Chapter 32
Chapter Thirty-Two
Roxy
“How are you feeling today?” Eve said as she walked into my room. Lysander held her hand, toddling along beside her, and Revere clung to his tiny hand. They were cousins, less than a year apart, but behaved and looked more like twins.
Kyler followed, carrying a tray laden with food. “You need to eat.”
I hadn’t meant to stay here. After I ran from the battleground, I’d come here to say goodbye to my girls, but they’d seen how upset I was and convinced me to stay.
They’d tended my wounds, fed me, loved me.
Eve’s mate, Lazarus, had even made me a leather guard for my hand, since the stumps where my fingers had once been were still sensitive.
At least my fingernails had grown back and my scar had returned to how it was before Sera escaped. I was counting that as a win.
I crouched down. “Hello, my babies.”
Ly and Rev ran to me, giggling and squealing. I scooped them up and smothered them in kisses. “You make your lovey so happy,” I said, giving them more kisses.
“I’ll never get used to that,” Ky said. “You don’t look old enough to be anyone’s grandmother.”
We looked the same age, and we all had the same black hair and blue eyes. We could be sisters, if it wasn’t for the centuries that separated us. “Yes, my darlings, you are stunning, and you can thank me for that,” I said and grinned.
Eve smiled, but her eyes were gentle, concerned. “Relic’s been calling the compound. Zenon lied and said he hadn’t seen you, but I think he suspects something.”
I rested a chubby toddler on each hip and went to the window, looking out. “What about Lothar? Has he called?” If he’d called me, I wouldn’t know. I’d blocked his number the night I ran, like a coward, afraid of what he’d have to say.
“Nothing yet,” Ky said. “He’s still healing, according to Relic, but I’m sure he will—”
“He won’t.” I needed to leave. I had to stop waiting, hoping that he’d change his mind.
Of course he wouldn’t. He’d never forgive me for letting Lucifer steal his memories, from stealing our connection the way I did, and I didn’t blame him for that.
I turned back. “I don’t want to cause trouble for Zenon, or for your mates.
I don’t want anyone to have to lie for me.
I’m behaving like a coward.” I pressed a kiss to Ly’s forehead, then to Rev’s.
“I love you both very much, my sweet babies, don’t ever forget that,” I said to them, then put them down.
“You don’t need to leave,” Eve said, reading me easily. “Please, stay a little longer.”
My eyes stung, but I refused to let the tears fall.
“I can’t be here in this city with him. I just can’t, it hurts too much.
” I grabbed my jacket from the chair beside me and slid it on.
It was Lothar’s, the one I’d been carrying around for centuries.
I’d even risked going back to Hell to retrieve it before I came here.
I lifted the collar to my nose and breathed deep, positive I could still smell him on it.
“I need some space, some time away to…to…” Get over it?
That would never happen, and I refused to allow Lucifer to take the pain away.
Taking it away would make it as if Lothar was never mine, and I never wanted to not have that, no matter how painful it was.
Eve and Kyler came to me and wrapped their arms around me. I hugged them back, tight.
“Promise you won’t do anything reckless, or put yourself in any danger,” Kyler said.
“I promise.”
“And make sure you call and text,” Eve said.
“I will.”
I stepped back as a howl echoed in the distance. I froze.
I had to be hearing things.
Lysander howled, imitating the sound, then Rev copied him, and they both giggled.
“I didn’t imagine it, then?” I rasped.
“Definitely not imagining it,” Eve said and rushed to the window as another howl rang out. “Rox, I think you need to see this.”
My heart was in my throat as I strode over to her and peered out the window.
Oh gods.
Lothar had climbed up onto the tall fence that surrounded the compound. He stood on it, shirtless, chest heaving as he drew in a lungful of oxygen, tilted his head back, and let out another mournful howl. I shivered, goose bumps prickling across my skin.
The knights had gathered below him, standing in the large lot just beyond the underground garage. They obviously hadn’t opened the gate for him, but they weren’t attempting to stop him, either, and nothing got over that fence.
“Why aren’t they stopping him?” I choked out.
“I think…I think because they know what it’s like to be mated, and they don’t need to have been separated from us to know how much they’d hate it.”
I scanned Lothar’s body, tattooed and muscled, and now with several new scars. “But…why would he come here?”
“Why do you think?” Kyler said, squeezing my hand. “He’s calling for you, Roxy. He’s calling for his mate.”
Eve wrapped her arm around my shoulders. “Go to him.”
“What if—”
“No what-ifs. Talk to him,” Ky said. “If you don’t, if you leave without hearing what he has to say, you’ll always regret it.”
She was right, of course. There was no way I could leave, not without hearing what he had to say first, even if it was “Get the fuck out of this city and leave me the hell alone.”
“Okay.” I tried to calm my racing heart. “I’ll talk to him.” My legs shook as I walked from the room, down the hall and took the elevator to the underground parking lot. Shoving my hands in the pockets of my jacket, I walked up the ramp, through the opened garage doors and outside.
Zenon turned when I surfaced and elbowed Roc. I nodded, and the knights walked away, heading back into the building and leaving me standing there in the quiet lot.
Lothar stared down at me, breathing hard, the veins and tendons bulging under his skin as he watched me.
He jumped, dropping from the tall fence and landed with ease.
He’d fully healed. At least he was okay.
He straightened then and strode toward me, a determined look on his face.
His eyes were locked on me, wild, and as he drew closer, I took a step back, then another.
He was angry. I thought I could absorb his rage, but now confronted with it, I wasn’t sure my heart could take it.
I spun, about to run, but he hooked me around the waist and hauled me up against him. His mouth pressed against my ear. “Oh no you fucking don’t. You are going to stay right here and hear me out.”
I gasped, pain washing through me, and then I was struggling, trying to get away because I couldn’t bear to hear how much he despised me. With a growl, he prowled into the parking garage and spun me around, pressing me against the wall.
“I know you’re angry, and you have every right to be.
” I struggled, the multitude of ways I knew how to escape a hold like this, every defensive move I knew, vanished from my mind.
I was helpless in his arms, helpless against the warmth of his skin, even with his fury crashing into me.
“I’m leaving. I’m going now. I promise—”
“Roxy—”
“You won’t have to see me again.”
“Roxy,” he growled, so loud I startled.
I blinked up at him.
“You are not going any-fucking-where, you hear me?”
I shook my head and the tears fell, no matter how hard I tried to fight them. “Why? Why would you want that? I can’t…I can’t be here, and not…while you…”
“While I what?”
“While you hate me.”
He moaned, the sound distressed, broken.
“Hate you?” He shook his head and dropped to his knees in front of me, his massive arms wrapping around my waist. “I’m not angry at you, I’m fucking furious with myself.
I’m here, kitten,” he choked out, “to beg your forgiveness. To fucking plead with you not to leave me. I remember, baby, I remember every moment with you, every fucking beautiful second we spent together.” He made a rough, wrecked sound in the back of his throat.
“And I remember what I did, I remember how I got this,” he said and pressed his fist to the center of his chest, over the scar there.
The scar I’d given him. “How I fucking blew us apart.”
I stared down at him in shock. I shook my head, confused, scared, but gods, hopeful.
“I wasn’t thinking straight,” I rasped. “Sera followed me, she offered Lucifer a deal… I should have said no, I should never have agreed to it, but I hurt so much and I…I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t move, I just wanted the pain to go away, and Lucifer… ”
“Lucifer used the situation to get what he wanted.”
I nodded.
He rose and lifted me, pressing his forehead to mine and gripped the front of my jacket, his jacket.
“I’ve hurt you, kitten, in the worst fucking ways imaginable.
I don’t deserve your forgiveness, but I’m begging you for it all the same.
” He swiped his thumbs over my cheeks, over my tearstained face.
“Please, Roxy, please give me a chance to prove to you that I’m worthy of you, that I’m worthy of your love. ”
I stared into his glowing eyes. “The price you paid was more than you ever deserved,” I choked out. “You didn’t want Sera, you never wanted her. I know that now. You did it for me. Lucifer gave you an impossible choice. I forgive you, my love. I forgave you a long time ago.”
He shuddered against me, his huge body trembling. “You won’t leave me?” he said with hope in his voice. “You’ll stay?”
I wrapped my arms around his neck. “For centuries, I have loved you from afar, craved you, missed you. Being right here, by your side, is all I’ve ever wanted.”
He closed his eyes, an agonized sound coming from him as he cupped my face and pressed his forehead to mine.
“I can’t believe this is happening,” I said.
He slid his thumbs over my cheeks. “Neither can I.” Then he kissed me, slow and deep. His breath shook when he finally lifted his head. “Can I take you to my den, baby? Will you come home with me? If you wanna go to Hell, that’s okay too. Whatever you want, I’ll give it to you, Rox, yeah?”
I shook my head. “Take me to your den, Loth. I want you to take me home.”