32. Cherise
Chapter thirty-two
Cherise
“Next, we have Cherise and Derrick!”
The DJ’s voice boomed through the speakers. The beat dropped, and Leo and I burst through the double doors.
I threw my hands in the air, shimmied my ass, and pumped my fist as I strutted toward the center of the dance floor, owning every second of it.
Leo was right behind me, doing the most ridiculous dance I had ever seen in my life. Something between a robot and a man fighting off invisible bees.
The crowd lost it.
Cheers and laughter surrounded us. Phones already up to capture the moment.
We hit the center of the floor with the rest of the bridal party and struck a pose. I swear the applause got louder.
“And the moment you’ve all been waiting for…” the DJ teased.
He paused, dragging it out just enough to build the anticipation.
“Mr. and Mrs. Logan Fox!”
The room exploded.
Cheers doubled, cameras flashed, and I turned just in time to see Grace and Logan come through the doors, dancing their way in.
Grace had her bouquet lifted in the air, swaying it side to side, laughing without a care in the world. Logan bounced beside her, shoulders moving to the beat…. Or as close to the beat as he could get.
The man should definitely stick to singing… dancing? Wasn’t his strong suit.
Leo leaned in close to my ear. “I think our entrance was way better… just saying.”
I smirked, my eyes still on Logan. “Be nice. You know they don’t have rhythm. They can’t help it.”
I glanced at Grace.
She hit what I could only describe as a very enthusiastic, very committed attempt at the Bankhead Bounce.
I winced.
Then immediately lost it in laughter.
“Damn, looks like she's having a seizure,” I whispered to Leo, shaking my head.
Leo chuckled beside me. “You’re terrible.”
“Hey, you started it.”
We met them in the middle, wrapping them both up in hugs, laughter still hanging in the air, the energy buzzing around us.
Then, slowly, the music shifted.
The room softened.
The DJ’s voice faded out, replaced by the opening notes of Ed Sheeran’s “Thinking Out Loud”.
Leo and I stepped back with the rest of the bridal party, giving them the floor.
Logan held out his hand.
Grace placed hers in his, and he pulled her in gently. His hand settled at her waist. Hers draped over his shoulders.
Grace swayed in Logan’s arms like the rest of the world had disappeared. As if it was just the two of them standing there, wrapped up in something soft and certain.
Forever.
The word settled heavy in my chest.
I smiled, because I was genuinely happy for her. She deserved this. Deserved someone who looked at her like she was the only thing that mattered.
I wrapped my arms tight around myself, watching the way Logan pulled her closer, the way Grace melted into him without hesitation.
I couldn’t remember the last time anything in my life felt that easy.
Love, at least the version I knew, never looked like that.
Love had looked like walking on eggshells. Trying to be just enough without being too much. Like wondering what version of myself would finally be worth staying for. Or what version would make them leave.
Love had been heartbreak.
Disappointment.
Disapproval.
Love for me had always felt like an audition, and I was so damn tired of trying out for a role I never was meant to have.
Because real love—if it existed for someone like me—shouldn’t make you feel smaller.
It shouldn’t make you question yourself or shrink pieces of who you are just to fit into someone else’s idea of “perfection.”
It should feel like safety.
Being able to wake up and reach for someone without thinking twice because being near them makes everything better.
I swallowed the lump forming in my throat as I watched Grace laugh into Logan’s shoulder.
That kind of love…
I was beginning to believe that it would never be in the cards for me.
Maybe losing my parents and everything I've gone through rewired something in me. Made me trust less. Kept my emotions under lock and key. Because when you lose people like that—suddenly, unfairly—you learn quick that nothing stays forever.
That people leave.
So what’s the point of letting someone all the way in…just to lose them, too?
Probably why I took the breakup with Derrick without blinking an eye. I had already trained my heart to expect rejection.
To expect loss.
I let out a slow breath, shaking my head slightly. Forcing myself to bury my thoughts. To just be happy for my friend.
Even if that kind of love may never be my story.
***
Grace and Logan finished their first dance as everyone settled into their seats. The soft glow of candlelight flickered across the tables.
The smell of food hit me the second I sat down, and it dawned on me how hungry I was.
“If I eat too much and pop a hole in this tight ass dress, you promise not to laugh?”
Leo chuckled. “You know I got you. I’ll keep my blazer on standby in case you need to hide it from the crowd. No one would ever know. So, eat until your heart's content… or your stomach, I guess.”
I smiled and took a bite of the chicken.
Paused.
My eyes widened.
“Oh… this is disrespectful,” I said, pointing my fork at my plate. “Why is this so good?”
“That’s what happens when you have million-dollar chefs cater your wedding,” Leo said around a bite of mashed potatoes.
“This is way better than the last wedding I attended. Poor things thought seasoning was optional.”
“Yeah, I’ve attended a few weddings like that. I took my food home, and Moose wouldn’t even eat it.”
We both laughed. I glanced over to Grace and Logan at the sweetheart table, her head tilted toward him as he said something that made her laugh.
He reached over, brushing something off her cheek.
Something in my chest pulled.
“Can you imagine that?” I asked quietly.
Leo turned his head. “What?”
“Being with the same person…forever.” I nodded toward them. “Waking up next to the same face every morning. Knowing that’s it. That’s your person. For the rest of your life. Through beer bellies and bald spots.”
Leo laughed as he watched them for a second. “I think the saying is through sickness and in health.”
“Tomato to-mah-to.”
“Isn’t that always the goal, though?” he asked, biting his garlic bread.
I huffed a small laugh. “For some people.”
“For most people,” he said, glancing at me. “You don’t get into something like marriage thinking it won’t last.”
I picked at my food, dragging my fork through the gravy.
“I don’t know,” I murmured. “Forever feels… risky.”
His brows pulled together. “Risky?”
“Yeah.” I shrugged. “Putting everything into one person. All the time, your energy, your heart… just hoping they don’t wake up and decide you’re not it anymore. Or worse. Them not waking up at all.”
I felt his gaze on me.
“That’s not love,” he said quietly.
I met his eyes.
“That’s fear.”
“Comes with the territory,” I said, trying to brush it off.
“It doesn’t,” he said, softer now. “The right person doesn’t make you feel like you’re one bad day away from losing them.”
Yep, that hit. Right in the chest.
“So, you don’t want to get married because you are afraid one day they will pass away.
Cherise, we are all going to pass away someday.
It’s what you do with the days you have on this earth that matters.
Think of it this way.” He turned to me. “If you had a choice to erase every memory of your mom and dad, so that losing them wouldn’t hurt. Would you?”
“Absolutely not.”
“Then why are you questioning marriage out of fear of one day losing that person? Even if you do tragically lose them, you have all those good memories to look back on that you wouldn’t have had if you let fear make the decision for you.”
I shook my head slightly. “You make it sound so easy.”
“It’s not easy,” he said. “Marriage takes work. You just have to find the right person who’s willing to stick through it with you. Through the ups and the downs. No matter what.”
I swallowed, my fingers tightening around my fork.
“That sounds all peaches and cream,” I said, forcing a small smile. “But people change. Things change. The honeymoon phase doesn’t last forever.”
His eyes stayed locked onto mine.
“That’s when your love evolves with it.”
He reached under the table, his hand finding my thigh.
I looked down at my plate, suddenly very interested in my food again. “Well, sounds like you’ve got it all figured out. I bet you’re going to make a lucky lady very happy one day.”
My chest ached as soon as the words left my mouth. Because part of me wished that girl could be me, and we both knew that would never happen.
Leo’s hand left my thigh, and his smile faltered just for a second as he moved his broccoli around on his plate with his fork.
“Yeah,” he said. “One day.”
I nodded as if I didn’t feel a punch straight to my ribs.
Like I hadn’t just handed him off to some imaginary woman in the future.
Like I hadn’t just… removed myself from the picture.
I stabbed at my food.
Because of course.
Of course, I picked the wrong one.
Chose the man who never chose me back.
Right in front of the one who chose me from the beginning.
A humorless laugh bubbled in me.
God, Cherise, you really know how to pick them.
I swallowed hard, forcing the tight feeling down.
That door closed a long time ago, and I was the one who shut it.
If only I knew then what I know now.