Chapter Twenty-Five
DANGER
“Out!” I yell, pushing Effa toward the door.
Effa grabs her shoes with a sigh. “Geez, dude, someone woke up cranky and hungover this morning.”
“Yeah, well, you just slept through my girl walking in on you asleep in bed with me so…” I trail off.
Effa screws up her face. “Oooh… that’s not good.”
“No, Effa. That is not good. Now get out!”
“Okay, but wait till I leave before you Hulk smash everything,” she teases.
I don’t find her jokes amusing right now. “Get. Out!”
“Fine!” She yanks open the hotel room door and walks out.
I stomp back to the bedroom, my anger boiling over.
Without a second thought, I grab the nearest thing—a lamp—and hurl it across the room with an almighty bellow.
The cord snaps as it’s torn from the wall, taking chunks of the plasterboard with it.
The lampshade shatters, breaking into tiny glass fragments against the opposite wall.
Breathing heavily through my nostrils, I sound like a raging bull, my chest heaving from the tension.
That didn’t make me feel any better, but it did relieve some tension.
I pace the floor, wondering how I could have fucked up this huge. Walking over to my shirt on the couch, I pull it on and go in search of Nate.
He started this fucking disaster last night.
I storm out and head to his room, banging on his door hard and fast.
With sleepy eyes, he opens the door, yawning absentmindedly, and I lunge forward, grabbing his shirt, forcing him back into the wall with all my fucking might.
The wall cracks from the force as his eyes widen.
Now, he is completely awake, and I snarl at him like a man possessed. “You fucking did this!”
Nate grins, simply shaking his head.
Matt rushes down the hall to see what the commotion is about.
“Whatever do you mean?” Nate quips with a wicked grin.
“You’re out of the band,” I yell, thrusting him higher up the wall.
Matt steps up, grabs my hands, and yanks me back from his brother, standing between us. “He’s not out of the band, Danger? We all have to decide on that. But what the fuck did he do?”
“He kissed my girl!” I growl.
Matt snaps his head back to face his twin. “What?”
“Yeah, she tastes amazing, doesn’t she? So damn sweet,” Nate goads.
I lunge forward to grab Nate, but Matt pushes against my chest, stopping me from getting to him again.
“Nate, stop it! Danger, cool it! What the fuck is going on?” Matt demands, trying to play the peacekeeper he’s become accustomed to lately.
“Nate kissed Lunar,” I repeat. “What else is there to know?”
Nate chuckles. “How about how you fucked Effa and Lunar left. Seems you’re the one who messed up, Danger.”
I scoff, turning and running my fingers through my hair. “You don’t even know what you’re talking about.”
“Don’t I? I heard Lunar tell Ryan she walked in on you and Effa in bed together. Seems pretty fucking obvious to me and Lunar too. Face it, you fucked up. And now you’ll never get her back. Probably for the best, you and long-distance never work, do you?” Nate chides.
That hit home a little harder than it should.
Groaning, I shrug out of Matt’s grip and turn, walking away from their room.
I fucked up!
What Lunar saw can’t be unseen.
But what I saw can’t be either.
Chasing after Lunar with the image of her kissing Nate burned into my retinas is not something I wanted to endure. It taunts me, reminding me of the betrayal that slices through me like a knife.
I just never thought Lunar would do that to me.
With heavy feet, I make my way to my room. I know it’s early, but I need a drink. I can’t stand the never-ending ache in my chest. Knowing Lunar saw Effa in my bed makes me sick to my stomach, but seeing her with Nate killed me.
I need something to take the edge off, so I drink the day away. Sure, we have a flight today and a concert tonight in Western Australia, but it’s not like I’ve never performed wasted before.
Tonight, I’ll be doing that again because I can’t get through this day sober.
***
The plane ride was a blur.
Ryan and Luke had to practically carry me on board, and then I promptly passed out. To say I got a little too drunk is an understatement. They had to wheelchair me off the plane to a waiting cab.
It’s a few minutes before the show, and my head is pounding ferociously as Luke passes me another cup of coffee. I’m sobering, but I feel like death. I really want to blow off the show tonight. I know I can’t, the guys won’t let me, but I sure as shit want to.
Nate is mainly on my back, saying this is all my fault and that I should be hurting for hurting Lunar.
Well fuck that!
She hurt me first by kissing him, so… whatever.
“Dude, drink faster. You need to be sober for the show. Think about the fans,” Ryan urges.
I sigh, picking up the mug and sipping my fifth cup of coffee since landing.
Luke paces the floor—his agitation palpable.
“I feel like shit.” I rest my forehead on my arm on the table in front of me.
“Well, stop acting like a fucking brat, and you won’t feel like shit,” Luke chides sharply. A chair being thrown echoes across the room, followed by fading footsteps. It’s evident Luke has stormed off, but I am too drained to care or react as my eyes remain closed to the harshness of the world.
“You can’t fall apart on us now. We’re starting to make it here in Australia.
Luke’s talking about taking this tour to Asia after we finish here, Danger.
That’s what would be ahead of us if you don’t fuck this up here and now.
I know losing Lunar is difficult, and yes, you fucked up, but take it on the chin and damn well learn.
Fuck, man, maybe have a break from women for a while? ” Ryan suggests.
I raise my head and nod.
I know I couldn’t go anywhere near another woman.
Lunar’s all I think about, and the hurt in her eyes is scorched into my soul, burning me deeply. Picking up my coffee, I take another sip.
I know Ryan is right.
My luck and track record with women are not good.
“Right, guys, let’s go,” Luke calls out, storming back into the room.
Ryan stands, pulling me with him. “You can do this, Danger.”
I chug back the remnants of my coffee and walk to the back of the stage.
The crowd is at capacity, and the roar is booming.
I don’t know how I’m going to pull this off, but I know I need to fake it the best I can.
Even if it kills me, I must give the crowd the show they paid for—the Recoil they love and want.
Ryan, Matt, and Nate all rush onto the dimly lit stage.
The crowd erupts, but all I can do is cringe.
The noise is deafening, making my head pound.
Luke stares at me from his vantage point, and I take a few deep breaths, then nod.
He dips his chin as the band starts, and I run up the stairs, putting on a pretend smile while I wave to the crowd.
Ryan leads in with his guitar, and I approach the mic.
The opening song doesn’t require me to use my guitar, so I grasp the mic, pouring all my emotions into the lyrics.
It’s one of Lunar’s favorites, and it makes my heart race as I think of her.
Despite my efforts, I know my performance is off and I am lacking, but I’m trying to work the crowd like I need to.
I am struggling to find the usual stamina and energy.
The music feels out of sync, as if it no longer resonates with me.
I’m engulfed in a sense of hopelessness.
Her absence taints everything.
Nothing feels the same without her here.
And knowing she will never return amplifies everything while the performance continues.
I’m fading, powerless to stop it.
My performance is derailing, spiraling out of control.
Nothing clicks, and I can’t get a feel for my music.
I’m drowning.
Without her, I’m nothing.
LUNAR
Four Days Later
It feels like an eternity since I walked in on Danger and Effa, the memory still burned in my brain.
Nothing I do can stop the nightmare image from seeping into my mind every chance it gets.
Awake or asleep, it haunts me, and so I suffer, alone in my childhood bedroom at my mother’s house.
I haven’t gotten out of my bed for anything other than the bathroom, and I try to limit that to two or three times a day because the warmth of my bed is far more comforting than the harshness of reality.
Mom comes and talks to me every day, and every day, I tell her I’m fine when I’m not. I’m drowning in a sea of misery, and she knows it. She isn’t stupid. She’s keeping a close eye on me. Knowing if she doesn’t, I won’t have a lifeline to hold onto.
My eyes are so sore and puffy from the endless amount of tears I’ve shed, and I continue to cry over him.
The prick that broke my heart.
I can’t shake the feeling of betrayal and loss.
And the fact that he just let me walk out of the hotel room where I caught him in bed with not just another woman, but of all women… Effa.
A fresh wave of nausea hits me as tears cascade down my face, and I curl into a tight ball under the covers. The image hits me full force, and I clench my eyes shut, trying to rid myself of the thought of what Danger and Effa must have been doing in my absence.
A gentle knock on my door causes my eyes to flick to it. I sniff and wipe my cheeks.
“Go away,” I call out, but the creak of the hinges on the door tells me that whoever this is will be coming in anyway.
Pulling back the covers slightly to see who it is, my eyes open wide, and a gasp escapes me when I see Mom in the doorway, and next to her is… Danger?
What the hell?
Swallowing hard, I look at Mom, and she gives me a look, asking, Do you want me to kick him out?
I love her for that, but as I glance back at him with his brows furrowed and his stance slouched like he’s in pain, it softens my hatred just enough to hear him out. He’s flown to Adelaide to see me, so I should at least hear what he has to say.
“It’s okay, Mum.”
“I’ll be in the kitchen if you need me.” She shuts the door gently behind her.