38. Savannah
thirty-eight
Savannah
The cheers from the group of competing contestants performing sultry dances for each other do nothing to improve my mood. Like everything else this week, binge-watching my favorite show has lost its shine.
Flipping streaming services, I turn on the replay of the Evaders game.
I’ve turned into a stalker of sorts. All week, I’ve been watching Nico play. I’ve hardly slept since I left him. I gobble up any glimpse or mention of the man who sets my soul on fire. I even set up a Google Alert for his name so I wouldn’t miss news about him while I’m on shift at the hospital.
I sink into the couch, wrapping my blue butterfly blanket around my shoulders.
My eyes catch the brown paper bag on the coffee table, and my lips perk up.
The sweet jerk is giving me space like I asked by not texting, but every night I get a knock on the door.
Takeout bag in hand, our doorman, Roberto, delivers my dinner with the reminder not to set any fires while my neighbor is gone.
Even after pushing him away, Nico is still taking care of me from the road.
My smile slips, and I sniff back the tears threatening to fall again. I miss him so damn much. My gut churns with regret, thinking about how I left things with him. Every time I close my eyes, I see the hurt look on his face, pleading for me to stay.
My heart felt like it was being ripped in two. Leave and hurt Nico. Stay and hurt my sister. Charlotte is my rock. We’ve always had each other’s backs.
My cellphone rings from beside me, and the butterflies in my stomach flip. Please be Nico. Ditching my blanket hidey-hole, I reach for my phone. Those pesky little flying bugs die mid-flight as my best friend’s name and face flash on the screen.
“Hey, Xanthe.”
“Savannah? Are you okay?” she asks, concerned.
My nose tinges. “Fine.”
“When you say fine, but it sounds like find, I know you’re not. Have you been crying?”
“Maybe?”
My cell buzzes again with Xanthe’s request to switch our call to video. I accept, and her worried face fills the screen. “Tell us what’s wrong?”
“Do I need to come down there with a shovel?” Standing behind Xanthe is Hollis, arms crossed and ready for a fight. A sad smile pulls at my lips. These two are my ride-or-dies. I love them so much. I don’t know what I’d do without them.
“No, nothing like that.” I wave her off and wipe my nose on my blanket.
“Girl, I say this with love, but you look like a hot mess.” Xanthe frowns at the camera.
“Thanks.” My eyes bounce to the small square mirroring my face. Dark circles underscore my amber-brown eyes. A dilapidated bun sits sideways on my head. The tip of my nose is red and raw from crying.
What’s worse than a hot mess? Dumpster fire? Because that’s what I look like.
“What the hell happened?” Hollis asks as she takes a seat beside Xanthe on the couch.
“I took your advice, and to say everything got fucked is a serious understatement.”
“What advice?” Hollis cocks her head to the side in confusion.
I’m not surprised Hollis doesn’t remember.
That woman would lose her head if it weren’t attached to her body.
If it isn’t about soccer, Hollis doesn’t remember.
It’s what made her an amazing player when we were in college. And an amazing coach now.
Xanthe smacks her forehead. “Sav’s talking about the baseball player, you dummy.”
“Oh.” Realization dawns on Hollis. “Ooh, shit. You banged him?”
Biting my lip nervously, I nod.
“Well, hot damn.” Hollis claps as Xanthe shoves her.
“If it were good news, Holls, Savannah wouldn’t be crying.”
“What did he do?” Hollis hisses, ready to attack.
“Nothing,” I interject.
The last thing I want is for Hollis to turn on revenge mode.
She has a vindictive streak that no one should ever get caught in.
Once in college, she sabotaged the entire men’s water polo team by putting blue dye in the swimming pool and plastering photos of them in the school newspaper and all over campus.
“Want to fill us in then?” Xanthe asks in her signature calming voice.
“Where do I start?” I sigh.
Nico crashed into my life like a wrecking ball. Charming me with his charismatic personality and hidden sweet side that he doesn’t share with just anyone. Making me feel special and seen. Liking me just as I am.
“The sex.”
“The beginning.”
Hollis and Xanthe speak at the same time.
“I’m not talking about my sex life with you.” As much as I love my girls, that information is for me and Nico only.
“That means he’s huge.” Hollis wiggles her eyebrows at me.
He is huge. And pierced. And she never needs to know that.
Ignoring Hollis, I tug the blanket around my body for security and start at the beginning, spilling the tea to my best friends.
Our impromptu dinner date, Nico saving me from Bradley—which earns a few hollers—the elevator kiss, our fight, his determination, the romantic gestures, and how it all fell apart when Charlotte saw Nico during our video call.
“You’ve been one busy lady,” Hollis teases, emphasizing the word “busy”.
“Shut up.” I roll my eyes at my friend.
“You love him,” Xanthe says, not holding back.
Hearing the L word punches me in the gut. I do love Nico. More than I’ve ever loved anyone. I thought I was in love before, but what I feel for Nico is next level.
My tears return and spill down my cheeks.
“Yeah. I do. Nico’s just so…everything. Sexy, smart, edgy.
My complete opposite in all the best ways.
And when he kisses me, it’s like a wildfire has been lit inside me.
And that fire translates in bed. But it’s more than that.
He’s also thoughtful and sweet. He’s opened up to me, and I know that’s difficult for him, and yet… ”
“You hold back. You haven’t opened up to him, have you?” Xanthe finishes my sentence.
“No, it’s hard.” My family is complicated. I come from a long line of proud doctors, and no one takes that more seriously than my mother. The stress and pressure of growing up with a perfectionist mother took a toll on my self-esteem.
Xanthe gives me a sad smile. “We know, Sav. But you have to let the family stuff go if you ever want to truly be happy.” Family stuff. She is being nice by not saying mommy issues.
“What do I do about Charlotte?” My sister means the world to me. I don’t want to lose her.
“Give her time. She’ll come around. She only wants the best for you,” Xanthe says.
My mind drifts back to when I was struggling the most after medical school. I felt so unsure of myself. Of my career. Charlotte saw. She encouraged me to be myself. To stand tall and follow my own dreams. To move away and be happy.
It took time and a broken engagement, but for a minute I was happy. With Nico.
I replay my last morning with him. He gave a piece of himself to me he’s never shared before, and what did I do? I blamed him for Charlotte’s reaction when it’s my fault alone. I should have told my sister sooner. Prepared her. Explained how I met and fell for him.
“I really messed up, didn’t I?”
“Duh.” Hollis rolls her eyes at me.
“Hollis! Be nice.” Xanthe hits Hollis in the face with a pillow.
“Hey, knock it off.” Hollis huffs, swooping her hair off her face and spitting out the fuzz in her mouth.
Ignoring Hollis, Xanthe turns back to the camera to face me. “Savannah, who cares what anyone thinks. It sounds like the sexy baseball player treats you like a queen.”
Hollis points at me. “And hopefully like a slut in the sheets.”
A loud laugh bubbles out of me, and my cheeks heat.
“Oh, he definitely does. You owe us some details. Soon, bestie.”
“Maybe. But I have to get him back first. What the hell do I do now?” I ask.
Nico’s had enough time on the road to rethink our relationship.
Xanthe, ever the reasonable one, says, “Tell Nico how you feel. If he’s still sending you food, you haven’t lost him yet. But you have to let him in a little more. Help him understand your relationship with Charlotte and your family.”
Hollis scrunches her face in disgust as she shakes her head. “Fuck that. Show up at his door in just his jersey. Then, after you fuck his brains out, you can talk to him about all the mushy stuff.”
“Oh, yeah. Do that.” Xanthe nods with a grin. “Athletes love that stuff.”
“Seriously?” I had never dated an athlete before Nico. I kept to the nerdy, bookish types in college and other doctors as an adult. Neither worked out for me.
“Definitely. You can’t lose with jersey sex. It’s the whole ‘his name on your back’ thing.” Hollis fans her face.
Heat gathers between my legs thinking about Nico’s reaction. His possessive grip on my hips and rough kisses. The hunger in his glacial eyes as they worship my every curve. The pure reverence of his calloused hands roaming my body. He sees me. Makes me feel free and hopeful. Wanted and desired.
I can’t lose Nico. Even if my sister can’t find it in her heart to forgive me. I have to follow my happy, and my happy is with him.
“Looks like I have some planning to do. Wish me luck, ladies.”
Time to show my man I choose him.