Chapter Nineteen
DANGER
Effa and I are in my room, attempting to nail down some lyrics for our collaboration.
However, everything feels gloomy, coming out darker than we want, and my frustration grows.
After I jot down another futile set of lyrics, I toss the pencil aside, grab the paper, and crumple it into a tight ball.
With a groan, I hurl it across the room with all my might.
“This isn’t working,” I exclaim in frustration, and Effa sighs in agreement.
She rises to her feet, her petite stature contradicting her strength as she grips my arms. With surprising force, she pulls me up and turns to face me, forcing me to meet her gaze.
“Writing isn’t easy. It has to come from the heart, and right now, your heart is so jam-packed with anger and hurt that you need to let that go before you can move on,” Effa explains.
“Are you talking about the song or in life?”
“Both! Harboring resentment and anger can only bring more pain. It doesn’t affect the person you’re resentful toward. It only gives them power over you. And they win a game they didn’t even know they were playing.”
Furrowing my brows at Effa, I shake my head. “I can’t control how I feel… the betrayal, the hurt, the constant feeling of inadequacy,” I confess, and my eyes widen in surprise at revealing such personal feelings to someone I barely know.
I haven’t even shared this with Lunar, and yet, here I am, admitting to Effa that I feel like a failure because of Ella fucking Slade.
Effa steps closer, placing her open palms on my chest. Strangely, it calms me instantly in some weird kind of way. She meets my gaze, her gentle eyes looking back into mine, and she offers a reassuring smile.
“You are good enough, Danger. Just because one girl didn’t see the wonder in you doesn’t mean a better woman won’t. You just have to recognize what’s right in front of you. The people who surround you. You are loved, Danger, and it’s in that strength you must live. Not in the pain of the past.”
“Wow… you are quite insightful,” I respond, but it just makes me think of Lunar and how much I’ve grown to care for her—perhaps a little too fucking much.
She was supposed to be someone for me to fuck.
A distraction from the bullshit Ella put me through.
But now, I find myself wanting her more than I should.
Between the ghosts of Ella and this newfound pull toward Lunar, it’s messing with my head.
My focus should be solely on Recoil and getting us back on track, not on how much I’ve come to rely on Lunar.
The absolute last thing I need to be fixated on is the fact that Lunar is Australian through and through.
And I am American.
My life is in the States.
This is so fucked!
I have got to get my shit together.
Because this complicates everything.
“I have positive healing energy flowing through my hands into your chest right now.” Effa smiles as I look at her palms, splayed out on my chest.
I feel like a damn idiot.
“Well, thanks… I think?” I reply awkwardly, unsure how to respond to Effa’s unconventional… whatever this is.
She removes her hands and leans down to pick up her guitar. “Now… sing from your heart.”
LUNAR
The entire day, I’ve been in meetings for the foundation.
Unfortunately, the discussions with my advisors didn’t go as planned.
They conveyed that donations aren’t flowing as quickly as we had envisioned, and we need a strategy boost. We think one of the galas will need to be advanced and transformed into a charity auction to raise funds for the school project we had in mind.
I’m stressed, and I haven’t heard from Danger all day, which I guess is good because I assume it means he’s been busy creating lyrical magic with Effa.
Upon entering the hotel room, I am greeted by an unexpected flowery jasmine fragrance that catches me off guard and instantly tickles my nose.
With a puzzled expression, I try to place the odd scent.
As I cautiously step inside, the calming melody of ocean waves fills the air.
To my surprise, Effa and Danger are seated in the middle of the floor, facing each other in a crossed-legged meditative posture, palms pressed together.
Without uttering a word, I stare at them silently while the sound of crashing waves and distant seagull cries fills the room.
When I quickly survey the room, I notice scattered balled-up paper and empty energy drink cans strewn across the floor.
What the hell?
And what on earth have they been doing all day?
I sit on the edge of the bed, trying not to interrupt the Zen flow of their… whatever the fuck this is.
“Welcome, Lunar. Would you like to join us? We could make a serenity circle?” Effa asks, suddenly breaking my train of thought.
I clear my throat. “Nope, you two are good.”
“Deep cleansing breath in,” Effa instructs, and they both inhale deeply. Suppressing a smirk, I chew on my bottom lip. “And out…” They exhale. “Well done, Danger. I’m proud of the progress you made today.”
Looking around the room, I can’t see much progress apart from paper wastage. So I’m not sure what planet Effa is on right now.
“Thanks, Effa, you helped to clear my head… a lot,” Danger states matter-of-factly.
She places her hand on his chest. “And your heart.”
“Yes… that too.”
Watching Effa’s tactile interaction with Danger causes a wave of jealousy to wash over me. Sure, it’s not exactly intimate, but it’s not exactly friend-zone either, leaving me feeling left out.
“I’ll talk to you tomorrow. Remember—”
“Be the good you want in yourself,” they say in unison.
Have I walked into a self-help clinic?
This is not the Danger I know.
Effa stands, silencing the ocean sounds from her cell phone, then grabs her guitar and heads to the door. I remain seated, struggling to keep my thoughts to myself. Danger also stands, collecting the crumpled paper balls strewn across the floor.
After the door closes, a stale silence settles in the room, leaving me with this transformed version of Danger. Unable to resist, I jest sarcastically, “So… you’re a hippy now?” My voice carries a tone of bewilderment, bordering on disbelief.
He turns toward me, his expression twisting into a frown. “I am nothing like them.”
“Like who?” I inquire.
“Like my parents!”
Jerking my head back in confusion, I ask, “What the hell are you going on about? I didn’t say anything about your parents.”
“I knew you wouldn’t understand,” he states, skulking around the room, picking up more crumpled pieces of paper.
Standing up, I step closer. “I’m trying to… talk to me.”
Running his hand through his hair, he exhales. “Effa helped me relax. She gets it.”
“Gets what?”
His eyes meet mine, fear streaming back at me. “My black heart.”
I jolt back. “You do not have a black heart.”
“I do! It’s dark and damaged, bruised and pained, and I don’t know how to fix it. It’s ruining my writing mojo.”
I reach out, grabbing his hands in mine. “Then let me help you mend.”
He breaks free from my grip. “But that’s just it, Lunar. I’m not sure you can?”
Widening my eyes, I let out a small huff. “But Effa can?”
“With her words and unique way of looking at things… yeah, maybe.”
Sinking on the edge of the bed, I can’t shake off the sting of those words. “Fine… if that’s your perception, then there’s nothing more to say.”
He furrows his brow, closing the distance between us and grasping my hands in his again. “I still need you. You’re my go-to girl. I couldn’t handle touring without you, Lunar.”
“But I’m not the one to mend your broken heart. Thanks a lot. God, you’re a prick.”
His expression darkens. “What? Why?”
“You’re comfortable confiding in Effa about your heartache, but not me? Can’t you see how that’s a problem?”
He stands taller and furrows his brows. “A problem? I don’t want to talk to you about Ella.”
“But it’s okay to talk about it with Effa… not me? You really don’t see the issue?”
“For fuck’s sake. I have no chemistry with Effa, no connection. With her, it’s just friends talking. With you, we’re more than friends, and I don’t want to hurt you by telling you about how fucked up I really am!”
I stand, staring him down in disbelief. “You’re supposed to trust me, Danger. If you like me, then show me by trusting me with your bad as well as your good.”
He rubs the back of his neck. “Am I not enough as I am, Lunar?”
“Of course you are, but you should be able to confide in me too! If you can’t be friends outside the bedroom, what’s the damn point?”
“I can’t hurt you, okay?”
“You won’t. You gotta give me more credit. I lived with fucking bikers.” He growls, his eyes flaring in anger at the reminder.
“You’re so beautiful and perfect. I don’t want to fuck with your head—”
“What the fuck do you think you’re doing to me right now?” I challenge, cutting him off.
Turning away from me, he paces the floor, his chest heaving with the tension.
“Fine. Just remember, you fucking asked for it. I’m a goddamn mess.
I can’t write a love song because all my love was for fucking Ella Slade.
No matter what I do, I can’t remove her from my mind when I try to write. There. You fucking happy?”
I slump my shoulders and sigh. “Happy? No. I knew you still loved her. I just didn’t know how much.”
He exhales and shakes his head. “See? This is what I didn’t want.
It’s Nate. He’s messing with our heads, planting the seeds of doubt, and making me second-guess shit.
But if one thing’s clear in my mind right now, Lunar, it’s that you’re the one I want to wake up to every day, and that scares the living fuck out of me. ”
I release a drawn-out sigh, my body sagging as he looks into my eyes, pleading with me not to leave. “Are you sure? ’Cause we’ve been together for a week since I left the club, and already things are going pear-shaped. We have a long tour ahead of us.”