46. Chapter 44
Emery
EyesOnYou: Will you be going live tonight?
Their message must have come through when Darcy and I were finishing up at the Thai Orchid, but I’d left my phone in my bag, which I’d left in the car. And when I think back on it, I haven’t checked my phone since before I arrived at the warehouse.
There are a few other notifications—a few messages from Oakley, a single message from Will, comments on the study notes document, and a few alerts from SugarLife—but none of them really interest me.
But that one message from EyesOnYou has my stomach lurching.
I’m almost an hour late for our usual time.
I finish climbing the stairs up to my dorm, with an overfilled bag of takeout containers, and unlock the door as I bite my lip. I’m not really up for a public live tonight; my emotions are still all over the place, and I have zero motivation to study.
Really, all I want to do is get ready for bed and go to sleep.
Will they be disappointed? The lurching turns to a cramp.
Maybe if I’m open and honest, they’ll understand?
The dorm is dark when I walk in. Frowning, I scan the space but don’t see Xavier anywhere. Usually he is home by now.
There is a small strip of light coming from under Oakley’s door, and I can hear quiet music, so obviously she is home.
Not really wanting to get into a conversation, I quietly deal with the leftovers, and the entire time, my mind replays the dinner and how we actually sat there in silence, sampling four hundred dollars’ worth of food.
Sure, there was prolonged eye contact here and there, but beyond him saying he was proud of me—which I can now admit did make me feel a little good at the time—neither of us said a single fucking word. And it wasn’t even awkward.
And then, instead of a cab, he drove me home. In silence.
He didn’t even try to hug me goodbye. He merely watched from where he lounged against the outside of his car from the parking lot as I walked to the door of my building.
Walking away without a word was weird and uncomfortable, but I knew it was the right thing to do.
With everything now in the fridge, I hightail it into my room and close the door behind me.
Dumping my backpack on the floor by my desk, I spot another fucking gift and note next to the polka dot box.
With a sigh, I pick up fancy envelope and the note, then plonk down on my bed, phone in my other hand.
The first envelope feels thick and a little fancy. Unfolding the sheet of paper that’s inside, I crinkle my nose—a gift certificate for a day spa. I flip the card over, looking for more details, but there are none. Just a prepaid amount with a blank date.
Maybe the note will hold more information.
Kitten,
This is a pick-your-own-adventure day spa certificate. They have everything from facials to massages, nails to hair. Think of it as self-care. Several hours of silence, relaxing music, and being pampered.
The woman I spoke to said that the Japanese head and hair massage is one of their most popular services.
Hudson.
I flip the note over, looking for more, but nope, that’s it. Not going to lie, I’m a little disappointed the note isn’t a naughty one, especially after this morning’s purple cock.
I’m not sure how I feel about this gift.
Besides a basic cut, I’ve never even had my hair styled, so I’m honestly not sure what to expect. But a day of getting pampered does sound nice. A little bit of luxury for a few hours. Something to consider, anyway.
Leaving both bits of paper on my desk, I flop down on my bed and open SugarLife and go to my messages with EyesOnYou.
Every time I open my inbox, I have to stop myself from scrolling down to my chat with Brat4Us.
Since doing the public lives, my inbox is overflowing, which has pushed their chat down. Way down.
I’m on the fence about how I feel about this. On the one hand, I don’t have to see their group profile every time I log in, but on the other hand, I can’t easily open their messages and reread our beginning like I used to do.
Me: Hey, I am so sorry. I went out to dinner, and it went longer than I anticipated. And now I’m not really feeling up to being watched by a bunch of people. Rain check?
Closing my eyes, I place my phone on my chest and try to become one with my mattress. I know I still need to go shower and get whatever the hell today was off my skin, but for right now, I need to be here.
My phone vibrates on my chest, and honestly, it’s a weird sensation.
I’m too exhausted to muster up many nerves about whether they are going to be annoyed with me or not.
And really, who gives a fuck? They’re just a stranger on the internet who likes to watch me do schoolwork.
By the density of my inbox, it’s clear they are easily replaceable.
EyesOnYou: Sounds like you had a tough day. Want to talk about it?
Me: Not really up for a bunch of texting. Sorry.
EyesOnYou: I understand. May I suggest a private live, then? I would like to hear about your day and see if I can offer any support. I will not be offended if you say no.
I bite my thumbnail as I read over the message again. A private live? To watch me talk? Is that weird? And do I really want to spill my guts to this person? I don’t even know their name.
But…just like the little bit of truth from the other day, maybe having an unbiased person to talk to would help me work through everything.
Almost like my own personal therapist, except, not really.
Also, they could be a serial killer who lives in their mom’s basement because they have a crazy fetish for doll hair and can’t be trusted to live alone.
Me, dramatic? No.
Me: You want to watch me whine about my day?
EyesOnYou: I want to watch anything you want to show me.
EyesOnYou: If you want to talk, I’m happy to listen. If you just want to lie in bed and go to sleep, I’m happy to watch until you are lost to the land of dreams. If you want to do 1,000 jumping jacks, I’m happy to be your official counter.
EyesOnYou: I like having you on one of my computer screens while I do tedious administrative work.
EyesOnYou: If you aren’t feeling up to it, like my earlier message said, I understand. Saying no today won’t change things about tomorrow. Not unless you want them to.
They really do just like to watch, then. I get it. Derek loves to watch, but that only seemed to be during scenes. I couldn’t see him being content watching me sleep. That would be more of a Xavier thing.
And watching while I sleep? That seems fine, right? I could quickly go and use the bathroom and get ready for bed, then give them about twenty minutes of me lying here, mostly in the dark.
Me: Do you promise to close the live once I fall asleep?
EyesOnYou: You can schedule the live to end, so even if I don’t keep my word, you can decide what time the feed stops.
I can? Huh, I had no idea.
Me: Okay, let me get ready for bed, and then we can try the watch while I fall asleep thing.
EyesOnYou: I’ll be waiting for your private live invitation.
About fifteen minutes later, I’m scrubbed clean, in my pajamas, more knowledgeable about the schedule function, and ready to send my first private live request.
I also logged into SugarLife on my laptop so that I could use the flashlight on my phone to provide a little bit of light away from my face, so EyesOnYou could at least see a little bit of me.
Checking that everything about my bed looks okay and that there is no random purple cock in view, I send the request to them, my screen going black before my reflection appears. I immediately stop biting on the skin of my finger as the live loads. Fuck, I really need to quit doing that.
A green tick appears on the screen, and then the chat bar on the right has a new message.
EyesOnYou has entered the live.
EyesOnYou: Hi SugarBB_Emmy.
“Um, hi. Actually, you can call me Emmy while we are on a private live, if you want,” I stutter out, feeling a ridiculous amount of awkward for some reason.
EyesOnYou: As you wish, Emmy.
EyesOnYou: Is there anything else you need to do before you go to sleep?
I glance at the foot of the bed where I moved my teddies, kind of really wanting at least Rocky with me tonight. But I’m not sure how well that will go down with my viewer.
“Um, no, I’m good. All ready for bed,” I reply as lightly as I can manage and start to snuggle down into my pillow.
EyesOnYou: Are you sure? You looked at something off-screen.
I laugh, nervously. “Ah, yeah, that’s just…it’s my teddy bear. I have three, actually. Well, only two right now. Normally there is three.”
EyesOnYou: If you want to sleep with them, then, please, get them. This is about your comfort as well as my wish to watch. Don’t change for me.
Swallowing, I glance at the bears. I really want to snuggle into their softness. And fine, if they want to watch me cuddle a plushie, then good for them. I’m not going to yuck their yum.
Not letting any more thoughts enter my mind, I sit up and gather both of them, then arrange Blue on the pillow behind me before rolling back to the computer with Rocky squeezed to my chest.
EyesOnYou: Does he have a name?
Smiling, I press my face into his fur before answering. “Rocky.”
EyesOnYou: That’s a strong name. Does he protect you in your dreams?
“Yeah,” I reply, feeling the weight of the day starting to drag me under.
EyesOnYou: That’s good, baby. Go to sleep now. I’ll watch over you until it’s Rocky’s turn.
My eyelids flutter shut at the gentle command, my heart swelling painfully. I almost wish they were here, in person.
Almost.