Chapter 10
Morgan
The church’s back office is cluttered with boxes and old furniture. I fold pamphlets at a desk while Ingrid gawks at me.
It’s been a week, but I couldn’t keep the truth inside anymore.
“No, you didn’t,” she says. “Morgan Leigh Montgomery did not almost lose her virginity to an atheist?”
I twist my fingers. “I know.”
“Oh, my clueless bestie! You did everything wrong.”
I shrug, because that isn’t true. “I didn’t sleep with him.”
“Because you were interrupted!” She holds up her hand and starts counting on her fingers. “And you acted desperate. Begged to help. Cooked for him. Then wouldn’t go home. I’m surprised he didn’t screw you sooner so you would leave.”
I fold my arms. “I was showing him I cared.”
“That’s another thing. Why the heck do you like this guy so much? You lied about being sick and then ditched evening service for a random guy. When you met him at the center, I thought you didn’t like him. This isn’t you.”
“I get your point,” I huff, wishing my closest confidant wasn’t being so harsh. She makes tons of mistakes with guys. I never give her crap. I hate having to be perfect all of the time.
I lower my voice as shame wraps around my words.
“Jack is just...”
“Hot.”
“Oh, yeah,” I agree longingly. “He’s scorching. He took off his shirt before dinner and I literally stopped breathing. His tattoos on those muscles. They cover parts of his chest. Uhhhh.”
Ingrid waggles her eyebrows teasingly.
“But it isn’t just his looks,” I add.
She rolls her eyes, her smile amused.
“I mean it! I could tell he is under a lot of stress. He’s such a good brother. He takes care of his family. He can fix things. I couldn’t stop staring when he installed a door. My ovaries were exploding.”
We both laugh at my confession.
“So...” she muses aloud. “Taking a break from Gabe then.”
My chest squeezes and I’m instantly nauseated. I haven’t seen Gabe since the attack. I haven’t called or texted him. Nobody has heard from him other than my dad. Gabe said he has the flu. I bet he wants to hide his bruises.
“I am done with Gabe,” I say definitively.
“Done? You can’t be done. You two are destined for each other.”
Bile creeps up my throat.
“I don’t want to talk about Gabe. That’s over.”
And it is. Gabe and I will never be together, let alone in the same room. He has to find a new church. I don’t know how I will manage otherwise.
I wish I could tell Ingrid about the attack, yet saying what happened terrifies me. Every time I try, the words stick in my mouth.
Just then, Bailey walks in.
“You and Gabe are over?” She ties her curly red hair into a bun.
“Look, I’m sorry to hear that, but I bet that fire will restart after you quench your curiosity elsewhere.
Date other pastors, but Gabe will always be your perfect match.
” She reaches for my hand and squeezes it tenderly before opening her laptop at the other desk.
Ingrid sneaks me a knowing look and whispers, “You cannot be with Jack.”
That simple statement feels like a knife slicing into my gut. It pains me in a way I didn’t expect. It isn’t like I envisioned us being in a relationship. I was going with what felt right. That’s the surprising part.
“I know,” I agree, talking softly for only her ears. “It sucks because Jack’s the one guy I got that far with and it didn’t feel wrong. There was zero guilt. I don’t know why.”
“I don’t, either. He would’ve stopped it if he cared about your salvation. Come on, babes. You told him you were a virgin and he didn’t flinch.”
My cheeks flush and I grin as butterflies burst in my chest.
“I liked that,” I whisper. “I liked that he wanted to be the one to take it. He didn’t treat it like life and death.”
This time, she rolls her eyes but there is no smile.
“Because he wanted to screw a tight you-know-what. He’s a guy without God. Stop romanticizing it.”
I pout. “Yeah, you’re right.”
Glumly, I check my phone for the hundredth time today, praying for a text from Jack. Each time I turn on the screen, my heart skips a beat in anticipation. Then it immediately sinks because his name never appears.
He probably already slept with another girl. I know he isn’t a virgin. He was too comfortable. He was such a good kisser. He knew where to touch me. His dirty words aroused and led me down the path of temptation.
He knew what he was doing.
Then the moment was cut short so cruelly. It felt like God intervened at just the right moment. As if he were saying, “You failed the test, and I have to save you from evil.”
I let down God. Everyone.
Although I didn’t feel the self-loathing that usually accompanies any sexual encounter, the abrupt end to my moment with Jack was the sign I needed. I was doing wrong.
I groan and slide my phone into my purse.
Bailey nods approvingly, probably thinking we’re talking about Gabe. “One day, you will be a big star with an even bigger reach. A global reach with multiple megachurches. God has blessed you. This is the time to prove you are worthy of his gifts.”
I’ve heard her words a thousand times from many people. It always adds weight onto my shoulders. They’re right. I can’t mess this up. But it doesn’t make carrying these expectations any easier.
Forget about Jack. Forget him.
He’s over.
Ingrid loads paper and begins printing worksheets for tomorrow’s bible study. I give her a hug and thank her for the advice. Then I wave to Bailey and walk out to my car.
The sunset paints the sky gold and a flock of birds soar overhead. I click my key FOB and my car chirps. Among other vehicles, one catches my eye.
An old sedan.
My body stills and I gasp. I look around for Jack but don’t see him.
A voice behind me sends a shiver down my spine.
“Morgan, can we talk?”
I turn.
Noel.
“Oh... hey, hon,” I manage.
I might not be as compromised as I was when I last saw him, but I tug on my clothes nonetheless. My heart rages in my chest.
I speak very cautiously.
“It is lovely to see you, but we shouldn’t talk with the court case open. You could get in trouble since my dad and I have a temporary restraining order.”
He rubs his arm nervously. “I know, but this is important.”
He steps forward, causing me to take a step back. He sighs and puts his hands in his pockets, but doesn’t come closer.
“I just want you to know my brother is not a good guy.”
I swallow. “Oh?”
“No. Jack isn’t like us. He isn’t Christian. He isn’t going to heaven.”
“Well, it’s never too late to ask Jesus into your heart, is it?”
Noel’s eyes narrow. “No, he’s hopeless. Morgan, he tricked you. He made you do those things.”
I hug myself and glance around, hoping nobody heard him.
Noel continues. “Don’t feel bad. Jack’s good with women. He seduces them and uses their bodies, then throws them away like trash.”
I suck in a sharp breath. I don’t want to hear these things.
He doesn’t stop.
“Jack told me you didn’t have sex. God had me walk through that door just in time. I saved your purity.”
So many thoughts and feelings crash down at once. My chin trembles.
“Oh, no! Don’t cry,” Noel soothes with genuine concern in his tone. “I won’t tell anyone how far it went. I just wanted you to know who my brother is.” He looks down and kicks a loose rock across the asphalt. “And that you and I? We’re the same.”
From his backpack, he pulls out a small box and sets it on the hood of a nearby truck.
“I’ll leave this here for you. It’s a necklace.” He backs away slowly, and before turning, he says, “You look real pretty, Morgan.”
I watch him walk away. I don’t let my eyes leave him until I know it’s safe. I grab the box and hurry to my car, locking myself inside.
I don’t delay and drive home. Only then do I open the box.
Inside is a silver necklace with a cross. On the back is an inscription is Thessalonians 4:3-5.
I know the Bible verse. It means abstaining from sexual immorality and controlling the body in holiness.
Noel is probably harmless. He’s just in a parasocial relationship with me because I’m a public figure. He’ll get over it.
But I should tell Jack... what if he does use women?
Was I tricked? I never thought about what would’ve happened after.
I assumed I’d be as happy as I was in the moment.
Maybe Jack would’ve tossed me aside. He hasn’t contacted me.
I’ve been thinking about him nonstop. That would’ve hurt more if we’d gone all the way and then he ghosted me.
Gosh, Noel got in my head.
I don’t know if God sent Jack to save me from Gabe.
Or if God sent Noel to save me from Jack.