Chapter Twelve
M andy arrived at dinner that evening wearing the cashmere rollneck dress she’d refused to wear on the shoot, and some incredible lab-grown diamond drop earrings from Astrea London, which were worth north of ten thousand pounds.
The same ones she had declined to wear all day, claiming they were ‘fake’, despite me informing her that not only were they a sustainable choice but almost entirely devoid of impurities, graded to a more superior quality than mined diamonds.
Finally, the news seemed to have sunk in and they appealed to her, just hours before the security guard would be arriving to collect them.
Typical. Yet, I wondered if this was her way of making a peace offering to me, by acknowledging that I did know what I was doing after all.
Blair, Coco, Jimi, and I sat around the dining table watching Mandy poke her tofu, raw radish, and artichoke salad. I scrutinised her every mouthful, praying she wouldn’t spill anything on the cashmere, because I’d have to use my expenses for dry cleaning before it could be returned.
After a few forkfuls, she laid down her cutlery and moaned to Coco, ‘I’m sorry, but I don’t think I can do any more of this food.
I feel bloated and disgusting. What’s the point of having a nutritionist if I’m not getting thinner?
’ She looked at Coco so disdainfully, it made the slight woman recoil into an even smaller space than the one she naturally occupied.
‘Mands, the idea was never about weight loss.’ Blair leapt to Coco’s defence. ‘It was about health – you know, less saturated fat, more vegetables, enough protein, complex carbohydrates. A fertility -inducing diet.’
‘Complex carbohydrates?’ Mandy spat the words out feebly.
‘As if my life doesn’t have enough complexity already.
I’m getting older by the second, and coupled with this strange “lady of the manor” persona everyone seems to want me to adopt, it’s just not working.
Today I lost twenty thousand followers. Twenty K.
Why is it only me who can see this is a problem? ’
I looked at my plate and prodded a piece of rubbery tofu. I thought it best not to point out that we’re all getting older by the second. Though, to be fair, she has a point about the salad.
‘Plus, someone commented on Instagram today that I have no right to be in the UK, because I’m fat trailer trash,’ she continued, with a howl.
‘And that post had thousands of likes and its own Thread. It’s not working.
Do you all hear me? We need to go back to what I know – make me look thin and young, dial up the filters, get some serious face and body tune on every image before it leaves this building.
Up the sex appeal. And ditch the shit food! ’
To emphasise the point, she pushed her salad bowl across the table with such force that Coco leapt up and dashed around to stop it shooting off the end. Her face collapsed in misery.
‘I actually think the tofu is good,’ Jimi said absently.
I sank into my seat and sighed. Mandy seemed to have completely forgotten everything we talked about on the shoot. The atmosphere felt thick and awkward as we all avoided eye contact, especially with Mandy.
It was depressing. I really thought I’d had a small breakthrough earlier – something seemed to have got through to her, and in my mind, I could see so clearly how we could turn this around for Mandy. The question was how to get her to see it too.
I can’t style someone who is afraid of who they really are; someone so unhappy in her own skin.
Then a thought came into my mind. I took a deep breath. ‘Can I make a comment?’ I asked bravely.
‘Another one?’ she snarled, glancing sideways at me. This time I didn’t look away. ‘Okay, go ahead’ – she sighed – ‘but it will make no difference.’ Mandy’s voice had an edge, but she was looking at me, suggesting she wasn’t completely against engaging.
‘All I ask is that you hear me out.’ I examined her face.
I cleared my throat, took another deep breath, and crossed my index and middle fingers for extra luck.
‘Shouldn’t worrying about what your body looks like be the least important thing about your life right now?
Imagine how much time and space that would free up to conquer all the things you have on that list you told me about in the freezer?
’ Mandy’s ears pricked up when I mentioned the list. She didn’t need to worry, I wasn’t about to reveal the big thing on it, although judging by the comments from Blair, maybe it wasn’t such a secret to anyone else.
‘All the time, effort, energy, and passion you are wasting on not being able to accept your own body – it’s exhausting,’ I continued.
‘Mandy, you are so much more than what you weigh, or how close your body is to the current standard of beauty – a barometer that isn’t even real because we have become so used to an image of “perfection” that is completely fake.
Most of what we see on social media is manipulated, it’s like we’re being conditioned to avoid our own reflections.
It’s time to get real – to be proud, to relax, to be your beautiful self, and to love your body for what it is.
One that moves, breathes, pumps blood, wriggles, and dances around happily.
Complete with wrinkles, cellulite, and wobbly bits which jiggle when we laugh – bits that are totally, gloriously, amazingly functioning and normal – not to mention unique to each one of us!
Your body is the only home you will truly have for your entire life.
I mean, the thought of that blows my mind.
So, isn’t it time to appreciate it a little more – just like you wish your younger self had done? ’
‘Here we go again,’ she said with sarcasm. ‘The problem is, Amber, I grew up, I changed. The world moved on. I can’t do anything about the situation we find ourselves in today. It’s pointless and, frankly, naive to think otherwise.’
I took a breath. ‘That’s not true. No one, Mandy, is in a more powerful position to do this on a public stage than you. You can set a new fashion trend – the biggest one of all – because this one is timeless.’
‘Timeless? How?’ she asked curiously.
‘Because it represents self-love. You only get one chance at life – and your body is so much more precious than any passing trend. And this is from someone who worships trends! Look, it might sound overwhelming, but there is a huge opportunity here – and it’s easy, because all you have to do is be you ! And you are enough. Remember?’
She looked sceptical. ‘But what about the “Princess of Surrey” thing? “More royal than Kate Middleton”, you all said gleefully – isn’t that what we’re supposed to be doing here?’
‘I’m sorry if I was trying to turn you into someone else, but I was following orders.’ I was glad Julie-Ann wasn’t around to hear this. ‘But now I’m ready to tear up that brief and help you to be you.’
I paused and scanned the room, passion mixed with desperation in my eyes. ‘We’re all ready, aren’t we?’ I put myself out on a limb here and I was hungry for support from the others. My throat felt incredibly dry all of a sudden. I took a sip of water.
The room remained quiet. No one leapt to my defence.
One by one, we realised Mandy’s face looked like a thundercloud, seconds away from exploding.
Her eyes narrowed. ‘Great speech, Amber, Oscar-worthy in fact,’ she muttered.
‘But, have you asked yourself whether I’m ready for this?
This “self-love utopia” you talk of? This is not a simple ask.
You really have no idea, do you?’ She looked around the room at the others, who stood there like stone statues.
Then she pushed her chair away from the table and started to march out of the room, spitting out a cursory, ‘Just leave me alone.’
Blair stood up too, about to go after her, their chair making a scraping sound on the floor.
Mandy turned to them. ‘ All of you.’
The colour drained out of my face. I looked around and noticed Philippa hovering by the door, undecided about whether to come in or not, but nosy enough to overhear everything. When I caught her eye, she slowly shook her head.
What have I done?
Coco cleared her throat. ‘Flourless cookie, anyone?’
Half an hour later, with no sign of Mandy re-emerging of her own accord, Blair and I found ourselves sitting on the landing outside her and Jose’s bedroom, the sound of a nose being blown and then a bath running audible through the door.
I hadn’t been able to wipe the panic off my face since Mandy stormed upstairs.
‘It’s okay, she needs to let it out,’ Blair whispered. ‘She’s growing as a person right now, and it hurts. It’s a pain she’s not used to, Amber. I don’t think anyone has ever spoken to her like that before. Not even Julie-Ann.’
This horrified me further.
‘Do you think I’m going to get the sack?’ I asked, reeling from what I had done. ‘I’m pretty sure she’s in there plotting to ensure I never work again.’
Blair leant in until they were very close to me. ‘To be fair, I’ve never heard of a stylist talking themselves out of a job this early on – you basically told her she doesn’t need fashion.’
I sank down lower towards the floor, arching my back and pulling the sleeves of my black jumper over my hands, as if it might comfort me somehow.
‘Babes, she won’t sack you. Mandy can be flighty, but she’s not stupid.
You basically held up a mirror, and she didn’t like what she saw.
Her mood has been really weird today. She’s been up, down, all over the place.
But she’ll be thinking things over in there.
Believe me. Just give her time to calm down. ’