Chapter 11
Caroline
Living with Killian is interesting. I don’t wake up to someone banging on the door, but I do find a cup of coffee waiting for me when I step out of the shower each morning. There was even a pain au chocolat once. The worst part is, he pretends like he’s not even doing it.
He doesn’t want my gratitude. By the way he’s gone each morning as soon as I step out of the shower, I don’t think he even wants me to acknowledge it or him. I’m fine with that. He makes really good coffee and I don’t want that to change.
I’m acutely aware when he’s in the apartment and when he’s not. The air feels heavier with his presence. He always stays up in his studio when he’s here and I stay down, either reading or watching TV.
One evening, I decide I’m going to make dinner for us because he’s letting me occupy his space and I’m going crazy cooped up in the apartment. So, while he’s up in his studio, I pull on my shoes, grab my purse and the keys.
I leave him a note in case he comes downstairs.
I have no idea where I’m going, so the first thing I do is go down to the fifth floor and knock on Eve and Lilith’s door. It’s opened by Lilith, wearing a black apron with clay marks all over it.
“Caroline, hi! Come in!”
She disappears back into the apartment, leaving the door open for me. I step inside. The layout is similar to Killian’s first floor, though Eve and Lilith don’t have a second floor.
There’s a large table against the windows where Lilith is molding clay and throwing pottery. Along the windows, there are flowerpots in a variety of colors, shapes, and sizes, each one bursting with plants. Baskets hang from hooks in the ceiling.
There’s freshly brewed tea sitting in a pot on the kitchen island, the minty fresh scent lingering in the air. There’s a warmth to the whole apartment that’s asking the visitor to stay and chat for a while.
“Is Eve here?” I ask, slowly stepping inside.
“No, she’s visiting her mother up in Queens,” Lilith says, as she smashes her fist into a pile of clay.
“Oh.”
My whole plan hinged on being able to shop for groceries with Eve since I have no idea where anything is. There’s food in our fridge, but not for what I’m planning, which is a simple stir fry. Something I can’t mess up.
“What’s up?” Lilith asks. “I can call her if you want.”
“Oh, no. I was actually hoping she’d walk with me to the store so I can get some things for dinner,” I explain. “I have no idea where I’m going and Killian is up in his studio.”
Lilith shrugs. “I’ll go with you. Let me get cleaned up.”
Before I can say no because I don’t want to bother her, she’s removing her apron and moving further into the apartment, where I assume their bedroom is.
It leaves me to admire her flower pots. There are carvings on each one.
Some are simple flowers, but others are more intricate like the New York City skyline, a couple boating on an open lake, the ripples of the water standing out perfectly, a kid flying a kite in a park.
I look up when I hear footsteps behind me. “These are beautiful,” I tell Lilith.
“Thanks. Most of the carvings were done by Eve when we first met,” she explains. “She was trying to impress me.”
All traces of clay are gone from her hands and face. Her short hair has been neatly styled and she’s added a crossbody bag to her outfit.
“I’m guessing it worked?” I ask, as I straighten.
“In the first try,” she says with a laugh. “I had a huge crush on her when she started coming to my pottery classes, but I was married at the time and couldn’t figure out why I was suddenly spending so much time thinking about this sprite of a woman.”
Leading us out of the apartment, Lilith locks the door and we take the stairs down to the first floor.
It’s early evening and a breeze lifts my hair as soon as we’re outside, carrying with it the smell of summer -- grass, asphalt, and flowers.
Cloudy skies circle above, threatening rain.
Good thing I brought an umbrella with me.
I inhale deeply as we start walking, and Lilith laughs.
“Tired of being cooped up inside the apartment?”
“Is it that obvious?” I ask.
“It is when you’re staying with Killian,” Lilith says. “He pretty much keeps to himself.”
“Yeah, he’s always been like that,” I say. “More interested in the pages of his sketchbook than the people around him.”
I always admired that about him. He was always true to himself.
There were times when I overheard his father complaining to mine, comparing Killian to Carter, and wishing he had a son like my brother.
Well, now he has Beckett who is a lot like my brother and Killian doesn’t talk to his father anymore.
“Eve thinks he’s a serial killer,” Lilith says.
I snort-laugh at that.
Lilith gives me a knowing look. “Eve reads and watches a lot of true crime and apparently Killian meets the profile of a serial killer.”
“Aren’t serial killers supposed to be charming to lure in their victims?” I raise an eyebrow.
Lilith tosses her head back with a laugh so loud some people turn to look at us. I love that she doesn’t care or hesitate. That she’s confident in her existence.
“I guess in his case, being unfairly good looking does the job,” she says.
I don’t know why, but I blush. I’m pretty sure Lilith catches it before I look away, if her smirk is any indication. Killian is unfairly good looking, to the point where it’s hard to be around him. It doesn’t help that whatever I feel for him has always been complicated.
I mean, I was engaged to his brother. That alone makes everything so much more complicated.
“This is the closest bodega,” Lilith says. “Inez, the owner, is really nice and we usually come here about twice a week. Her sandwiches are to die for, and I’m not being facetious.”
I look at the shop, memorizing its name, and then look back the way we’ve come. I think we’re on the opposite side of Black Ember Ink.
There’s a middle-aged woman behind the counter and Lilith waves to her as we go about our way. I pull my jacket a little tighter around me, hitching up my bag as we continue walking. As we move towards mid-May, the days are getting hotter but it cools down significantly as evening approaches.
“Are you from New York?” I ask Lilith.
She nods. “Originally from Staten Island, but I got out as soon as I turned eighteen. I can proudly say I’ve lived in all five boroughs.” She turns to me. “You’re a lawyer, right?”
I’m surprised she knows. “Yeah. I mean, I was? I don’t have a job right now.”
“Do you want one?” Lilith asks.
“Are you in legal trouble?” I glance at her in question. I feel a flicker of excitement at the thought, which is quickly dimmed when Lilith laughs and shakes her head in the negative.
“No, but I know a lawyer if you’re interested in a job,” Lilith says. “I don’t even know if you're planning on staying or not. Just something to think about.”
Did she just casually suggest I can be her nepo friend if I’m planning on staying long enough to need a job? I feel a sudden burst of warmth and gratitude. She doesn’t know me, but she’s offered to help more than my own family ever would have.
On our way back from the store, Lilith stops by a florist and buys a bunch of roses for Eve because she loves them.
From what I’ve seen since I’ve been here, these two are relationship goals.
I know every relationship has its problems, but I get the feeling Eve and Lilith are the kind of couple who actually talk things out.
I get a bunch of peonies. They’ll add a nice pop of color to the apartment. For an artist, Killian’s apartment is surprisingly monotonous in color. The flowers will add some character and life.
“Good luck with dinner,” Lilith says, as she steps out of the elevator on her floor.
“Thank you for coming with me,” I say.
“Call me anytime you need help. I’m usually always around,” she says, just as the door closes.
Back on our floor, I unlock the apartment door and step inside. The first thing I do is remove my shoes and tuck them away. I turn to walk farther into the apartment and take a startled step back when I see Killian standing there, his arms crossed, a furious expression on his face.
“Oh my God, you scared me! Why are you just standing there?” I ask.
“Where the hell have you been?”
“I went to the store,” I reply. I step around him and into the kitchen, putting my grocery bag on the counter. “I left a note. Didn’t you see it?”
The note isn’t where I left it, so I assume either he has it or it flew away into the nonexistent breeze.
“A note isn’t helpful when I don’t know where you’re going,” Killian says. His eyes are shooting daggers at me as he watches me move around the kitchen and put everything in the fridge.
I open the cupboards, searching for a vase, and finally find one under the sink. Filling it halfway with water I put the flowers in it and set the vase in the middle of the dining table.
I was right. It does brighten up the place.
“Why the hell didn’t you tell me you were leaving?” Killian asks.
“I did.” I turn back to him. “I left you a note.”
He thrusts hand through his hair in frustration. “Why the fuck didn’t you just come up and tell me yourself? I could have gone with you.”
“I went with Lilith,” I say.
“I don’t care! You should have told me you were leaving,” he says.
Placing my hands on my hips, I turn to face him fully. I know him enough to understand he doesn’t get upset easily. Getting a reaction out of him is incredibly hard most of the time. Unless it’s me, apparently. Because lately he’s been acting more moody than I do when I’m about to get my period.
“Killian, were you scared?” I ask quietly.
He scoffs. “Why would I be scared that you were wandering around in an unknown city and the next time I’d probably have seen you would be on the 5 o’clock news because some psycho decided to make a scarf out of your skin?”