23. Jewel
Chapter twenty-three
Jewel
With my eyes squeezed shut, I hear him leave.
Thump, thump, thump.
Will’s devastation washed away the familiar warmth from his gaze and extinguished the glint in his navy eyes, leaving his face the blank canvas of a stranger’s.
A chill ripples in waves from my heart, until my fingertips become numb.
This is my fault. I pushed for time, insisted on it.
And all time has brought me is a lonely emptiness where my heart once thrived.
My phone buzzes in my hand, and I jump. Hope springs with the wild thought that it’s Will. But Henry’s name is the one at the top of my messages, and he’s wondering where I am. It’s the jolt of reality I need to send me back upstairs to explain to Henry that I’m not free.
Will just walked away with my heart, and I need to find a way to bring it and him back home where they belong.
“You can fix this,” Cara claims, and it’s the encouragement I badly need to hear, even though I’m not convinced.
It’s been a hell of a tumultuous night, and the sour taste that I’ve had in my mouth since speaking to Will won’t go away.
Will was gone when I walked back upstairs. Only Blake Carlson remained at that end of the bar. I was tempted to ask him about Will, but better sense prevailed, and instead I returned to my date, who was waiting patiently at our table.
Honestly, it was better that Will wasn’t there to witness me delivering the speech that I had always planned to make to Henry tonight. Henry was an absolute gentleman about the whole situation, leaving shortly afterward, and the reason that I’m now walking home alone, talking to Cara.
“How?” I tilt my head to the side. “Will made it pretty clear he doesn’t want anything to do with me.” I swallow the lump in my throat. “His goodbye sounded final.” Unshed tears turn my vision watery.
“Only because he thinks you’re dating someone else. Remember, it was only this afternoon that he told you he wants to be with you. That hasn’t changed. He just misunderstood the situation. Go see him.”
“Maybe tomorrow,” I suggest, and it’s only so I can imagine for one night that I might be able to fix this like Cara believes.
“Why not tonight?” It’s her total boss lady tone that she uses when a patient doesn’t want to do the exercises that will help them. And I finally understand why it works.
I stop in the middle of the sidewalk, turn, and look back the way I came. Will’s Airbnb is on the same block as the clinic, so not far.
“You’re right. I should do this tonight.” I’m already striding back toward Will, with Cara cheering me on through my earbuds. And it’s not long before I’m standing in front of Will’s building.
Shallow breaths and sweaty palms aren’t a good start. I smooth my hands down the sides of my dress, hoping to dry them. It doesn’t work. I wish I still had Cara and her encouraging words in my ear.
A man clears his throat behind me, and I nearly jump out of my skin.
“Can I help you, miss?” the elderly gent asks.
“Thank you, but I’m just here to visit … a friend.” I wave my hand at the board, then continue babbling, “Number twenty-three.”
The address and apartment number Will wrote on the clinic forms are embedded in my memory from that first day.
The gentleman steps past me to open the door, then stands back to let me through. “It’s the second floor to the right.”
“Umm, thank you,” I say before choosing to climb the stairs instead of waiting for the ancient lift he directs me to.
I race up them, and by the time I reach the second level, I’m out of breath.
The air wheezes in and out of my lungs in rapid gasps, echoing along the otherwise silent hallway.
It’s all nerves, not from lack of fitness.
The door to number twenty-three looms in front of me, and my heart pumps harder. This is it. An unremarkable apartment door, but behind it is hopefully my future.
The fear of losing Will on one of his missions has been surpassed by the fear of never again feeling his arms pull me closer, his lips sealed to mine, or our bodies merging into one as he makes love to me. My life would be nothing without that.
With a deep breath in, my fingers curl into a fist.
Knock, knock, knock.
In the silent hallway, it echoes like a drum being banged, and when I hear movement on the other side, I steady my stance, feet hip-width apart.
The door opens, and a shirtless Will stands on the other side.
“Jewel?”
“Will!”
He props one thick, muscled arm against the frame, and I just about drool. If anything, his body is even more taut than I remember. His rectus abdominis and external obliques are textbook perfect.
“I see you haven’t given up your habit of staring at my muscles.” But tonight, there’s no humor in his tone, only storm clouds brewing in the depths of his gaze.
“Hazard of the profession,” I mutter, and I force my gaze up to meet his.
“What happened to your date?”
“He left when I explained that I didn’t think we had a romantic connection,” I admit, holding his gaze.
He stands unnaturally still, staring down at me, and I wish I knew what he’s thinking. He can read me like a textbook, but when Will’s shutters are down, he might as well be wearing dark reflective goggles for all the good it would do.
“Can I come in?” I ask, holding on to my confidence with a grip as tight as the one on my bag strap.
He steps back to let me pass. “I wasn’t expecting visitors, but I’ve got beer in the fridge. Do you want one?”
“Yes, please.” The apartment is a typical short-term rental, with basic furnishings in neutral tones and cream walls.
The pop of a bottle cap being twisted has me turning toward the small kitchen area. Will steps away from the stone counter and shuffles toward me, using chairs to aid his progress. “You should be using your crutch.”
He stops at the back of the sofa and taps the metal stick propped against it, as if to prove he has been.
“I didn’t know physiotherapists did home visits. Or is there another reason you’re here?”
“Will!” His name comes out as a plea.
He’s not going to make this easy for me, and I probably deserve the chilly attitude.
“Take a seat. That’s assuming that you came here to talk.” One brow rises in question.
“Thank you,” I mumble before sitting down, my butt on the edge of the sofa and knees squeezed together.
He hands me a beer before using one crutch to hop his way to the single chair opposite.
The physical distance he’s choosing to keep between us is an indication of how he sees us now.
Will has retreated to his one-man island, and I hate it.
I want the man from this afternoon back, but my gut is telling me I’m going to have to build some bridges to get him back.
But where to start?
“Tonight’s date was arranged before you turned up at the clinic.” I can’t believe that it was only a week ago. “And I only kept it so I could tell him in person that I wouldn’t be seeing him again.”
His intense expression doesn’t waver, other than a slight narrowing around his eyes. While I’m certain worry is carving deep crevices into my forehead.
I should leave. This was a huge mistake.
“I didn’t expect to find you at my door,” he says, breaking the silence this time. “I thought I was going to spend the night alone, drinking beer and feeling sorry for myself because the most amazing woman I know had slipped through my fingers, again.”
My eyes pop wide, and my two-handed grip on the beer bottle tightens to hide the trembling of my hands. “Really, amazing? She sounds like a fool to me. Why on earth would she not want to be with you?”
“That’s a good question.” A sexy smirk pulls at one corner of his mouth. “But I know the answer too. It’s because I let her down. I made her a promise that we wouldn’t end, and then I broke it.”
“Why did you break it?” My voice is barely a whisper.
His deep-blue gaze captures mine, and I couldn’t look away even if I wanted to.
“A combination of really bad decisions, but mostly because I thought it would be the right thing to do.” He leans forward, resting one arm on his good leg.
“Jewel, you were so sad when I met you after losing your father, and I was glad I could help you through that time. But when I left, it felt like it hadn’t been real.
Just a moment in time that was nothing like our actual lives.
The new job was a lot too, and when I found myself …
stuck in a difficult situation, I was convinced you’d be better off without me. ”
My eyes grow misty. “I’m not.” I blink to clear them. “And that’s why I’m here tonight. I want to try again too. I’d rather be with you however much we can be than never see you again.”
With his gaze focused on me, nerves swirl in my belly. I give him a small smile before continuing, because I need to get this all out. “When you said you wanted to be with me, I panicked. I was worried about being hurt again, which is why I asked for time.”
Using his arms, he pushes himself up to standing, then does a one-foot pivot before falling onto the sofa beside me. My junior gymnastics coach would have been pleased with that move, though he needs to work on sticking the landing. His body is sprawled at an odd angle over two cushions.
“Are you okay?” I croak, trying to hold back my laughter.
“That move kind of ruined the moment, but I’m fine.” He props himself up straighter against the backrest before taking my hand in his. It’s this skin-on-skin contact I’ve missed as electricity zaps between us, sending heat coursing through my veins.
“Jewel, like I said this afternoon, I want to be with you. My feelings haven’t changed. And I’m sure I can work something out with my business partners so I can be based here in Brooklyn instead of DC.”