15. Duncan #3
"Uncle Zane and Aunt Mara's oldest son." I eyed her, hesitating. "And he's actually how I found you."
She arched an eyebrow at me. "I was wondering that."
"He's, um, sort of a hacker? He used your phone number and somehow got your parents’ address. I dunno how."
"And your Uncle Zane is where in the pecking order of your twenty-nine billion uncles?" she asked.
"Second oldest after Dad," I answered. “He's the Navy SEAL."
She only nodded at this, staring at nothing. After a moment or two, she looked at me. "What if I told you I couldn't do it?" she asked. "Move to Ketchikan, I mean."
I tried to ignore the acid in my gut her question created. "I would understand." I swallowed hard. "I'd probably move down here. We do have a location in West Hollywood."
She searched me carefully. "But you'd be doing it for me. You really don't like the idea."
"No, I don't." I shrugged. "But you don't like the idea of Alaska, either. I just…it just sucks that for us to be together, one of us has to move."
She looked around her room, her gaze coming to rest on the photographs on her desk. "Duncan, how do we decide?"
I hesitated. "You said earlier that you think you're in love with me. You meant that?"
She softened, nodding, taking my hand. "Yes, Duncan. I fought it as hard as I could for as long as I could, but I can't deny it anymore."
I sighed, relief flooding through me. "Then we'll figure it out. We can't necessarily solve it all right this moment. I don't know that we need to, either. Maybe we split our time. I don't know. I'm not trying to drag you away from your home and your family, Rune. I want you to be happy."
There came a knock on the doorframe—we had the door open. "Rune, Duncan?" It was her mom. "We need to talk to you guys downstairs, please."
Rune slid off the bed immediately—perhaps a little glad to be escaping the conversation. "Right behind you."
We gathered in the living room, including Lindsey and Dane—between whom I detected some sort of tension. Tom and Kelly sat together, waited for us to all sit, and then Tom cleared his throat.
"So, Rune, your mother and I have some news that may help inform some of your decisions." He glanced at his wife and then continued. “Your mom has decided to take a sabbatical."
Rune blinked. "I…I'm not entirely sure what that means, honestly."
"A leave of absence from the university," Kelly responded.
"I'm taking at least a year off and your father and I are going to do some traveling.
It's something we've been talking about for a long time, and I actually just got the approval from the department just now while you guys were talking.
I've got a new book I've been working on, and this sabbatical is going to be partly research and partly some much-needed time away together. "
Rune was silent for a moment. "What does that have to do with me?"
"Well, we know you've been worried about leaving. Being away from your mom and me." Tom rested his elbows on his knees, meeting his daughter's gaze. "We've also been talking about selling the house. Possibly leaving LA altogether."
Rune blinked. " What ?"
"We've been here for almost thirty years, honey," Kelly said.
“We're ready for a change of pace. Not retirement, exactly, but just…
something different." She rested a hand on her husband's knee.
"Rune, baby, you need to do what's right for you.
No matter where you are, we'll find ways to be together.
If you were, just for example, to move to Ketchikan, it's not totally out of the realm of possibility that your father and I could spend summers up there with you guys. "
"The fishing around here sucks balls, if nothing else," Tom muttered.
Kelly shot him a nasty side-eye glare. "Sucks balls, Thomas? Really ?"
I couldn't help a laugh. "Blatant plug for my own interests, here, but my uncle Ramsey is an outdoor guide. He and Papa Lucas run trips to the interior all the time, as well as day trips to fishing spots all along the Passage. So if you like fishing, we've got you covered, Mr. Rigby."
Tom's eyes lit up. "See? It's all coming together."
Rune laughed. "Ah yes, fishing. The real reason for me to move to Alaska."
"Sweet-Pea, I was just—"
Rune cut in over him. “I’m teasing, Dad." She let out a breath. Glanced at Lindsey. "Do you have any thoughts, dearest friend of my heart?"
Lindsey blew a raspberry. "Do I have thoughts? Do ducks shit in the water?" She barked a sarcastic laugh. "Yes, Rune, I have thoughts. I could give a PowerPoint presentation, if I didn't loathe presentations and if I knew how to make a PowerPoint presentation."
Rune sighed. "Linz?"
“Right, right. I'm off topic." She gestured at me with both hands. “Reason number one why you'd be an idiot not to move to Alaska—the fine hunka-hunka burnin' love beside you. The man came all the way down here just to tell you he loved you."
I opened my mouth to tell her that that wasn’t the primary reason for my visit, but she glared me into silence.
"I know, I know," she said. "You came down to express your support. But really, you came down to tell her you love her and to try to get her to admit that she loves you back."
Rune covered her face. "Lindsey."
"What? You do and you know it, hooker-beans! You just can't—"
"I told him I did, Lindsey!" She yelled. "Move on, please!"
“Oh." She looked from Rune to me and back. "Cool, cool. Moving on. Reason number two: LA traffic. It sucks. There are barely even roads in Alaska, let alone four-hour traffic jams straight out of Satan's butthole."
When I opened my mouth to protest the Alaskan roads comment, she once again glared me into silence.
"I know, I know, Alaska has roads. Just…
you shushy-time." She let her expression go serious, then.
"Rune, all jokes aside—which you know is hard for me—you belong with Duncan, and Duncan belongs in Alaska, ergo, you belong in Alaska.
He even looks weird here. He's clearly a fish out of water. His inner light is dimmed by the oppressive Angeleno heat and smog.”
Rune sighed. "I thought you said it was all joking aside."
"Who's joking? Look at him!"
I frowned. "I'm…fine? What are you ever talking about, woman?"
She frowned back. "Don't woman me, man. I'm trying to help you."
I held up both hands, glaring at Dane, who was having trouble containing his laughter.
"Look, Rune,” Lindsey said, “I’m serious.
If your parents are leaving LA temporarily, maybe even permanently, what's keeping you here?
I hate LA. I've been looking for an excuse to move literally anywhere.
If you move to Alaska, maybe I will too.
You'll need a buddy to keep you company during what I hear are some super epic Badd Clan parties.
" She glanced at Dane sidelong for some reason, and then back to me.
"Don’t stay here for me, or for your parents.
If you move, we'll come to you. Maybe not permanently, but regularly.
You love Dane—I mean, Duncan, sorry. You love Duncan. He loves you. You belong together."
"What about my job?" Rune asked.
Lindsey stabbed a thumb downward, raspberrying again. "You mean your entry-level job that in no way uses your degree or offers any kind of job security or advancement? The job that has you literally making copies and taking notes? That job?"
Rune frowned. "It's not that bad."
"Do you love it?" Lindsey asked. "Does it fulfill you?"
"I mean…it could. In time."
Lindsey rolled her eyes. "It's a job, babe, not a career." She got up and crossed the room, jamming herself between Rune and me. “Go sit with your brother," she ordered.
"Yes, ma'am," I muttered, going over to sit beside Dane.
"So, Lindsey?” I whispered to Dane.
"If it were me," he stage-whispered back, "I'd be more focused on the conversation that very well might dictate my entire future."
"But there's a thing," I said.
"There's not not a thing, but don't worry about it." He pointed at Lindsey and Rune. "Pay attention."
"Rune, I say this with love, but you've never had a very clear idea what you wanted for your future," Lindsey said.
"You majored in business because it was an easy path.
You're good at school. But you know as well as I do that you had a whole vision for your future that had nothing to do with where you worked. "
Rune dropped her gaze. "Linz, don't."
"I'm gonna, babe, so pucker that butthole."
"Gross."
Lindsey took Rune's hands. "Your vision for your future was all about Hayes. The house. The kids. I know you remember the conversation we had about that as clearly as I do."
"We were drinking when we had that conversation, and I hadn't realized what a cheating puddle of pond scum he is," Rune said.
"You're missing the point, Rune," Lindsey said. "I think you had the right vision, just with the wrong guy."
Rune blinked hard. "Linz, I—"
"Rune, listen to me. When you found out about Hayes cheating on you, you treated it almost like a death."
“It felt like one," Rune admitted.
"But why? Who died? Can you really sit there and tell me that you loved Hayes that much?"
"No," Rune admitted, her tone small and miserable. "The more time passes, the more I…" she looked at me, then. "The more I realize what being in love really means, and the more I realize I didn't love him at all. I wanted to love him. I wanted him to love me."
"So what was it you were mourning?" Lindsey pressed.
"You obviously have a theory," Rune said, "so share it. Stop trying to drag it out of me."
"What use is a psychology degree if I can't use it on my friends?" Lindsey asked. "But fine. You were mourning the death of the life you really wanted. You went into college wanting to meet a guy, fall in love, get married, have kids…"
Rune pulled away from Lindsey and paced in circles, raking her hands through her hair. “It kinda sounds like you're saying that deep down I want to be a stay-at-home mom."
"Yes, and?" Lindsey said. "Do you have a problem with that?"
Rune groaned. "Not on principle, but—"
"But what?" Lindsey shook her hands. "Just…put that aside. Forget all that for a second. What do you want, right now? Close your eyes and think about. Really think about it."
Rune closed her eyes, went still, and tipped her head back. She was quiet for a long time.
When she opened her eyes again, they found mine. "You. I want you. I want us. I don't want to do this alone." She cast her gaze from Lindsey to her parents. "I don't mean alone, I know I have you guys. I just meant—"
"We all know what you meant, Sweet-Pea," Tom rumbled.
I stood up and went over to her, threading my fingers with hers.
"Just putting this out there, Rune. But, um, you may be aware that my family sort of owns a business. And you have a business degree. I know Alaskan bars ain’t exactly the glamorous business world of Los Angeles, but there's always plenty to do, and I don't mean waiting tables or pouring drinks.
We need a dedicated administrative director, for one thing.
Delia is wearing, like, sixty different hats on the admin side of the Badd's Bar stuff and could really use someone competent, and preferably in the family, to take some of that load off.
So, if you're willing to take a risk on me and on Ketchikan, I can promise you that you won't ever be bored. And if it’s not a Badd's bar, there are plenty of aunts, uncles, and cousins with businesses to go around.
Do you like the idea of working in real estate?
Mama Livvie runs a brokerage. The art world?
Aunt Eva runs galleries in three states. I can go on."
Rune laughed. "Okay, okay. I get it."
I ran my thumb over her lips. "I really want to kiss you right now, but I won't." I smiled at her.
"I just want to be with you, Rune. Whatever that looks like, wherever it is. Here, Ketchikan, Timbuktu—wherever the fuck that is—it doesn’t matter.
We'll work it out, one way or another. I just want you to know that you have options.
I'll do everything I can to make sure you're happy and fulfilled.
If that's working with us in the bars, great.
If it's something else, great. If it's staying home with our kid, great.
I just don't want you to think that you’re trapped or limited.
You're not. And if you don't know exactly what you want yet, that's fine too. "
For a moment or two, she just looked into my eyes, searching me. Thinking. Deciding.
"I think…" she trailed off, started again, a smile spreading across her face. "I think I'm moving to Alaska."