Chapter 2 #2
Beth considered that, then gave a small shake of her head. “Not yet. Maybe after trials, depending on how everything goes.”
Lenore nodded, writing a small note in the top corner of her page before closing the notebook. “Beth, I’m going to do something rare for me and give you some homework.”
Beth raised a skeptical eyebrow. “Homework?”
“You’ve been holding on to what intimacy used to look like with Jamie, and your brain needs a little help rewiring that path. I want you to try something new. Something unfamiliar. Find a different kind of spark.”
“What exactly are you telling me to do?” Beth asked, still skeptical.
“I’m suggesting,” Lenore said evenly, “that you might benefit from exploring a little bit. A new toy. A new space. A spicy book. Something that lets you reconnect with yourself without attaching the memory of Jamie to it.”
“Okay, yeah…that is definitely a suggestion.”
“You don’t have to take it,” Lenore added, standing to signal that their session had come to an end.
Beth stood too, slipping her bag onto her shoulder as she moved towards the door. “So that’s my homework? Go vibrator shopping and watch porn?”
Lenore didn’t even crack a smile. “No, your homework is to let your body surprise you. I’ll see you next month, Beth.” She pulled the door open. “I hope Lily does well at trials.”
The following day, Beth hurriedly pushed through the door of the Grumpy Goat café, breezing past the small line of people leading to the register.
“I’m sorry I’m late,” she said apologetically to Pat as she rushed past, tossing her bag on the hook behind the counter before grabbing an apron and tying it around her waist. “It’s been a day.”
“You’re all good, Dyl just left. Here, take over the register and I’ll make drinks.” Pat flashed a warm grin, giving her arm a gentle squeeze as they swapped places.
She couldn’t help the slight twinge of guilt that flared in her chest, but she pushed it aside and instead put on her smile to take the order of the customer standing in front of her.
When Jamie died, grief had filled every space in Beth’s life in the form of endless phone calls with condolences, people checking in on her and on Lily, and piles of casseroles and premade meals she had eaten out of the freezer for weeks.
But then life moved on, and when it did, time seemed to slow down to an excruciatingly stagnant pace, leaving her with far too much time alone to dwell in her thoughts.
It was Sean, her best friend and art manager, who refused to let her disappear into her grief.
He and his fiancée, Pat, would stop by with groceries, claiming to have overbought, or dinner they coincidentally happened to have too much of.
They always did it under the pretense of it being casual, never pushing her too hard.
On weekends, Sean would coax her out of the house, claiming he needed company downtown or help with a fake errand, just to get her moving again.
He never tried to talk her out of her grief; he stayed beside her in it.
And when she finally admitted that she hadn’t touched a canvas in months, Sean didn’t offer advice or pep talks.
He simply told her to show up at the Grumpy Goat on Sunday.
“You’re going to learn how to make a rosetta,” he’d said, handing her an apron.
And when she successfully made her first one, he said, “There, you made some art. That’s all you need to do for now.
Oh, and show up on Tuesday and Thursday afternoons. We’re short-staffed.”
That had been months ago, and here she was, still showing up for shifts.
The after-lunch rush had died down, leaving her and Pat to complete some behind-the-bar busy work. Beth had occupied herself with restocking cups while Pat was doing inventory.
“So, are you and Sean finally going to set a wedding date?” she asked as she stacked cups.
“One day we’ll get around to it,” Pat said offhandedly, checking boxes off the checklist in his hand.
A chime pulled her attention to the door, and Beth glanced up to see a woman step into the café.
She was tall with shoulder-length auburn hair.
If Beth had to guess, she would peg her to be no older than mid-forties.
The woman gave the room a once-over before making her way up to the counter, her gaze lingering longer than necessary.
Beth straightened and offered her usual polite smile. “Welcome in. What can I get started for you?”
The woman grinned back. “Let’s see…” She leaned forward slightly, drumming delicate fingers on the counter while she scanned the menu. “You’ve got a lot of options. What’s your favorite?”
“Oh, I don’t know,” Beth replied lightly, brushing a strand of blond hair behind her ear as she twirled a Sharpie between her fingers. “I’m boring and usually get the same drink.”
The woman raised an eyebrow. “Boring? I doubt that.” There was a pause, just enough to be deliberate.
Beth blinked, registering the warm sensation flickering through her before shutting it down. “I—uh, I guess I’m more of a creature of habit.”
A playful glint flashed across the woman’s face. “Well, what would you recommend to someone trying to break a habit?”
Beth chuckled politely, eyes dropping to the register screen as she tried not to fumble the interaction. “Um…maybe the rosemary honey latte? People love that one. It’s unique.”
“Sounds perfect. I’ll take it. And a raspberry scone, if you’ve got any left.”
Beth rang her up, relaying the order to Pat without a second thought. “Name for the order?”
“Liv.” Another pause. “Short for Olivia. But I don’t usually let people call me that unless I like them.”
Beth nodded absently. “Liv,” she said, scrawling the name in black ink across the cup. “Perfect. That’ll be ready shortly.”
“I don’t think I caught your name. I’d love to know who to thank.” The woman looked at her, hopeful.
“Oh, uh, it’s Beth.”
“Well, Beth, thank you for the recommendation. I can’t wait to try this drink.”
“Anytime.” Beth gave her a polite nod and turned away to wipe down the counter, already moving on to the next task.
Liv lingered for a moment at the end of the bar before taking her drink and scone then waving a small goodbye. When the door chimed again behind her, Beth resumed stacking cups, hardly giving the interaction another thought.
Pat appeared beside her, raising his eyebrows.
“What?” she asked, sensing the look.
“Are you kidding me? She was flirting with you.”
Beth turned toward him, genuinely confused. “What are you talking about?”
Pat gave her an incredulous look. “Beth. She asked about your favorite drink, made it weirdly personal about her name, and gave you heart eyes the entire time.”
Beth shrugged, making every effort to ignore the heat suddenly rising in her cheeks. “She was being friendly.”
“No, that wasn’t friendly. That was flirting, plain and simple,” Pat insisted. “And frankly, it was good flirting. I’m kind of offended you didn’t notice.”
She scrunched her nose as she tried to remember if Liv had looked at her a certain way or if the tone of her voice should have been an indication of flirting, but beyond the mechanics of the conversation, Beth couldn’t recall anything.
She laughed softly. “Well, if it was flirting, I totally missed it. I’m not exactly in that headspace these days. ”
“Yeah, no kidding.” Pat handed her a clean mug. “But maybe it’s time you let yourself be, though.” His blue eyes caught the light, only amplifying his sincerity. “Just…think about it.”
Beth didn’t answer. She stared down at the mug in her hand, trying to stop the realization that Pat’s suggestion hadn’t freaked her out in the ways she had expected.
Instead, it filled her with a strange flutter of surprise at the thought, and she couldn’t help but think about what Lenore had said about letting her body surprise herself.
“Hey, aren’t you supposed to be in Milwaukee for Lily’s trials?” Pat asked, and while she was thankful for the change in conversation, it wasn’t her ideal topic.
“Sarah and Lily are already there. I’m flying out tonight to join them.” She tossed him a look that said please drop it which Pat thankfully picked up.
The following morning, Beth approached the hotel room Lily had directed her to. They still had a little time before Lily needed to meet with her coaches and head to the arena for her trials. She knocked on the door and a moment later, Sarah appeared on the other side.
“Hey,” she said, smiling as she held the door open for Beth to walk through.
“Hi,” Beth said quickly, brushing past Sarah into the room. She caught the familiar scent of lotion Sarah had always leaned towards—vanilla. It was reassuring to know that some things never changed while so much of their relationship had over the last two years.
“Lily’s still finishing her hair,” Sarah said, stepping past Beth into the suite.
“Oh, sorry, I would have come a little later. Lily texted me and said she was ready.” Yeah, this was awkward.
Sarah shot her an amused look that very clearly said, and you believed her? She took a seat at the small table situated in the suite’s kitchenette, nudging the chair next to her which Beth took.
More silence.
“How’s Nell?” she asked tentatively.
It had been a few weeks since she had last seen Sarah, let alone had more than a few minutes with her to catch up.
If Beth were being completely honest, things between them had never quite felt the same after the space they had taken two summers ago at Sarah’s insistence.
Sure, they had eventually found their footing again, but their friendship had never healed in the ways Beth would have liked.
She used to know every single thing there was to know about Sarah, but now she felt like more of a distant acquaintance than her friend, and Beth couldn’t help but wonder how they had gotten so far from where they started.