Chapter 1 #2
“Where are you taking me?” Wren asked, looking around at the line of houses perched on the hillside as the incline of the sidewalk increased.
“You’ll see. C’mon.”
They crested the hill, stopping in front of a navy brick house perched above them, meticulously trimmed hedges lining the stairs leading up to a large wooden door with tall rectangular panes of glass. It was exactly like she remembered.
“Soooo.” Wren tucked her hands into her pockets, bouncing slightly on the balls of her feet.
Lily nodded at the house. “This is what I wanted to show you. This house used to be mine. Those windows above the garage? That was my room. That little tower room over there was Mama’s studio.
And Mom’s study was in the room next to the front door.
She had these really cool bookshelves. And I used to ride my bike down to the corner and back and play with Mr. Howard’s cat. ”
Wren looked at the house, then back at her. Lily didn’t know why she was showing Wren the old house; it wasn’t like she could ever go back there, not since her mom had sold it.
“You miss it, don’t you?” Wren asked, sliding her hand into Lily’s.
She nodded as hot tears pricked at her eyes. She turned, burying herself in Wren’s arms, seeking the comfort they brought her.
“I’m sorry,” she sniffed, wiping her nose on the back of her sleeve. “I don’t even know why I brought you here, I just—”
Wren cut her off with another hug. “I like knowing the things that are important to you. It’s a cool house. Thanks for showing me. I bet growing up here was really magical.”
“Yeah, parts of it were pretty magical. Mama used to make these giant forts with me and we would spend hours painting and watching movies inside them.”
“Building forts was the best, wasn’t it? My dad and I used to build them, too, before things with my parents got bad.”
Lily looked up at Wren. Their height difference had always been a little laughable, with Lily standing at 5’2” next to Wren’s 5’11”.
Wren rarely talked about her family, not since she had taken the steps to get emancipated two and a half years ago. To Lily’s knowledge, there had been no contact between Wren and her family since.
“That sounds like a really special memory.”
Once again, Lily pressed up on her tiptoes to kiss Wren, loving the softness of their lips touching. For as stressed out as she was in her day-to-day life, kissing Wren always seemed to make time slow down to a near standstill, like the two of them only existed in their own little world.
The pair walked back down the hill towards the café.
“Can I drive this time? I feel so silly standing behind you, holding on to the handlebars of your scooter. Better yet, let’s take the bus,” Wren pleaded as Lily slipped her helmet back on.
“You can suck it up for the eleven minutes it takes to get back to campus.”
The loud click of plastic snapped between them. Wren rolled her eyes, but still hopped on the scooter behind Lily, wrapping her arms around her to hold on to the handlebars.
“For all your scooter safety, this definitely feels like it would fall into the dangerous category,” Wren said in her ear as Lily sped along the bike trail in the direction of her dorm.
“C’mon, Wren, live a little.” Lily laughed into the damp air.
Lily’s shoulders dropped and a small sigh of relief left her as she stepped into the thankfully empty dorm room. Good, that meant Dylan was still at the library and she didn’t have to add dealing with Wren and Dylan’s weirdness to the never-ending list of things currently stressing her out.
Dylan and Wren’s friendship was nonexistent, but it wasn’t for lack of trying.
Both had been making an effort to get to know the other better, especially once Lily and Wren had started dating, but she didn’t know if she could pick two people less likely to be friends than Dylan Cassidy and Wren Parker.
“Good, Dylan’s not here.” Wren kicked off her shoes and plopped down onto Lily’s bed.
“Wren,” Lily warned. She didn’t love having to play peacekeeper between her best friend and her girlfriend.
“What? She doesn’t like me. Which is weird because I’m very likable.”
“You are very likable, but you only talk to her about sports. Dylan isn’t really into sports.
” Lily nudged Wren, making her scooch over and make room on the bed for her before she lay down next to her, their faces inches apart on her pillow, their bodies curled together on the narrow mattress.
“You two need to find something that you both have in common to talk about—something that isn’t me.
” Lily reached forward, playing with one of Wren’s long, dark ringlets, tugging it gently, watching as it recoiled into place.
“I love that you’re my girlfriend,” Wren whispered.
She smiled because there it was again. They were dangerously close to that word. She wanted to say it so badly. I love you. But it felt almost too real. Like saying it out loud might pop the little bubble she and Wren existed in, just the two of them.
“I love that you’re my girlfriend, too,” she whispered back in concession, brushing her thumb against Wren’s cheekbone.
Wren’s gaze shifted away from hers, and Lily already knew what was coming. “I don’t want to keep hiding this. It’s getting harder not to tell everyone that we’re together. I’m so stoked to be in this relationship, and it—it sucks sometimes, that we can’t even tell people.”
Lily envied Wren’s ability to see only the good in a situation.
She always came at her feelings full speed—all gas, no brakes, and always unapologetic in the best ways.
Lily loved that about her, even when it made things more complicated.
But where Wren saw the excitement of telling everyone that they were dating, Lily saw a mountain of questions they would surely receive from all sides about their relationship, their sexuality, and so on.
She had spent the last four years of her life fielding invasive questions about her family life; she just didn’t want to deal with relationship questions right now, but she knew it wasn’t a long-term solution.
“I know,” Lily said. “But, same thing I said before. After the Olympics, we can tell whomever we want.”
Wren groaned, burrowing her face in the crook of Lily’s neck. Lily reflexively wrapped her arms around her. “Yeah, yeah, I know. The Olympics—your rules—”
“Don’t ‘your rules’ me. These are our rules that we came up with together. Do I need to pull out the notebook as evidence? I’m fully prepared to do a handwriting analysis.”
The contraction of facial muscles against her neck told her Wren was smiling.
“Fine.” Wren propped herself up on her elbow, green eyes shining brightly. “Can we at least tell your moms? It’s weird that even they don’t know. I respect them both too much to keep lying to them.”
“We’re not lying, we’re strategically omitting certain information to better focus on the outcome of our goals.”
“Man, you go to college for one year, and you come out a professional bullshitter.”
“Actually, no, Nell taught me that one.” Lily traced her eyes over Wren’s high cheekbones, across her boxy shoulders, and down her lanky, lean frame before meeting her gaze again.
“Okay, we can tell my moms, but no one else until after the Olympics, like we agreed.” Wren’s smile lit up her entire face, and Lily took a little mental picture.
Forever freezing Wren’s excitement in time, tucking away to revisit when their busy schedules kept them apart.
“But right now, we both need to lock in. You don’t even know if you’re getting invited to training camp yet. ”
Wren’s hand made contact with her shoulder, pushing her gently as she scoffed. “I’m not too worried. I’ve got a good feeling about it. I should find out this week.”
Lily rolled her eyes. “Oh my god, how can you just say I have a good feeling? A feeling? Really?”
Wren swooped forward, placing a kiss on her nose, her forehead, before peppering them all over. Lily’s laughter filled the small room, bouncing off the cinderblock walls as she gasped for air.
“Stop, stop. Okay.” She laughed again, breaking free from Wren. “Fine, keep your illogical vibes. I could never.”
“And that’s why we’re perfect together. We balance each other out.”
Lily’s phone buzzed against the desk.
Dylan: 12:34 PM
Leaving the library, be back in 15. Need to keep studying.
“Time to go,” Lily said, resting her hand on Wren’s chest.
“I cannot tell you how excited I am that you’ll be back at your mom’s this summer, so we don’t have to deal with navigating around Dylan’s study schedule anymore.”
Lily walked Wren to the bus stop that would take her back across town and waited until the bus hissed to a halt.
They shared one last quick hug—the one they used when they knew people could be watching—before Wren climbed aboard and was whisked up the hill and out of sight.
Lily turned back towards the dorms then changed her mind, setting off on the longer route that would take her around campus, her sneakers scuffing over the damp asphalt.
She started building a mental checklist of everything she needed to do in the upcoming week: pack up the room, double-check training schedules, turn in her key, call Mom—right. Call Mom.
Do it now, get it over with, and check it off the list.
Lily slipped her phone from her pocket, the familiar photo lighting up the screen—a picture of her sitting on the edge of a balance beam at PGTC, shoulder-to-shoulder with Jamie, both of them caught mid-laugh.
Seeing it hit her with the same half-gut-punch, half-warm feeling, but today it felt different.
It was sharper as the feeling prickled across her.
The phone went dark as she continued to stare at the screen. It was strange to her how something she’d seen every day for a year was all of a sudden making her feel so intensely.
Lily tapped the screen again, quickly entering the passcode and taking a deep breath.
Power through. The feeling goes away. Ignore it, you don’t have time for this.
But her thumb hovered over Jamie’s name right above her mom’s, and for a split second, she debated pressing it even though she knew Jamie couldn’t answer.
Her throat tightened as she blinked away tears, tapping her mom’s contact instead.
“Hi sweetie.” Her mom’s voice came through the phone, warm like always.
“Hey, Mom.” Her own voice cracked as she quickly cleared her throat.
“Wren said you called her. I’m alive, just had a lot going on with finals, and Dylan and I still need to pack the room before Mama, Sean, and Pat come to move us out,” she rambled, hoping somewhere along the way her words were hiding the fact that she had been crying.
“Everything okay? You sound a little off.”
“I’m fine. I’ve got it all under control, really.
Finished my finals and officially survived my freshman year of college.
Now I just need to make it to the Olympics.
” She repeated the list she ran through daily of all the tasks she still needed to do, as if it had become a mantra propelling her forward.
The phone was quiet for a moment, and she braced herself for the lecture about self-care and the importance of slowing down which her mom was surely about to give her, but to her surprise, it didn’t come.
“I’m proud of you, Lils. Freshman year done. That’s huge. We’ll celebrate when I see you. You’re still alternating weeks with me and Mama this summer?”
“Uh, yeah, I am,” Lily said, still a little taken aback at her mom’s lack of expected response. “That’s the plan at least.”
“Good! I’m excited to have you home for a bit. Let me know if there’s anything fun you want to try and squeeze in together. Can’t wait to get some me and you time in.”
“Yeah, okay. Sounds good,” Lily murmured
Neither said anything for a minute; the silence was anything but comfortable, and Lily felt the overwhelming need to fill it.
“Are you sure everything is okay?”
Lily tried to swallow the lump in her throat, but it rose anyway. Her voice came out small, cracking before she could stop it to slip on her mask of strength.
“I miss Jamie,” she whispered. Then the sobs came, spilling out faster than her words could catch up as she sank onto a nearby bench.