Chapter Nine #2
Except Mandy had other ideas, picking her most eye-catching bright yellow Prada handbag, and the silver Bottega Veneta mirrored knee-high boots currently trending on Vogue.com, to finish the look, commenting that she was looking for ‘maximum eyeballs’ during her visit to the upmarket shopping mecca.
It wasn’t an outfit I would have put together myself, but I doubted anyone was sitting at home waiting to judge my styling today, so I decided it was best not to argue, and was thankful for the fact Mandy was so engrossed in prancing around the bedroom in the futuristic boots that she didn’t notice I was sporting a pout to rival Victoria Beckham.
This was one benefit of working with a star like Mandy – she didn’t care about anyone else as much as herself.
With Mandy’s outfit confirmed, I went back to my bedroom to quickly shower and get ready for the day.
I opted for my staple uniform of black trousers, a grey Uniqlo roll neck and my trusty Veja pumps.
On surveying my face in the mirror, thankfully I found that the ice had worked – my lip definitely wasn’t getting any bigger, though it had started to turn purple.
I rooted around in my make-up bag and found a deep-red Clarins lipstick which would help to blend it in.
My skin felt tender as I applied it, but I nodded approvingly at my reflection. It was passable for a public outing.
I heard my phone buzz twice, the lip incident had at least taken my mind off Rob for two hours. I looked at the screen, hoping he might have messaged with some kind of explanation, but there was a WhatsApp from Vicky.
What makes you think he’s having an affair?
Just heading out to Harrods with Mandy.
Chat later x
La-di-dar! I want your life.
You really don’t. I’ve got a fat lip.
I sent her a quick selfie.
OMG! Have you had them done??
No! Accident with a medicine ball.
Sounds very Bridget Jones.
I feel very BJ.
Can’t you orchestrate a trip to LA? I miss my best friend.
I’m on it. Got to dash – I’m doing Cryo.
I’m crying too! (laughing until crying emoji) Love ya xxx
After changing into swimming costumes, accessorised with a thermal headband to cover our ears, thick gloves, and some very unattractive socks, Mandy and I were ready to enter the Harrods cryo chamber.
I hadn’t anticipated Blair’s phone would be trained on the two of us to record this moment and send to Jimi for Mandy’s YouTube content, but there was nowhere to run.
Mandy took my hand, turned to the phone, and screamed, ‘It’s time to freeze y’all! Let’s do this!’
I tried to smile but my lip still ached when I did and I’m sure I looked more like a startled koi carp than a stylist about to enjoy a luxury wellbeing treatment.
Mandy was in a really good mood having been snapped by two paparazzi p hotographers on the way in.
As we weaved our way through the beauty counters, she instructed Blair to call the Vogue news desk and make them aware she was wearing limited edition Bottega Veneta boots.
We moved into a holding chamber first, which was cold enough, and then the door to the subzero room opened.
It was like being instantly transported to the North Pole as the cold began to tingle and prickle my skin.
When I breathed in, the air flowing into my lungs felt cool, but it was exhilarating and brought a clarity with it. This might actually be okay.
We could see the cryo therapist, Jody, through the glass panel across one side of the room. Then we heard her voice boom into the chamber, like the voice of God.
‘Ground control to Major Tom!’ she trilled. ‘I’ll be with you all the way, ladies. Mandy, I know you know what to expect, but Amber, it might feel a little strange at first as the low temperature stimulates nerve endings in your skin. Give me a thumbs-up if you know what I mean!’
With some uncertainty, feeling ridiculous, I raised both of my thumbs.
Then I followed Mandy’s lead, moving my body around through a mix of jogging on the spot, dancing, and waving our hands in the air to ‘Don’t Stop Me Now’, which was being pumped out of the speakers loudly to try to distract us from the biting minus-ten degrees temperature.
‘That’s it, ladies – have a good dance, move your body, twist and shout – whatever it takes to pass the time!’ Jody shrieked, seeming morbidly excited about watching us freeze to death. I felt like a deranged legs, bums, and tums teacher as I started to grapevine from side to side.
‘She can’t hear anything we say in here,’ Mandy commented, now twisting on the spot, her hands moving in the opposite direction to her hips in short, sharp moves.
She didn’t seem to be experiencing the same numbness that was enveloping my body, as my blood tried desperately to protect its core temperature.
I began rubbing my upper arms and the tops of my thighs in a pointless attempt to warm them up a bit. My flesh felt like bits of rubber.
Mandy took this moment to get something off her chest:
‘Do you have a list, Amber?’ she asked.
‘A list?’ I repeated. It was hard to focus on anything but my breath at this moment. Freddie Mercury sang, ‘ We’re having such a good time, we’re having a ball! ’ but I could feel frost developing on my eyelashes.
‘You know – a life list. Of things you want to achieve,’ Mandy elaborated.
‘A list? I don’t think so,’ I replied. ‘But getting out of here would be top of it if I did. Do you?’
‘Oh yes,’ she replied, moving her arms and legs up and down in turn, like she was climbing an imaginary ladder. ‘Why do you think I’m in here?’
‘You’re a sadist?’ I shouted. It was becoming hard to speak as my face felt partially frozen.
‘Can I trust you, Amber?’ she asked.
‘Of course.’
‘I’m in here to kickstart my ovaries.’ I looked at her puzzled.
‘My list is simple,’ she continued. ‘One: get pregnant. Two: have a baby. I’m running out of time, biology is not on my side.
I need a baby, Amber. My management wants one, Jose wants one, I want one, but it’s the one thing I can’t deliver.
’ She stopped and looked at me with a new intensity.
I wondered for a moment if frostbite had set in.
‘I need a baby to retain my fame,’ she continued.
‘No one wants a stagnant celebrity. I’m trying to shock my system into making one.
’ She paused to breathe in and out quickly.
The cold was really uncomfortable now, and I feared that if I stopped moving for a second, I’d become a human ice sculpture.
‘If I can’t get pregnant, I’ll settle for a baby any way I can.
I’m desperate. Infertility is not fashionable, Amber. ’
She shouted this statement even louder, over the sound of Freddie singing, ‘ Two hundred degrees, that’s why they call me Mister Fahrenheit … ’
Is Jody having a laugh at our expense?
Outside the tank, on the warm side, Jody was jumping around too, in a show of solidarity. She waved her thumbs-up in the air, encouraging us to give her a sign back. As Blair held the phone up to the glass to capture us, I raised one thumb, indicating that I was still alive.
‘Thirty seconds to go. You’re doing amazing!’ she informed us through the speaker.
The opening bars of ‘Stayin’ Alive’ began to play.
The temperature was biting now, and I had to focus hard on not letting my joints seize up.
I kept my body and mind active by pointing my fingers and throwing some vigorous John Travolta–esque disco moves to the music, while I thought about what Mandy had told me.
How could fertility be perceived as in or out of fashion?
In my limited knowledge of fertility issues, I knew that having a baby generally wasn’t related to keeping yourself in the news, as Blair had alluded to earlier.
The desperation in Mandy’s voice had been very clear, and I wondered about her motivation for telling me this personal information, in a place where she could be sure that no one else could hear. What does she want me to do with this?
I was midway through a jive routine when she spoke again. ‘Tell no one about this, Amber,’ she commanded. ‘It’s really important.’
‘Of course,’ I agreed. ‘Promise.’
So now it wasn’t just knowledge, but a secret – about one of the biggest stars in the world.
This was turning into the longest half a minute of my life.
Our eyes trained on Jody, and finally, we heard news we were waiting for.
‘Ten seconds to go!’ Jody announced, and both she and Blair held up both of their hands, plastic smiles spread across their faces, counting down the remaining time on their digits as Mandy and I found a reserve of energy and called out in unison, ‘Eight, seven, six, five …’
Blair raised their phone again to capture our faces, barely able to smile back because our cheeks were so numb from the penetrating cold.
Jody was really enjoying this part. She was grinning broadly on the opposite side of the human freezer.
The second it was over, a siren sounded loudly and although I could barely feel them, my legs propelled me towards the exit at warp speed.
Mandy flung open the first door into the adjoining chamber and then the second was opened by Jody.
As we emerged, she handed us each a warm dressing gown, which we slung over our raw-cold bodies.
I felt an adrenalin rush which I imagine is akin to what a marathon runner feels at the finish line.
Relief swept over me, but I was still frozen to the bone, my teeth chattering.
‘Wow, that was intense!’ I said to Blair’s phone, which they thrust in my face. They captured me pulling the thermal headband off my hair and uncovering my ears. My eyelashes felt crispy.