23. Maia
23
MAIA
S eb and I worked together to get Phoebe bathed and ready for bed. I took a little bit of a step back and let him handle some of it on his own, and the rewarding smiles from them both made it so worth it.
She’s currently flat out in her crib, and the room is practically silent, except for the white noise and my heavy breathing. My tummy is in knots, and dread fills me at the thought of confessing.
But after everything we’ve talked about, I know I need to come clean. I want to come clean. I want the help. I want someone to lean on.
I even want someone to lecture me for keeping this secret in the first place. For not getting help or telling someone what I saw.
But who could I have told? What would I have said?
And that’s why I kept it a secret.
“I can smell your distress,” he murmurs. I’m currently lying on the bed, watching Phoebe sleep. Seb’s on the bed, too, and I’ve been hiding from looking at him. I was happy my daughter exploded in her nappy so I had to spend another fifteen minutes getting her changed, so I could try and figure out how to tell him.
It didn’t do anything but give me longer to go back and forth and make a bigger mental mess of the whole situation.
“Tell me what you’re hiding, little love.” I don’t know whether it’s Seb or Kane in control right now, and I don’t think it matters.
“I can’t,” I whisper, turning to face the man. I meet his eyes, and I can feel my body shaking. My teeth are chattering so hard it hurts, and the pit inside me is burning my stomach lining with how fast it’s growing.
“You can,” he insists. He moves so that he’s sitting on the bed, rather than lying on it, and opens his arms wide. I sit up myself and scoot a little closer, wanting his warmth but not being brave enough to sit on his lap.
“I don’t know how.”
His tone is so soft, so gentle. “You just tell me, little love.”
Tears fill my eyes, and I look down at my hands, letting them spill down my cheeks. “I’m a hypocrite.”
His hand darts out, brushing my hair out of my face. Sparks fly between us, and I sniffle as I wipe my tears away.
“Let me be the one to determine that, my mate,” Kane murmurs, the bright green eyes giving him away now. He moves closer so our knees are touching, and he cups my cheek. “Talk to us, my love. Tell Seb and I what happened. Let us help you.”
I hiccup and tell him the full story of how I’m an idiot. I tell him how regularly I see Ryan, how I’ve been talking with him and letting him see Phoebe over the last few weeks.
How I think I’ve been fooled by his twin brother.
“That must have been so hard for you,” Kane says quietly. His words only send me into another round of sobs, and he lifts me from the bed and cradles me in his arms. His large frame covers mine, offering protection and safety. His lips press to the top of my head as he holds me tight .
I’ve never felt more loved.
Seeing him was hard. Each time has been harder and harder. But I was absolute in not telling anyone in my decision to keep this… phenomenon to myself. I was scared I’d be locked up at first. Then I was scared I was going crazy.
But more than all of that… I thought I was special. I thought I was powerful, that I had the ability to see the dead. That whilst Ryan was gone, he didn’t need to fully be gone.
I stood by and willingly lied tonight.
And I deserve to feel shame for that.
I do not deserve Seb’s love.
Pushing from his chest, he lets out a small growl before relenting. My body moves back so I’m sitting on the bed, but I continue touching him with our knees because I’m so very weak.
“I lied,” I say, my voice huskier than normal with my tears. “And I endangered Phoebe.”
“You did not lie. Not really. And they already knew about her, little love,” Kane says, trailing his fingers down my cheek. “Clairvoyants are not a known supernatural creature. There are humans, and there are wolves. But there are many humans and wolves with claims of seeing the dead, of speaking to those in that otherworld. Who is to know if you possess that ability?”
“Which is your sweet way of saying I didn’t see Ryan,” I mutter, and he laughs. “Ethan, then?”
“More than likely. Ethan’s the only one still here, and he’s as identical to Ryan as I am to my brothers. He could pass as Ryan so easily, and any minor differences you noticed would be attributed to his… death ,” Kane says. “Can you tell me next time you see him?”
I nod slowly, the antsy feeling not going away. I squeeze my eyes shut and rub my face before looking at him properly. “Is Seb okay?”
Kane sighs. “Seb’s angry, and I won’t let him come out until he calms down. But he’s okay. ”
“Angry with me?” I whisper.
“Never, my mate,” Kane snarls, and I gasp. He cups my cheek and leans in close, pressing a heated kiss to my lips. I moan as I wrap my arms around his neck, letting our chests press together, and the delightful sparks fly between us.
His arms are so big, so steady, and he holds me so well as I practically devour his mouth. I’m raw, empty, and being with him lets me feel .
Sadly, he’s the one to cut it off. He doesn’t move far, just presses his forehead to mine. “Never, Maia. He’s mad at the situation, at himself, at the Grey’s. He is never mad at you.”
“I lied.”
Kane rolls his eyes. “You didn’t, but even if you did—so did we, and you forgave us. Alex will understand, Ben and Topher will not. But we’ll deal with it as a family, as a mating circle.”
“How?” I whisper.
“You rely on us. You trust us. You let us know when he visits, and you do your best to not be alone with him,” Kane says. “Clearly, he has ways of getting onto our pack lands without being seen, and that’s something we will need to monitor, but we’ll keep you and Phoebe safe.”
“What if you’re not around? What do I do then?” I ask breathlessly. I can’t tell if it’s because of panic or arousal.
“For the near future, you’re likely not going to be alone,” Kane says. “But if there is a day where you are, you yell, you scream, you do whatever it takes to get attention on you. He might not have hurt you or our—or Phoebe before now, but that doesn’t mean he’s not dangerous.”
I nod, my teeth chattering again. “I’m sorry I didn’t open up sooner.”
“Are you?” The change was fast, but his eyes have gone back to hazel, his tone adjusted ever so slightly.
“I’m sorry, Seb,” I whisper.
He leans in and brushes his lips against mine. It’s a soft and gentle kiss, full of emotion, and a tear drips down my cheek as he pulls away.
“You are so beautiful, little love. You feel so deeply,” he murmurs, wiping my tear away before sitting back down on his bum properly.
“At first… no, I wasn’t sorry for not opening up sooner. But now that I realise how stupid I was, yes,” I say sadly. “Ignore how pitiful I’m being. I know that I messed up. I just... seeing him, seeing Ryan and having the chance to let him see our daughter? It was everything to me. He wasn’t truly gone if I could still see him. I wasn’t alone in this.”
“Not alone.”
“I still feel alone.” I look up at him from under my lashes, and I see the frown on his face. “I’m terrified, Seb. It’s been so hard to figure out my feelings, to try and let you all in without dishonouring Ryan, and whilst tonight has really helped with that… for the last few weeks, I’ve been so out of my depth.”
“I protect mate,” he says with a firm promise. “I protect child.”
“You love her.”
“I love you both,” he corrects, leaning forward to press a kiss to my nose. “I love you, Maia . You and Phoebe are everything to me. Everything . Before the bond snapped into place, I was merely existing, surviving in a world with no true purpose. But now? I know my place. I know who I am and what I’m meant to do.”
“Is this Seb or Kane?”
“Does it matter?” he asks, and I shrug. “Mostly both, but we’re one in the same, little love.”
I sigh and lean into his touch. “What are you meant to do, Seb?”
“Love you both. That’s it. That’s my life’s purpose. To be the best dad, the best mate, the best husband . My job in life is to give you everything you need, want, and desire because without you, I’d be nothing. ”
“That sounds so…”
“Obsessive?” he fills in, and I nod slowly. “My love is all-encompassing. It is an obsession. But you are worth it.”
I sigh. “I mean it’s not very healthy.”
He snorts, and I know for sure it’s Kane now based on the way his eyes are bright green. “If a wolf doesn’t love their mate this deeply, they’re not worthy, Maia. The mating bond is indescribable, and one day, you’ll understand, but for now, just know that you and Phoebe are the top priority in all of our minds.
“To me, to Topher, to Ben, and to Alex, you come first Maia. You’re the first thing on our minds when we wake and the last when we go to sleep. Our entire purpose in life is to bring you the most joy, the most fulfilment that we can.”
His hand brushes against my knee, and I look at him once more. “I love you. You were made to be mine, just like I was made to be yours. We’re one, little love. One beautiful, slightly damaged soul.”
“I thought I’d live the rest of my life alone. That I’d never be able to move on from Ryan,” I say softly, ignoring the low rumbles from Seb. “I didn’t think I’d find someone who could love Phoebe and I as much as Ryan would have.” I reach up and cup Seb’s cheeks. “But I think I might have found four people who already do.”
Four men who love me and Phoebe. Four men willing to fight for us.
Four men willing to let me grieve.
Four men who love me.
I press my lips to his, hoping he can hear what I didn’t say, feel what I’m trying to share.
We’re at the start of a huge battle, and it’s one I’m not going to be alone for.
Not anymore.