Chapter 2
I have a tin of kidney beans to thank for that last bombshell. Or rather, a lack of kidney beans. I texted Rich to ask him to buy some, only to hear his phone on the console table.
My text sat unread with seven others from ‘Steve Mechanic’ and, naively, I opened one to check that Rich wasn’t having a problem with his bike.
From his photos, ‘Steve Mechanic’ bears an uncanny resemblance to our former receptionist Lucy.
Also, I have no idea how Steve gets engine grease out of the outfits he likes to wear.
You can’t hot wash a white lace negligée.
I throw the phone onto the floor, not caring that it lands face down.
Numb from shock and anger, I repack my suitcase, removing my pretty holiday clothes and filling it instead with work outfits.
I add more toiletries, including the twelve-pack of Durex I picked up yesterday in Boots.
If Rich is going to sleep around, he sure as hell won’t be doing it using condoms bought with my Advantage points.
Once I’ve closed my suitcase, there’s nothing left to do except pour myself a glass of wine and wait in the kitchen for Rich.
Fifteen minutes later, I hear his key in the lock.
‘Oh, something smells delicious,’ he calls from the hall. He stops at the kitchen door when he sees me. ‘Nella?’
‘You forgot your phone.’
A flicker of anxiety flashes across his face.
‘Sorry,’ he says. ‘Did you need something?’
‘Nothing important. Just, you know, for you not to be sleeping with Lucy Harewood.’
He blinks a couple of times and frowns, like he doesn’t know what I’m talking about. But I see the mental calculation. He’s trying to decide if he can brazen this out or whether I really know something.
I decide to lend him a hand. ‘She left some damning evidence on your phone. Unless her autocorrect had a field day with “I need your enormous clock inside my puppy.” Somehow, I don’t think I need to call the RSPCA.’
He slumps against the counter. ‘I can explain.’
No one’s rooting harder than me for Rich to come up with an explanation that doesn’t involve shagging another woman, but the seconds tick by without him saying anything.
‘Go on, then.’ I’m torn between impatience and hope, but impatience is rapidly winning.
‘It just happened.’
‘It just happened?’ I can’t believe my ears. ‘And what, you were an innocent bystander?’
I down what’s left of my wine, then put the empty glass in the sink.
He doesn’t attempt to justify himself or to approach me; wisely, he stays by the oven, his gaze flicking to where my hands are balled into fists.
‘When?’ It’s suddenly the most important question.
‘Does it matter?’
‘Of course it fucking matters!’
He pauses. ‘After her leaving party.’
My stomach drops.
I skipped her send-off at the Golden Eagle because I had to go into university the next day to defend my thesis – the final step before I was awarded my PhD.
I was at home sweating over one of the most important meetings of my life while Rich and his not-so-enormous cock were sweating over someone else.
I was awake and still frantically going through my notes when he rolled home at 3 a.m. stinking of booze.
He must have stunk of something else, too, but I was too preoccupied to notice.
He takes a step towards me. ‘You’re the most important thing in my life.’
‘And you express that by sleeping with another woman? Lucky me.’
‘I love you, and I made a mistake. Both of those things can be true.’
‘Don’t play stupid bloody word games. And don’t try to sound rational. No, both of those things can’t be true. And I can’t believe you’ve got the gall to use that as a defence.’
I feel hot and cold at the same time. If I had something in my hand, I’d throw it at him. I hate feeling like this, hate feeling like I’m out of control. ‘I need to get away.’
Rich takes a tentative step forward. ‘Yes, this trip to Paris is exactly what we need. I was thinking—’
‘You must be fucking joking!’ I explode, the last remnants of self-control gone. ‘I’m not going to Paris. If you think you can fix this with café au lait and crêpes, you’re out of your mind.’
‘We can fix this by talking. It’s what we do, isn’t it?’
‘Infidelity is a red line, Rich. You knew that, but it didn’t stop you.’
He takes another step towards me. ‘I can’t lose you.’
He looks hurt, like he’s the injured party. Un-fucking-believable. ‘You should have thought of that before you cheated.’
‘It was only once. I was drunk and it was a stupid, thoughtless mistake.’
I let out a bitter laugh. ‘Oh, if it was only once and if you were drunk then that changes everything. Why didn’t you say?’
He holds my eye. ‘Are you telling me you’ve never hurt someone by making a stupid, thoughtless mistake?’
The room goes still. ‘You don’t get to go there.’
‘I’m not. I’m just saying it was a moment of weakness and I’ve regretted it ever since.’
I try to find evidence from his recent behaviour, but I come up empty. He slept with another woman, and just carried on like nothing had happened. Do I know this man at all?
‘Were you planning on ever telling me?’
His shiftiness grows. He’s not meeting my eye, and he’s fiddling with the strap on his watch. ‘I didn’t see the point.’
I smile humourlessly. ‘You didn’t see the point in being honest?’
‘If I regret it, and know it will never happen again, it’s kinder, isn’t it?’
‘Kinder?’
He says it so calmly, so coolly, I shiver. If he can keep this from me, what else has he been hiding?
‘Is that what you tell patients? Sleeping around is fine as long as you’re considerate enough to keep it secret?’
For a surreal moment, he becomes a stranger. I don’t recognise his face, not the blue-grey eyes or the cleft in his chin. The man in front of me isn’t someone I’ve been living with for five years whose features were as recognisable as my own. It’s like I’m seeing him for the first time.
I shiver again.
‘Maybe you wanted me to see those texts so you wouldn’t have to tell me yourself.’
‘No, of course not. What do you take me for?’
‘Do you really want me to answer that?’
‘I love you, Nella.’
‘How can I believe anything you say?’
Reaching into his pocket, he pulls out a small black box. Nestling on the red velvet inside is a square-cut diamond engagement ring.
‘It was my grandmother’s. It’s where I was earlier – collecting it after getting it resized.’
For long moments, I can’t speak. And for a dizzying second, I think I’m going to throw up.
It’s like I’m in a parallel universe: finding out that Rich was about to propose on the same day I find out he’s cheated. I stare at the floor, furiously blinking away tears. I don’t want to cry; I want to hold on to my anger.
‘You think this is the right time to propose? Are you out of your mind?’
‘No, I know it’s not the right time, but you asked why you should believe what I say, so I wanted to show you with actions.’
I can’t do this right now. I want to close my eyes and wish this all away, or wake up and realise it’s all been a horrible dream.
‘I need to get out of here.’
‘Please don’t go. Please tell me there’s a way I can make it up to you.’
‘It’s over, Rich. I’m going to go and stay with my parents. You can shove your fucking ring. You and I are finished.’