Chapter 14 #2
She snickered. "Sounds nice, but no. Not with tits as big as mine.
Men get weird, and women get judgmental.
It's just easier to keep 'em in titty jail for the most part.
But since I was just driving alone, I went for comfort.
I'd expected to have a few minutes to change before I saw anyone, least of all you. "
I touched her lips. "You're babbling. I'm a fan of the no bra look."
She smirked. "You just like looking at my giant bazingas."
"Facts," I whispered, peeling the tight white stretchy garment up and off, baring said bazingas. "But not just looking at them."
She blinked hard, looking away and crossing her arms over her chest before backing out of my reach.
"Sorry, I…I'm not—I don't feel—" she shook her head, stepping past me away from the window with her arms crossed.
"I know I must be giving you emotional whiplash.
I'm horny, I'm crying, I'm confident, I'm insecure, I'm needy, I'm bitchy, I'm pushy, I'm sweet… " A shrug as she trailed off.
I stayed where I was, giving her space. "Linz, try to hear me, please."
She turned her head in my direction, looking at me over her shoulder without turning around. "I am, Dane."
"No, you're hearing me with your ears. I need you to listen to me with your heart."
She swallowed. "Trying."
"I love you as you are. Right now. If that's all over the place, that's okay."
She took a deep breath and held it. Tipped her head back, blinking tearfully at the ceiling. "Fuck. You're too good to be true."
"I'm not. I'm just this guy, Linz. I just happen to be in love with you. I promise, live with me long enough, and you'll find more than a few things about me that will drive you absolutely fucking bananas."
"I want to feel sexy, not…whatever this bullshit is."
"You don't need to be sexy all the time."
"It's all I'm good for, Dane."
"Oh, fuck that," I snapped, angry, now. "What the fuck is that?"
"What else do I have? What else am I good at?"
"Being a good human?" I said, not bothering to hide the anger in my voice. "Being a good friend? You're smart. You're kind. You're courageous. You're fucking hysterically funny. You're a hard worker."
“Yeah, but…" She shook her head. "What am I…what am I doing? Where am I going? Why am I here?"
I laughed. “God, Linz. You think I know any of that?
I don't fucking know! I don't know the answers to that shit myself.
I wish to god I did, but I don't. I don't need you to have all that together, babe.
All I need from you is you! All of you, all in, no matter what.
We can be confused about life and purpose together.
We can figure out where we're going together.
We're not always going to feel sexy. I think…
" I sighed. "I'm not sure how to say this. "
She barked a sarcastic laugh. "Bluntly. And now I'm scared."
I closed the distance between us by a few feet but stayed out of touching distance. "I think you hide behind sex."
She huffed. "I don't even know what that means."
"You're used to being able to use sex to shift the focus away from feelings. Instead of being vulnerable, you make it sexy. And guys being guys, we fall for it every time. Mostly because we're just as scared of big feelings as you are."
She huffed again. "You—that's—"
"I'm not falling for it." I moved closer. "Not because I don't want that with you, obviously I do."
"Is it obvious?" she asked, still facing away from me but looking over her shoulder at me, watching through her peripheral vision.
I stepped up behind her, crushing my hard-on against the swell of her ass. "I don't know, honey. You tell me. Is it obvious?"
"I think I might be a little worried that you're erect right now, given the heaviness of this conversation."
I laughed, slipping my arms around her waist again, my hands now sliding over her bare, warm skin. "Don't be worried."
"Do you have some kind of emotional kink? like, you're turned on by tears or some shit?"
"Lindsey."
She sighed. "Avoidance through humor again. I'm sorry." She rested her head back against my shoulder. "What am I supposed to be feeling, right now?"
"Complicated. There's no supposed to, that's my point.
There's no right or wrong. There's just what is.
" I kissed her cheek, caressing her belly between her diaphragm and waistband.
"I can feel desire for your body at the same time as I feel empathy for the complicated emotions I can see you wrestling with.
They're not mutually exclusive, babe. You can want me and touch me and need me while feeling…
shit…I dunno, honey, everything you're feeling right now.
Feel it all, Linz. You can kiss me while you're crying, as long as I'm not the reason you're crying—in a negative way, at least."
She sniffled a half-hearted laugh. "God, Dane."
"I love every facet of who you are, Lindsey, including facets I know I haven't seen yet. Cranky in the mornings? PMSing and ready to kill me for chewing too loudly? Silly and weird for no reason? Melancholy and in need of a long bath?"
She snorted. "A long bath? You mean sitting in bacteria soup?"
I frowned. "You don't like baths?"
“Gasp!" She literally said the word. "A woman who doesn't like baths? What is this world coming to?"
"Have you tried a relaxing bath lately?"
She rolled her eyes, shaking her head. "No. I tried a few years ago and just got sweaty and felt gross."
I pivoted, taking her with me so I was walking backward, pulling her after me by the hand while she covered her chest with other. "C'mon. You clearly have no idea what you're missing."
She snorted. "And you're the expert on baths, are you?"
"I'll have you know I have been known to take a bath on occasion. I get bored and get out before long, but it's a nice way to just relax, breathe, and…I dunno…just be." I pulled her into the bathroom. "You ever take a bath with someone?"
She shook her head. "No. You?"
"Nope." I twisted on the hot water and let it run. "But it sounds like fun to me. Try it with me?"
She dropped her arm. "Fine. I'll light some candles. I think I saw some in the kitchen."
While she was hunting down candles, I sent a quick text to my brother, asking a question—I was over here a few weeks ago with Rune, Duncan, Jax, and a few other cousins, just hanging out and watching TV.
This bathroom had been in use, so I used Rune and Duncan's, and happened to spot some of those bath bombs in a little ceramic bowl by the tub.
I asked him to ask Rune if I could steal one.
I received a thumbs up and a winking emoji. I sent back a rolling eye and a thanks.
I popped over into their bathroom, took one of the chalky-looking, plastic-wrapped balls, opened it, and tossed it into the tub. It fizzed pink and red and pink again, spewing foamy suds in a rainbow of colors. I adjusted the water temp to be tolerable for human flesh.
Lindsey came in then with a handful of tealights, which she scattered around the bathroom and lit. She noticed the sudsy, colorful, foamy, lavender- and rose-scented water. "Where on earth did you get a bath bomb?"
"Rune. Happened to know she had some in their bathroom and asked Dunc if I could have one."
She bent and sniffed the air over the water. "Smells pretty girly. That doesn't bother you?"
I snorted. "Smells nice to me. I don't really go in for all that genderized bullshit.
As a straight man, I see no reason why I can't enjoy certain smells or whatever.
I don't need to smell like gunpowder and whiskey and shit in order to be a man.
I like the scent of lavender, and I like the scent of roses, and yet…
" I sidled up behind her as she straightened and caressed her belly, cupping her breasts.
"I feel pretty confident in my heterosexuality and masculinity. "
She exhaled slowly, softly. "I feel pretty confident in your heterosexuality and masculinity, too."
I kissed her nape. "Glad we agree on that."
She exhaled again, this time with a quiet whimper as I rolled her nipples between my fingers; she reached up behind her head to clasp my neck, scraping and sliding her hands down my arms, rotated her hands down to slide her touch down my waist, and reached behind herself to run her hands over my thighs.
She arched her chest into my touch, whimpering again as I caressed her tits, cupping and lifting and squeezing and kneading the soft, hot weight of them, and then pinching and rolling her hard little nipples.
I palmed her jaw, turned her face to the side, and claimed her mouth. She whined into the kiss, opened her lips, and gave me her tongue. Slid her fingers under the elastic of my underwear and over the angles of my hipbones, her touch barely missing the hot rigidity of my aching cock.
"Dane," she whispered. "I want you."
I mirrored her action, slipping my hands down her belly and under her waistband, pushing my hands down her thighs, taking her yoga pants with them.
I sank to my knees as I dragged her leggings down, leaving her thong in place, kissing my way down her nape, dotting kisses along her spine until I was kneeling behind her.
I grabbed her ass, filling my hands with her generous curves, kissing my way around her left cheek, the dimples above each side.
She stepped out of her leggings, tugging her feet free.
Kneeling, I reached up and pinched her nipples. "Bend over, baby. Grab the tub for me."
She huffed in shock. "Okay." Complying, Lindsey spread her feet wide apart and bent forward at the waist, grabbing the lip of the still-filling tub. "Like this?"
"Yes." I caressed her ass. "Just like that."
"I want to touch you, Dane."
"You will." Reaching between her thighs, I traced her seam over the silk of her thong. "Eventually."
"Dane—"