11. Baby
BABY
Since yesterday, I used every excuse I could think of to avoid this phone call.
From washing the dishes, to washing my clothes.
Hell, I was so desperate, I asked my auntie if she wanted me to help her cook.
She cursed me out for that and ran me outta the kitchen.
Right now, I was on the couch, strolling through the same channels for the last thirty minutes.
I don’t know why I'm stalling, but the thought of talking to Love made me so nervous, I didn’t know what to do with myself.
Auntie came in minutes later and sat right next to me. I looked at her suspiciously, wondering what this was about.
Out of the four of my mama siblings, auntie Misha is my favorite. She was only ten years older than me, and we were a lot alike. She did what she wanted to do with her life, made no excuses, and had no regrets.
Her and mama never seen eye to eye, so she didn’t come around a lot when I was little. She stepped up and took us in when social services wanted to split me and Leah up though, and I'll always be grateful for that.
She started. “You know, I never told you how proud I am for what you did for Leah.”
My gaze softened.
“And I don’t blame you,” she added, crossing her legs. “Shit, I probably would’ve killed his black ass.”
I threw my arms around her waist and squeezed tightly. Even if I was wrong, auntie never would've told me. I loved how she didn’t make me feel bad for my choices and gave me room to make my own mistakes.
“You did what you felt was right.” She leaned back, and gently cradled my face between her hands. “But Baby, life will be so much harder for you now, and you gotta learn how to adjust and just keep pushing forward. Don’t let none of these muthafuckas tell you who you are, you hear me?”
I chuckled, tears in my eyes. “Yes, ma’am.”
She pecked my forehead and moved away. “How’s the job search going?”
She picked up her cigarette from the ashtray while she waited for me to answer.
“It’s hard,” I admitted, getting emotional. “Everybody turned me away. They look at me like I'm nothing.”
“To them, you ain’t nothing. Nothing but a convict,” she pointed out, blowing smoke in the air. “That’s why you need to go back to school and get a degree. That’s the only way you’ll survive out here, Baby. Trust me.”
I nodded, taking in what she was saying.
She used her free hand to grab her phone from the coffee table. “Alright, now call that man back. He sounded fine as hell. She sized me up, a sly grin on her face. “No wonder you scared.”
I scuffed. Ain’t nobody scared of Love, and hearing her talk shit made me wanna prove her wrong.
I went to my room for privacy, and closed the door behind me.
If I didn’t call him, I knew it was only a matter of time before he called me back, so I might as well get it over with.
I hit the dial icon, waiting for him to answer.
“Hello.”
His deep masculine voice blared through the speaker, and I immediately clenched my legs together. He sounded so damn fine!
“Hi,” I squealed out. I could’ve slapped myself for how ridiculous I sounded. “You called for me?”
“Yeah, yesterday,” he noted sarcastically. I heard a noise in the background before the phone went silent, and the sound of a door closing caught my attention. “I wanted to check-in. How’s everything going with you?”
Check-in? Of course he was only doing his job, but it felt like a punch in the gut to hear. Maybe I misunderstood the chemistry between us.
“Good,” I muttered, tryna mask the disappointment in my voice. “Just looking for a job. I’m thinking about enrolling in community college to kill time while I find something.”
I haven’t really decided on the college shit yet, but I do know I want more for myself than this.
“Staying out of trouble, I hope,” he added, and I can practically feel him smiling from the other end.
Even though he couldn’t see me, I nodded my head.
“Of course.”
“Right,” he replied, his tone nothing but professional. “Well, I’ll be out of the office next week. I have a family emergency.”
My stomach dropped. I was looking forward to our meeting. If anything, it would’ve given me a chance to be in his presence. I was so busy in my head, I missed Love speaking to me. “What’d you say?”
He paused and for a second, I thought he hung up. “I asked if you started your anger management classes, yet?”
I groaned, completely forgetting about that. When it was mentioned by the judge, I thought it was a suggestion and not a requirement.
He chuckled low, and the sound shot straight between my legs. “Don’t be like that. Ain’t nothing wrong with getting help. We all could use it. I took a few of them myself.”
He can’t be serious.
“For real? Why? Who ass, Love Hamilton kicked?” I teased, smiling when he laughed at my joke.
“You know how it is when you in high school,” he commented with amusement. “I was off the chain. My folks ain’t know what to do with me, so they sent me to see a counselor.”
Hearing him say counseling helped him, had me second guessing my decision. I’m one of them black people, that swear they’ll never go to therapy. However, if I can relieve some of this anger inside me, maybe it’ll help in the long run.
“If I don’t like it, I still gotta keep going?” I inquired, playing with the thread in my pillow.
“If you don’t like that one, I’ll find somebody you do like,” he told me, but I was doubtful. He’s the only man I'm willing to see multiple times a week. “But Baby, it’s mandatory. You have to go whether you want to or--.”
A loud scream sounded on his end, and it scared me half to death.
“Is everything alright, Love?” I asked in worry.
“Yes, ye--I gotta go, but make sure you get to those classes, Baby.” He hung up on me, and I sat there for a second, wondering what happened. It was still on my mind a few hours later.
I had the refrigerator wide open, peering inside. I wanted to see what I could make for dinner when Leah walked in on her phone. She didn’t acknowledge me until I stared her down.
“Oh, hey,” she mumbled dryly, giving me a half-wave.
“Girl, don’t tell me you still got an attitude about the mall situation?” I closed the fridge then leaned against it, folding my arms across my chest. She put her phone down, adjusting her body to face me.
“You shouldn’t have done me like that, Baby,” she said with hurt in her tone.
I can’t believe she so damn petty and salty about shit that happened days ago. I probably wouldn’t have added my two cents if I would’ve known how she’d reaction. She claimed she’s grown now, but her actions show something different.
“I don’t think it’s all that serious, in my opinion,” I snapped back, my face scrunched up in a scowl. “You took something so small and blew the shit outta proportion. But I'm sorry you felt a way. Next time I have a problem, I’ll come to you first.”
I told her what she wanted to hear so we could squash all this. Since I’ve been home, I spent more time with Jayda than her, and she’s my damn sister.
“Alright, good,” she replied, accepting my apology. “You need me to take you somewhere tomorrow? I’m free.”
This was her first time asking me that. I knew it had less to do with her wanting to help me, and more about proving Jayda wrong, but I'm grateful either way. I did need to sign up for these classes to get Love off my case, so I asked her to take me.
“Okay, use auntie phone to call me,” she announced, getting a bottle of water from the refrigerator. “I’m staying the night with my man. I just came home to get more clothes.”
“When you gone bring him back over here?” I wondered, watching her move around the kitchen. “We ain’t speak that much at my welcome party.”
She shuffled from one foot to the other.
“Oh-hh yeah.” She cleared her throat, unscrewed the cap, and took a sip. “He just got a lot going on at work.”
“Where you said you met him again?” I inquired, cocking my head to the side.
“The mall,” she uttered out, and I can practically see the wheels turning in her head. “Nordstrom.”
I nodded, peeling the banana in my hand. Something was going on with my sister. She never used to lie to me, but it comes easily to her ass now I see.
“That’s cool.” I took a bite, then turned on my heel to walk away. “I’ll see you tomorrow then, I guess.”
Jayda was right. I was blind when it came to Leah, but not no more. She was hiding something. Something she clearly ain’t want me to know, but what’s done in the dark always came to the light.