagine a red haze of rage would actually look when it’s described in a book.
The very sincere urge to stab Derek right in his stupid face swells up inside of me so violently that I almost don’t get a hold of myself.
Why are they doing this to me?
Actually. Why do I keep asking myself that? I don’t have the fucking answers. But standing here, right next to me, is a man who always seems to magically have every answer to every question. He’s anticipated all my needs before I’ve even known them.
All except one time.
Pain slices through me at the memory of the club, them sitting around having a great time, while I’d been falling apart, alone, at the apartment.
Fuck me, I’d been having a good morning right up until this very moment.
“Why are you doing this to me?” All the heat and steam have left me, leaving nothing but mush. A wave of exhaustion threatens to take me out at the sudden deflation of my rage.
“Have you read the letter?” Derek’s voice is quieter and a lot closer than a moment before, his hand coming to cup over mine, which is still holding my phone open on the rideshare app.
It takes me a second to remember he is talking about the yellow envelope he gave me at the hospital and not the little notes from Hudson. I shake my head.
A hand rubs a soothing circle on my lower back, and I fight my instinct to lean into his chest, to accept his comfort, to let them off the hook for taking away all my power and choices.
Derek is quiet for several moments before he makes a humming noise that is oddly soothing, his thumb rubbing over the back of my hand.
“That’s okay, you aren’t ready yet. You may never be ready.
But if you ever are ready, the letter will explain everything, and if you have more questions, I will spend every second of my time answering.
But for now, please allow me to drive you to your appointment and then bring you back to campus.
Just because you can do these things alone doesn’t mean you should have to. ”
But I do have to do them alone. It’s just me.
Yeah, there are Oakley and Will, but they aren’t the same as having a family.
I have no family. No support network. I thought I was going to find one with them.
My eyes ache behind my closed lids, and the knife I imagined stabbing Derek with plunges into my chest. The pain is so real, I use my braced hand to touch my sternum to make sure it is only emotional and not physical.
The reminder of my lack of parents and family twice so closely together, when it’s not something I usually allow myself to think about, ever, is the tipping point. Everything is too fucking much.
My throat and eyes burn, and a sob sits at the base of my throat, threatening to burst out of me if I open my mouth.
I don’t want to be alone anymore. I don’t want to have to do things on my own.
So, I cave the tiniest bit and nod in acceptance.
Derek’s hand squeezes my own, then he leads me to his car and holds open the passenger door.
I stare at the front seat and then glance at the driver’s. Too fucking close. Too much.
I slip free of his grasp and go to the back door and let myself in, closing the door on him. His shocked face turns to a rueful smile before he taps my door and goes around to the driver’s side.
I can let him drive me to the appointment. I can let him be there for me. Just this one time. Just for right now.
I can go back to building my castle walls tomorrow.