Chapter 13 #2
“Hey sweetie,” her mom said distractedly as she wandered into the kitchen, looking down at the phone in her hand, a smile on her face.
Heat bloomed across her cheeks as Lily swiftly flipped her tablet over, not wanting her mom, of all people, to see what she had been looking at. A glance at the clock revealed that Lily had lost track of time, explaining her mom’s sudden, unexpected reappearance.
“How was your yoga class?” Lily asked quickly, making sure her mom didn’t have time to ask what she had been up to.
Sarah reached into the cabinet for a glass, then filled it with water. “Oh, it was nice. I ran into Mama, and we had a really good time. Ended up swinging by the Grumpy Goat to grab some coffee afterwards.”
“Since when does Mama do yoga?” Lily mused, running through her mind for any time her mama had ever willingly done anything athletic.
“And since when do you two hang out?” She raised a skeptical eyebrow.
She had always kind of assumed her moms only stayed friends for her sake—to keep the family peace—something Lily had always been quietly thankful for.
Her mom coughed on her sip of water, sputtering. “Oh, she—uh—mentioned it was a New Year’s resolution. You know, building healthy habits.”
Lily and her mama had made their New Year’s resolutions together on New Year’s Day. But Lily— nursing her worst hangover to date after celebrating her first anniversary with Wren the previous night—hadn’t really been listening to her at all.
“Oh yeah, I think I remember her saying that,” Lily said, her voice trailing off, a silence hanging between them as Sarah sipped water from the glass in her hand.
“Anything on your mind, sweetie?”
Lily inhaled deeply, weighing whether to ask her mom her question, her earlier conversation with Amanda about retirement still top of mind. “Can I ask you a question about something kind of random?”
“I don’t know, can you?” her mom teased. Lily rolled her eyes—that joke was seriously so lame.
“You need a better joke, Mom.” She laughed, pausing to collect herself, inhaling deeply. “How did you know you wanted to be a lawyer? And, like, know what you want to do with the rest of your life?”
Her mom’s hazel eyes searched hers, a thoughtful expression on her face.
She was quiet for only a moment before speaking.
“There were several things I liked about law. The structure, the order, the chance to be the voice of change. The law is ever-evolving, meaning you’re always learning, and that appealed to me.
I also enjoyed the challenge, and my mom always told me I was born to argue. ”
A buzz from Sarah’s phone drew both of their attention. She flipped the phone over, glancing at the screen before quickly slamming it face down and looking at Lily with wide eyes. But it was the blush on her cheeks that caught Lily’s attention first. Her mom wasn’t really someone who blushed…
“Sorry,” she said, voice much higher than her usual tone. “What was the second part of your question?”
First the blush and now this weird voice? Lily raised a skeptical eyebrow, choosing not to say anything about it, instead asking her question again. “How did you know what you want to do for the rest of your life?”
Her mom took a breath, steadying herself.
Still weird.
“First things first. It’s not the rest of your life. Let’s just go ahead and squash that notion.” The phone buzzed again, causing her to hesitate before continuing. “I’d recommend thinking about it in smaller chunks of time. The next two to three to five years to start.”
Lily nodded, her mom’s words making her feel the tiniest bit better. Logically, she knew it wasn’t the rest of her life, but that didn’t remove the fact that she was still scared she’d make the wrong choice when it came time.
The phone buzzed again, Sarah reaching for it with red cheeks and lightning efficiency. “I’m just going to silence this.” She flicked the side switch on her phone, then set it down once more.
“As far as how do you know what to do? There isn’t really a one-size-fits-all answer, I’m afraid.
” Sarah leaned against the counter, her palms spread on the granite.
“Some people know exactly what they want to do, and others figure it out as they go. The things I would think about are what you like doing, what you are good at, and what feeds your sense of purpose.”
“Sense of purpose?” Lily asked, confused. Was she supposed to have a sense of purpose already?
Her mom smiled. “Work you would feel good putting your name behind. What values you want your work to reflect, things like that. It’s okay if you don’t have those figured out yet. Out of curiosity, sweetie, why do you want to know?”
“No reason. Amanda and I had an interesting conversation this morning at the gym, and I’m gathering info.” Lily shrugged nonchalantly. It wasn’t a lie; that’s exactly what she was doing.
Lily had been an info gatherer for as long as she could remember.
From the age of ten, she had kept meticulous journals—her musings, her wants, her wishes, and observations—which had only evolved into her excessive but hyper-organized spreadsheets.
Her justification was simply that she liked knowing as much as possible about something before making any decisions.
“And you’re sure there isn’t more to it than that?” Sarah raised a sharp brow, exercising that oddly specific parental power of knowing when Lily was holding something back.
“Positive.” Lily gave her mom the most convincing smile she could muster. “Actually, I’ve gotta go. I’m supposed to call Wren. She’s three hours ahead on the east coast.” She hopped off her stool, reaching for her tablet, moving towards the hallway.
“I’m always here if you want to keep talking,” her mom called after her. Lily gave her a half-interested “I know” before heading upstairs.
Lily’s thoughts ran on an endless loop through every corner of her mind as she plopped down onto her bed, calling Wren. On the third ring, Wren’s face pixilated before coming into focus in the dim light.
“Hey.” Wren grinned widely at her, adjusting the hotel pillows behind her head, jostling the camera in a way that let Lily catch a glimpse of the freckles covering her chest where they disappeared beneath her sports bra—the loose, comfy one Wren preferred to sleep in.
“Hey, superstar.” Lily let out a small breath, already feeling better now that she could see Wren. She loved how Wren had that effect on her.
Lily shifted, settling herself deeper into her pillows as Wren launched into a very detailed rundown of how training camp was going, giving her a near minute-by-minute recap while also getting lost in several side stories along the way.
Lily liked hearing about Wren’s interests, she really did, but there were times when Wren’s stories and retellings had a habit of eating up the precious amounts of time they had together, and this was turning into one of them.
“Wren—” Lily gently interjected. “You already told me about that.”
Wren went quiet. “Sorry. I got excited,” she said sheepishly.
Light flooded Wren’s screen, pulling her attention away. “One, sec,” she muttered. “Sydney just got back to the room.”
Wren put the phone face up, giving Lily a view of the ceiling as she undoubtedly went in search of her headphones.
“Hey Lily,” came Sydney’s voice, followed by her head popping into frame. “Don’t worry, I won’t take up too much of your precious phone time.” She gave Lily a sweet smile that she could have sworn was secretly a snarl.
Kill her with kindness, she repeated to herself.
“Thanks, Sydney, much appreciated.” She gave a thumbs up as Wren came back into view, headphones on.
“Okay, we’re good. We have at least thirty minutes until Syd’s bedtime routine is done.” Wren’s lopsided grin was adorable as ever, tugging at Lily’s chest the same way it always did.
They were quiet again, Lily waiting to see if Wren would talk first. When she didn’t, Lily did. “So do you want to know how my day went?” she asked, trying to point out to Wren that she had a habit of skipping over that question.
Wren smiled brightly. “Oh, yeah! I always want to know. Tell me everything.”
That was the strange thing about Wren. Lily knew she cared so deeply about the things she had to say, but she never seemed to know how to ask the questions Lily wanted her to ask.
“My day was okay.” She sighed again. “I don’t know, Wren.
I’m having a tough time right now with the whole getting back in the gym thing.
Amanda asked me today if I’ve thought about retiring, and I can’t—I want—and Jamie—and I don’t—” The more Lily tried to articulate how she felt, the more her pulse quickened and the less her words made any kind of sense, frustrating her even more. “I don’t know what to do.”
Wren stayed quiet.
“I wish you were here,” Lily whispered.
A silence followed, growing more uncomfortable the longer it stretched.
“I don’t know what you want me to say.” Wren’s voice was small again, the one that reminded Lily of a turtle retreating into its shell.
“It’s not about what I want you to say,” Lily snapped, her frustration getting the better of her.
“I just want you to have some kind of thought or reaction to what I said that lets me know you’re listening.
” She huffed, heat flaring in her chest. She loved Wren, but Wren could be infuriating sometimes.
“I’m sorry you had a bad day. You can always reset tomorrow.”
The urge to roll her eyes so hard it might physically hurt her was extremely overpowering in that moment, but with Herculean effort, Lily held back.
“Thanks, Wren,” she said, looking away from her phone, trying to keep her annoyance in check. She was resigned to the fact that she was most likely not going to get anything deeper from her girlfriend in that moment.
“If it makes you feel better,” Wren said, her voice shifting into a sing-songy tone, “I wish I were there with you, too.”
Lily looked back at the shrunken version of Wren on the rectangular screen in her hand. “You do?” she asked meekly, already knowing the answer.
“Yup.” Wren’s grin tugged at the corners of her mouth. “I’d spoon the crap out of you right now, tuck you up, wrapping myself all around you, exactly how you like it.” Her voice was confident again.
“Pencil me in for one spoon session when you get back, please,” Lily said, feeling her annoyance starting to dissipate as her own smile pulled at her lips.
“Done.” Wren laughed. “You know,” she said, drawing the last word out suggestively, “we could do something that would make both of us feel a little better before our spoon session date.” She raised an inviting eyebrow. “Sydney still has, like, fifteen minutes left in the bathroom, we could…”
Ew. No thanks.
“No, Wren,” she said sternly, her annoyance flaring once again.
Was she serious? “First, what makes you think right now is a time I want to have phone sex with you? I just told you how shitty my day was and how sad I was, and your brain said, ‘Yes, great time to make a move.’ Really?” Wren’s cheeks were turning a deeper shade of red with each of Lily’s words, but she didn’t really care.
“And secondly, I don’t want to have phone sex with you when your roommate is literally in the bathroom. ”
“I’m sorry,” Wren said quickly. “I just thought—I know you like sex, and it makes you feel better, so I thought maybe…” She stumbled through her words, trying to build her defense.
“Wren, not everything comes back to sex. I wanted a little bit of comfort from my girlfriend tonight, and I didn’t even get that. I’m going to go.” She paused, fighting the urge to hang up the phone without saying another word, but that felt too cruel. “I love you. Sleep tight.”
Lily ended the call, tossing her phone across the bed, rolling onto her side. The cool fabric of the linen pillow case pressed against her cheek as hot tears built at the corner of her eyes, threatening to fall as she took shaky breath after shaky breath, trying to keep the floodgates from opening.