Chapter 39
Thirty-Nine
Raven
Ireturn home, riding slowly on automatic, barely focusing on the road.
Echoes of our conversation run through my mind, over and over, like a tape on loop.
“Ravens mate for life, do you know that?”
“I want to go riding with you. Play pool with you. Hell, get into bar fights with you.”
“I love you, Genesis Greer. Nothing else matters to me but you.”
“That raven on your back? That’s you, right there. Always diving, never flinching.”
“Everything false I’ve given up. Everything true is yours.”
All the things I wanted to hear a week ago. None of which I can believe now, not when they fall from Declan Hale’s lips.
Shit. His name isn’t even Hale, it’s Maddox. FBI Special fucking Agent Maddox.
I jerk on my bike, sitting up straighter, adrenaline dumping into my system.
Fuck… he hasn’t resigned. It’s not official yet.
His one reason for resigning was me, and I’ve just told him, in no uncertain terms, that I won’t accept him under any circumstances.
How could I have been so stupid?
I know he’s FBI. Kurt knows he’s FBI.
What will Declan do, as soon as he’s had a chance to think?
Hell, before that. While he’s still hurt and pissed.
I find a place to pull over, ripping off my gloves, yanking off my helmet. Reaching for the phone Tasha gave me. Hitting the button.
“Hey,” she answers. “Did you go through with it?”
“Listen, uh… I may have done something stupid.”
“Oh.” Resignation in her voice. “So you did go through with it. Where are you?”
“Just off the 101. Listen, Tasha. I need Kurt’s number.”
“So what happened? Did you find out anything about him?”
“Yeah, I did. He’s an FBI agent,” I say bluntly, “and I need Kurt’s number.”
“Honey, the line’s not clear. That sounded like you said—”
“He’s an FBI agent. It doesn’t get much clearer. Kurt’s number?”
“What?” Her voice has dropped to a whisper. “He’s an FBI agent?”
“Tasha. Time’s ticking. Kurt’s number.”
“Yes… yes. Shit. I’ll text it to you. Need to clear out of this place… move my stuff… shit…”
The line goes dead. A moment later, my phone vibrates. I don’t bother to store the number she’s sent me, just selecting it from the text.
It rings four times before Kurt picks up. “Hello?”
“Kurt? Raven.”
“Oh. I didn’t recognize the number. How are you doing?”
“It’s Tasha’s spare. It’s a relief to hear your voice. I wasn’t sure if you’d still be in prison somewhere.”
“I have expensive lawyers. Don’t worry about me. What news?”
“That’s why I’m calling. We’ve got a problem. I… uh…” Shit. “…may have done something very, very foolish.”
“I can’t imagine it’s that bad,” he says calmly. “Lay it on me.”
“So, uh… Declan is an FBI agent.” He said he’d told Kurt, but half of me still expects the same reaction I got from Tasha.
“Ah, you caught up. Good. How did that go?”
I blink three times. “Uh… yeah, it didn’t go so well, actually.”
“Oh, I’m so sorry.” A pause. “Is this connected to what you think you’ve done that’s foolish?”
How is he so calm? “Kurt, Declan is an FBI agent. He knows. Everything.”
“Yes, I appreciate that. Do you mind me asking how things went between you?”
“That’s the whole point, Kurt. They didn’t go between us at all. I told him to go fuck himself and never come near me again.”
“Oh.” He sounds disappointed. “Well, that’s understandable. Maybe when you’ve had a chance to reflect—”
“Jesus, Kurt. Aren’t you listening?” A car drives past, and I stick a finger in my other ear, trying to focus.
“He hasn’t resigned officially. He told them he would, but he hasn’t yet.
No paperwork, or some bullshit. Now I’ve told him to go jump, and…
” I’m his reason for resigning. “…now that I’ve pissed him off, he’s going to… ” Screw us all.
And it’s my fault again.
“Was he pissed?” Kurt asks.
“Uh…” No. He didn’t get angry, not even for a moment. I got angry enough for both of us, and he just… got hurt. “No, I suppose not.”
“Good,” Kurt says with feeling. “Smart man.”
“What?”
“So you haven’t pissed him off, then.”
“What?” I shake my head. “Kurt, do you know why he’s resigned? Or… was thinking of resigning?” Given that officially he hasn’t.
“Sure. We had a chat.”
This feels like getting blood from a stone. “Goddammit, Kurt, do you not see what I’m saying?”
“I do, but I fail to see the problem.”
I take a breath and let it out. I’m really out of patience today. Off the back of hardly any sleep, too. “If Declan resigned because of me,” I say slowly, “and now I’ve told him I’m not interested, he can un-resign, can’t he?”
“I suppose he could,” Kurt replies. “He won’t, though.”
“Why the hell not?”
“Because he loves you.”
My heart forgets how to beat for several long seconds, then starts again at a speed designed to catch up for what it missed. I watch three cars drive by before I can find my words, and refute Kurt’s seriously flawed logic. “Whether or not he does—”
“—he does—”
“—doesn’t change the fact that I told him I never wanted to see him again.”
“Did he accept that?”
I pause. I’m not entirely sure. “Maybe? I don’t know.”
“Good,” Kurt says. “Smart man.”
“Could you stop fucking saying that?” I’m the injured party here. Why doesn’t Kurt support me? “It sounds as if you like him or something.”
“I’ll admit, he’s been growing on me for a while.”
Me too, damn it. “Yeah? Well, he’s a lying sack of shit that drugged me, kidnapped me, and—”
“Did he now?” Kurt sounds amused. “That’s not very FBI of him. Did he read you your Miranda rights?”
“…No…”
“Drugging without consent is assault. Kidnapping is a felony too. Your Declan is either a very naughty boy or seriously infatuated with you. Which do you think it is?”
I bite at my lip.
He’s both. Very much both. “Hardly the point.” Very much the point.
“Well, anyway, it doesn’t sound like you’ve done anything I didn’t expect you to do.”
“What?” I’m saying that word way too much. But it’s been a long day, and it’s only mid-afternoon. “Can you please explain?”
“Let me ask you one question, first. Where’s the hardware wallet?”
“In my pocket.”
“Uh-huh. Which means the diamonds are in your other pocket? Both bags?”
“Yes…” I have a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. “How did you know?”
“He gave them to you, didn’t he? He didn’t need to, did he?” It’s Kurt’s turn to speak slowly. “Because he loves you, Genesis.”
Shit.
“Forget Declan,” I mutter. As if I could. “Where are you? I want these things off my hands.”
“I’m on my way back. I’ll be in LA in a couple of hours. Why don’t you go home, get some rest, think things over? I’ll see you tomorrow at the unit.”
“Yeah, real smart. What if Declan is on his way to the FBI office in LA right now?”
“I’m willing to wager any stakes you like that he isn’t.”
I wish I had even half his confidence.
“Fine, whatever.” I sigh. “Oh… I might’ve panicked Tasha. I think she’s pouring gasoline over the unit as we speak.”
“Don’t worry, I’ll talk to her. Don’t lose that black box, please.”
“I’m not going to. Or the diamonds.”
“Yeah, I don’t care so much about those. I figured you and Declan would keep them.”
I pull my phone away from my ear and stare at it. Then put it back. “Are you Kurt Renner? Have I dialed the wrong number?”
He chuckles. “Call it a dowry.”
“Fuck you.” I try for venom, but it falls flat. “Besides, they aren’t mine or his. They’re the crew’s.”
“I’ll cover their share, don’t worry. And I’ll fence the diamonds, so you don’t have to worry about that. But yeah, I think you two have earned them.”
I clench my jaw. “Why the hell does he deserve them?”
“He took bullets for you at Rodeo Drive—”
“That guy would’ve missed,” I say sullenly. “Declan only got hit because he rode into point-blank range.”
“Not going to try and argue with you in this mood, Genesis.” The amusement tingeing Kurt’s tone is beginning to grate. “He also protected our backs at Meridian Pacific. Under fire, no less.”
True. Irritatingly. “But he was only there because it was his job. He was never at risk of being arrested.”
“He still jumped off a building while doing the job we wanted him to do.”
“Wait.” I frown. “You got picked up straight after. Wasn’t that Declan’s fault?”
“Maybe, maybe not.” Kurt sounds blasé about it. “There are other factors in play.”
“Yeah?”
“You focus on you, Genesis,” he says, with a tone that makes it clear I won’t get answers. “Go home, get some rest, think about what you want to do.”
“About what?”
“About the man you love.”
The line clicks dead, ensuring he has the last word.
Bastard.
And he’s wrong. I don’t love Declan Hale—Maddox—whatever the fuck his name is today. I hate him.
Don’t I?
It’s only been a week since I was last home, but so much has happened, I’m surprised it all looks the same. I figured there’d be more moss on the walls, maybe half the building fallen down, anything to mark the passage of time that feels like eons and isn’t.
I punch in the code on the main door, a reminder that Declan’s apartment building uses the same lazy-ass four digits. How many doors in this country unlock to six, seven, eight, nine?
It doesn’t matter. He can get in if he wants, then he can stand outside my door pounding on it to his heart’s content. I won’t open.
That assumes he even bothers. I’m certain he won’t. I was pretty damn clear I want nothing to do with him.
My apartment hasn’t changed, and yet it feels different. Smaller, somehow.
Maybe it’s me that’s changed. I’ve grown up, got more bitter and jaded, lost a little more of the innocence that shouldn’t have been there in the first place.
I take a long shower, standing under the hot spray, letting it ease my muscles as my weariness catches up with me. My mind churns through the past few days, trying to make sense of it.
My family. My mother. BASE jumping off a building and being chased by Chinese enforcers. Cole getting shot.
A pocket full of diamonds.
Declan.
Getting drugged and kidnapped. By Declan.
Tied up and… By Declan.
That memory makes me shiver, despite the heat of the water.