Chapter Thirty-Two
Once Connor had washed the motor oil from his hands, he emerged from the dinky office bathroom and scooped Sam into a fierce embrace.
Sam wrapped his arms around Connor’s neck and kissed him like a sailor rescued at sea.
Connor melted at the taste of him, so sure before that morning that he’d lost Sam for good.
He’d stood there by the van like an idiot, not quite believing the words coming out of Sam’s mouth.
Good things rarely happened to Connor, and now it was as though all his Christmases had come at once.
“Thought I’d made the biggest mistake of my life,” he murmured between kisses, holding Sam close.
“No, don’t. Connor... I missed you so much.” Sam’s breath was hot and electric, and the solid press of his body made Connor’s skin burn.
It soon became apparent from the urgent way they were rubbing against each other that kissing wouldn’t be enough. “Will you... can we?” Sam looked at him pleadingly, and Connor couldn’t think of anything he wanted more.
“Not here. Too many weird family vibes.”
Sam burst out laughing. “Oh my God, of course not! I’m pretty sure you can see right through those blinds.”
“That’s one way to make things public.”
“I don’t think either of us is ready for that.”
Connor leaned in again and discovered how hard it was to kiss someone while beaming like a maniac. Sam took his hand and, possessing just enough sense to lock the office on their way out, they fled to Connor’s apartment.
They’d barely made it through the door before Connor dropped to his knees in front of Sam in the hallway, unable to wait a moment longer.
He unfastened Sam’s pants and grazed his mouth over the bulge of Sam’s cock beneath the fabric of his briefs, pausing for permission.
Sam let out a pitched moan. “Mmm, yes...”
Connor slid the briefs down over Sam’s thighs, and his cock sprang free, curving into the space between them. God, it was beautiful. He was beautiful, every last inch of him. Connor wrapped his lips around the cap, tongue darting along the slit as he drew Sam’s cock in and out of his mouth.
Sam made a soft humming sound then, laughing breathlessly, eased Connor back with a gentle nudge. “This won’t last long if you start with that,” he said, running his fingers through Connor’s hair. “Get up here.”
Connor got to his feet with a grin, and they continued to the bedroom, kissing and shrugging out of clothes as they went.
They coiled naked together on top of the covers, tongues exploring mouths, their erections colliding impatiently, desperate to make up for lost time.
It felt like years since he’d had Sam all to himself.
Connor couldn’t decide whether to start by devouring his tight pink nipples or the sensitive skin behind his ear or simply head straight for the prize between his legs.
Then, out of nowhere, Connor was hit by a wave of exhaustion.
Maybe it was the days of broken sleep or having gone through the full spectrum of emotional turmoil—crushing lows to soaring highs.
His limbs filled with lead, and he stilled, resting his forehead on Sam’s chest. He felt raw and wobbly and didn’t want to think for himself anymore; he just wanted to be pulled close and held tight.
Sam seemed to pick up on the shift, and he gently rolled Connor onto his back.
“Do you want me to...?” His tone was hesitant, but there was a longing in his eyes. A burgeoning confidence.
Connor ran his palm across the smooth plane of Sam’s stomach and felt a shiver of arousal at the thought of the man inside him. “I want you, Sam.”
“Yeah?” Sam flashed him a nervous smile.
Connor nodded.
“I’ll go slow,” Sam said, his expression turning serious. “I’m going to take care of you, okay?”
A lump caught in Connor’s throat. He reached up to stroke Sam’s cheek. “You already have.”
Connor was generally wary of getting fucked by guys who’d never bottomed. They tended to approach the task with a reckless abandon. Come to think of it, he’d never been fucked by someone who hadn’t topped before. It was an honor to be Sam’s first.
Sam was well-versed in the mechanics and took his time getting Connor ready.
While he stretched him, Sam kissed Connor’s closed eyelids and the dip in his throat.
He sucked on each nipple and teased the tip of Connor’s cock with his tongue.
It made Connor feel spoiled and adored, and his skin prickled with the warmth of all the attention.
When Connor was slicked up and comfortable, he helped Sam roll on the condom.
Then he lay back as Sam moved between his legs.
“Tell me if I’m doing it wrong,” Sam said, his voice betraying a slight tremor.
Connor looked up at Sam’s eyes filled with concern and felt a rush of affection. “You’ll do fine. Just take it easy.” Then he shifted his hips and made himself relax as Sam pressed the head of his cock against Connor’s opening.
“Oh fuck!” Sam’s eyes widened.
He made a noise in his throat and stopped, his fingers digging into Connor’s thighs.
He eased back and waited a moment before pushing forward.
Each time, he waited, letting Connor get used to the feeling, before moving again.
It had been a while, and Connor breathed through the sting, knowing the good part wasn’t far away.
When Sam was all the way in, he collapsed onto Connor’s chest and buried his face in his neck. Connor relished the sense of fullness, the unparalleled intimacy of being joined. He curved his arms around Sam’s back, and Sam shuddered.
“You’re so tight...” Sam whispered, his breath buffeting Connor’s cheek. “Is it supposed to feel this intense? Shit, Connor, I’m halfway there. I think if I move, I’m going to bust.”
Connor’s dick gave a twinge of pleasure at Sam’s obvious excitement. He let out a low chuckle and kissed Sam’s ear. “Give it a second.”
They curled around each other, kissing. When Sam wasn’t so keyed up, he began to rock his hips back and forward. The angle of his cock hit Connor in just the right spot, and he groaned.
Connor reached between them to stroke his cock. “Yes, there. A little harder.”
“Yeah? Fuck, you look so hot.” Sam’s forehead furrowed in concentration as he upped the pace. It was both adorable and unbelievably sexy. “Too much?”
“No, perfect. You’re perfect.” Connor was already struggling to think straight.
Sam’s cheeks flared, and he crushed Connor’s mouth in a kiss.
Amid the heady fog that filled his brain, Connor realized it had been days since he’d last jerked off, and he was in very real danger of finishing too quickly.
“Hold up. Slow it down,” he instructed.
Sam came to a stop. They were both breathing hard, and Sam gave him a coy smile. “I love how direct you’re being.”
“Not a big fan of guesswork.”
A flicker crossed Sam’s face, and Connor reached up to run his thumb over Sam’s lips. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to—”
“No, it’s just... I don’t know why I thought staying quiet would benefit anyone,” Sam said. “It only made me feel invisible.”
“It’s a muscle,” Connor said, echoing Sam’s advice. “It gets easier the more you use it.”
Sam laughed and leaned in to kiss him, filling Connor with an aching heat that radiated through his body. Connor discovered he was no longer patient. “Now I want you to go all out,” he demanded in a strangled voice. “Don’t stop until I say so. Got it?”
A gasp of anticipation escaped Sam’s mouth, and his face flushed with desire. “Got it.” And then Sam was thrusting hard and fast, and Connor let himself succumb to the swirl of mounting pleasure, falling beyond the realm of control and knowing he was too far gone to pull back.
“Fuck, Sam,” Connor hissed, gripping Sam’s hip with one hand while jerking his own cock with the other.
“Oh, no... Connor... I can’t... I’m gonna—”
Sam stiffened in his arms with a guttural moan that made Connor’s whole body tremble. Connor moved his fist faster around his cock, finding he only needed the slightest push to get himself there, and then he clenched around Sam as the breath was torn from his throat by a glorious wave of release.
When he returned to himself, he looked up at Sam—lips parted, eyes half lidded, intoxicating—and struggled to keep the goofy look off his face, not wanting to appear like a kid who couldn’t believe his luck.
“It’s never—” Sam choked out, tears welling in his eyes. “Felt like this with anyone.”
“Come here,” Connor murmured and brought him close. He kissed Sam’s forehead and nose and cheeks and chin before finally capturing Sam’s mouth with his own.
“So first, I thought it had to be the journal,” Connor explained, lying naked beside Sam in bed. At ten on a Tuesday morning, they were cuddled together beneath the sheets after what had proven a very thorough reunion. It gave him a little thrill, like cutting school.
Sam lifted his chin to peer at Connor. “Wait, what journal?”
Connor leaned back with a sigh. “When I was younger, I used to scribble stuff down in notebooks.” He’d been telling Sam about the conversation with his mom at the hospital. “It helped me get out some of the scary thoughts and clear my head.”
“Connor,” Sam whispered, brushing the tips of his fingers against Connor’s forehead.
“I know, it was lame.”
“No. It was important.”
Their eyes met. Connor had missed this—the harmony he felt when he was with Sam, who understood Connor without him having to explain himself.
“Anyway, when my mom admitted they’d had their suspicions, I automatically assumed they’d read something in the journal I left in my dad’s van one morning before school.
Turns out, not bringing girls home was enough of a tell. ”
“Didn’t opt for the old fake-girlfriend trick?” Sam teased.
“Clearly, I didn’t think this through,” Connor said wryly.
“My mom said they weren’t sure, especially as time went on and it never came up.
” He tried to ignore the dull ache in the pit of his stomach.
“I’m still mad at myself. It’s like we were halfway there, and I just couldn’t step up and follow through. ”
“You can’t think like that,” Sam murmured, curling an arm around Connor’s waist. “What happened when you told him?”
“I mean, he wasn’t thrilled or anything. He’s not going to slap a rainbow bumper sticker on his car. But he wasn’t devastated either. Not like I imagined he’d be. Ending up in the hospital really threw him for a loop. He was... weirdly philosophical.”
“Well, it’s all out in the open now.”
Connor cocked his head. “I just realized I never asked about your dad.”
“What about him?”
“How did he react when you came out? Were you scared to tell him?”
“Not really, no. He’s always been kind of blasé about me being gay. Not as protective as my mom, who turned into a PFLAG maniac when she found out.”
“I bet she did.”
“I guess it’s his way of showing it’s no big deal,” Sam said. “Like he’s not going to treat me any differently. Sometimes he can be a bit clueless, but at least he’s not afraid to say what he thinks, which gives me a chance to change his perspective.”
Connor stared into those warm brown eyes and saw the kid he’d walked past in the halls at school, jaw set, shoulders high, expecting the world to fight back. He remembered pouring lighter fluid on his most personal confessions, hoping to erase the parts of himself he couldn’t bear to accept.
“You know, the fire at Krazinski’s,” he began haltingly. “It was an accident. I needed to get rid of them—the journals. I thought if I burned them, I wouldn’t—”
“Have to face the truth?”
Connor nodded, and his heart hammered in his chest. “All these years, I never stopped thinking about you and wondering what you were doing. I knew that whatever it was, it had to be better than life back here.”
Sam’s arm tightened around him. “I think whatever we’re struggling with follows us wherever we go,” he said quietly. “And if I’d known back then, I would have given you this...” He took Connor’s face in both hands and kissed him deeply.
“Piercings and all?” Connor asked when they parted.
“Piercings and all.”
Connor pressed his face into Sam’s neck, inhaling him. There was something so comforting about his scent. “So, Oakdale for the win, huh?” he asked as Sam stroked his hair. “What’s your plan?”
Sam rolled onto one elbow and looked down at Connor with a smile. “Well, for starters, I’m going to get my own place. I want to invite you around, for a change, and not have to contend with the logistics of fucking on the foldout.”
Connor snorted with laughter. “I don’t know. Sounds kind of kinky.”
“Not as kinky as you think.”
“And after that?”
A shadow crossed Sam’s face. “I have to go back to Austin and get my stuff. My parents put most of it in storage, but there are some things I need to pick up in person.”
“From the ex?” Connor asked carefully.
Sam looked at him, his teeth catching his bottom lip. “Yeah.”
“Have you talked to him since?”
“Since I had a breakdown and he pretended like I didn’t exist?” Sam asked dryly. “No. But I think I should. Close that chapter.”
“I’ll come with you.”
Sam sat up abruptly, his eyes narrowing. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
Connor pulled himself up so he was facing Sam. “You’re going to need someone to help you bring everything back here. And I happen to have a van.”
Sam opened his mouth as if about to retort then closed it.
“Look, I don’t have to meet him, this ex of yours—”
“Felix.”
Connor grimaced. “Even his name pisses me off.”
Sam burst out laughing. “Don’t say that!”
“Let me come for moral support. I can wait outside. You’ll need an extra set of hands to move stuff anyway. I’ve seen you try to lift the filing boxes at the office.”
Sam gave him a playful shove. “You have a point. But I don’t want you to think less of me, okay? I don’t want you to think you made a mistake.”
Connor slid a hand beneath Sam’s jaw, tilting his chin. “How could I think that? And after everything you’ve found out about me, I’m in no position to judge.”
Sam eyed him warily. “I can’t guarantee you won’t find parts of the me from before. He’s not someone I’m too proud of.”
Connor leaned in to brush his lips against Sam’s cheek. “If he helped you get where you are now, you should be damn proud.”