CONSCIOUSNESS #3
I shrugged. "I dunno. My stomach has been weird the last few days." I shrugged. “I dunno.” I sipped the coffee again, but my stomach flipped. "What the fuck? I can't drink it. I don't know what's wrong with me."
Her eyes narrowed. “Try the bagel. Sesame, light spread."
I took a tiny bite, but my stomach immediately revolted, and I had to rush to the bathroom to spit it out…along with the rest of my stomach's contents.
When I returned, teeth brushed again, Lindsey's frown was deeper than ever. "Is it a stomach bug going around at work or something?"
"No." I arched an eyebrow at her. "You talked to my parents."
"Mom and Pop Rigby are my second parents. Of course, I talked to them before I came here." She set her bagel and coffee down and stood up. "Hang on. I'll be right back."
"Where are you going?" I asked. “You just got here."
"I'll be right back, I said." Lindsey slung her purse over her shoulder and left my condo.
Less than ten minutes later—during which time I decided I was definitely coming down with a bug—Lindsey returned with a plastic bag from the pharmacy on the corner.
I stared at her, shaking my head before I even saw what was in the bag. "No."
She slid the package out of the bag and slapped it against my chest. "Yes."
I looked at the pregnancy test without taking it. "Absolutely the fuck not."
"When was your last period? Are you sick at night? Or any other time of day other than morning ?” The emphasis on that particular word was not an accident.
I went pale, realizing my period was seriously late—I’ve been so busy with the new job I didn't even realize it until she asked. "I missed my last period," I whispered.
"Is anyone else at work sick?"
“No, but I could have gotten a bug anywhere else."
She eyed me. "And there's absolutely no possibility you and Duncan raw-dogged it at any point over the weekend?"
“No!" I all but shouted. "We used protection every…." A memory of my panicked escape from Anchorage settled firmly in the forefront of my brain like a ton of bricks. "Oh fuck. Oh fuck. Oh fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck !"
My eyes burned, tears burning like acid as my stomach flipped, soured, and rose up in my gorge.
Lindsey pulled me to the couch. "Sit down before you fall down and talk to me. You remembered something bad, I take it?"
"The night of the wedding, Duncan and I left a little early."
Lindsey snorted. "I know. You cost me five bucks."
I sniffled, frowning. "What?"
"I bet Raquel you'd leave after an hour, but she said you guys would stay at least two. You left after two and a half hours." She shook her hands. “Never mind. What happened?"
I shook my head. "I don't know, that's the problem. I have vague memories of that night, and vague is at best. All I really remember is waking up naked next to him."
"Which means you guys got hammered and fucked like porn stars all night," Lindsey said.
“Yeah. But…did we use condoms? I don't know. I don't know! I ran, Linz. I shoved all my shit into my bag and left. I didn't even pee in the room—I peed in the lobby restroom."
Lindsey snickered. "You know you're making the walk of shame when you don't even pee after waking up."
"LINDSEY!" I shouted. "This is no time for jokes!"
"Who's joking?" she said, ripping open the box and pressing the test into my hand. "It's time for you to pee on a stick, ma'am ."
I held the test in my fist, shaking all over. "Linz, I'm scared. I can't be pregnant! I just got a job!"
Lindsey sighed. "Girl, I know. But you can't avoid reality, either. You ran away from Duncan to avoid the reality of your feelings for him. But you can't run away from this. If you are pregnant, it's not gonna be any less real or true if you don't find out."
I trembled like a leaf in a long autumn wind. "Linz, I can't be. I can't ."
"You don't remember anything ?”
I shrugged, shook my head. "Not really. I…
." I closed my eyes, dashing away tears with the heels of my palms. "I know we had sex.
And a lot of it. I remember my vagina being super sore that day and the next.
Plus, I woke up naked, and you know I never sleep naked.
Even after sex, I usually at least put on underwear before going to sleep. "
Lindsey sighed wistfully. "I miss having so much sex my pussy hurts the next day. It's been so long I've thought about joining a nunnery."
"You mean a convent?" I said.
"I like the word nunnery better. Convent makes me think of conventions, and conventions make me think of Dalton."
"You liked Dalton. I never got why you broke up with him. He was a nerd, but you said he had a nice cock and he was good in bed, once you'd broken him in." I frowned. “Also, what is it with you and guys whose names start with D?”
Lindsey frowned. “Weird. I never realized that.” She groaned. “And for one, don't say 'broke him in' like he's a horse or a pair of shoes."
"You said it first when you started seeing him!” I argue.
"And I shouldn't have."
"Why did you break up with him?"
She blushed, shaking her head. "Reasons."
"Such as?"
"Such as go pee on that stick, Rune. Dalton telling me he loved me after two months and making me freak out like a crazy person isn't going to distract me from the reality that you are, in all likelihood, pregnant."
I stared at her. "That's why?"
“Yes, okay? And he was…he was serious. He really did love me, or thought he did, and I just couldn't handle that.
He was sweet, cute, and unexpectedly well-endowed for a guy who was a buck-forty soaking weight at six feet tall.
But I didn't love him. I honestly don't know if I'm even capable of being in love, at this point. "
"Linz—"
She shot to her feet, grabbed my wrists, and physically hauled me to my feet, shoving me toward my bedroom and the en suite bathroom. "Go take the test, Rune."
"I don't want to," I said, resisting her pushing. "I'm scared."
She kept pushing until we reached the bathroom, turned me so my ass faced the toilet, yanked my towel off, and physically forced me to sit down on the toilet. Then, diabolically, she turned on the faucet.
It worked. Urine squirted out of me, and she uncapped the test and handed it to me. "Do it, Rune. No excuses."
I peed on the stick, re-capped it, set it on the sink, finished, wiped, washed my hands, and then wandered in a daze to the living room.
Lindsey followed me, test in one hand, her phone in the other; she had a timer set, counting down the minutes and seconds until I found out whether I'd fucked up my life.
We sat on the couch with the test on the coffee table in front of us, her phone beside it, silently counting down to doomsday.
We didn't have to wait the full 2 minutes—the word PREGNANT emblazoned itself in the window almost immediately.
I lurched to my feet and threw the thing across the condo; it clattered against a cabinet in the kitchen and then to the floor. "No! God, no. No, no, no." I collapsed to my butt on the floor, sobbing. "What do I do , Linz?" I asked in a ragged whisper.
"Well, you call your parents, and you call Duncan." She paused, shook her hands. "Wait, scratch that. First, you call in to work. Second, you and I go to your parents' house and tell them in person. And then you call Duncan."
"Mom's got a lecture today, and Dad has classes. They're not home."
Lindsey sank to her butt beside me, blonde razor bob swinging, blue eyes sympathetic and full of love. "I'm sorry I was so harsh, Rune. That's what I came to say. I don't take back what I said, because it was true and I still feel that way. But I was harsh in the way I said it, and I apologize."
I sagged against her, and her arms went around me. "You’re right, it was harsh, but I forgive you. And you were right." I sniffled tears. "I don't know how to do this, Linz."
"I've got you, babe. You and me, ride or die. Let me make you some tea and we'll come up with a plan, okay?"
"I hate tea."
“I know."
Thirty minutes later, I'd taken two more tests, each of which only confirmed my terrifying new reality:
I was pregnant.