20. Maia
20
MAIA
P hoebe is asleep, and we’re all sitting watching her. She’s so at peace, so content, and I’m anything but. They’ve just shared a huge family history with me, and I don’t know how to move forward.
They’re rattled. Ben’s so quiet, so still. He’s usually very restless and fidgety, but right now, he just seems so drained of life. The tension in the air seems to be impacting the youngest Wolfe brother a lot, and there’s a niggling feeling of guilt flickering away in my chest as I see the sullen and downtrodden expression on his face.
Not enough to have me being the one to fix it, considering he’s a liar and withheld information about my child that has impacted her safety, but seeing him so unlike himself is not something that sits right with me.
Is this behaviour part of his natural personality, the fact that he’s a runt, or just his way of expressing remorse?
I have no idea, but I hate that it affects me as deeply as it does.
Alex is staring at Phoebe, but I don’t think he’s actually seeing her. He’s lost in the memories of the past, and I can only imagine what is running through his mind. The distance in his eyes is not common for him, and neither is the hunched up way he is sitting. Alex is often so graceful, so warm, and it’s concerning how upset he is.
And me, well, the tension in the air is affecting me very deeply. They’ve shared a lot , and it’s going to take me some time to process it. I feel sort of numb, unable to actually understand the racing feelings inside of me. I don’t feel angry anymore at the lie, not really, but then I’m frustrated that I’m letting it go so fast.
My shock is overtaking my own pain and empathy for them, and I feel so lifeless as the constant what if’s float through my brain.
What if Ryan told me the truth about his family?
What if Phoebe never shifted into a werewolf?
What if the guys told me about Ryan being their cousin weeks ago?
What if, what if, what if…
I know for a fact that if they told me about Ryan, I’d have left. I wouldn’t still be here. They’d be in the agony they talked about, and so would I.
I can accept that as the truth, even if it annoys me. I deserve to know what is happening with any piece of information we have regarding Phoebe, and they kept this from me. Rightly . But not rightly, either, because she’s my daughter, and I need all of the facts to keep her safe.
But by keeping that secret… they gave me time to work with them and let them open up when the time was right.
If I’m being honest with myself, I probably wouldn’t have been that annoyed if they told me the truth themselves tonight, without Dr Thomas prompting me. I’d have griped about it but ultimately moved on.
But they didn’t. They were forced into telling me, and that is what hurts. After the last few weeks, they still don’t trust me.
But, Maia… do you trust them?
I look at both Ben and Alex again, my heart hurting at the pained expressions on their faces, the invisible storm cloud apparent over their heads. Today was a lot to go over, and there’s no denying that there’s a complex history between Ryan and my guys.
However, it also clearly shows that we need to figure out a way to move forward.
“Seb has just got home,” Ben says. His words seem to echo in the silent house, and I adjust myself so I’m sitting up properly. I’ve been worried about Seb, being out there alone with Dr Thomas, so I’m so glad he’s home.
I can’t bear the thought of him being harmed, so I hope he’s in one piece.
“Let’s order some food for dinner and make a plan for how we’re going to move forward,” Alex says, giving me an assessing look. “Seb’s been out chasing down Dr Thomas, so I need you to be prepared for whatever he has to say.”
“What do you mean?” I ask, narrowing my eyes. How can I prepare when I have no idea what I’m preparing for?
“He’s gone to follow the doctor, darling, and if the doctor has done something stupid, like reporting what has gone down today to whoever got him to be here, then we’re fucked,” Ben says, and his tone seriously implies that I’m stupid. “We’ll need to make some plans fast before we’re caught with our pants down. That’ll only piss off our dear cousin anyway, since our dicks are vastly larger?—”
“Your cousin?” I ask, and I know based on the way Ben lets out a snarl that I’ve focused on the wrong thing from his words. I don’t care about their cock sizes, not when he’s talking about another cousin.
If Ryan’s dead, and Morgan— Phoebe— is dead… which of their cousins are still alive?
Alex’s eyes widen, and he lets out a bunch of curses, panic filling him.
“What?” I demand, moving towards the edge of my seat in concern. Ben just rolls his eyes as if it’s all beneath him.
“We never… we’re idiots, and I’m very, very sorry.” Alex’s tone is so genuine here, and I nod slowly. “Ethan Grey is the soon-to-be alpha of their pack,” Alex says as the front door slams open, banging into the wall. It’s closed a lot quieter, but that doesn’t disguise the frustration from the man who did it.
Seb’s heavy footsteps can be heard as he storms through the house, and the tension weighing on him can be felt just as easily as my soul seems to relax. He’s home, he’s safe.
“Ethan is Ryan’s identical brother and is a fucking prick,” Alex says with a sigh as my entire body freezes. “However, sources say he’s been missing quite a few pack appearances lately, which doesn’t bode well for whatever it is that they’re planning.”
I feel like all of the air has been sucked out of the room.
Identical brother.
Ryan has an identical brother.
For months, I’ve been tormented by a dead man , doubting my own mind, convinced that I’m a powerful woman who can see ghosts.
But Ryan has an identical twin brother .
I can’t move, my entire being frozen . My head feels so heavy, like it’s impossible to hold up, my legs shaky and weak as the words bounce around my brain. I can’t bring myself to look away from Alex, but he’s not even looking at me.
Ryan’s got a brother. An identical brother.
Ryan is a twin.
And I am a fool.
“Are you okay, darling?” Ben asks, just as Seb charges into the room. My gaze darts up to him, the pressure inside me growing with every passing breath.
Seb’s eyes are bright green and oh-so-wide as they lock in on me, and I’m pinned even further into my seat. His clothes are a mess, lots of mud on the knees of his jeans and his shirt, and a rip across his chest with some dried blood on his tanned stomach. He doesn’t stop. Instead, he rushes to my side and lifts me from the chair into his arms .
His heart is pounding, I can hear the echo of it as he clutches me into his chest, but his isn’t the only one this loud.
Why does he get to be comforted when it’s my world that has been torn apart?
Ryan has an identical twin brother.
They’ve had weeks to come to terms with their decision of keeping Ryan’s life a secret. They’ve known for twenty-five years— a quarter of a century— to know that Ryan has an identical twin.
But this has just been dropped on me, and my entire world view has changed.
I shove at Seb’s chest, trying to release the tight grip he has on me so that these stupid sparks can stop and I can collect my thoughts. He growls and, instead, cuddles me tighter. His heart still hasn’t slowed, and neither has his breathing, despite the repeated gulps of breath as he takes in my scent.
I’m struggling to regulate myself, and I can’t, I need to be down. I need space.
But do you? my conscience calls.
“No, Seb, that’s enough,” I say as sternly as I can manage. My breathless tone makes it hard for him to take me seriously. “Place me down on the floor, now.”
“No.” He’s using a no-nonsense tone, one I can’t argue against, as he wraps his arms even tighter around me. It’s a tiny, tiny , squeeze away from being uncomfortable. “Please, mate, let me love you.”
Ugh, he’s so manipulative without actually trying to be.
He sniffs my hair, and I can feel him relax a little when I stop fighting.
“I’m mad.” I mutter the words, a pout on my lips, as I embrace the sparks fully and let him use my scent to calm himself down. I sort of need the hugs here, too.
“I know.” He sounds so sad and defeated in this moment here that I can feel how much he hates this. I relax in his hold and offer him comfort like the weak woman I so clearly am. He presses a soft kiss to my neck as I gently run my nails up and down the back of his scalp and neck.
“She’s mad at me, has called me mean names, and says I’m the ugliest?—”
“She did none of these things,” I snap, pulling away from Seb to glare at Ben over his shoulder. Seb whines, wanting the neck scratches, I think, but unfortunately, his brother needs correcting. “I’ve not once called you any names. And I really didn’t say you were ugly or the ugliest. How immature do you think I am?”
Ben pouts, dropping down from the sofa to his knees. He clasps his hands together and flutters his eyelashes at me. “Please, forgive me, darling. I’ll never lie to you again.”
“Put me down,” I say, and Seb sighs but doesn’t argue, this time. He lets the weight of my body slide down his. There’s so many tingles from where we touch that it soothes my panic that much more.
“Phoebe?” he pleads, and I nod. There’s a grin on his face as he bounds over to unstrap my tiny girl from her swing.
I let out a small sigh and turn properly to have all three men in my sights. Seb’s not looking at me, too interested in Phoebe, but both Alex and Ben are watching me warily.
“As a whole, the four of you have damaged the extremely fragile trust that I have placed in you,” I say, and when Alex opens his mouth, I give him a stern look that has him shutting up. “Can you hear me through there, Christopher?”
“Oh, fuck, the full name,” Ben whispers, not moving from his position on his knees. I don’t acknowledge him, knowing that’ll only make his comments that much worse.
But, fuck, could that imagery look so good if I—no, Maia. We don’t care how attractive Ben looks right now.
“Yes,” Topher says, and it’s only a second later that he comes through from the kitchen. His teeth are clenched together, his shoulders tense, but he gives me a nod that shows he’s willing to listen to whatever I have to say .
It’s about time.
“You four claim we are mates, and I won’t deny that I feel something . But your claims have not matched up to your actions. You claim you want to be in Phoebe’s life, in my life, for the long haul, and yet, you keep something like this from me,” I say quietly. I don’t need to raise my voice, not when all four of them are listening so attentively. Not when we all already feel like shit.
“It’s hurtful that you didn’t trust I could handle this, but you acted in a way that is not yours to handle. Phoebe is my daughter— mine —and right now, that’s the only way it’ll ever be.”
“We were going to talk to you about this tonight,” Topher says, and I can tell he’s doing his best to not sound like a prick.
“Oh, right, three weeks after the fact. Should I be grateful?” I demand, crossing my arms in front of my chest.
“Honestly, yes,” Ben says with a nod. He rises from the floor, almost bouncing on his feet as if it’s truly going to be this easy. “It’s hard finding things to tell you each night about our world without spilling this secret. It’s about time we can tell you the good stuff without tiptoeing around our lies.”
“Shut up,” Alex hisses, and Ben sighs, flopping down onto the sofa.
“No, Maia, you shouldn’t,” Topher says, pleading with me as he takes a small step forward. “But at the time of us finding out who Ryan was, you did not know us and could barely stomach being in the same room as us. This news was going to be something that pushed you even further away and would then leave Phoebe at risk.”
“I know that,” I say quietly. Tears prick at my eyes, and I look down at my feet. “But it hurts that you didn’t try. It hurts that it’s taken you three weeks to decide I’m trustworthy enough.” I wipe my eyes and look at Topher properly. “Where’s the trust? I’ve been trying to let you all in…”
“Not nearly enough as we’d like,” Ben says .
“I know that,” I say. “But I still have been trying.”
“I was the biggest holdout,” Topher says quietly. “Every day, we’re bonding closer, and it’s gone from just being something we kept from you to protect you and to keep you both with us… but it became a huge lie that I knew would hurt you. I didn’t want to add to your grief, Maia. I didn’t want to burden you with the truth of who Ryan was.”
I wrap my arms around myself, looking up at him with tears in my eyes. I’ve never felt so small, so fragile. “The Ryan I knew would walk women home at night from the library so they didn’t need to cross through the dark woods alone. The Ryan I knew did grocery shopping for our elderly neighbour because she had nobody close by who could.”
I look up at Topher as tears drip down my cheeks. “The Ryan I knew was gentle, and kind, and so full of positivity. He was the kind of man to put other people first, even at the detriment of himself.”
“Atonement is a rough path,” Alex says quietly.
I shrug as the sadness fades slightly. “Maybe it was atonement. Maybe he was trying desperately to get out of the shadow of his dead sister. I don’t know because he’s dead now, and I can’t ask him.” I toss my hair over my shoulder and give each man a piercing look. “But I do know that he was a child when Morgan died, and that no matter what— it was not his fault .”
There’s a stony look on Topher’s face, but it’s Ben who speaks up first. “I don’t hate him for Morgan,” Ben says with such a venomous tone that I’m shocked it came from him. That’s until I see his eyes are bright blue. “I detest my dear cousin because he put you and Phoebe at risk.”
“ Everything in your world seems to put my child at risk,” I hiss before bursting into tears. Two sets of arms reach for me, but I push them away, moving backwards so that they’re not touching me.
I can’t do it .
I can’t have them comfort me when their touch burns with the weight of their hatred.
“Your world is scary. I’m a human on the outskirts with such little knowledge of everything, and any time I make progress, I’m still nowhere near able to keep myself afloat,” I say through my tears, through the hiccups and breathlessness that comes with this much despair. “And I relied on you all for information. Day after day, you have been my only truth about this fucked up world you all live in. And you destroyed the trust we were forming.”
“Baby, please,” one of them whispers, but I can’t see who through my tears.
I drop my head and wipe at my eyes, desperate to control my emotions once more. It’s hard. The box I need to shove all of this upset into just isn’t big enough to contain it all.
But I need to get my shit together.
“You told me that they’d try to take her from me, that Ryan’s family would take her if they knew about her.” I look up at Topher, and I can imagine how desperate I look, how small and broken. “How likely is this going to be now that you know who her family is?”
He crouches down in front of me and hesitantly reaches forward to place his hand on my knee. When I don’t flinch away, his touch becomes more firm, and he squeezes gently. “I think the likelihood is very high, princess. We’ve got a battle on our hands—a big one.”
I knew that was going to be the case even before he said something. You don’t leave home at the age Ryan did with no reason. Usually, losing a family member brings the remaining family closer together.
But in his case, he fled.
He never would’ve wanted his daughter to be raised by them, but… would he want them raised by his enemy, either?
Fate has thrown me into the middle of a feuding family, and I’m lost. I don’t know whether she intends for me to tie them together or sever the final threads completely.
The unknown scares me.
I furiously wipe at my eyes, hating that these tears won’t stop. I look so pathetic, crying my eyes out. I can’t lose my shit right now. Not when my daughter needs me to be strong for her.
Until she has a voice of her own, I am her voice. I need to be her advocate, her warrior, her protector. Being a parent is putting your child’s needs first because they can’t do it for themselves.
And these men— my mates— are the key to helping me achieve that.
I don’t trust the supernatural. I don’t trust anyone outside of this house, but I’m willing to work with the men inside it. Over the last three weeks, other than this one huge lie, they’ve done everything to help me.
Offering comfort, support, and knowledge.
They’re mine, even if I’m not theirs. Even if I’m not yet theirs.
But I can’t just blindly accept this life. Not when it’s Phoebe’s future on the line.
“Before we move on,” I say, rising from the armchair to once more look each of them in the eye, “before we get into everything else, I want a promise from each of you.”
“Anything,” Alex says, relief dripping from his tone.
“Yeah, no, don’t hold me to that. Alex is a fool. I won’t agree to anything ,” Ben interjects, sitting forward with a scared look on his face. “I’m not falling into that trap. Give me your demands, wench, and I’ll agree if I’m okay with them.”
A smile tugs at my lips, but I smother it back down. “You made a decision that wasn’t yours to make when you took yet another choice from me. From here on forward, when it comes to Phoebe, we work as a team, and I get the final say.”
“Agreed,” the four of them say in unison.
“You do not use your alpha commands on me,” I continue .
“Unless it’s an emergency,” Topher interjects, despite the two glares from both Alex and Ben. I’m equally surprised and unsurprised to see Seb nodding as if he agrees with Topher. “I will not make that promise knowing I might break it depending on the situation.”
“Define an emergency. Because I’m not going to move forward when I’m going to be scared that my choices will be taken away at every opportunity that you deem emergent. You’ve stolen my autonomy once, you’ve hidden the truth from me, what else is there?”
Topher nods, and his eyes flash gold for a moment. “I’m the oldest, and I’m the one who has to make the tough decisions. Sometimes, there’s a split second where I need to decide, and that decision is often costly. But I still do make mistakes, Maia. I can promise that if I do fuck up, I’ll work my hardest to repair the damage I’ve caused.”
“And I appreciate that,” I say softly. “But that doesn’t answer my question or reassure me in the slightest. What do you constitute as an emergency?”
He sighs, but it’s Alex who answers for him. “I’d define an emergency as something life threatening, injury-inducing, or even just a very important decision that needs to happen within the next thirty minutes. If debating something back and forth could risk a life, then we’ll act and discuss it afterwards.”
I nod slowly. “This still seems like an unfair balance, but I can at least attempt to work with that.”
“When the roles are reversed, say a magic word, and we’ll obey,” Ben says, grinning at me. “It’s like a safe word, but not the one we’ll use in the bedroom.”
“Why would I need a safe word in the bedroom?” I ask, narrowing my eyes, as I try to hide my amusement. All four men, even Seb, who has been enamoured with Phoebe, exchange cheeky grins, and I get the feeling I don’t want to know what that look is for .
The way my vagina is fluttering has me thinking my body believes differently.
“We’ll discuss that later,” Topher says with a smirk. “But I’m agreeable to giving you a safe word where you can have the same balance.”
“Pick something you won’t use every day,” Ben says, waggling his brows at me. “So not “Holy fuck, Benjamin Wolfe, you are?—””
“Do not swear,” Seb growls, and Ben groans.
“Lavender.” I blurt the word out, needing to move the conversation forward.
“Perfect. Then I’m agreeable,” Topher says, and each of the men nod.
“Is there anything else that you’re keeping from me?” I ask seriously.
“Yes, but we’re going to get into that now,” Topher says. “Hopefully, by the end of tonight, you’ll know all of the important things.”
“Okay.”
“Is there anything you’re keeping from us?” Alex asks after I nod.
Far too many things. But how do I tell them about me seeing Ryan when I now know he has an identical twin—when it’s likely the man I’ve been talking to and engaging with, the man who followed me from my old town to this one… is the very man wanting to take my daughter from me? All the differences I see in Ryan, all the changes in his attitude and behaviour that I put down to him being dead could actually be the fact that he’s not Ryan at all.
I’ve been thinking I was special. That I had powers and abilities to see the man I lost. That I could bring him back in small doses to see his child.
That he died, but there’s still a chance for him to bond with her.
For her to know him .
But I think I’ve been played a fool. It’s far more likely I’m seeing Ethan Grey, the man consistently disappearing from his pack, than my dead fiancé.
“There’s one thing,” I say with a small shrug as they all frown. Just like their cheeky grins, their frowns are identical in everything but the eyes. “But… I need time.”
I need to figure out how to tell them without them losing their shit. I need to try and break it all down, to remember when I saw him and where. I need to figure it out so I can give them the full story because then they can help me.
They’ll figure out what’s been happening. You know, whether I’ve been seeing the dead fiancé I love so much, or his identical brother. The idea of not telling them, of keeping something so monumental from them, makes me ill. But I can’t let them jump the gun with something this huge.
We’ll need to plan, and tonight, their emotions are already running high.
And honestly, a tiny part of me also wants to have a confrontation with this Ethan. I’m not stupid enough to do it, not with Phoebe’s safety hanging in the balance, but I can admit that I need this closure, no matter how it comes.
There’s two growls, one reluctant nod, and one sigh.
“We took three weeks before opening up to you,” Topher says, making the decision for the group. “Take your time.”
A small part of me wished they pressed, wished they forced this issue here and now. I’m a coward and a hypocrite, and I think my omission is building so big I’m not going to be able to escape the downfall.
“But not too much,” Ben pleads, clasping his hands together again. “This tension is giving me a stomachache, and I’ve not eaten since we sat down to talk.”
“Wait, when did you have time to eat?” My brows furrow, and I latch onto this change in subject to try and hide my anxiety. I’m not sure how well it works when Seb narrows his eyes at me, but Phoebe makes a little whine, and his head snaps back over to giving her attention instead.
“In the time it took you all to get home, I ate a couple sandwiches,” Ben says with a shrug. “So, the faster we can order food and get on with it, the better. Your feelings are really cutting into my eating time.”
I pinch the bridge of my nose and move to sit back down. I’d also like to move on. “Where do we go from here?”
“What did you learn from Dr Thomas?” Topher asks, looking over at Seb.
He’s cradling Phoebe in his arms, and it’s such a sweet sight. My heart— and no other body part— flutters at the devoted look in Seb’s eyes. He drops the softest kiss on Phoebe’s head before a blankness fills his face. He turns so that he’s facing us, although his eyes are still focused on Phoebe.
“He’s gone.”
“Gone where?” I ask, a hint of panic in my words.
“Back to the pack,” Alex supplies, and Seb nods. “Which means that he’s going to be admitting his failure to my aunt and uncle.”
“And what happens then?” I ask.
“Depends, little love,” Seb says.
“On?” I’m frustrated that he doesn’t elaborate.
“On their grand plan.” Alex’s lips are tight together, a grim expression on his face.
“We’ve got more than just them to handle, though,” Topher says with a sigh. “We asked him if he knew who killed Ryan.”
“What?” I demand, snapping my head up to look at him. My legs are trembling, my heart pounding so loudly that I don’t even think I’m going to be able to hear his response.
“He claims… he claims my mum is responsible,” Topher says.
And I think that’s when my heart gives in, and the world goes black.
I’m not cut out for this life of secrecy.