Chapter 17
Chapter 1 7
Annie
Time stands still as his lips move against mine, and it’s nothing like the kiss in the kitchen. That one went from zero to one hundred in a matter of seconds.
This one? It’s already at a thousand.
One of Luke’s hands loosens from my hip and moves up my body until he finds the side of my neck. I’m still covered in beer under Luke’s sweatshirt, the hood still up on my head, and we’re outside a crowded bar where our friends are probably wondering where we are, but neither of us care.
He grips the side of my neck, urging me to tilt my head to give him better access as our kiss deepens; our tongues are tangled, competing for dominance and control.
My skin feels as hot as the sun, and pressure builds in my belly. A mix of emotions should be filtering through my brain right now—dread, nerves, confusion.
I should really stop this because we need to finish our conversation from the night he and Eddie surprised us at the bowling alley, but my mind is blank. The only thought in my brain is how long can I make this last?
Maybe this was always bound to happen.
Have I been running away from what was meant to be ?
I could say I feel myself falling back in love with Luke, but that would be a lie.
I’ve never stopped loving him.
“Are you guys still out here?” I hear, and I don’t even register the voice until Luke’s lips freeze against mine, and I realize we are no longer alone.
“I told you to leave them alone!” Drew complains to Mia, slapping her in the arm.
“How was I supposed to know they were going to be making out—I mean up ,” she corrects herself after another slap on the arm from Drew.
I let go of my death grip on Luke’s shirt, wiping a hand down the front to get out the wrinkles, and I look up to find him smiling at me with swollen lips.
“Looks like we were caught,” I whisper.
“Good. I’m done keeping my feelings for you a secret.”
My eyes roll. “As if you ever did,” is all I say, even though what I should be saying is we really need to talk.
Mia and Drew come over, Eddie and Emmett with Lennon now strapped over his chest, right behind them.
“So, is this a thing?” Eddie asks, gesturing between the two of us.
“No,” I say, at the same time Luke says, “Almost.” I turn to him, confused, but he just winks at me.
“We have some things to discuss,” I explain to our friends, who I’m sure are only hearing the answer they want to hear, which is yes, this is a thing . I turn to Emmett, finding Lennon asleep in her carrier, kissing my finger and pressing it to the top of her little head. “I’m going home.”
“Me too,” Luke says, and we all laugh at the eagerness in his voice .
“You got three more hours until close,” Drew says, and we all laugh even more.
“Maybe I’m not cut out for this whole ‘boss’ thing,” he jokes.
“You’re just filling in. If you were actually the boss, you could close whenever you wanted,” Emmett explains as his tattooed hands interlace lightly across the carrier on his chest.
“So you’re going to close early for me?” Luke asks hopefully.
“No.”
Luke shrugs his shoulders. “Worth a try.” He turns to me, throwing an arm over my shoulder like it’s the most natural thing to do. “See you at home, Annie girl.” He presses a kiss to the top of my head before giving a salute to our friends and heading back inside Lenny’s.
The rest of us say our goodbyes, and I’m thankful, after such an eventful night, my best friends give me a reprieve from answering all their questions. I know it won’t last long, but I’ll have until at least a couple days to prepare.
“I’ll see you guys for Sunday Dinner,” Drew says as I pull her and Mia in for our group hug, and I can’t believe it’s already September.
“Yes. Our house at six,” Mia adds.
“Perf,” Drew and I answer at the same time, and then we all say goodbye for the night.
Only, for some reason, my night feels far from over.
***
I hear the front door of the apartment shut, and I glance at the clock on my bedside table to see it’s just past midnight.
I’ve been tossing and turning since I got into bed, no longer smelling like a whole work day with animals and stale beer—there’s been butterflies in my stomach since leaving the bar.
Not the cute kind that you get before your first date.
No, these fuckers are the kind that are just there to remind you of all the things you should be worried about when thinking about what’s to come.
And what’s to come is a conversation that I’m really not ready to have.
Would it be easy to fall back into the role of pretending to hate Luke? Yes.
Would it be even easier to go out there and kiss him until I forget my name? Also yes.
But I can’t keep doing this. Not to me, and most definitely not to him.
We need to talk about what happened the night of Grant’s party. The video I saw of him and Devin. The reason I left in the first place.
I’ll be the first to admit that this high school bullshit is just that. High school bullshit . It shouldn’t matter all these years later. I shouldn’t let it dictate me in the ways that it does.
But after seven years of reflecting on what happened, that night was a culmination of being bullied by the girls who were supposed to be my friends, my parents telling me what a waste of space I was, and a whole relationship built on the promise that Luke and I—no matter what—were enough for each other.
And that night, all of it coming to a head, felt like all my fears were proven true.
All of this to say, it ends. Tonight .
We get the closure we need, and we can get over these feelings that should’ve faded a long time ago .
“Annie?” I hear, followed by a small knock on my door. Rosie’s head pops up from where she is laying at the edge of my bed, and she jumps off as the door cracks open.
After tonight, some might consider me brave.
I did smash the truck of a grown man for touching someone who doesn’t even belong to me.
But when the door to the guest room slowly opens, and I pretend to be asleep, using the term “brave” to describe me is an insult to the word.
“Annie?” I hear again, this time a little louder, but I keep my eyes closed and my breathing steady, even though I feel like I’m about to hyperventilate.
Years of theater and faking confidence has prepared me for this endless minute of waiting for Luke to lead Rosie out of my room to let her out. It isn’t until I hear the front door open and close again that I open my eyes, bringing my hand to my forehead in a slap, cursing myself for being such a wuss.
No.
This is not who I am.
Not anymore.
I ask for what I want. I tell people what’s on my mind, whether they like it or not.
When Luke gets back inside, I am going to march out there and tell him that we need to talk. No flirting, no back-and-forth, and no kissing.
Definitely no kissing.
I push the covers off me and swing my legs over the edge of the bed, getting up before I lose my nerve. I start pacing the kitchen, my mind reeling over what I’m going to say and how this is all for the best.
I’ll tell him what happened, and he can finally know why I left.
Then we’ll agree to move on.
I hear the jingle of keys and the turn of a lock, and I freeze, telling myself that if I move now, I can be back in bed before the door opens.
But it’s too late. The click of Rosie’s nails on the floor echoes in the quiet apartment as Luke kicks off his shoes and closes the door behind him.
“Hi,” I say, not wanting to give him a heart attack when he turns and sees me in his kitchen.
Luke looks up at me, his lips in a smirk on the side of his face. I’m in a pair of sweatpants and an oversized t-shirt, but I still feel goosebumps cover my skin.
“Hey, honey,” he replies, and there’s an unfamiliar feeling in the air. It isn’t awkwardness or tension; it’s almost like a sense of anticipation, like both of us know something is about to happen, but we don’t know what.
That’s a lie.
I know what.
“Luke,” I start, ready to rip my newly-restarted heart from my chest and lay it all out for him, but I don’t get the chance.
In two seconds, Luke is in front of me, his arms scooping me up under the legs placing me on the kitchen counter. The cool granite is a stark contrast to the warmth of his arms, and my mind instantly blanks when our lips meet.
As he kisses me with that same urgency I felt outside Lenny’s tonight, the thought of a heart-to-heart about our messy history and even messier breakup all so we can get closure sounds like a stupid idea.
His hands find the tops of my legs, gripping tightly as he pulls them open, stepping between them, so I can feel his body against mine. My hands snake up his arms, feeling his warm, golden skin under my fingertips, as I move them up to wrap around his neck.
The first swipe of his tongue against mine sets my insides on fire, and I can’t fight the urge to fist my fingers in his blonde hair, angling his head for me.
Our tongues dance, and my body longs for friction as the pressure in my belly deepens. We both notice at the same time that the counter is the perfect height for me to feel his hard length against my core, and it’s like he can read my mind as he grinds his hips against me, a small moan escaping from my lips but sounding so loud in the quiet apartment.
“Tell me you want this,” he whispers against my lips, and I don’t know exactly what this is. But, the more he kisses me, the more he rubs his body against mine, the more I drop my defenses and convince myself that giving into Luke is exactly what I need to do.
“I want this,” I whisper back, my grip tightening in his hair, and I pull him back to me, hoping my kisses leave him bruised.
He pulls back an inch, and I stifle the whine I almost let out in protest.
“Are you sure?” he asks, his eyes glued to mine, darkened by lust. “Because this isn’t just a one-night thing for me, Annie.”
I resist the urge to pull my eyes away from his, the reality of how close I am to tearing down the walls I’ve put up between us threatening to come crashing down on this moment.
“I can’t promise more than tonight.”
Something flashes in his eyes, a look of longing, of hurt, but then it’s gone. His hand cups the side of my head, “Then, I guess that’s good enough for me.” He pulls me in, and I see stars. We’re a mess of kisses, touches, and desire, our clothes suddenly feeling like too much of a barrier between us.
“Take off your shirt,” I tell Luke, and he does it without a second thought. I make quick work of my t-shirt and sweatpants, throwing them to the ground as Luke stands in front of me, his chiseled chest and corded arms like a fantasy come to life. His cheeks have a slight flush and his blue eyes are fixed on me, making me feel like I could burst into flames any second.
“You’re perfect,” he says, stepping between my legs and peppering kisses along my jaw and down my neck to my exposed breasts.
My brain completely turns off as he sinks his teeth into the sensitive skin on my chest, licking away the sting with his tongue, and I feel him smile against my skin.
“Cat got your tongue, Annie girl?”
I hum in agreement as one arm holds me in place on the countertop and the other finds my breast, my peaked nipple between his fingers as he whispers, “So you’re telling me all I had to do is get you naked to shut you up?” There’s an edge to his voice I haven’t heard in so long, I thought I imagined it in the first place.
The same edge that makes me completely susceptible to anything this man says to me.
Like move in with him .
That edge brings mine back to life. “I’m not naked.” Not my best comeback, considering the only clothing I have on is my underwear, but it’s all I can manage as he moves his lips down my chest, his tongue tasting my skin until he meets his fingers on my nipple, circling his tongue around the sensitive peak, making me lean my head back and let out a moan I’ll be embarrassed about later.
He moves across my chest, repeating the maddening movement of his tongue on my other breast, and I lean back on my hands behind me, exposing myself to him. He moves back and forth across my chest, alternating between using his fingers and mouth until I am a complete and utter mess.
“Luke,” I plead, and I don’t even know what I’m asking for.
“I got you,” he whispers against my skin, bringing his lips to mine and kissing me deeply before pulling away.
I open my eyes just in time to see him jog into my bedroom, the sound of the drawer in the bedside table opening and closing, and Luke coming back with that little blue toy he’s been obsessed with since he packed me a bag the night of the break-in.
I haven’t used it since I moved here, and I honestly forgot that I threw it in that drawer almost two months ago.
“What are you doing?” I ask through my haze of lust when I hear the familiar buzz of the toy come to life.
“I haven’t stopped thinking about you using this since I found it in your room.”
“I still can’t believe you went in my underwear drawer to pack that,” I quip, but the breathiness of my voice cancels out any nonchalance I try—and fail—to use. “How did you even know it was in that bedside table?”
“Now is not the time to talk about what you call my ‘stalker tendencies’.”
“You’re lucky I’m too turned on to think straight right now,” I say as he presses kisses on my jaw.”
“Do I turn you on, Annie girl?” he teases.
“I’m going to kill you.”
“Not before you show me how you use this little toy of yours,” Luke coos, his lips against my ear as he drags the toy across my chest and down my stomach, itching closer and closer where I need it.
It’s a clitoral stimulation toy, and the first and only sex toy I’ve bought myself. It’s kept me satisfied over the years during dry spells, but I’ve never used it with a partner before.
“Oh, you’d like that wouldn’t you,” I say, but I’m already taking the vibrator from his hands.
He loops his thumbs under the band of my underwear, helping me shimmy them off as he drops to his knees in front of me, putting him eye level with the most intimate part of me.
“I know how you like me on my knees for you.” The feeling of his breath against me is nothing compared to the kisses he begins to place on my inner thighs, getting closer and closer to where I want him most.
“Luke,” I breathe, and I should’ve known he’d read my mind.
He lets out a groan as he slides his tongue up my slit, tasting me for the first time. With one swipe of his tongue, I feel like I’m about to fall apart. “Now,” he says, looking up at me, “show me.