43. 43
43
Dexter
“ H ey.” I glance warily at Carlos. I heard the shouting as I came down the hall toward Tilly’s apartment, and almost broke down the door, trying to get inside to make sure she was okay.
But it’s worse than I expect—I recognize her ex-husband right away.
He doesn’t seem her type. Slicked back hair, still wearing a nice suit at eight o’clock at night and with no hint of warmth in his expression.
I knew as soon as I laid eyes on him that this man would do everything he could to dim the light in Tilly because that’s what he had been doing for years.
“Everything okay?” I ask, skirting around Carlos and moving to Tilly’s side. I put my hand on her lower back and feel the tension.
“This him?” Carlos spits, mouth twisted with contempt.
“This is Dexter.” Tilly’s voice is shaky with anger. “Dexter, this is Carlos, my ex-husband. He’s leaving now.”
“You’re making a mistake.” Carlos points a finger at me. “You’re ruining her life. Her reputation. Can’t you keep it in your pants, man?”
Tilly makes a growling noise that I can’t believe came from her. “What did I just say, Carlos? Stop being such a fucking hypocrite!”
From the look on his face, I think that might be the first time Tilly has said the F-word in front of him.
“What’s going on with you?” he asks with disbelief. “I’m trying to help .”
“It’s none of your business, because I am none of your business!”
“You’re my business as long as I’m paying for your tuition. I thought you were an idiot wanting to go back to school, but you insisted and I went along with it.”
“Hey…” I want to interject, but this isn’t my fight. Tilly’s doing okay on her own. I have no idea what this fight is about really.
But I have a bad feeling it’s about me.
“Because you felt guilty about cheating on me,” she accuses. “You throw money around to make yourself feel better.”
“No, I do not. You’re the mother of my children—” Carlos takes a deep breath. “I’m not here to recap our divorce. You obviously still have some unresolved feelings toward me—”
I catch Tilly around the waist before she can lunge at him. I’ve never seen her this upset.
“—but I came over tonight to tell you this is a mistake. This… this loser … you’re running around with is lying to you. Do you know this—” He points another finger at me and non-violent me is filled with the urge to snap off the finger. “He’s had relationships with three of his students, Tilly. He almost got fired for it. He’s about to lose his job and he’s going to bring you down with him. And your family.”
How did Tilly stay married to this man for this long?
And then I realize what he’s said.
Tilly looks up at me with confusion. There’s no hurt, no anger at me, just What? “You told me—”
“Tilly,” I begin.
“You said this was the first time you’ve gotten involved with a student.”
“I said this was the first time I fell in love,” I correct in a quiet voice.
All the air seems to be sucked from the room and I see Tilly retreat. Her face loses her expression, any light, any spark just vanishes. It’s like I’m looking at a stranger.
I know she’s going back through all of our conversations, counting how many times I’ve lied. “Tilly,” I plead.
She stares up at me and the blankness is worse than tears. Then she turns to her ex-husband.
“Carlos, it’s clear the girls were more excited about Dexter than I thought. I introduced them to my professor, who I had become friends with. He’s been helping me with my paper, since it’s been a while since I’ve written anything of this depth and length. I needed some help, and Dexter provided it. But the assignment is over and so is any involvement we might have had outside the classroom.”
I don’t say a word. I can’t. I don’t know what Tilly is doing but I’m afraid to make a sound.
“You’re fucking him,” Carlos says in a flat voice.
“Even if I was, that is none of you fucking business.” Tilly’s tone chills me. “And you have no proof—this is just the suspicions of a jealous ex-husband. You’re embarrassing yourself with this, Carlos. Trust me on this.”
“The Dean of the school will want to know.”
“That Dexter is helping an older student with an assignment because I can’t handle the workload? There is nothing to tell. I may have mistaken his attention for interest, but that’s all there is.”
Carlos shakes his head. “You’re lying.”
“You always said I was a horrible liar so how could I have gotten so good at it so quickly?”
Carlos glances between me and Tilly. I clutch my bag and refuse to look at her, grateful that I’m no longer touching her.
“There’s nothing to report, Carlos. And there’s no reason for you to be here. Please, go. Dexter is here to drop off my revised paper, and he’ll be going as well. I have a lot of work to do on it.”
He stares at me for a long moment, then turns on his heel and stomps to the door.
It slams behind him.
I draw a shaky breath. “I don’t know what just happened here, but I think that was bad.”
“Did you have affairs with other students?” Tilly demands.
“Tilly…”
“Tell me the truth, Dexter. Please, for once. I’ve had enough of lying.”
I study her face. It’s still expressionless, but I see the cracks in her eyes. “Yes, but—”
“How many?”
“Three. One at another school and two here.”
“So Carlos was right.”
I nod.
“And now the dean will be suspicious of us. You could lose your job.”
“I…maybe. I don’t think so. We’ve been careful, and until Carlos—”
“You can lose your job because my daughters were excited to meet my new boyfriend and told their father, who put two and two together because he is a sneaky fuck. And now your career is going to be ruined.”
“Maybe not. Like you said, there’s no evidence.” I should be worried about losing my job but all I can think about is Tilly. How I can make this up to her? How I can stop the cracks in from breaking?
How did this go wrong so quickly?
“I can’t be with you,” Tilly says, and my heart clutches like someone is trying to rip it out of my chest. “I told you Carlos lied to me. I told you how that made me feel, and you’ve been doing the same thing. And regardless of how angry I may be right now, I can’t be the one responsible for you losing your career. You’re an amazing professor, but you’re also bad at it. Do better, Dexter, but leave me out of it.”
I wonder if this is similar to what an apocalypse feels like. It’s like the world shifts off-kilter and I can’t keep my balance.
“You can’t mean that.”
“But I do.”