Chapter 44
Morgan
The entire drive home from Tybee Island, I thought about anything but what I am supposed to do. It is near impossible to plan how to break someone’s heart. Every time I think about it, I start to cry.
Therefore, I’ll just blurt it out, like ripping off a Band-aid.
“How was your trip?” asks Blake, who is smiling, happy to see me.
My stomach knots.
“It was good,” I reply. “I mean... sorta. We need to talk.”
His brow lifts and those striking dimples disappear along with his smile.
Nervous, I lead him outside my home, and we walk along the large driveway. It’s peaceful, as the giant trees that line it offer cool shade and light rustling of leaves.
Blake slips his hands into his slacks and side glances as we stroll. “So?”
“So. Um.”
Say it, Morgan! You can do this.
“Where is your ring?” he says.
“Oh.” I look at my bare finger. “That’s the thing.”
“The-”
“I can’t marry you!”
We both stop walking and stare at each other. I clasp my hands together, anxious. His mouth opens and shuts repeatedly. Finally, he cocks his head and manages a simple:
“Tell me you’re joking.”
“I love someone else.”
“Jack,” he says without skipping a beat.
My eyes fix on the stone beneath my white pumps and nod slowly.
Silence.
I peek up, and his gaze is dark and brooding. It’s so intense, I have to look away.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper.
“Haven’t I done everything you asked of me?”
“Yes, but the feelings aren’t there.”
“So what? That doesn’t mean we can’t get married.”
I retract my chin to my throat, disgusted. “Yes. It does,” I say firmly.
Blake begins pacing back and forth. “Morgan! We will have to tell the congregation the wedding is off! This is humiliating.” He grabs his chest, like it’s already public information. “They’ll look at me with pity.”
“You can say you left me,” I suggest.
He scoffs loudly. “They won’t believe that.”
“It seems like you are more concerned with what people think than love,” I say flatly.
“Love?” He barks out a laugh. “Love! Do you think I love you?”
“Well, I figured...”
“We’ve never said it! I thought you could tell when I kissed you how much I don’t love you.”
I blink several times, then murmur, “That was because I wasn’t into it.”
He points at himself. “Either was I! Dang, Morgan. You are so self-absorbed, you just assume every guy wants you. Guess what, you daddy’s girl, I’d rather kiss a wall.”
I gasp in disbelief. “Then why agree to marry me?”
“Because it makes sense. Because I have to! Because life is not fair! You don’t see me quitting.” His jaw flexes. “I love someone else, too.”
“Who? That girl in New York?”
He side-eyes me, guarded, but then sighs. He takes my hands, his expression softening. “Let’s make this work. Please, Morgan.”
His voice almost cracks, as if he is begging.
“What?”
“We could see other people, but on camera, we’re married.”
I grimace at the suggestion and tear my hands away. “God would weep for us living such an egregious lie.”
“He would show mercy if it is for the greater good. We inspire people, Morgan.” He shakes his head. “You think you will touch as many people with Jack as your husband? I know he doesn’t believe.”
I swallow hard, considering his words. “Does he even believe in marriage? Or will you be with him forever out of wedlock?”
“Well, I... we haven’t talked about getting married.”
“God, you are selfish. Destroying everything over supposed love, yet you don’t even know if he holds the same values. Does he want children?”
I look around, searching for answers I don’t have. “I just assumed he did.”
“No, you didn’t ask because you are either in-lust or already know you won’t like the answer.”
“That’s rather harsh.”
“An atheist,” he mutters bitterly. “What job will you have? Do you think he will want you to preach if he doesn’t believe?”
“I don’t know.”
“And what about money? Will he be okay with you making massively more than him?”
The thought of me giving Jack gifts flashes. Buying him things didn’t go well. He never lets me pay for anything. I can’t imagine how me contributing to a household would go.
“Every couple has challenges,” I defend weakly.
“Except us. We are on the same page for everything.”
“Except love,” I counter.
“Love doesn’t make a marriage work. Have you told your dad?”
“No,” I answer, quiet.
“My God. You haven’t thought about any of this. You don’t know what you are doing.” He pulls at his hair. “He’ll be so... furious.”
I cup my elbows and shrug. “I’ll get the brunt of it.”
“Your dad isn’t very kind to me. This is a disaster.” He paces again. “Are you sure you want to do this? I could be fired. My career is over.”
My heart sinks. Now, I’m bringing Blake chaos.
“Ingrid got a new job after she left our church,” I reason.
“At a small firm. My Lord, is there no way to get through to your selfish heart? Perhaps you deserve an atheist.”
He pushes past me, then calls over his shoulder.
“Good luck telling your dad.”
And then he slips into his car and peels down the driveway. As I watch him go, I wrestle with everything he said. There is a lot of stuff I haven’t asked Jack about. Am I in-lust?
I’m doubting myself. I don’t need that right now.
I turn to the front door, staring at it like it’s a bad omen. A shiver races down my spine, afraid to go and face the man who lives inside. I am grateful Blake didn’t cry. I didn’t crush his heart. Yet, the conversation was worse than I expected, because now, my conviction has wavered.
One thing I know about my father: he finds weaknesses and conquers to get what he wants.