Chapter Twenty-Four
Connor paced his living room in a fury, still in his award-night getup. How did this happen? How, in the space of a few minutes, did it all unravel so spectacularly?
He cringed as he recalled the shock on Sam’s face when his father spoke those words.
Even worse was his complete inability to do anything about it.
His own father had insulted his boyfriend, and Connor had sat there and let him.
Because unlike Sam, he was still protected by the shield of his decades-old fiction. His cowardice.
Humiliated, Connor had left with his parents shortly after Sam.
They’d raised a few eyebrows from the rest of the audience, who sat waiting for the remaining presentations.
He’d driven his parents home without a word and helped his dad into the house.
His mother stopped him at the door as he was leaving.
“Please, Connor,” she pleaded. “He really is proud of you. But with everything that’s happened, he’s in a dark place. He’s lost his way. He doesn’t know what he’s saying.”
“He knows exactly what he’s saying,” Connor said through gritted teeth. “Sam didn’t deserve that.”
His mother shook her head, her eyes sad. “No, he didn’t. And neither did you.”
Connor had left before he could read too much into her words.
A soft knock at the front door pulled him from his internal spiral.
Connor’s heart leapt. He strode down the hall and opened the door to find Sam, no longer in his beautiful green suit but wearing jeans and a baggy sweater.
Connor searched the man’s face, desperate to know what he was thinking, but Sam only graced him with a small, guarded smile.
“Can I come in?”
“Of course,” Connor said, holding open the door. Sam stepped inside, and together, they walked into the living room. He stopped at the entrance to the kitchen. “Do you want something to drink?”
“No, thanks. I won’t be long.”
It hung over them like foreshadowing, and Connor’s earlier hope morphed into fear. “Sam, I’m so sorry about what happened tonight.”
Sam’s eyebrows pulled together in a frown.
“The photos were a bad idea. I should have known they wouldn’t go down well.
You’ve been clear from the start about how much the business means to your dad and how you want to do right by him.
You went along with it because I twisted your arm, and that wasn’t fair. ”
Connor shook his head. “No, it wasn’t a bad idea. I—”
“Just hear me out, okay?” Sam said in a strained voice. “Even so, he shouldn’t talk to you like that.”
Connor let out a heavy sigh. “You don’t understand. He’s had a free pass for years. Kind of hard to knock someone with a debilitating disease.”
“That’s an excuse. You’re making excuses for him.” Sam’s voice rose. “You don’t deserve to be treated like that.”
Sam’s conviction hit against a truth Connor struggled to accept—harder still to hear from someone else.
But what did Sam know? He didn’t have to stand by and watch as his father became a shell of the person he’d once been.
Would mouthing off and stirring up trouble make any difference to that eventual conclusion or just make the journey more difficult?
“That’s a bit rich coming from you.” Connor hated himself the moment he said it.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” The flash of fear that crossed Sam’s face made Connor’s chest ache. “You think I should’ve stood up to those assholes at school? Given Plimmerton some choice words when he forced himself on me?”
“No, God, that’s not what I meant,” Connor said, covering his face with his hand.
“High school was pure survival. All any of us could do was get through that. But that night when we were together after the movie, what you said...” Hasn’t exactly stopped people before.
“You don’t have to accept whatever people give you. ”
Sam fell silent, just like that first time at trivia, when the team had circled too close to what he didn’t want to share.
“And look, you’re right—my dad’s a dick, he treats me like crap, but the situation’s more complicated than that,” Connor went on, trying to explain away his father’s bad behavior for Sam’s sake as much as his own.
“Life doesn’t always work out the way we want it to.
It took my dad getting sick for me to realize I couldn’t afford to be a fuckup anymore.
One of those moments when everything comes to a head, like what you’re going through now—”
“What I’m going through?” Sam echoed flatly. “What are you talking about?”
Shit. Connor exhaled through his lips. “I ran into your mom a couple weeks back. She said things got pretty dark there for a while.”
“For fuck’s sake,” Sam muttered. “And you just never thought to ask?”
“I didn’t want to push. I assumed you’d tell me when you were ready. There’s nothing to be ashamed of. Everyone’s going through their own struggles—”
Sam’s eyes narrowed. “Was all of this—the attentive-lover schtick—just you feeling sorry for me?”
“What? No.”
Sam strode past him and headed toward the door.
Connor followed, not sure how this had devolved so quickly. “You’re so careful with what you share, especially about yourself. It’s like you’re trying to project what you think other people want. What exactly do you want, Sam? Have you thought about that?”
“Now you won’t have to bother figuring it out.” Sam reached for the door handle, and Connor caught his arm.
“Wait, please, Sam—”
“Actually, about what I want.” Sam turned to face Connor, his eyes shining. “I want a boyfriend who invites me to Sunday-night dinner with his parents. Who can take me out without pretending we’re just friends. Who would stand up for me in front of his family.”
The breath stalled in Connor’s lungs. His hand dropped from Sam’s arm like deadweight.
“But that’s not going to happen, is it? Because until you face your dad, I’ll be stuck living your lie.
” Sam’s face fell, and the anger left his voice.
“And this will be just like high school, where you stand back, silent. Not because you don’t want to say something but because you can’t.
I can’t go through that again. I can’t be with someone who makes me feel alone. ”
Connor said nothing. There was nothing to say because Sam was right.
He felt a rush of sorrow, powerless to stop this incredible, perfect thing from slipping through his fingers.
Connor was still hiding—from his family, his friends, everyone in town.
He’d made Sam an accomplice in his deception after years of openly living his truth.
How could I have expected him to settle for that?
“It’s not you, Connor. You’re wonderful—believe me.
” Sam looked down at the floor with a quiet sadness.
“You make me feel... worthwhile. And I’m not used to that.
But I need to be with someone who’s ready to live as himself.
That’s one thing I can’t trade off on.” Then Sam pulled open the door, sending a shock of cold air into Connor’s face.
“I’m sorry.” He stepped out, closing the door behind him with a muffled thud.