Chapter 17 #2
But there are plenty of places where I’m happy to fuck.
There’s a good-sized crowd tonight, enough to not hurt for choices but not so many it’s hard to avoid a full-on orgy.
There are people I recognize by their masks and their general shapes.
Some recognize me or, at least, my mask.
One girl asks where I’ve been for the last year, but it’s a joke. We’re all anonymous.
But we all know each other. Hell, some of the dudes are bigger, and shit’s gotten weird more than once. I’ve absolutely been in an orgy or two. It’s entirely possible I’ve been in a circle jerk with my teammates. It’s cool.
I laugh at the girl’s inquiry. I even go as far as to say, “Been trying out other clubs.”
She grins. I know we’ve fucked before, but the nights have blurred together. I’m not sure what all we did. But that smile of hers, her pale skin slashed by ruby red lips, the way she chews lightly on her bottom lip? It stirs up feelings, at least. “You been cheating on us?” she pouts playfully.
I draw air in on the side of my mouth to make a sharp sound. “Nah, baby, just playing the game.”
She giggles at that. She’s flirting with me.
I’m flirting with her. We’re flirting. Even in a place like this, there’s a mating ritual.
It’s simplified by knowing we’re here for the same thing and there are no strings attached, but we still have our roles.
We’re not just going to strip and have at it.
Not this early in the night, at least.
We’re walking down the stairs that cut between the seats.
This is the sort of theater where you enter from above and the stage is sunk down, so you get this great view as you enter.
And then there’s both the area behind the stage to explore and then also a variety of utility rooms beneath the seats.
I’m not sure where I’m going, but I’ve been jittery ever since Merrick put me in the position to actually think about my future, and this girl is probably a good way to work through the worst of the stress.
I could catalog her negative qualities easily enough.
She’s a little too thin; bony. Her ass is flat.
She’s got a weird front tooth, and her hair looks amazing from the front but a mess in the back.
I tell myself none of that matters. It didn’t matter last time.
I’m sure of it, even if I don’t remember it.
“Have you done that before?” she asks, pointing to the stage before dropping her hand neatly into mine.
A naked man is in a cage that’s maybe four feet in all directions, plenty of space if he sat down, but he’s standing, hunched over.
Two women are feeding poles between the bars, forcing him to contort around them.
“It’s like something out of an Indiana Jones movie, but a porno edition of it,” I observe.
The woman laughs, but it’s not the sultry, coy giggle of her previous laugh. It’s a genuine, full-body guffaw.
Her teeth are too big, I realize then. It’s not that a front tooth is weird; it’s that it’s the right size and the rest are huge. I like it in that way I like odd things. I bet I fucked that mouth just to prove I was brave enough to handle those teeth.
In fact, yes. It’s all coming back. I had a lot of fun with her that night.
We ended up in a black-out room, where it was so dark we could both shuck our masks for a little while and just savor each other.
She was bony, her ass was flat, but she sucked cock like a dream and her pussy tasted like gold.
We fucked later that night in the middle of, yeah, an orgy.
I got her pussy, but she had three other cocks to also entertain, and the whole night was really stupendous.
I told myself to definitely see what we could get up to if I saw her again, and now, here we are.
I’m pretty sure if I did whip my cock out right now and told her to climb on, I wanted to fuck her on the stairs as I carried her down and then bend her over the conductor’s podium in the pit, she’d be down.
It’d be a great fuck. I’d work out all this tension I don’t want.
But then I look at her and . . .
And nothing.
I don’t want this. I really don’t. I don’t want to be here at all. I want to be home, and home isn’t Merrick’s place. Home is with Donovan.
Home is with Tilly, even if it is for the very worst.
Tilly was, unquestionably, the greatest fuck of my life.
I’d give anything to return to that, even if I only ever got to experience the conversation overlooking the hotel lobby or the quiet moments between rounds when we held each other like that night was forever.
And I love Donovan in a way no words could express.
It actually makes me nauseous now to think of how my parents abandoned their son when I’m perpetually terrified that I’m going to screw something up and Tilly is going to steal him away from me in the middle of the night.
Even though, in the middle of the night, I just kind of want Tilly to come clean and beg for forgiveness I’ll far more easily give her than I should.
I’m not cheating on anyone by being here.
Even if I were, I’m the injured party. Tilly wronged me.
That night, she lied to me when she said we didn’t need a condom.
Then she stole and stole and stole from me, and now I’m teetering on my entire world very publicly collapsing under me because of her, so I deserve this.
I just don’t want it.
“Gotta take a leak, see ya later,” I tell the girl, probably the roughest rejection I’ve ever given anyone — seriously, if I haven’t been clear before, this is the sort of place where if I’d said gotta take a leak, wanna watch, she’d probably agree — but the moment I know I don’t want this, the very concept of this theater starts to suffocate me.