Prologue #2
“Aunt Kelly’s here with Amanda!” Lily called as she and Dylan returned, setting four gift bags on the table.
Okay, Jamie was definitely confused now. She shot Lily a look that said What are you up to? Lily returned her look with a smirk that was oddly reminiscent of Sarah before whipping around to chat with Nell. Kelly and Amanda entered just as Beth plated the last of the pancakes.
“How is it you two are always arriving after the work is done?” Jamie said, smiling at her best friend who stood with her fingers laced with Kelly’s.
“A skill I’ve refined over the years.” Amanda winked, tossing her motorcycle helmet on the couch as Kelly did the same.
“Grab a plate, everyone, we’re doing this buffet style,” Beth instructed, motioning to the stack of plates on the end of the island as everyone scrambled to form a line.
Once plates were layered with pancakes and fruit and seats were taken, Lily stood. “Okay, I know you’re all curious why I wanted to do a Pancake Sunday.”
Jamie’s phone vibrated on the table. She reached for it quickly, glancing at the screen.
Her stomach dropped—Dr. Albright’s office.
Jamie silenced the phone, sending the call to voicemail.
Nope. Today was about Lily. Whatever news, good or bad, that Dr. Albright’s office was delivering, it could wait just a little bit longer.
Family time was more important to her at this moment.
A sudden warmth filled her hand under the table as Beth wove their fingers together, giving her a soft squeeze.
“Less speech, more secret revealing!” Kelly called from her spot on the couch.
Lily’s smile grew wider as she grabbed each of the four bags, handing them over one by one to Sarah, Nell, and Beth, saving Jamie’s for last. Typical Lily.
Jamie took the bag from her, still with curiosity burning.
She ran through every moment with Lily over the last few months, searching for anything that could help this moment make a little more sense.
That curiosity mixed with her anxiety over the voicemail that was surely waiting for her from the doctor’s office.
“Moms,” Lily said, looking at Beth then Sarah, “and Jamie and Nell. I know I said I wanted to take a year off before going to college, but after some careful consideration and a lot of weighing my options, I changed my mind.” She gestured to the bags. “You can open those, by the way.”
A rustling of tissue paper filled the room, and for a moment, Jamie was entirely speechless as she held a purple hat in her hands.
“Surprise! I’ve committed to the University of Washington! I’ve been discussing this with their gymnastics coach for a few weeks, and it just makes sense. Plus, Dylan and I are going to room together. Isn’t that perfect?!”
Jamie looked at Beth and Sarah, who were both holding University of Washington Mom sweatshirts, purple for Beth and heather gray for Sarah, surprise on each of their faces.
Nell was the first to speak as she stood and excitedly wrapped Lily in a hug, still clutching the purple pennant Lily had given her. “Oh, Lily, this is so exciting! Go Dawgs!”
Dylan laughed from her spot at the kitchen counter. “Go Dawgs!!” she echoed.
“What do you think, Moms?” Lily asked as Nell sat back down.
Beth set the sweatshirt down and pulled Lily into a hug. “I think it’s a great plan, love. We’re proud of you no matter what you do.”
“Please tell me you at least considered Stanford?” Sarah added, hugging Lily as well.
“Of course I did, Mom. But I liked UW better.”
“Still had to put my plug in for it. Congrats, sweetie, but what changed your mind? I thought you were all set with taking a year off?”
Jamie sat quietly, her brain zoning out the sound of talking around her as her thumb brushed over the brim of the hat in her hand.
She was so thrilled for Lily. UW was where she had gone to college, where she, Amanda, and Kendall had all fulfilled their collegiate gymnastics careers.
She had nothing but good memories there.
But it was the words on the hat that had caught her completely off guard.
She traced the embroidered golden letters that spelled out UW Mom.
Mom. That word sat deep in her chest. She had never pictured herself as a parent.
She had never let herself picture a future where that would have been possible once she understood the gravity of her history with cancer. But here she was.
For the better part of four years, Lily had been a major part of her life. She had watched Lily grow over those years, had made co-parenting decisions alongside Beth and Sarah, and Jamie had loved every moment of it. But she had never once considered herself a mom—just a bonus adult in Lily’s life.
“UW, huh?” Jamie asked softly.
Lily turned to face her, eyes bright and excited. “Yeah. I really like their gymnastics program, but also because you went there.”
Happy tears fell from the corners of Jamie’s eyes as she slipped the baseball cap over her curls, pulling Lily into a tight hug. “I’m so proud of you,” she whispered. “You’re going to have so much fun.”
“Thanks, Mom.”
That afternoon, after breakfast had wrapped up and everyone had gone their separate ways, Jamie sat curled up on the sunken couch in the living room, staring at the rain gently tapping against the large floor-to-ceiling windows looking out over the deck and to the water below.
It was calming to watch the droplets chase one another in an endless game of tag as gravity gave them momentum.
A shifting next to her drew her attention away as Beth sat down, nudging Jamie so she could lie down.
“You all done in the studio for the day?” Jamie asked, instinctively curling herself against Beth’s body in the way she always did when she was seeking comfort, resting her head against Beth’s chest, listening to the rhythmic sound of her heart beating.
“All done,” Beth confirmed, positioning a pillow behind her head before snaking an arm around Jamie’s torso, her other hand gently smoothing over her wild curls.
They lay together in silence for a moment, Jamie’s head moving slightly with the rise and fall of Beth’s chest as she listened to her breathing, thinking about how much she loved this. Lying with Beth like this and just being together.
“Dr. Albright’s office called earlier,” she said gloomily. “You know it’s not good news if they call on a weekend.”
Beth’s hand stilled briefly before resuming motion. “Did they leave a message?”
Jamie nodded, the fabric of Beth’s sweatshirt scrunching against her face as she let out a long sigh. “I haven’t listened to it yet. It’s the feeling, you know? I told you I had a bad feeling about all of this. I wanted a few more moments of peace before opening Pandora’s box.”
“You don’t know what it is for sure. It could be good news.”
Jamie buried herself further into Beth’s embrace as Beth hooked a leg around her, pulling her closer and placing a kiss on the top of Jamie’s head.
“Did you see what was on the hat Lily got me?” Jamie asked, changing the topic.
“I did.” Beth ran her fingers up and down her sides as their breathing synced.
“She called me mom. I never, I—” Her words got caught as she pushed through them and the overwhelming surge of love that coursed through her. “I didn’t think I’d ever get to be anyone’s mom.”
“She loves you so much.” Beth tightened her arms around her, squeezing gently. “We love you so much.”
Jamie nodded as fresh, hot tears pooled in her eyes before falling, rolling over the bridge of her nose, landing on Beth’s sweatshirt.
She let herself break in Beth’s arms. Let herself finally fall apart and feel the weight of the voicemail that was waiting for her.
This part never got easier—this fear, this panic. It would be a part of her forever.
“I think we should listen to that voicemail.” Beth’s voice was smooth, so incredibly soft and comforting and inviting that Jamie would never say no to her.
She reached for her phone, bending her arm at an awkward angle to retrieve it from her back pocket before handing it over to Beth.
Beth keyed in her passcode before pulling up the voicemail and setting it to speaker.
A tinny voice came through, one that Jamie recognized as Dr. Albright’s receptionist. Her breathing stilled as she listened.
“Hi, Jamie, this is Jenna from Dr. Albright’s office.
” Jamie dug her thumbs into the fabric of Beth’s sweatshirt as she forced herself to listen.
“Dr. Albright had a chance to review your recent scans and would like to set up some time with you to go over them, the sooner the better. We’ve held an appointment for you tomorrow morning at nine.
If that works, call us back and leave a message confirming.
If not, we’ll get you on the schedule as soon as possible. Enjoy your day.”
The message clicked off, leaving the faint sound of rain to fill the room in the absence of words, both understanding what the message meant.
“I told you I had a bad feeling.” Jamie sniffed, shifting and burying her face in the crook of Beth’s arms.
“I know, love. I know you did.”
Jamie caught it—the slightest, almost undetectable tremor in Beth’s voice, the faint wobble to let her know Beth was scared too.
Nine o’clock the next day came too quickly for Jamie’s liking.
She and Beth walked into the oncology office hand in hand, Beth talking about the cookies Jamie had insisted they allow time to get—the lavender earl gray shortbread cookies from their favorite shop, a little treat to soften the news she feared was inevitable.
Beth talked about the traffic and a new show opening at the Seattle Art Museum she was interested in seeing, but nothing was on Jamie’s mind except for the news waiting for them beyond the reception desk.
They were led back to a small office at the end of the hall. Beth’s optimistic voice was a constant stream of comfort as she said things like, “We don’t know for sure that it’s bad news,” and “Let’s not even invite the negativity in until we know what we’re working with.” Jamie loved her for it.
She had always adored the way Beth saw the world—like it was bright, inviting, and full of possibility.
Beth looked at the world with stars in her eyes and an open mind ready for the endless possibilities of what could be, and it had rubbed off on Jamie a little after all these years. She was a better person for it.
A door opened behind them and a tall woman entered the office where she and Beth sat opposite a large, sturdy wooden desk, their hands clasped.
Dr. Albright took her seat behind the desk and looked first at Beth before moving her eyes to rest on Jamie, and she could already see her answer written across the doctor’s face.
“The cancer is back, isn’t it?” Jamie said, feeling it almost immediately, hearing the defeat in her tone echoing around her mind as her body went numb, trying to process the treatment options Dr. Albright was currently going over.
Still, all Jamie felt was her hand in Beth’s, hearing nothing but the wooshing of her own pulse in her ears.