18. Maia
18
MAIA
O ur cousin.
Ryan is our cousin.
Why couldn’t they tell me this?
Knowing his identity and keeping it from me is one thing. But it’s not as if he’s just some random stranger that they didn’t know.
He’s their fucking cousin.
He’s a bad Wolfe Alex claimed. And they hid it from me. They never told me that they knew who my daughter’s father was, they never told me of their link to him.
The man who ran from his abusive parents and pack and lived as a human for years.
The man I see regularly.
The man I love.
They claim he’s bad. But he never treated me with anything but kindness, with love.
All this time, through all of my mourning and pain, all my regret at getting closer to them, all the uncertainty… they had so many opportunities to help relieve me of some of this pain. They could’ve trusted me, been open with me, but instead, they lied .
My anger builds as fast as my hurt does, and the more I sit here, trapped with my own thoughts, the less rational I become.
Alex’s fingers thrum on the steering wheel as we wait, and I’m silently seething. This time, I hope he can scent the changes in my mood. I hope he can feel the way my blood is boiling.
Phoebe’s asleep in her car seat, the vibrations of the car soothing her, and we wait.
And wait some more.
“They’re on the way out now,” Alex says. I don’t know when the switch between Max and Alex took place, but the man seems very unsure how to handle me. He keeps eyeing me through the rearview mirror, but I deliberately avoid making eye contact.
I don’t want to see the look in his eyes. I don’t want to know how he’s feeling.
Is he determined to uphold his righteousness? Is he going to feel guilty? Is he going to be sad? Angry?
I don’t want to know until I’ve processed my own emotions. I refuse to let him sway me, and I know he could, so easily.
I see the three identical men leave the doctor’s office and head towards the car. They’re tense, that much is clear, and there’s almost an air of danger surrounding them.
But right now, I don’t care about playing it safe to not anger the dangerous werewolves. I’m angry in my own right.
I clench my jaw, turning my head away as they advance, not wanting to look at them any further. The front door is yanked open, and one of the guys drops in . He turns to face me, but I won’t look at him. Instead, I give Phoebe my full attention. She’s asleep, but I watch her soft breathing and give her my attention.
“Are you okay, Maia?” That’s Topher sitting in the front, and he’s surprisingly less angry than I thought he would be. There’s some tension in his words, but for the most part, he seems calm.
That’s not what I expected after hearing about who Dr Thomas actually is. I would have thought he’d be furious, maybe even murderous. Is it strange that I’m actually disappointed by that?
Probably.
“Maia’s a little upset with us,” Alex says in a calm and soothing tone, and Topher groans.
If I were a violent woman, I’d smash my fist into his face and not feel an ounce of guilt for the way he’s acting, like I’m the problematic one here.
“Perfect,” he says with a heavy sigh. The only reason I don’t bother snapping at him is because he genuinely seems put out over it.
Let them wallow in their misery. Then at least we’re good company for each other.
Topher looks over at Ben and Seb, who didn’t get in the car, and I watch their interactions out of the corner of my eye. It’s strange, but I can’t tell them apart right now. Both are stern-faced and holding themselves in an identical position, and I saw neither man properly before they left this morning, so their clothes are no indication.
I hate this for them both. Ben and Seb are two of the most oppositional of the quadruplets, and it shows how much this situation has got to them, that they’re mirrors of each other.
Then again, why should I care?
“Ben, you drive Seb’s car home,” Topher says. He sounds exhausted. “Seb, see where he goes, but don’t make yourself known. Come home as soon as you can.”
“Why Seb?” I ask before I can stop myself. Four nearly identical sets of eyes dart my way, and I cringe at the intensity in their eyes.
“Seb’s a tracker—someone who is extremely good at following people’s scents,” Topher says almost gently. “We all have strong senses, and we’re all able to follow a scent, but Seb’s capable of learning so much more from it. Whether they’re a little angry or their wolf is weak. Whether they’re hungry or pregnant. He can follow someone no matter how faded the scent is. If there’s something there—he will unearth it. So if he can follow this “doctor”, we’ll be able to piece together a few things.”
I nod slowly. Seb sniffs the air, gives me a piercing stare, before turning and jogging away. His ass looks very good, but that’s all I’m going to admit to in my anger. However, I am surprised he’s wearing a suit today, considering his norm seems to be versatile clothing. It makes sense if he’s a tracker, but I wonder what caused the switch today.
“Are you going to be okay with these two, or do you want to come with me?” Ben asks with a pleading tone.
“I’m no less angry with you,” I mutter, and he sighs.
“I was under orders, baby girl.” He gives me a puppy dog face, even fluttering those long, dark eyelashes of his.
Fuck that. Not only has he kept a huge secret from me, but now he’s acting as if he had no choice in the matter.
I’ve had choices stolen from me. By these very men, at that.
“I’ll see you at home,” I say, and Topher leans forward and pulls his car door shut. Ben sighs and watches as we drive away with a very sad expression on his face.
I don’t feel guilty.
Or at least, I shouldn’t .
The drive is mostly silent, the only noises coming from Phoebe as she sleeps. My mind won’t quiet down, and unlike them, I don’t have a wolf to talk to who can help me rationalise what they did.
They’ve lied. By omission or not, it’s still a lie, and it’s one that hurts.
Phoebe is my daughter. They think they have a claim on her, and whilst they might in the supernatural world—they do not in mine. I’m human with the tiniest foot in their world— and her foot is so, so tiny —and they’re keeping secrets that could cost me my child, all because I can’t understand.
Sure, over the last few weeks, they’ve helped me with Phoebe. They’ve sat with her in my bedroom whilst I take a very fast shower, and they’ve supported me as much as I’ll let them.
I’m not permitting them to act as parents, but there’s no denying the connection they share with my daughter. They lap up every single scrap I throw their way, any form of attention I let them give my child, and they’ve never once complained.
They’re still here. Trying. Caring. Maybe even loving.
But how do I link those two things? How can the men who are so determined to be in her life, in my life, keep something so important from me?
Why would they do that?
How have they spent the last three weeks showing me this beautiful side of them, when deep down, they were lying, keeping secrets, and destroying the very fragile trust I’ve placed in them?
How am I meant to move past something like this?
“I can hear your thoughts ticking away,” Alex says. I recognise the streets now, and I know we’re very close to home—to their home.
“Very loudly,” Topher adds, looking at me through the rearview mirror. “Do you want to talk it out?”
I clench my jaw and stay silent. Whatever I say now will be said in anger, confusion, and without the context I need. They both sigh, identically, and we go back to the uncomfortable silence.
We’re home less than five minutes later, and neither man rushes to my door. I don’t let that bother me, even though it’s against their norm, and round the car to get Phoebe out. Topher grabs her bag from the boot, and Alex shuts the car door after me. I huddle Phoebe in close to me, wrapping my jacket around us to protect her from the harsh wind .
“We’re home,” Topher calls through the house, which startles Phoebe enough that she begins to cry. It’s not her soft ‘I’m hungry’ cry or the whine she does when she’s feeling uncomfortable.
No, this is the cry she does just before— and there it is. I don’t startle this time as the shift overtakes her, instead, I just adjust my hold so I don’t drop her.
“She’s gorgeous,” Topher says, leaning into me to offer the comfort that he can. There’s no hesitance about the act. I nod softly. “Why don’t you put her down?”
“On the floor?” I gasp, looking up into his hazel eyes. He nods, and I tentatively crouch down and place Phoebe on the floor in the passageway. Her nails are sharp, and they do a little tippy tap as she walks forward. She’s hesitant, her small frame seeming even smaller when she’s that low down, but there’s an almost eager energy surrounding her.
She slowly creeps forward, her little grey form coming to a stop in front of the mirror. I giggle as she watches herself, and in this moment, I would kill to have the connection the guys do with her.
To be able to hear her thoughts, to communicate with her.
She raises a paw and bats it against the mirror. She’s so cute, and my heart feels so full watching her.
“Would you be upset if one of us shifted to be with her?” Topher asks. He’s keeping his tone calm and soothing as if he’s talking to a wounded animal.
I’m not wounded. I’m pissed. There’s a difference.
Even if my tiny daughter is soothing some of the hurt away with her adorable behaviour.
I don’t even turn to look his way, too obsessed with watching her. “No.”
“Would you like to see?” Topher asks, and I nod slowly. He scoops Phoebe up and strokes her fur gently before taking my hand as he leads me through to the living room. The usual sparks fly between us, but my focus is on the soft licks Phoebe is doing to Topher’s hand.
He’s so gentle with her. So kind. It’s the sweetest behaviour, seeing the attention he lathers her with.
It sends tingles through my body, a heat builds in my core. I had an amazing dad, and seeing Topher… fuck, I hate my body for giving in.
Topher is also a huge fucking liar. That’s what is important.
How many hurdles do I need to move past when it comes to them?
“Can I be the one to shift?” Ben begs, giving me a smile from the sofa. He’s wearing the same suit from earlier, although he’s taken the jacket off and rolled up his shirt sleeves. His forearms bulge in a sexy way as he clasps his hands together. “Please?”
“Sure,” I say, after checking with Topher.
I watch in fascination as Ben lifts the heavy coffee table out of the way, shoving it up against the wall, and then he begins his shift. The first sign is his eyes shift to their bright blue colour, and he starts to grow taller and bigger. Fur spouts before my eyes, and he drops to four feet faster than my eyes can track.
His coat is a light grey, the same shade as Phoebe’s, and it looks so silky and smooth. The areas around his eyes are darker, highlighting the blue of his eyes that much more, and the tips of his ears are a darker grey, too. His head is level with mine, his body massive, but his eyes... they’re Ben. Well, Ben or Fluffy. They’re beautiful.
He is beautiful.
I thought I’d be terrified, like I was the first time Phoebe shifted— or the second, or the third. But I’m not. He’s a gorgeous wolf who seems to be making a conscious effort to not scare me. He’s staying still, keeping his eyes trained on me, and they’re so familiar that I can’t even begin to feel panicked .
“Are you okay?” Topher asks, and I nod slowly, unwilling to move my eyes away from Ben. “Can I put Phoebe down now?”
“Should we call her Phoebe when she’s in this form?” I ask whilst nodding and giving permission to put her down. Topher wastes no time in gently placing Phoebe down on her feet, and my tiny little wolf bounds over to Ben with an eagerness I love to see.
“Yes. We’ll call her Phoebe in both forms until she’s old enough to name her wolf. It’s a big milestone for us,” Topher says, coming to stand next to me. He doesn’t touch me, rather just hovers close enough that the sparks between us fly through the static in the air. It’s so potent it nearly takes my breath away.
I nod and turn back to watch the scene in front of me.
Phoebe reaches up on her back paws to play with the adult wolf, and it’s both terrifying and so sweet to see the way Ben reacts. He’s a huge wolf, easily able to hurt my tiny wolf pup, but he doesn’t. He’s gentle and careful and so tender in his movements.
She tries to bat at him with her paws, and he lets out a low growl, causing her to howl loudly.
I move over to the sofa and get comfortable, a smile permanently etched onto my face. I watch the two of them play, and my heart is so full of love. Ben is being extremely careful, but I can feel the joyous energy radiating from him at being able to bond with her in this way. He’s having a good time playing with my child, and she’s just as happy.
I’ve never seen so much life in the wolf version of her before, and it’s adorable.
They’re perfect, and just like earlier with Topher, it gives me feelings I don’t want to embrace. So, instead, I push them away and let the self-doubt creep in.
“You can give her so much more than I can,” I say quietly, a wave of sadness overtaking me. It’s strong enough to drag me under if I let it .
“No, we can’t, princess,” Topher says. “Sure, we understand her as a wolf, but you are her mother , and that is the most special relationship she will ever have. You know what she needs, Maia, you can give her the world, and you would. She relies on you, she loves you, she’s known you for so much longer than you have known her—because whilst she was inside you, she learnt your voice and heard your love, she learnt that you’ll do anything for her, and she knew from day one that you would protect her. You’re her mum, princess, and that’s something nobody can ever take away from you.”
I blink back the tears and turn to face him properly this time. “You can’t promise that, Toph. The whole reason I’m here is because we’re terrified Ryan’s family are going to try and take her away.”
“That is not the reason you are here,” he says firmly. Topher crouches down next to me, and his eyes are full of an intense feeling I refuse to acknowledge. “You’re here because you are ours, because there’s a future here, when you are ready to accept it and us. We want you, Maia, because you’re you—not because of anything else. Sure, you’re here so that we can help you learn about our world and can provide you help with Phoebe.”
He reaches for my face, gripping my jaw in his large hands, his touch surprisingly gentle. The sparks between us are frenzied as if they, too, can sense my upset. “But the reason you are here, Maia, is because you love your daughter so much that you’re willing to give her the pack and the support that her wolf needs, no matter the cost to yourself. You are a good mum, a beautiful mate, and one day, you’ll never doubt the love we give you.” He gives me a sad smile, and I can sense he wants to say something else, but holds himself back. “Phoebe is yours, and nobody will take her from you.”
I blink, and tears trail down my cheeks. I don’t know how to reply to that, not in my current mood. He’s trying so hard, and it confuses me that much more .
How is the man who says words as beautiful as this the same man who has kept such a huge secret from me?
“Your words are pretty,” I say, leaning away from him. Hurt flashes across his face for a brief second before he covers it with a mask. “But you can’t promise that, and you know it.”
“No, we can’t,” Alex says, reaching over the back of the sofa to hand me a glass of water. I take it with shaky hands and bring it close to me, using the cup as a deterrent for the touches Topher wants to lavish me in.
Alex moves into the room, a sense of confidence surrounding him, and it pisses me off. He’s taken his shoes off, and his socks have a small hole in the toe, and yet, he still seems like he’s in control of the situation.
He doesn’t get to feel this… secure . Not when I’m drowning the way I am, not when I’m so mad at them I could kill them and not even feel guilty.
At least, immediate guilt.
They broke my trust, and here I am playing nice.
I’m a fool.
They’re letting the cuteness between Ben and Phoebe calm me down enough that I’ll not be so mad. I can’t blame them, it’s a smart plan, even if it annoys me further.
“Can you encourage her to change back into her human form, please?” I demand, sitting up properly in the chair now. My tone is more tense, my words sharp, even with the added please.
Ben whines, but I don’t back down. I can see the hesitance from his wolf, but eventually, he gives a small bark, and Phoebe lays down onto her tummy. She gazes up at Ben with pure adoration, and he leans in and licks the side of her face. I scrunch my nose up, but she lets out a delighted whine.
Then, in front of my very eyes, she shifts from her wolf into her human form. My eyes widen as I see the changes in her. Her dark hair seems a little longer, a little thicker, her grey eyes are a little bit brighter. The intense colour fades from them with a blink, but she’s still so alert as I crouch down to pick her up.
“Can someone grab her swing from upstairs, please?” I ask, bringing the little girl in close to my chest. I offer her a feed as Alex bounds up the stairs, and Ben shifts back into his human form, too.
His clothes are still in place, one thing I’m grateful for because I couldn’t handle a naked Ben right now. I’ve read up on werewolves—you know, for research … it totally isn’t something I’ve been reading since I was thirteen—and in a lot of the fiction, they lose their clothes. It seems so inconvenient when compared with the gift they’ve been given, and it was always the thing that annoyed me the most about those stories.
In the real world, I’m grateful it’s not like that. I’m extremely glad my infant daughter— my rare, female, wolf-born child— won’t be exposed to anyone that way.
Phoebe unlatches, and I take a moment to resettle her as Ben awkwardly shuffles on the heels of his feet. The nervous energy he’s emitting has my heart fluttering.
“Thank you for letting Fluffy and I play with her. It was thrilling, even if she doesn’t pose much of a challenge,” Ben says, his voice quite small, and I give a curt nod.
Phoebe unlatches from my boob again, and it’s clear she’s just messing and not wanting an actual feed right now, so I fasten my top back in place. She gazes around the room, not settling on anything.
When Alex brings her swing down from upstairs, I place her in it, and then set up the vibrations. Without prompting, Topher turns on her projector, giving her something to watch, and the four of us settle in for what I hope is going to be an enlightening conversation, even if my heart hurts that Seb isn’t home.
No matter how mad I am, I really hope he’s safe.