Chapter 15
Annie
I can’t stay here for two more weeks.
Being here is severely fucking with my head.
My head, my body, my heart, it’s all reverting back to what I worked so hard to put behind me.
When did I turn back into the scared, shy little girl that needs Luke—of all people—to come fix everything and make it all better?
Pathetic.
I shut the door to the apartment behind me, knowing Luke isn’t too far behind, but he can open the damn door himself.
I head into the guest bedroom and start packing up all my stuff. It’s a mess in here, and there is no way I can get everything out in one trip, but I pack what I need for a night before grabbing my phone to call Mia.
No.
I can’t involve her in this.
I have to handle this on my own.
I’ll sleep in my car if I have to.
I cannot stay here.
“Annie?” a voice booms from the kitchen, the door slamming behind him. “What the hell just happened?”
I ignore Luke as I continue shoving shit into my bag .
“What are you doing?” he asks, coming to a stop in front of my opened door.
“Leaving.”
“What? It’s almost midnight. You’re not leaving.” He steps toward me. I feel his hand come to my shoulder, but I shrug him off.
“Yes, I am.” I zip up the bag I have opened on my bed and finally turn to face him. “This was never a good idea. There’s too much history, too many feelings. It’s not fair to either of us.”
“What are you talking about?”
“This!” I yell, gesturing between the two of us. “Living together, spending time together, it’s bringing up old feelings for the both of us. It’s not healthy.”
“These aren’t old feelings, Annie. They never went away. Not for me.”
“Well, they did for me,” I snap.
He shakes his head. “You don’t mean that.”
“Don’t you dare,” I spit, poking him in the chest, “tell me how I feel.”
“You can lie to yourself, but you can't lie to me.” He grabs my hand, holding it tightly. “We can be so much more than this. Please give me a chance to show you.”
I try to pull my hand from his grip but he’s either holding on tight, or I’m not trying that hard to pull away. “I don’t give a fuck about what you think we could be.”
“I’ll give one for the both of us.”
I shake my head, finally ripping my hand out of his and step back. “No. Being here. With you. It hurts too much.”
For every step I take back, Luke takes another forward .
He places his hands on my upper arms, holding me in place. “It doesn’t have to hurt, Annie. Tell me what I did wrong, please. I’ll do anything.”
“It’s not worth it,” I whisper.
He bends down to try and meet my eyes that are staring at the space in front of me. “Whatever it is, it cost me everything.”
Finally, I look at him, pain etched across his features as he waits for me to respond.A small part of me knows I’m not angry, not anymore. But I know I’m not okay.
“You’ll never be my stupid knight in shining armor, Luke. Because you weren’t there when it mattered most.”
***
Luke left my room Saturday night without another word.
I could’ve— should’ve —told him.
But I didn’t.
Aside from when we get together with our friends, Luke and I have exchanged less than twenty words in the last three weeks.
He’s giving me space—or maybe taking the space he needs away from me.
I found out from Mia that Luke was putting off his dad’s firm until Lennon was a few months old and Emmett was back at the bar regularly—I was sad to hear he’s still planning on going to work for the son of a bitch.
I wanted to talk to him about it.
But it isn't my place.
I’ve thought myself to death about all of this Luke stuff, and I need to talk to him about what happened at Grant’s party and why I left. Then I—the both of us—can have some well-deserved closure. I can’t cut him out of my life, it’s not possible, and I’m finding that I don’t really want to. But I don’t want this shit hanging over our heads anymore.
We’ll get our closure, and then we’ll be friends.
But I didn’t realize how much I would miss him after these three weeks.
He still leaves me notes on the counter or texts me when he’ll be home. I still make enough of my dinners for him, and he leaves out my stuff to make my matcha in the morning. We’re under the same roof, so I still see him, but I still miss him.
And that scares me.
I’ve been able to distract myself long enough with finishing up my veterinarian assistant shifts at the animal shelter and prepping for my rotations that start next week, but living in this limbo isn’t fair to either of us.
Today was my last day at the animal shelter, so Mia, Eddie, Drew, Emmett, and one-and-a-half-month old Lennon are meeting me at Lenny’s to celebrate.
Luke closes the bar on Fridays with Ava, one of the new bartenders, so I’ve decided that tonight is the night we talk without me biting his head off.
“What’s your first rotation?” Drew asks. She has Lennon strapped around her chest like a mini backpack, and Emmett is standing behind her chair at the bar.
“My first two weeks will be at my school’s teaching hospital, and then I’m doing four weeks with the Milwaukee Zoo.”
“Do you know what you’re thinking of doing after this year?” Emmett asks, his arm wrapped around Drew’s chair.
“Not really. That’s what this year is for. Figuring out what I want to do.”
“Enough about school and work for now,” Mia announces from the chair to the left of me, Eddie on the other side of her. “Tonight is about celebrating what you’ve already accomplished, not what you’re about to.”
She smiles and holds up her drink. “Luke!” she yells to the far side of the bar as Drew holds up her White Claw, and Emmett and Eddie hold up their beers. “Come here!”
Luke turns to see us all holding up our drinks and rushes over with his water bottle he keeps behind the bar.
“Cheers to Annie,” Mia says as Luke holds up his water bottle next to our glasses. “We know you’re going to kick ass with your rotations!”
“To Annie!” my friends echo, and my eyes find Luke. I should’ve known his eyes would’ve already been on me making my stupid heart skip a beat. “To our Annie girl,” he adds before clinking his water bottle with our glasses.
The bar is crowded for a Friday, groups of regulars and people our age filling up the booths and high top tables and a whole lot of college kids who walked over from the baseball field down the road with all their equipment.
“How are the new bartenders?” Eddie asks Luke, nodding towards Ava who is working the bar tonight. She looks to be a year or two younger than me, with strawberry blonde hair and dark blue eyes. Freckles are sprinkled over face, and she carries herself well.
She’s cute and quiet, and I think the regulars will get a kick out of making her blush.
She reminds me a little of the old me.
“Good, I’d say. Things have been pretty smooth with Ava and the other two guys,” Luke says as he scoops ice into a few cups below the bar. “I’ve been trying my best to hold down the fort,” he adds, grinning at Emmett who gives him a nod.
“Hey, Luke?” Ava calls to him, and she gives us a little wave as she walks over. “Um, my boyfriend just got here. He’s down at the other end of the bar. Do you mind if I take my break?
“Sure,” he answers with a shrug of the shoulders. “Back at it in fifteen?”
“Of course,” she answers, a slight blush forming under her freckles. She gives us all a smile before heading to sit at the bar with her boyfriend.
“He’s a dick,” Luke says under his breath.
“What? Who?” Mia asks, all of us leaning in.
“Ava’s boyfriend,” Luke answers. “Ava is a super sweet girl, and he is just always so mean to her. Last time he came when we were working, I overheard him accusing her of cheating on him and then asked her to cover his drinks.”
“Ew,” Drew says, a sour look on her face. “Why do such nice girls always end up with assholes?”
Emmett snorts. “You would know,” he teases, alluding to when he and Drew first started dating and her asshole ex-boyfriend showed up here only for Emmett to throw him out on his ass.
“She’ll realize it sooner rather than later,” Mia adds as we watch Ava’s boyfriend point at Ava’s chest with a scowl and say something I can’t quite make out.
“Hopefully,” Luke adds. “I’ve heard the guy say more nice things about his fancy white truck than he has about Ava.” He lets out a humorless chuckle. “Anyway, do you guys want anything before I go make my rounds?”
We all say we’re good, and Luke spends the next fifteen minutes waiting on tables and getting drinks for everyone, but I can’t keep my eyes off the couple in the corner—my thoughts about the conversation Luke and I need to have floating to the back of my mind .
I have a bad feeling.