Chapter 13
Lindsey
Dane took my hand and led me toward the house. "Where are we going?" I asked. "I…I don't know if I can handle your whole family right now, Dane. I'm too emotionally raw."
"I can't either," he said. "We're not going home." He paused. "Well, only long enough for me to change outta this damned monkey suit and grab my keys."
My heart pitter-pattered. "Maybe, um…just grab a change of clothing?" I whispered, feeling oddly nervous to express the totality of what I was feeling.
He smirked at me as we reached a sliding glass door on the side of the house that opened onto a hallway. "Oh? Why's that?"
I bit my lip. "I like the tux."
His smirk morphed into a full grin. "Ohhh, I see."
“You see what?" I demanded.
"You don't want me to take of the tux because you want to take it off me."
The pitter-patter became a swirl of fluttering things in my belly. "Maybe."
"I thought we agreed you'd be honest with me," he said.
"No, you told me to be honest with you, and I said I'd do my best." I swallowed hard.
"I guess I'm having trouble believing that after everything, I can just show up here unannounced and be like, ‘Okay, I'm ready,’ and you're just…
fine with it? With everything I've done?
How I've treated you this past half a year or whatever?
You're not bitter? No part of you is like, fuck that bitch? "
He glanced to the left, where you could see a glimpse of the kitchen, filled with a milling crowd of family, and then tugged me the other way down the hall.
We reached the very end of the hall, and he pushed open the last door on the left.
His bedroom was neat and tidy. A queen bed took up the middle of the room; there was an ensuite bathroom on the right with a walk-in closet next to it, a bureau, and a desk on the right.
Still not answering my question, he popped into his closet, found a duffel bag, and went to his dresser, shoving a few changes of clothing into it, a few toiletries from the bathroom, and a charger and block for his phone.
That done, he turned to me. "Why would I be mad or bitter, Linz? You didn't do anything to me. You did what you felt you had to do for your mental health. And honestly, I think you did the right thing. Not just for you, but for us."
My legs went wobbly. "What?"
He guided me to his bed, and we sat side by side at the foot.
"Look, I know you have feelings for me, Linz.
I don't need you to tell me or to say anything.
It was obvious you felt things from the get-go.
Just like I did. But you…you couldn't handle those feelings.
You had too much unresolved other shit. You had no room for your feelings for me.
When you told me to leave, I understood that it wasn't because you didn't care about me or want me.
You weren't ready. I got that. So yeah, babe, you can show up here unannounced.
I wasn't, like, sitting around crying and waiting for you.
I mean…" He frowned, tugged at the bowtie around his throat.
"I suppose I was, in a way, but not, like, actively waiting. "
"I didn't expect you to wait for me," I said. "So if you, y'know, had a thing with someone else, I'll understand."
Dane looked away, and my heart sank. Despite what I’d said, I would be pretty upset if he had hooked up with someone else.
So much for honesty, I guess?
Dane turned his gaze back to me. "Linz, this won't work if you're not being truthful with yourself and with me about things."
I huffed. "What are you, a fucking mind reader?"
He chuckled. "No. But if you were harboring any ideas of becoming a professional poker player, maybe don't. You have zero poker face."
I snapped my fingers. "Well, damn. There goes that career." I sighed. "Fine. You want the honest truth?"
"Always. Fuck me up, fam."
"If you did hook up with someone since we saw each other last, yes, I would be…upset. It'd hurt. But I know I have no right to expect you to have, I dunno…been faithful to me when I threw you out of my house the way I did."
"In the spirit of honesty," Dane said, "I went on a date with a girl I met at school.
We chatted in the cafeteria for an hour, she asked me to lunch the next day, and I went.
" My heart twisted in my chest, rose to sit hot and acidic in my throat.
"I didn't make it past the appetizers. I had precisely three mozzarella sticks, realized there was absolutely no chance of anything with her or anyone else, and left. "
"Oh no! The poor girl," I exclaimed, trying not to sound too happy. "What did you tell her?"
"Just that I was sorry, it wasn't going to work, and I had to go." He grinned. "If you were trying to look or sound sad about that, you also should give up any dreams of being an actress."
I sighed. "You really can read me like a book, huh?"
He took my hand, entwining our fingers. "Yes. I can."
"I don't know how I feel about that."
"You should feel good about it. I don't mean that I'm a mind reader or that I know everything there is to know about you.
But I can see things on your face. I can see what you're feeling.
I may not be right, but I can see the feelings, and honestly, that's an improvement. You were pretty hard to read, before."
"I didn't want to be seen," I said.
"Well, I see you."
"I know you do." I licked my lips, watched his eyes follow the path of my tongue.
"I'm glad you showed up," he whispered.
"I wasn't sure you would be. I don't feel like I deserve to—"
"I'm gonna stop you right there," he said.
"Because that's bullshit. You were taking care of yourself.
You couldn't be with me. You did the right thing by me—if you'd tried to force the issue, tried to just gut through all the shit you'd never dealt with, eventually, even if things maybe started out good between us, it'd have fallen apart. "
A shadow slid across the doorway—his mother filling the space.
She was dressed in a pair of navy slacks and a pale gray fitted sweater, her auburn hair loose and wavy around her shoulders.
She was beautiful, Dane's mother. Classy, sexy, and beautiful.
Intimidatingly so. I felt frumpy in my three-day-old leggings, a crusty sports bra that doesn't really support the girls, and an XXL hoodie with Eeyore on it.
Yes, Eeyore. I love me some depressed donkeys; that motherfucker keeps it 100 all the time. We should all be more like Eeyore.
She smiled at me. "Hi, Lindsey. I saw you at the concert but didn't have a chance to say hi."
I gave her a small, shy smile and a tiny wave. “Hello, Mrs. Badd."
"Call me Dru." She entered the room, eying Dane's bag on the floor at his feet. "Going somewhere, son?"
He nodded. “Staying in the spare room at Dunc and Rune's for a night or two."
She arched an eyebrow. "Which means pulling a French exit on your own party?"
He shrugged. "Mom, I didn't want it to be a whole thing.
It was my first time ever singing in front of a crowd, I was already nervous as all fuck, and I only wanted the immediate family in case I totally fucking bombed.
Imagine my surprise when I go out and see literally everyone.
So yeah, sorry, I don't feel an obligation to hang around at a party I didn’t ask for. "
His mom blinked at this. "Oh. I see. We just wanted you to feel supported, Dane."
I elbowed him. "Don't be an ungrateful turd, Dane. Be glad you have a giant family to support you. I've got Rune and her parents, and that's it."
Dru gave me a long look I couldn't entirely decipher.
"I don't think that's entirely true anymore, sweetheart.
" She perched on the edge of the bed beside me, sandwiching me between her and her son.
"Lindsey, dear. Whatever’s going on between you and my son is between the two of you.
I am very close to my boys, and I like to think they tell me most things.
So I know that things happened between the two of you.
That's life, that's relationships. Shit happens.
I overheard the last thing Dane was saying, and he's absolutely right.
You shouldn't feel bad about making the decision you did. We can’t give anyone else our heart if we're a disaster.
Love can heal, and it does. But if you're too much of a broken mess, there's nothing to heal.
You did what you had to do to put yourself in a better place.
That's admirable. It was the only thing you could have done.
And now you're here. My boys are not perfect, but I like to think they are understanding.
And so are we." She took my hands and gave me a long, hard look, making sure I was really listening.
"You are welcome here. Always, no matter what.
Rune is my daughter, now. We don't differentiate between daughters and daughters-in-law.
By that same logic, you're Rune's sister.
So even if you and my son don't end up together, you'll always have a place at our table. "
My eyes burned. My throat was tight and hot. Is it dusty in here or what?
"Dammit." I lurched to my feet and paced across the room. "What is it with you people and making me fucking cry? Jesus."
I felt a presence behind me—by the vanilla-floral perfume I smelled, it was not Dane, unless Dane was suddenly into women's perfume. "Don't run away from what you feel, Lindsey. That leads you nowhere good. Trust me."
I laughed. "Sounds simple, doesn't it?"
"No, it does not. It's not simple at all. It's neither easy nor simple. All of us have struggled with something like what you're going through. It's really, really, really hard to trust your heart to another person even if you don't have emotional damage."
I snorted. "I've got a fuck-ton of emotional damage."