Chapter 7 #2
Ursula did not show vulnerability, and she didn’t let people in.
Even with me it was rare for her to admit how she was feeling, and this show of anger, of reluctance, told me just how much she still cared for the fallen angel.
She’d wanted to take part in The Tartarean—a brutal tournament—for so long, but not like this.
She’d let Silas in, allowed herself to care for him, which was why what happened with Uma had cut her so deep. Uma and Ursula loathed each other at the best of times. Urs had good reason, and mistake or not, that made Silas’s betrayal that much more cutting.
“You don’t have a choice,” I said gently.
She shook her head, still pacing. “I will never forgive Lucifer for this, for making me do this. Never.”
“You don’t mean that,” I said and closed the space between us. “If I can forgive him, then so can you.”
She spun to me. “And have you? Forgiven him for making you spend every moment with Lothar for the foreseeable future? The male you once loved with your whole heart? A male who doesn’t remember that once upon a time he loved you too?”
It felt as if the oxygen had been punched from my lungs. No, I hadn’t forgiven him. I wanted to, but I couldn’t, not yet, not when I was still in this, living this, and Lothar was just outside those doors, waiting for me in the bar.
“Exactly,” she spit out. “He says he loves us, then personally tears open our wounds, not caring if we fucking bleed out.”
“You’ve wanted this for so long, and this time your skills will be invaluable. You have to do this—”
“I know,” she snapped. “I know I have to do this, but it doesn’t mean I’ll forgive him.”
I squeezed her hand. “It’ll be okay.”
Her vibrant green eyes held mine. “Do you really believe that?”
“I have to,” I choked out. The alternative wasn’t something I could contemplate.
Someone banged on the door.
“I hope you’re right,” she said, then yanked the door open and strode back out to the bar.
I followed her past the crowded dance floor and toward the table Lothar and Silas still sat at.
My gaze skimmed over the fallen angel. He looked as if he’d be more at home in Hell than Heaven.
He kind of looked like a huge goth, all inked up, that black and gold hair, and those lashes that were so dark and thick they could be mistaken for eyeliner.
He also had intense silver eyes that made you think he saw too much.
Both males stood as we neared, but I purposely didn’t look at Lothar, my emotions were too close to the surface right then, and if I looked at him, I was afraid of what he might see in my eyes.
Silas stood almost as tall as Loth, and as we closed in, he unfolded his tattooed arms and let his hands hang loose at his sides, as if he were braced for attack. I understood why. Ursula wouldn’t make this mission easy on him, not for one moment.
She hooked her arm over my shoulder and pulled me in for a tight hug. “We got this,” she said against my ear.
I nodded, then she released me, and Urs and Silas strode out of the bar.
I hoped she was right. I really did. “I guess we should make tracks as well,” I said to Lothar.
“Ready when you are.”
We grabbed our bags, I waved to my sisters still partying, and together we walked out onto the street.
Ursula and Silas had already disappeared.
I had no idea where they were going, the location of the tournament was different every time, or how dangerous it would be.
No one was allowed to speak about it afterward.
“Urs will be fine,” Lothar said.
I glanced his way and found him studying me. I quickly looked away. “I know.”
He was quiet for several beats. “Where to next?”
I pointed ahead and started down the street.
Lothar growled.
I turned back. “What?”
“I was created by Lucifer just like you were, Roxy. I’m loyal to him, and I’ve proven it, time and again, so knowing you’re keeping shit from me when it comes to this hunt is pissing me the fuck off.”
I stopped in my tracks. “I’m not keeping anything from you.”
“No?”
I scowled, even as guilt slammed through me. It wasn’t info about the hunt I was omitting. “No.”
He shoved his fingers through his hair. “Look, I honestly don’t know why you can’t stand the fucking sight of me anymore.
Yeah, you’ve given me reasons for the animosity, but honestly, Rox, I don’t believe you.
I don’t know this…this version of you, but we still have to get this done.
So stop treating me like a fucking idiot. ”
I froze in place. “You’re being ridiculous.”
“You’re hiding something.”
“I’m not.”
He bared his teeth. “Roxy—”
“I’m not,” I said more forcefully.
He planted his hands on his hips. “You don’t want to share, fine.
But you need to realize that we’re in this together.
You may be Lucifer’s favorite, but you’re not my fucking superior.
If we’re going to find Beelzebub, you’re gonna need my help, so how about you start by telling me where the fuck we’re going and the information Asmodeus shared with you? ”
He was right, of course. I was acting like someone else.
He was a hound, he sensed things, even if he didn’t understand it all.
Emotions were confusing for him to read, even if Lucifer had given him and his brothers the ability to identify them, and my attitude and all the volatile things I was feeling had to be fucking with him.
I was the one making this situation more difficult, not him.
I blew out a steadying breath, forcing myself to release some of the tension I’d been carrying the last few days. “I’m sorry,” I forced out. “You’ve done nothing wrong. The weirdness you’re feeling from me, it’s not about you.”
He frowned. “So what is it?”
“I don’t want to talk about it, okay?” I lied. “But I promise I’ll stop taking my shit out on you from now on and be my normal self again.”
The muscle in his jaw ticced, but thankfully he didn’t force the issue and, instead, nodded.
I hitched my bag higher and plastered a smile on my face, giving him the Roxy he wanted, instead of the psycho he’d been traveling with since we set off. “Okay, so our next stop is Limbo.”
His head jerked back. “You think B’s in Limbo?”
“No, but I think he passed through on his way to another realm.” We started off down the street again. “I’m hoping once we get there, you’ll be able to sense him and track him to wherever he went next.”
“Asmodeus told you that?”
“Not in so many words. But he did let slip that Hell didn’t feel the same with Beelzebub gone.
He also said B was thriving. With the way he looks, hiding here in Roxburgh is out of the question.
Beelzebub is drawn to death, and pain. Limbo is the quickest route to several realms that fit that bill, and he’s been to Limbo before as Lucifer’s envoy in the past.”
Lothar nodded. “I agree. Good work.”
I gave him another bright smile. Maybe if I did it often enough, it would stop being an act, and I’d start feeling like myself again. “I thought since you’re tight with Death’s mate, you’d be able to call Zinnia and get us entrance?”
Lothar slid his phone from his pocket. “No problem. I’ll call her now.”