Chapter Four
Sunday was overcast, and the perfect day to check out the local wineries. Rowan lay in her bed, awake, for a long time that morning, just watching clouds the color of a heating duct move slowly across the sky outside her windows.
She hadn’t heard Evie and Claire come up to bed last night.
Hell, she hadn’t heard anything, and for that, she was eternally grateful.
That was something new about her sleep: when she slept, she was out.
It was likely a side effect of her medication, but she slept more deeply now than she ever had in her life, which was honestly a bit disconcerting, considering she’d always been a light sleeper.
Luckily, she wouldn’t be on her meds forever, and she hoped to get back to her normal, wake-up-three-or-four-times-a-night-to-pee sleep schedule, if only to feel like herself again.
Justine was clearly up and at ’em, judging by the scents of the cooking breakfast. Bacon again, plus what smelled like peppers and onions. Omelettes, perhaps? Her mouth watered, and that was enough to get her out of bed and moving.
A quick shower later, Rowan was dressed and headed downstairs, where she found Justine, Jazzy, and Evie sitting around the table, eating breakfast and sipping coffee.
“Morning, sunshine,” Justine said as she saw Rowan. “Sleep okay?”
“Like a baby,” Rowan said, heading for the coffeepot.
“I never understood that phrase,” Jazzy said. “I mean, babies are notorious for not sleeping, right? So it doesn’t make any sense. I would think maybe if you woke up crying several times and had to have your diaper changed or be rocked back to sleep, then you slept like a baby.”
Evie laughed, light and almost musical, and the sound went in Rowan’s ear, down into her rib cage, and wrapped around her heart. Sat there like it owned the place. She swallowed hard as she stirred her coffee.
“Where is everybody?” Rowan asked as she turned and leaned against the counter, holding her mug in both hands.
“On the boat,” Justine said. “Lizzie wanted to fish, so Stevie, Claire, and Becca went with her.” She glanced at her watch. “They’ll be back soon.” She turned to look at Rowan. “You up for wine today?”
“Absolutely.” Rowan gave her a nod.
“I think it might just be the four of us.” Justine pushed up from her chair and brought her plate to the sink, as Jazzy and Evie had their own conversation Rowan couldn’t quite hear.
“I know Becca wants to tube again and Claire said she’d like to go along, so Lizzie’s gonna take them.
Stevie wants to take out a kayak.” She glanced out the window at the still overcast sky.
“Not really a day I want to be on the water, so…” Justine lowered her voice then.
“You gonna be okay with it just being us?”
She was referring to being around Evie in a smaller group, and what was Rowan going to say? No? How petty would that look?
“Of course,” she said, forcing a smile. “I’m good. No worries.”
“Great.” Justine’s voice held a tint of relief. “Want me to whip you up an omelette? You should eat something hearty if you’re gonna sip wine all day.”
Once she’d gotten downstairs to see she’d missed out on omelettes, she’d planned to just have a banana or some yogurt.
But despite not wanting to send Justine back into the kitchen to cook yet another breakfast, she’d made a valid point about eating something more substantial, so she nodded after all, and Justine got to work.
Rowan glanced up to find Evie looking at her, and some things never changed because Rowan felt her heart skip a beat in her chest, the way it always had in that situation.
Meeting Evie’s big brown eyes had always had that effect on her, and she shifted her gaze quickly back to Justine.
“Do I have time to take a walk down to the water?”
With a nod, Justine said, “I need about fifteen minutes.”
“Be right back.” Without looking at Evie again, Rowan took her coffee with her and headed out the door.
The grass was still slightly damp from the morning dew, but things were quiet as she headed down the stairs to the dock.
Despite the gray skies, the air was warm and humid.
Like glass, the surface of the lake shimmered, even without any sunshine to bounce off it, and Rowan walked all the way to the end of the dock to stand.
A big, slow inhale filled her lungs with fresh air, and she held it for several seconds before letting it out. In her back pocket, her phone buzzed, and she pulled it out to see a text from her mother.
Going okay?
Rowan grinned at the brevity of it, because she knew how hard it was for her mother not to ask her a million questions—was she taking her meds, was she getting naps in, how were the headaches, was she drinking enough water, was she going easy on the alcohol, and on and on and on.
Instead, she’d sent two simple words, and Rowan knew that had to be killing her.
It’s going great, she typed. Lots of fun. Went out on Lizzie and Justine’s boat yesterday, but it’s overcast today, so heading into town.
She didn’t add that she was going wine tasting or she’d get a lecture on how she needed to be careful mixing alcohol with her medication, which she knew because she wasn’t a child.
How’s Kevin? Is he being a good boy? She added a cat emoji.
He’s fine. Wow, his poop stinks, though.
Rowan laughed at that. It’s poop, Mom, of course it does. Give him a kiss for me and tell him I miss him.
As she finished up the conversation and slid the phone back into her pocket, she felt footsteps on the dock before she even heard them, and then there was Evie. In all her gorgeous glory. Evie Price. The love of her life.
“Your mom?” Evie asked with a knowing grin.
Rowan nodded. “Checking in.”
“She driving you crazy?” Evie knew Rowan’s mother almost as well as Rowan did.
“Little bit.”
A smile and a nod.
“Came to tell you your breakfast is ready.”
Rowan forced herself to look at Evie’s face. “You could’ve just shouted for me.”
“I know.”
Silence then, as they stood looking at each other for a moment and Rowan remembered this feeling, being held in Evie’s gaze, almost cradled in it, being her focus.
She remembered how important, how loved that had made her feel.
It was almost too much now, and Rowan had to consciously tear her gaze away and force her feet to move as she whispered a thank you and headed toward the stairs.
Legs leaden, it took every bit of energy she had to leave Evie on the dock, but she did it.
The omelette was delicious—and each bite hit her stomach like a stone. She was on her fourth bite when Evie came in, gave her a sad smile, and moved toward the stairs.
Justine watched it happen, waited until Evie was clearly all the way upstairs, then turned to Rowan. “You okay?”
Rowan nodded.
“I know this can’t be easy for you.” She kept her voice low. Jasmine was nowhere to be found, so it was just the two of them. “Seeing her..”
Gazing into her coffee, Justine asked, “What do you need? Can I do anything?”
And while they were both kind of ridiculous questions, Rowan appreciated her concern more than she could verbalize.
Instead, she simply shook her head. “No. I can deal. This is probably good for me. Getting used to being around her again.” Even just saying the words made her stomach flip enough to push the plate away this time.
Getting used to being around her. Evie. The one who didn’t love her anymore.
What fun. “I’m guessing this is why I haven’t come the past two years. ”
Justine nodded and gave her a sad smile. “Nobody blamed you, but we did miss you.”
Rowan sighed quietly.
“Wine will help.”
When Rowan glanced at Justine, she was grinning. “Worth a try, right?” Indicating the plate with her eyes, she said, “Thanks for this.”
“You’re welcome.” Justine pushed her chair back. “I’m gonna go down and grab my stuff. We’ll head out by eleven?”
“Perfect.” She watched Justine head down to the lower level, and then there was a moment when she was alone, when she had the entire first floor to herself. She could hear the muffled sounds of Evie upstairs and Jazzy and Justine downstairs, but for the most part, she was alone.
She closed her eyes and inhaled slowly. The breathing exercise had been one her therapist had given her for when she started to panic, whether from not being able to remember something or from pain and frustration over her injury.
Stopping and focusing on her breath really did seem to calm things, and this time was no different.
When she opened her eyes again, she felt better. Calmer. Less freaked. Feeling a sense of relief, she took her dishes to the kitchen, rinsed them, and put them into the dishwasher. It was pretty full, so she set it to run.
She could do this. Wine tasting was one of her favorite things, and because she remembered that it was one of her favorite things, she knew she’d loved it for a while. She was going to go, and she was going to enjoy herself.
She could do this.
Right?
“This one is our best seller,” the woman behind the bar said as she poured a small amount of wine into each of the four glasses in front of her. “It balances the sweetness and the acidity nicely, so it’s not too much of either, and you may pick up notes of peach or apricot, maybe a little jasmine…”
Rowan picked up her glass and gave it a swirl, watched the legs form as the wine dripped down the sides. This was their second tasting, and it had been fine, though she found herself being deliberate about not standing near Evie if she could help it.
Evie, however, seemed to be doing the opposite, sidling up next to her. “Ooh, I like that,” she said, her nose in her glass. “Definitely get the peaches. You?”