Chapter 49 Badger
FORTY-NINE
BADGER
I spent most of my time at the women’s shelter teaching Lily how to protect herself effectively.
When we weren’t training, she was in her therapy program and going to school.
I was amazed at how well she had transitioned back to classes.
She wasn’t behind and caught on quickly. My girl was a superstar.
Nighttime was the worst. She stayed in my bed, clinging to me, and had nightmares constantly. Even with some new medications, there was only so much I could do to help her.
She was definitely feistier than she used to be, questioning me on where Machine was and why she couldn’t go to RSS with me every time I went.
She refused to speak of our father, and I wasn’t sure what to do with him now that Lily was back.
When I had asked if she wanted to see him, her words were as sharp as a knife: he can rot there.
I was wiping down the counter for the fourth time today, keeping myself busy to avoid thinking about Machine, when Lily let out a groan of frustration.
“Would you just go see Machine already?” she growled.
I looked at her in confusion. “What?” I hadn’t spoken to Machine since the night he’d saved me, and I only ever saw him at team meetings, where we both kept our distance.
“It’s clear you miss him,” she deadpanned, placing her hands on her hips.
“No, I—”
“Don’t you dare lie to me, Jessica Fitzgerald,” she said, pointing at me.
My eyes bulged at the use of my full name. “Don’t use that tone with me, missy.”
“Then don’t be stupid! You know you miss him!”
“Of course I miss him!” I exploded on her before bracing myself on the counter.
Lily rolled her eyes and crossed her arms over her chest. “Then go get him!”
I sighed. “It’s not that simple, Peanut.”
I picked up my cloth and continued to wipe the counter.
Lily startled me by throwing a decorative pillow at me from the couch. “Stop being difficult, Jessie! You know you love him, so go tell him! I can’t take you being miserable and overbearing for a second longer.”
I stopped wiping the counter and looked at my very serious sister. God, she had grown up so much in the past couple of years. Gone was the innocent child, and in her place was a lioness. A warrior.
“It’s not that simple, Lil,” I protested. “And I’m only protective of you because I love you and because of everything you’ve been through, you know that.”
“I’m not a baby anymore, Jessie. I can handle myself. I’m ten years old,” she bit back.
Her words were like a punch to the gut as I realized how much she didn’t need me anymore. She had survived something so horrible without me, without my hand to hold. She was right. She could handle a lot on her own.
I walked toward her and cupped her cheeks. She flinched at the contact, making me drop my hands. I hated that she couldn’t handle physical touch anymore.
Despite the fact that he and I weren’t really speaking, Machine and Lily had a bond I didn’t understand. He often sent gifts and treats for her and made a point to Facetime her often just to see how she was doing. I felt like a divorced parent with a custody agreement.
“I love you, Peanut. I’m only overbearing because I care.”
“Well, now let me be the one who’s overbearing.” She lowered her voice. “Go to him. Tell him how you feel.”
She was so much wiser than her years. It amazed me that despite how much she had been through, she could still want love in this world.
Before I knew what I was doing, I was rushing out of the apartment and running in the rain to Machine’s.
I knocked, soaked to the bone, and heard Lucy bark. After a few moments, Machine opened the door. In gray sweatpants and a white T-shirt; he looked like my personal wet dream. I wanted him more than I had wanted anything in my life.
“Hi,” I said meekly.