Chapter 27
Morgan
The restaurant is Surf and Turf, a comfortable mix of a relaxed and fancy atmosphere. The scent of lobster and steak fills the air, and soft conversations carry all around us.
I dip a shrimp in cocktail sauce.
“I pray for you,” Blake says, watching me across the booth.
“You do?”
“Mm-hm. I pray you find peace with whatever is testing you.”
I smirk. He definitely reads people well.
“Thank you for your prayers. I’ve been struggling.”
“With your faith?”
I shake my head. “More with my willingness to practice what I preach.”
He rests his elbows on the table, listening.
“And, I feel confused.”
“I see.” He sips his water. “It’s difficult to be human and represent a church.”
I nod fast. “No kidding!”
“But if you have fallen off the righteous path, may I remind you God forgives.”
A tear creeps from my eye. “I don’t think he will forgive a sin as grave as mine.
” I slump in the booth. “I didn’t do something so terrible as murder, but it feels that bad because I knew it was wrong.
With my position, it’s like I not only hurt God, I hurt those who follow me because I am supposed to be strong. ”
For a moment, he stares, like he knows the exact sin I committed, because the slightest tick of his jaw flashes.
I am impure.
Yet, he reaches across the table and holds my hand. Gently, he strokes his thumb over my knuckles.
My gaze fixes on his gentle touch. It is both comforting and unsettling. Then, tattoos spread across Blake’s fingers.
I blink fast and they disappear.
“Morgan, it is never too late. A sin does not ruin your life unless you let it. Nobody knows better than I do what you’re going through.”
“Really?” I whisper.
“Yes. We were chosen young, groomed to be ideal public figures, and pressured to be perfect. Constantly.”
“Yep. That’s so true.”
“I know. Your father approached me. He has wedding plans for us.”
My mouth drops and I gawk openly. The embarrassment crashes down. “I am mortified. Please, ignore him.”
Blake chuckles and his perfect teeth shine. “It’s okay. Don’t be embarrassed. My mother did the same thing when she learned I took the job at your church. They want what’s best for us, and it often costs us our freedom.”
I sniffle, because he’s correct and it hurts.
Gently he squeezes my hand, then leans back.
“You are a gorgeous, talented woman with the world at your feet. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t interested, but I hate the idea of either of us taking one more step down paths others made for us.”
His words cause my body to both tense and ease at the same time.
“So what are you saying?”
“I’m not going to chase you. If Heavenly Father wants us together, it will be. For now, give yourself grace.”
“Thank you,” I say with heartfelt sincerity.
We finish our meal and return to the hotel.
I wonder how Jack is doing. I reach for my phone and discover three missed calls.
Huh.
I call.
“Hey, Jack,” I say, my chest tight for some reason.
There is an unsettling pause.
“Sorry, I missed your calls,” I add.
“Morgan, look at your phone.”
It buzzes.
Jack Killborne: *Image of Blake and me touching hands over dinner.*
Oh, no. Someone, likely a fan, caught our candid moment.
I swallow a groan. My eyes shut and I squirm.
He speaks lower, “Why was that preacher-fuck touching you? Move on from me already?”
I cringe and hold myself. “I got a little choked up today. He was just comforting me,” I explain.
“Choked up about us?”
“I just... Jack, I felt a lot of things onstage I didn’t expect.”
He grunts, annoyed. “Like what?”
“I don’t know. Marriage. Faith. I regret letting God down.”
A deep inhale carries through the phone. I wait for his response.
The call ends.
I stare at my phone, stunned. He didn’t fight for me. Didn’t ask why or show any concern. The exact opposite of Blake.
My hands curl into fists.
What a... jerk. This isn’t fair.
I text fast.
Me: Why did u hang up?
Nothing. No response. I call, and he doesn’t answer.
Me: Talk to me!! You are NOT my regret. The timing is what’s tearing me apart.
A long and fruitless wait.
By now, my chest aches so badly, it is painful to breathe. My hands tremble cradling the phone.
This is immature of him not to respond. No, it’s cruel.
Me: It hurts that you can shut me out this easily
Jack Killborne: fuck morgan idk what else to say
Jack Killborne: u r dating other ppl
My mouth drops open. It wasn’t a date!
I type in super-speed, but another text pops up.
Jack Killborne: idc go be a preachers slut
His words stab.
Ugh. It’s the ugly side of Jack I dread.
Tears trickle down my face. I was taught a partner is supposed to dry tears, not cause them. This is why marriage is sacred and choosing right prevents this type of pain.
In fact, his coldness and ability to put up walls this quick is another sign I’m making worse and worse choices. I’ve lost my way so drastically, that I fear if I don’t get back into the light, I may lose myself forever.
With every ounce of faith I can summon for strength, I do the unthinkable.
Me: This isnt working jack.
Gosh, that feels so wrong. I don’t understand. I know this is the right thing to do. Maybe it takes time to be at peace. It wouldn’t be hard if it didn’t hurt.
No surprise, though. Jack is silent.
Me: Even if you hate it, Ill pray for you
Jack Killborne: Dont
One word. Another wall.
Me: I hope you find God. I really do.
It’s from my heart and meant to help. I’m sure it’s not what he wants to hear, but it’s who I am. I just forgot because I wanted him to like me, but my faith is part of me.
He doesn’t reply.
I rest my head on my pillow, my body numb. If I allow myself to feel, I’ll do something stupid. Then Jack will be a regret rather than what he is: Someone so special, I—
I turn my head into the pillow and sobs scrape out of my throat, violent and raw, the kind of crying that physically hurts.