CHAPTER 23 Liam Bradley
What I Already Know
It’s Wednesday evening when my phone rings.
Izzy.
I blow out a breath.
Things have been going so well this week. Penny and I have talked every day. I’ve video chatted with her kids, who both told me they miss me. I’m getting to know my teammates. Tanner Banks has been incredible in welcoming me warmly to the team, and I’ve gone out the last two nights with Clay.
I’ve met a lot of people, women included, but the only one I want is a secret back home.
With things going so well, I guess that’s why I’ve been dreading this call. I know what she’s going to say, but as I’ve been waiting for this call, it’s been easy to live in ignorance. It’s been easy to pretend it’s not real.
But this call will confirm what I already know.
“Hey, Iz,” I answer. My voice sounds tired.
“Hey. The paperwork came in. It’s yours. They sent you a copy, too, but I just wanted to let you know in case I saw it before you.”
I clear my suddenly tight throat. “Thanks.”
“Sure. I’ll take care of it from now until it pops out, and then it’s all yours.”
I hate that word. It isn’t an it. It’s a baby.
And maybe I would have felt like it was an it a few weeks ago or a month ago, but since I've been living with two small people, I've realized that babies, toddlers, children…they’re so much more than just the “kid” label they’re given.
They're little humans, and it's up to us to give them the tools to become productive members of society.
It’s thoughts like that which make me feel as though I can do this. I’m not prepared, and this is unexpected…but I think I can do this. If I have Penny’s help.
I don’t know what to say, so I blurt the first thing that comes to mind.
“Do you, uh…do you know if it’s a boy or a girl?”
She’s quiet a beat. “I haven’t found out. Do you want to know?”
“I do.” I think about asking why she hasn’t found out, but I guess I know the answer to that. Knowing the answer to that turns it from an it into a baby.
“I’ll ask at my next checkup.”
“Can you text me your schedule of appointments? I’d like to be there. I’ll have my lawyer draw up an agreement. Just to be clear, you want to give up all rights. Right?”
“I…uh…yeah.”
For the first time, I wonder whether she’s not really all that sure, which makes that paperwork from my lawyer even more important.
“Thanks for letting me know. And Iz?”
“Yeah?”
“Take care of that little one, okay?” I ask. I hear the vulnerability in my own tone.
“I will. Have been for a long time now.”
“I appreciate it,” I say.
“Fucking better,” she teases, and I laugh.
“I do. Let me know what you need, okay?”
“Yeah. I will.” She pauses. “I don’t know how to ask this.”
“Just say it.” I already know what it’s going to be, so no sense in beating around the bush.
“I need money.”
I sigh. Having the career I do, having the family I do…it’s a blessing and a curse. But the fact that she just came out and said it sort of means something. At least I know what I’m dealing with.
I don’t know her well enough to think she might’ve done this on purpose, but at this point, it doesn’t matter. She’s pregnant, and the baby is mine.
“I’ll come see you at the bar next time I’m in town, okay?” I say.
“When will that be?”
“This weekend. If you need anything between now and then, let me know.”
We end the call, and I should call my lawyer first, but I don’t. I call Penny first.
“Hey,” she answers.
“Hey.” My voice is subdued.
“You okay?”
“Izzy just called.”
“Oh. And?”
“It’s mine, and I need you here, Pen.” The words blurt out before I can even think them through. But it’s the truth. “I can’t go through this without you.”
She’s quiet, and I’ve probably scared her off. She’s this incredible force who has two little boys depending on her, and now here I am, stepping in and putting more on her plate.
The thought gives me pause.
I’ve been selfish through all of this. I’ve thought about how this is going to affect me and my life going forward.
And I’ve been living in this idea of a world rather than in actual reality. I keep thinking about having Pen and the boys here with me. I haven’t thought as much about what it would mean to completely uproot them from everything they know so I could have Penny close to me while I’m in season.
I blow out a breath, and just as I’m about to open my mouth to somehow backtrack or try to take it back or even just apologize for putting more pressure on her, she speaks first.
“The boys are with Brent next weekend. What if I come see you there?”
I just told Izzy I’d come see her at the bar when I get back into town. I want to go with her to her doctor appointments if I can…but I still don’t have a list of when those are. It’s all more reasons I should call my lawyer and talk this out.
Before I know what I’m saying, I agree to her suggestion. “I would love that.”
It feels like the perfect opportunity to show her around, to introduce her to my teammates, to make her fall in love with this town so she’ll want to move here, too, and to…
Hide?
This is still a secret. We still don’t want my sister to know what’s been going on between us.
And yet…
An idea is forming. A way we could be together. A way to make this work.
I just have to figure out the logistics.
I float the idea to test it out. “What if we tell Ev we’re faking it for Brent?”
“Huh?” she asks.
“You could get away from him. Together we can provide the sort of stability that Brent can’t possibly give them given his track record.
If you wanted to, you could quit and live with me and be home when the boys are.
Or if you wanted to continue working, you could take Ev up on her remote offer, and we’d have a dual income and a stable home.
It would let you skip town and allow us to give this a real try together without having to admit the truth to my sister. ”
“Oh, Liam,” she murmurs, and her voice is too low to give away her emotional state. I can’t tell if she thinks it’s a genius idea or a stupid one. “I, uh…I need to think about it. This is all just a lot, you know?”
“I know it is,” I say softly around the lump clogging my throat.
She thinks it’s stupid.
She’s not even out of her marriage yet, and I’m already trying to get her to move in with me. What woman in her thirties going through a divorce wants to be immediately tied down again?
I don’t blame her.
“I understand if you don’t want to come this weekend,” I say.
“No, it’s not that. I love the idea of coming out to see you.
Just…I don’t like lying to Ev, you know?
We’re not faking, but I’m also not ready to define any of this.
The idea of uprooting...I want to do right by my boys, and I don’t know if it’s full custody with me, if it’s split time with their father, if it’s holidays and two weeks in the summer.
I don’t know if moving halfway across the country is right.
I feel like I’m doing all of this wrong, and I’m afraid I’ve already fucked them up and they’ll move out at eighteen and never look back.
” Her voice is wavering by the end of her rant.
“Jesus, Pen. Is that what you think? You’re the greatest mom in the entire world. You are the center of Sammy and Benji’s entire universe.”
And you’re becoming the center of mine.
I want to say that to her, but I don’t want to add pressure. So I let it go.
We wrap up the call as I tell her I’ll book her a flight, and as soon as I hang up with Penny, I finally get on the phone with my lawyer.